Green Eyed Monster (1/1)
Fandom: XF (M/K)
Rated NC-17 m/m sexual situations and bad language. If either
of these bothers you, what the heck are you doing here? Out, out,
Archive: Allslash, Archive X, TER/MA, All Things Rat. Anywhere
else, please ask me, first.
Summary: An agent from Alex's academy days, appears briefly and
stirs up some trouble for our boys. Schmoop and angst abound.
Disclaimer: As much as I wish they were, they aren't mine. They're
*his*. Even though they have much more fun with me...
Author's notes: After reading the Admission series, my buddy Nela
was clamoring for another M/K torture piece. This is for her.
Big shout outs to Nic, Orithain and the lovely Pat. Kissy, kissy!
Soft creak of leather as he entered the office and closed the
door behind him.
"I know. Have they all been found?"
"Most of them. Some of them, dead. Suicide."
"Expected as much. How about our cigarette smoking friend?"
"Among the dead."
"Gee, I wish I could work up some tears for the bastard but
I just can't."
"You know about your sister?"
"I'm sorry, Mulder."
"At least I know for sure, now. I can stop chasing my tail
and move on. What about you?"
"You're free. As promised. Where will you go?"
"I don't...I...I haven't really thought about it. *Somewhere*.
I don't know."
"As long as it's as far away from me as possible."
It was meant as a sarcasm, but somehow it just didn't come out
that way. Krycek looked up just in time to see the fleeting spark
of sadness cross his face. He waited. Hoped. Nothing more was
"Well, if there's nothing else..."
Four steps toward the door.
He turned to meet the steady, somber gaze. A full ten seconds
passed before he answered.
Another long pause.
"Have nice life, Mulder."
The door squeaked softly as he opened it.
"Want to grab a beer before you go? You know...celebrate..."
"You. Want to have a beer. With *me*."
Small shrug. "This wouldn't have happened without you. There
are a lot of thank you's Alex, that will never get said. But I'm
"What have *you* got to thank me for?"
"Peace of mind. My sanity. Least I can do is say thank you
and buy you a beer. How 'bout it?"
"Fox Mulder wants to buy *me* a beer. *There's* an offer
that'll never come again."
"Is that a yes?"
Yet another long silence. Then, "Yes."
Eighteen months later.
Mulder threw his keys down on the coffee table, stripped off his
jacket and tossed it onto the couch.
He loosened his tie and headed for the yard.
"Yeah, like he's really going to hear me above that racket."
He lowered the volume on the boom box by the door, as he entered
the backyard. A sable head, streaked red by the sun, jerked up
from amongst a jungle of tomato plants. A wide, white smile brightened
the dirty face. Alex jumped to his feet as Mulder approached.
"I thought you weren't coming home till tomorrow?"
"My part of the investigation is over. All that there was
left to do was some medical reports. Scully's taking care of that."
He stopped within inches of his lover and looked for a clean spot
to kiss. That accomplished, he drew back and smirked. "What
the hell are you doing?"
"Goddamn woodchuck is in my vegetables again. If I find him,
Slow shake of the golden-brown head. "You need a hobby."
"I've *got* one."
"I mean a relaxing hobby. This woodchuck has made you insane."
"When I back a truck full of explosives up to the garage,
*then* you can call me insane."
Mulder gave no answer. He was too engrossed in watching a bead
of sweat make its way down Alex's throat, cutting through the
dirt and grime, picking up more moisture along its journey, gaining
speed, rolling down the shirtless chest and finally disappearing
beyond the top edge of Alex's farmer jeans.
Only *he* could be this sexy, *this* filthy.
"Are you almost done out here?"
"I'm feeling kinda grubby after my flight." With one
finger, he traced a line down the same path that the bead of sweat
had taken. "I was thinking a long, warm shower might be nice."
Alex grinned. "*Really* long. I'm pretty dirty."
Mulder removed his finger from his lover's chest and slipped it
into his mouth. "Let's go."
Alex lifted his second slice of pizza from the box. "Sorry
about dinner. If you'd let me know that you were coming home today,
I'd have had something prepared."
"This is fine, babe. Don't worry about it."
Mulder slouched down in the patio chair and sipped at his beer.
"God, it's good to be home." He looked around the yard,
peering into the gathering dusk.
Alex had done an awesome job in the brief eight months after they'd
bought the house. Who the hell would have ever thought that Alex
Krycek, hired gun, would turn out to have such a green thumb?
They'd worked together inside, painting, papering and such, but
by the time they'd gotten around to the yard, Mulder's vacation
time was up and Alex ended up taking the chore on, alone. He'd
worked all day, every day, while Mulder was at work and soon,
the overgrown, weed-infested scourge of the neighborhood had become
the envy of same. The day that three elderly ladies from the neighborhood
garden club had appeared on their doorstep to invite Alex to join,
Mulder nearly died laughing.
"Why'd you turn em down?" He asked between fits of laughter,
after the women had gone. "You might have enjoyed it. And
who knows? Maybe some day, they'd make you their president."
Alex shot him a dirty look. "Yeah and that'd make you my
first lady. Would you like that, Fox?"
Alex looked up from his pizza. "What's so amusing over there?"
"You've got this silly smile on your face."
"I was thinking about that day when Mrs. Miller and her friends
asked you to join their club."
"I still see nothing amusing about that."
"I wish I'd had a camera handy. The look on your face was
Before Alex could respond, the phone rang. Giving his partner
a largely ignored grimace, he reached for the phone.
"Hello? Uh, whoa. Hang on. This isn't Agent Mulder. Yeah,
he is...hold on."
Alex held the phone out across the table. "For you."
"Thanks." Mulder took the phone, noticing the slightly
odd expression on Alex's face. He made a mental note to ask him
about it after the call.
"Mulder...yeah, hi...Agent Scully should be able to provide
you with that information...yeah? Odd. Unless she accidentally
turned it off. Try her again. She's got all the documentation...no
kidding? yeah, that *is* a coincidence. Well, I'll see you then.
He hung up and turned to Alex, who still had the same look on
"What is it?"
"Who was that?"
"The agent that Scully and I were working with. An Agent
Alex's brow creased. "Mark Richardson?"
"You know, I don't even know the guy's first name."
He reached into his back pocket for his wallet. "I've got
his card..." He pulled the card out and raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah. Mark. How'd you know?"
"I went to the academy with a Mark Richardson."
"Alex, that was how many years ago? And you remember his
"Some people are good with faces. I'm good with voices."
"That's amazing. But why do you look so disturbed?"
Alex shrugged it off. "Just strange, I guess. I never thought
about any of the guys I knew back then. Never thought about whether
or not any of 'em were still with the Bureau. Why shouldn't they
be? Just cause *I'm* not..."
Mulder studied him intently. If he was trying to sound regretful,
he wasn't pulling it off. He knew with certainty, that Alex had
no regrets about not being an agent anymore. There had to be something
else bothering him. He decided to let it go for now. He'd been
gone four days and had no desire to instigate any heavy conversations.
Still, there was something about the small change in Alex's mood...the
darkening of his eyes, that made Mulder pull his chair up alongside
its twin. He tilted Alex's face toward his and laid a long, soft
kiss on his lips.
"What was that for?" Alex murmured when they separated.
"I need a reason to kiss you?"
Alex mouthed the word no.
"You done eating?"
"I guess. Why?"
"Let's clean this up and go to bed."
Alex grinned. "Didn't you get enough in the shower?"
Mulder picked his lover's hand up and brought it to his lips,
before pressing it over the rapidly hardening bulge in his jeans.
Alex stroked him gently.
"I guess not."
Mulder rose to his feet, pulling Alex up by the front of his shirt.
Quickly, they cleared away the pizza and beer bottles, then retreated
to the bedroom. Once inside, Mulder jerked the younger man against
him, taking his mouth in a hard kiss that left them both struggling
"I missed you," Mulder rumbled as he moved in for another
"Of course. Don't I tell you I miss you everytime I'm gone?"
Alex nodded slowly. "I just figured, you know, this case
kept you so busy. There was that one night that you didn't call
"Yeah, but you know why that was. I told you how late I got
in. I didn't want to wake you at that hour." He brushed a
knuckle down the top line of Alex's nose. "I called you the
"I know. But do me a favor? Next time, call when you get
in. I don't care what time it is."
Mulder observed his lover curiously. "Okay." His hand
moved in a slow, firm line, up and down Alex's back. "*And*...it
doesn't matter *what* I'm doing, I'm never too busy that I'm not
thinking of you and missing you. You read me?"
Alex smiled and closed his eyes. "Yeah."
Mulder's hand slid up his back and into his hair, massaging his
scalp lightly, while his other hand busied itself with the buttons
on his shirt.
"Anytime I'm gone, doesn't matter for how long...could be
a night...I miss you. I miss your smile." He nuzzled Alex's
neck, prompting a soft sigh. "I miss your smell. I miss tasting
you..." He pulled the shirt away and let it drop to the floor.
"I miss the sweet way you wake me up, some mornings..."
Alex opened his eyes and met his lover's heated stare. Mulder
tugged at Alex's lower lip with the tip of one finger, then released
it. "Waking up in this mouth beats the hell out of that damned
Alex captured the finger between his lips before it could get
Mulder's eyelids drooped and he inhaled deeply. "I don't
know if it was your intention, but...you've got me completely
spoiled, Lexei. And now I'll never let you go."
Alex released his finger. "Promise me, Fox."
"I promise." Mulder backed Alex up to the bed. "Never
let you go." They dropped together onto the mattress. "Never,
never, never, never..."
He lowered his head to Alex's chest, kissing the warm, smooth
skin. Moving lower to tease one rigid nipple.
Alex gasped aloud, arching into his lover's mouth.
Mulder's teeth clamped down on the nipple and tugged gently. A
low hum tried to push its way past Alex's compressed lips.
Mulder released the hard peak and slid up to drop a kiss on Alex's
forehead. "Something tells me that you're not in the mood
to play tonight."
Alex turned glazed green eyes up to the man above him and said
Mulder stroked his cheek. "Tell me."
"I'm sorry, Fox. I c...I can't...please..."
"It's okay, babe. I understand. How do you want it?"
Alex pressed up against him. "You know."
Mulder studied him for all of a second and a half before brushing
his lips with his own. "I know."
Alex arched violently, an abrupt shriek cutting the air as Mulder
gave his nipple a hard twist. He proceeded to finish undressing
his writhing lover before removing his own clothing. Having accomplished
his task in only seconds, he pulled the nightstand drawer open,
producing the tube of lubricant. Alex squirmed impatiently beneath
him as he readied himself.
No questions asked, Mulder retrieved his handcuffs from his pants
pocket and secured Alex's wrists to one of the vertical slats
of the headboard.
Alex nodded. "Now fuck me."
"I'm *going* to..."
"All right, babe. Just take it easy."
"I can't." Alex writhed and arched beneath his teasing
touch. "I need it now..."
Mulder lifted Alex against him. "Okay, baby, okay. I'll take
good care of you..." He executed two small, teasing thrusts,
then drove home with one hard push.
The sound that ripped from Alex's throat would have stopped anyone
else cold, but Mulder knew that was the *last* thing his lover
wanted. He held Alex's hips in a bruising grip and slammed brutally
Alex's cries pierced the humid July air as Mulder wrapped a hand
around his cock and began to milk it.
"That good, baby?"
Alex strained against the cuffs, moaning through gritted teeth.
Mulder called up the strength he needed to give his lover what
he begged for.
The line between pleasure and pain blurred, melding the two as
Mulder took Alex screaming over the edge. The younger man's muscles
contracted violently around him and he was gone, joining Alex
in blissful oblivion. He collapsed on top of the perspiration
drenched, heaving chest, too exhausted to move. The fact that
Alex didn't immediately wrap his arms around Mulder, didn't occur
to him until a few hours later, when he awakened and realized
that Alex was still cuffed to the bed. Mulder lifted himself carefully
off of his sleeping lover and reached for the key. He unlocked
one wrist and as he was working on the other, a soft moan drew
his attention. He looked down to see a slight glitter appear under
the fluttering eyelids. He quickly released Alex's wrist from
the other bracelet and lowered himself onto the mattress, beside
him. Alex winced as he moved his arms. Mulder rubbed them gently
and whispered against his cheek.
"Go back to sleep."
He lightly kissed the heavily stubbled skin and watched as Alex's
eyes drifted shut. He then rested his head on the same pillow
his lover's occupied, and fell asleep.
Alex felt blindly for the ringing phone then pulled it up to his
"H'llo. Mmm hmm....s,okay." He rolled back toward his
lover, draped a leg across his thighs and placed the phone in
his hand. "Scully."
Mulder paused to kiss the top of the dark head that had come to
rest on his chest, before lifting the phone to his ear.
"Yeah...uh huh. Yeah, he did...no? Hmm. I don't know....all
wrapped up? Okay...no, don't worry about it. Yeah. I will. You
He disconnected and dropped the phone onto the floor. Alex trailed
a string of warm kisses across his chest.
"Yeah. Scully just wanted to tell me that things were all
wrapped up and that she was heading home. She said to apologize
again for waking you."
"Did Richardson finally get in touch with her?"
"Yeah. She said her phone was on and in working order, the
whole time. I don't understand why he couldn't get in touch with
"Strange," Alex said softly.
Alex was quiet for a while, then gave voice to the question that
had been floating around in his head since yesterday. "Fox?"
Mulder stroked his back and shoulders. "Hmm?"
"Yesterday, you told Richardson, _see you then,. Do you have
to go back there?"
"Oh. No. He's coming to DC. Next week, he starts a two week
seminar, so he said he'd look Scully and me up when he got here.
You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd think that Scully was
flirting with him a little."
"Maybe she was," Alex said flatly. "The Richardson
I remember could charm the leaves off the trees and was a very
good looking man...unless he's suddenly gone bald or been horribly
disfigured," he added in the same low voice.
"No, he's good looking. And yeah, he seems very charming."
So he'd noticed.
Alex went silent.
"Hey." Mulder shook him gently. "Did you go back
to sleep on me, or what?"
"What do you want to do, today?"
Slow shrug and a softly uttered, "I don't know."
"I don't believe *that*. There isn't a Saturday that goes
by that you don't want to drag me off to some new greenhouse that
you found on the net. I can't believe that we've finally hit everyplace
between here and Pennsylvania....Alex?"
Alex blinked, hearing the slight concern in Mulder's voice and
forced himself out of his dark thoughts. "There...there is
this one place..."
Mulder hugged him tightly and kissed the side of his head. "Thought
"They're supposed to specialize in ornamental grasses..."
He started to pick up steam. "You know how I said I'd like
to put a natural screen up on the south border?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Well, it isn't that far. If we got a quick bite and left
soon, we could be back before dark..."
One Week Later
"What did you do?" Scully asked, as she opened the door
of their shared office.
Mulder mumbled around the finger, still in his mouth. "Paper
She entered the office, followed by a well-dressed man, average
height and weight, glossy black hair and eyes to match. The man's
eyes rested a little too long on Mulder's mouth.
"God, those suckers hurt, don't they?"
Mulder pulled his finger from between his lips and stood up. "Richardson.
How are ya?"
"Pretty good. Agent Scully found me wandering the halls,
looking for your office." He looked around. "Pretty
far removed from the rest of the population, isn't it?"
Mulder smiled. "Yeah. We like it that way. When did you get
"Last night. Seminar doesn't start till tomorrow."
Richardson looked from one agent to the other. "You two free
"Ohhh, I'm sorry, I'm not," Scully said with sincere
"Hmm, too bad." He turned immediately to Mulder. "Guess
it's just you and me."
"Uh..." He would have declined...wanted to, but he felt
bad for the guy. He seemed so eager for company. "Y-yeah.
Richardson's face lit up. "Great! When's a good time?"
"I don't know...one-thirty?"
"One-thirty, it is. Well..." He looked around. "I'll
just go find something to do until then..."
Mulder glanced at Scully, then back at Richardson. "If you
don't mind being bored for a couple of hours, you can hang out
here if you want to. I've got some reports to catch up on."
The other man smiled. "You don't mind?"
"No...like I said, you'll probably be..." Mulder met
the eyes that seemed to want to bore a hole through his skull.
"..bored to death..."
"It's only a couple of hours." Dark eyes scanned the
room again then came back to rest on Mulder. "There's enough
interesting stuff around here to keep me occupied for that long,
Scully watched the exchange, suddenly beginning to feel just a
bit apprehensive. "Mulder...listen, I can probably put those
two autopsies off for a while..."
It was Richardson who answered. "No! Uh...hey, don't go screwing
up your schedule for *me*."
"I don't think it'll be that big a deal. The cadavers are
in no hurry..."
"I appreciate your willingness to put your work aside to
entertain me Agent Scully, but *really*, I wouldn't hear of it.
I didn't come here to disrupt anything and I'd feel terrible knowing
that I did. Maybe we can all three, have lunch another time before
Scully turned wary eyes to her partner. "All right then...another
Richardson blew out what could only be described as a soft sigh
of relief. Scully studied him with slightly narrowed eyes.
"Okay, well..." she looked back to Mulder, who was standing,
quietly oblivious to the whole thing.
//Mulderrrrr. How can a guy as brilliant as you, be so dense sometimes?//
"I gotta go, Mulder. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Later, Scully. Tell the stiffs I said hey."
"Right." She nodded at the other man. "Agent Richardson."
He gave her a dazzling smile. "Agent Scully. See you soon."
Once Scully was gone, Richardson turned to face Mulder. "Well.
Please, go on with your reports. I'll just look around, if you
"Not at all."
Mulder seated himself and returned his attention to his computer.
Richardson wandered around the office, looking at this and reading
that, occasionally stealing a lengthy glance at Mulder. After
half an hour, he spoke up.
"I'm sorry to disturb you..."
Mulder looked up.
"This is fascinating stuff. A...*beast*woman?"
Mulder tipped his head and raised his eyebrows. "Believe
it or not."
"A man who could change into a woman and back again at will?"
"Fascinating case. The only witness left alive was some poor
sap who was attacked in his car outside of a club. He *insisted*
that he got into the car with a woman, but when she got out, she
was a man. This person and others from the group he belonged to,
had this strange ability to mesmerize their victims with nothing
more than a touch," he demonstrated on the area between his
thumb and forefinger, "here."
//Shit, I'd pay a king's ransom for that ability right now...//
"You must have seen so much over the course of your career."
Mulder gave him a half smile. "Yeah, I have." His eyes
slipped back toward the computer.
"I'd really be interested to hear more, if you wouldn't mind...while
we're at lunch, maybe?"
Mulder stopped typing and looked back up at him. "You're
really interested, or do you just want to see how crazy _Spooky,
Mulder really is?"
Richardson opened and closed his mouth.
"You can't tell me that you never heard that in the academy,
"Well...yeah. But there were a few of us who *didn't* laugh."
Mulder raised an eyebrow.
//*This* sounds familiar...//
"If you really want to hear some of the more interesting
"I really do." Richardson grinned. "I'll shut up
now, though. I've distracted you from your reports long enough."
Mulder nodded and returned to his computer.
Mark Richardson sat quietly, eyes trained on the man across from
"...so, for every call we get that I think could be legit,
there are twenty or more that turn out to be hoaxes or the wild
imaginings of some bored, stressed or just plain crazy people.
Fortunately, we usually find that out *before* we make the trip."
"You do a lot of traveling?"
"More than I'd like."
"But you've seen so many different places..."
"Yeah, well it's not everything it's cracked up to be. Long
flights. Longer work days. It's tiring."
Richardson smiled. "But still, you do it."
"Yeah. The traveling isn't as extensive as it used to be,
but like I said, it's more than I'd like." Mulder glanced
down at his watch. "I gotta get going. I have a three-fifteen
meeting with the A.D. and if I'm late..."
Richardson held his hands up. "Hey, I know. My A.D. is a
real bitch to work for. So...listen...what about dinner one night?"
Mulder pressed his lips together and shook his head. "Sorry,
can't make dinners. If you'd like to have lunch again before you
go, that'd be great. I'll find a day and time when Agent Scully
will be able to join us and get back to you."
"...Sure. Uh...I'd love to hear about more of these odd cases
of yours. Would she mind?"
Mulder chuckled. "Probably."
"Well, we can set up a lunch for the three of us, but maybe
just you and I could get together again at another time. I wouldn't
want to bore Agent Scully."
Mulder shrugged. "You're *that* interested?"
"Oh, Agent Mulder. I'm very interested." His eyes quickly
caressed the length of the man who had just risen from his seat.
"You didn't eat much."
"I know. I kinda had a big lunch."
Alex propped his chin up against the heel of his hand. "Yeah?
That's not like you. Scully and I usually have to fight with you
to have lunch, at *all*."
"I know. But I went out to eat with Agent Richardson..."
Alex froze when he heard the name.
"...and I ate and talked, ate and talked and before I knew
it, lunch was gone."
"Yeah. Remember I told you last week, that he was coming
to town? Well, he's here. And he asked us to have lunch with him."
"Oh.....Scully still flirting with him?"
"No, now that you mention it. She seemed a little tense for
some reason...almost cool. Maybe she was just upset that we went
out to lunch without her."
Alex picked his head up. "Without her? How come?"
"She had a couple of autopsies scheduled. She was going to
blow them off till later, but Richardson insisted that he didn't
want to take her away from her work."
Alex's jaw tensed. "So, what'd you talk about?"
Mulder shrugged. "Work. He seemed very interested in the
stranger cases. Said he'd like to talk more about them. I..."
He held up a finger and reached for the ringing phone. "Hello?
Yeah....when? How were the bodies found?" He sighed into
the phone. "Yeah...right. I'll be there, soon."
Mulder hung up and looked apologetically at his lover. "Sorry.
Body found in Fairfax, in a dumpster. Pretty gruesome from the
sound of it."
"Sounds like what happened in Richmond last month."
"I know. That's what they're afraid of." He dialed Scully's
number and looked back to Alex. "Listen, don't...Scully?
It's me. Yeah, sorry but I just got a call from Skinner's office.
We gotta go to Fairfax. I'll be by in twenty minutes. Okay."
He disconnected and turned once more to Alex. "I have no
idea how long I'm going to be." He skimmed Alex's jaw with
two knuckles, then rose from the table. "Don't wait up, okay?"
Five minutes later, Mulder left the house. Five minutes after
that, Alex left as well.
Mark Richardson opened his hotel room door and squinted at the
man in the hall. It took him a few seconds, but recognition flashed
in his dark eyes.
"Alex Krycek? Holy shit!"
"How the hell are you, man?" He stepped away from the
doorway. "Come in!"
Alex stalked slowly into the room.
"How did you know I was here?"
"Not that hard to find out...how've you been, Mark?"
"Fine! Wow, I can't believe this! I almost didn't recognize
you. It's been years. You were a skinny kid back then but,"
he eyed Alex appreciatively. "You filled out. Very nicely."
Alex ignored the comment.
"So, where the hell have you been? Nobody's seen or heard
from you in years! I think I've run into just about everybody
we knew from the academy, except for you. Are you still with the
"No? What happened?"
"Long boring story."
Richardson shrugged. "Okay...man, what a coincidence that
you're here. You'll never guess who I had lunch with today?"_
Alex remained silent. Waiting.
"Fox-fucking-Mulder. Can you believe that shit? God*damn*,
Alex. You should see him. He's more fucking gorgeous than he used
to be. I wanted to drag him up on that table and fuck the life
out of him..."
Alex had all he could do to stay cool. He took a long breath in
through his nose and let it slowly out of his mouth.
"Forget it, Richardson."
"Forget...are you out of your mind? Listen Alex, I think
I can get him. I can't explain why, but I've got the strongest
feeling that he'd be open to an experience with another man..."
"It's not going to happen."
"Why not? You know something? Well obviously you do, or you
wouldn't be saying that to me. Shit, is he married? I didn't see
"No, he isn't married, but he's in a very serious relationship.
"*You*?" He threw his head back and laughed. "Bullshit."
"It's true. Apparently, you didn't recognize my voice on
the phone the other day when you called our house, but I recognized
The smile fell away from Richardson's face. "You're...you're
"No, I'm not."
The smile crept back. "You *dog*, you! You were always the
quiet one. All those times our little group would get together
and start talking about how we wanted to do him, you never said
a word...goddamn. They say it's the quiet ones you gotta watch
out for...so tell me...how is he?"
"I didn't come here to discuss our sex life with you."
"Aww c'mon, Krycek. It's the least you can do! Tell me about
that mouth. Those lips were just *made* for giving head..."
Alex displayed remarkable control. "Leave it alone, Richardson.
And leave him alone. That's what I came to tell you."
Richardson folded his arms across his chest and smirked. "You
"So, you two are exclusive?"
"*Very*. Ooooh, sounds like looove..."
"After all these years, is that still a difficult concept
for you to grasp?"
"I'm happy and proud to say, yes. Yes, it is."
"Well, that's too bad."
"Spare me your sympathy, Krycek. I don't believe for a second
that you *love* the guy..."
Alex's eyes glittered cold and hard.
Richardson went on. "You know what *I* think? *I* think that
you've got a damn good thing going here. He's a freak, isn't he?
Insatiable? He'll do anything you want, whenever you want it and
you don't want to share that with anybody. Well, I can't blame
you. *I* wouldn't want anybody else horning in on my action, but
I'm sorry, pal. I gotta try. I watched that ass today, and all
I could do was imagine burying myself in that..."
The air left his lungs in a quick blast as Alex slammed him against
the nearest wall and held him there with a forearm, pressed against
his throat. His voice, low and dripping venom, sounded in the
other man's ears.
"I don't think you understand, Richardson. I'm not asking
you. I'm not *suggesting.* I'm *telling* you. He's off limits.
Leave. Him. Alone."
Hard green eyes held Richardson against the wall, even after the
arm was removed from his throat. Richardson brought a hand slowly
to his neck and rubbed.
"Do we understand each other, Mark?"
"Yeah," Richardson whispered, then cleared his throat.
"Yeah, I think we do."
"Good. Then there'll be no need for me to visit you again."
Alex turned and walked toward the door. Richardson's voice followed
"Sorry our only meeting after so long, had to turn out like
Alex's only answer was a long stare. He closed the door softly
three days later
"Agent Mulder. It's Mark Richardson."
"How's the seminar going?"
"You know what they're like. Long...boring as hell...."
"Yeah, I've managed to avoid most, but there were a few that
I had no choice about. You've got my sympathies."
"Well, good. Then maybe you'll take pity on me and go have
lunch? I need some stimulating conversation or I'm going to go
"Please say you're free. I gotta get out of here for a little
while, at least."
"Uh, yeah. I guess I can take an hour. Want to meet me at
the same place we went to before?"
"Yeah, that's great! What time?"
Mulder checked his watch. "Twelve-thirty?"
"I'll see you there."
"All right, then."
Richardson smiled to himself as he dropped the phone back into
Mulder entered the restaurant and almost immediately spotted the
man waving at him from a corner table. He approached and took
"How long have you been here?"
"About ten minutes. Thanks for meeting me."
Mulder nodded. "No problem."
Richardson wasted no time.
"Actually, I wondered if it might be."
"I don't follow you."
"Look Agent Mulder, I don't want to upset your partner, but
I thought I had to at least clear this up..."
Mulder cocked his head. "Why do you think you've upset Agent
"Uh..." He wrinkled his nose. "I don't mean her.
Mulder stared at him a full ten seconds before responding. "Would
you care to elaborate?"
"Alex and I went to the academy together."
"That, I know."
"Oh. Well...he visited me the other night. Did you know that?"
"He...he's under the impression that...well....let me say
this. I'm bisexual, okay? And Alex is under the impression that
I may have designs on you. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable,
but I don't want any trouble."
Mulder listened silently.
"Alex always was what I would describe as _quietly intense,."
You know, bordering on the verge of obsessive. I'm sure you know
that he graduated in the top ten percent of our class. Anything
he involved himself in, he gave a hundred and ten percent to.
Now that's fine where work is concerned, but in relationships,
it can be a bit much. That's why I was shocked to find out that
you were a couple."
Still, Mulder said nothing.
"I don't know you really, but I think I'd have to say that
to me, you don't seem like the type of man who likes to be held
on to, too tightly." He held up his hands. "I could
be wrong. At any rate, I just want you to know that I've got no
plans. And the thing is, I don't think Alex believed me. He was
pretty irate. Could you just maybe, convince him that I'm no threat
to him? Even though he almost put me through my hotel room wall,
I still like him. Always have, and I wouldn't cause him any trouble."
Mulder's eyes flicked down to the table. "I'll talk to him."
"That's all I ask. Now, um...if you'd like to beg off on
lunch, I'll understand."
Mulder hesitated for a moment, then spoke. "No. We're here.
There's nothing wrong with having lunch, right?"
Richardson gave him a wide grin. "Right. I'm glad you're
not pissed. I hope Alex won't be."
"Okay! Well, I feel better. Listen...tell me more about that
Alex turned the shower off and slid the door open, to find Mulder
standing there, holding a bath towel.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. I just walked in as you
were shutting the water off."
Alex blew out a short breath and planted a wet kiss on the other
man's mouth, before taking the towel from him.
"You home for the day?"
"I know. I wanted to talk to you about something."
Concern washed over Alex's features. "Something wrong?"
"Nothing we can't straighten out." He ran the back of
his hand down Alex's arm. "Get dressed. I'll wait for you
in the living room." He exited the bathroom, leaving Alex
confused and curious. Quickly, he dried off, dressed, and joined
Mulder in the living room.
"So..." He took a seat next to Mulder on the sofa. "What's
"Why didn't you tell me about Mark Richardson?"
//That fucking son of a bitch.//
Alex tilted his head downward and said nothing.
He didn't even attempt to play dumb.
"How did you know?"
"We had lunch today."
Alex's head snapped up. "You what?"
"Surprised he'd get within fifty yards of me after you attacked
and threatened him?"
"What the hell is he up to?" The question was more to
himself than it was to Mulder.
"What makes you think he's up to anything?"
Alex met his eyes. "I know him."
"You *knew* him."
"He hasn't changed a bit."
"Okay, so tell me. Tell me what he's like. Tell me what justified
you going over to his hotel room and slamming him up against a
wall. And then tell me why you said nothing about it to me."
Alex closed his eyes then opened them slowly. "There was
a group of us at the academy. A small group. Five, to be exact.
Gay and bi. We hung out together. Usually just to talk. We just
felt more comfortable with each other. Fox Mulder was a well-known
name around there. Everybody knew about the profiling genius who
was just a little on the quirky side...we talked about you a lot.
But usually the conversation would end up taking a sexual turn.
This was something, Fox, I never would have told you, but since
you need to know about Mark Richardson, I guess you're going to
hear all of it. They'd say the raunchiest things. I'm saying *they*,
because these were discussions I never took part in. I'm not saying
I wasn't there. I was. Smiled. Uh,ed Ah-ha,ed. But that's all.
Anyway, they'd speculate on your orientation. Talk about, in graphic
detail, the things they'd like to do to you and what they'd want
you to do to them. Took bets on how much of a freak they thought
you'd be...and Richardson was the ringleader."
Mulder lowered his eyes for a second, then again raised them to
Alex's downturned face.
"I went to his hotel room the other night because I wanted
to see if he was the same sneaky asshole I remembered, and he
is. After he asked me where the hell I'd been the past few years,
he jumped right onto the subject of lunch with Fox Mulder. Told
me what he wanted to do to you in that restaurant. I told him
to forget it and he laughed at me, saying that he was pretty sure
he could *get* you. I stopped him at that point and told him that
we were together. He didn't believe me at first, but when I told
him that it was me who answered the phone at home the other night,
he had no choice. He started asking personal questions, none of
which I answered. I told him to leave you alone. He refused and
said some more stuff that I really didn't like and yeah, I slammed
him up against the wall and told him one more time, to stay away
from you. Then I left."
Mulder considered what he'd just heard, then asked softly, "Why
didn't you tell me about it?"
Alex shook his head. "Because if I told you *that*, I'd have
to tell you the rest and I didn't want you to have to hear that
stuff. I didn't want you to know that you'd been the object of
a bunch of guys, sleazy fantasies."
Mulder placed a hand on Alex's thigh. "I appreciate you wanting
to protect me," he said softly. "But I still think you
should have told me."
One corner of Alex's mouth tightened then relaxed. "Sorry."
Mulder squeezed his leg. "So. Richardson was that big a jerk?"
"Huge. Thing is, he got away with. He was so bloody smooth
and good looking. He'd turn on the charm and get almost anything
or anybody he wanted."
Alex looked him in the eye. "No."
Mulder nodded his acknowledgment. Paused, then asked. "Is
"What do you mean?"
"I just think there's something more. I sense more in you
than just anger toward this guy."
Alex's eyes flicked away.
"Are you worried?"
Alex rose from the sofa and moved toward the sliding doors.
"I don't trust him as far as I can throw him."
Mulder left the sofa and came to stand directly behind him.
"He's not the one you have to trust."
"Do you trust me, Lexei?"
Alex lowered his head. "Of course I do. But like I said,
he's so damn smooth...and good-looking..."
"He may be those things," Mulder placed his hands gently
on Alex's shoulders and turned him around. "But he's *no*
Alex stared across the short distance, into warm, hazel eyes.
"He's no competition, Alex. Not in his wildest dreams."
Alex lowered his eyes.
"Look at me, Lexei."
Wary green eyes rose to solemn hazel.
"There's only you." Mulder slipped his fingers through
his lover's hair and gently tugged. "You're *it*. Do you
Alex tried to swallow past the lump forming in his throat. He
Mulder held Alex's head still while his lips descended for a long,
gentle kiss. He broke the kiss and moved slowly to an ear, licking
and nuzzling. Alex leaned into it, moaning softly.
"Lexei..." Mulder's whisper tickled the sensitive interior.
"I want you..."
Alex's fingers clenched in the older man's shirt, but he never
said a word. Mulder's hand moved to the front of his shirt, deftly
undoing the buttons and pushing the material away from his shoulders.
Alex shrugged out of the shirt and let it fall to the floor. Before
he could make another move, his lover's mouth was there, tracing
a moist path across his shoulder. He stopped at the fleshy curve
at the base of his neck and began to apply a light suction.
The word died on his lips as Mulder's mouth covered his once again.
The older man's hands moved down and began to work on his pants.
Once unfastened, they pulled the denim down until they dropped
freely to the floor. Alex kicked them away, then reciprocated,
pulling at his lover's clothes, until he was naked as well.
Too impatient to move them to the bedroom, Mulder pulled Alex
to the floor and sprawled over him, again devouring his mouth.
The thought that Fox was just doing this to boost his feeling
of security, flitted across Alex's mind, then quickly dissipated
as the mouth left his and began a teasing journey down his chest,
stopping to thoroughly torment both nipples. Alex moaned through
gritted teeth as Mulder bit down gently and pulled at one tight
"Fox, please..." Alex arched into the body above him,
seeking greater contact, begging for more.
Mulder abandoned his present pleasure and began to move again,
on a steady downward path, licking and teasing his way to the
twitching muscle. His tongue inched out and danced lightly around
the head, bringing Alex's back at least five inches off the floor.
He smiled at the reaction, then took his mouth away, leaving the
younger man twisting in agony.
Alex issued a choked cry of surprise as his lover unceremoniously
sucked his entire length into his mouth. His fingers tangled in
Mulder's hair and he automatically began to thrust into the wet
Normally, Mulder would have stopped Alex, preferring to tease
and torment, bringing him along at his own pace, but today he
didn't have the heart. Though Alex tried to temper his insecurities,
Mulder knew with certainty, that they still existed. Sex wasn't
a cure-all, not by a long shot, but right now, physical reassurance
was what he needed and Mulder could never refuse him anything.
Alex continued to thrust frantically, feeling the intolerable
pressure begin. In a heartbeat, he was being rocked by a series
of shattering explosions. Loud, gasping sobs pushed past his lips
as he empitied himself down his lover's throat.
Alex collapsed and went still, whimpering softly as Mulder released
his now depleted cock and then began to gently lick him clean.
When he finished, he raised himself to his hands and knees, straddling
his lover's motionless body. He kissed the perfectly bowed lips,
then the tip of Alex's nose.
"I know you're tired," Mulder whispered, "but I
gotta have you, baby."
He crawled forward until his own rigid cock bobbed just above
Alex's face. He lowered his hips until Alex was able to take him
easily into his mouth, which he did, eagerly.
"Mmmm, God..." Mulder moaned, just above a whisper,
as Alex's talented mouth worked on him. Reluctantly, he pulled
away just a couple of brief moments later, leaving Alex protesting
"No....Fox, let me...."
"Shh." Mulder stroked Alex's cheek then pushed himself
onto his side, pressing himself up against his lover. He turned
Alex and pulled him back against his chest. He grasped his cock
by it's base and began to slowly work it between the smooth cheeks
and into the tight opening. Alex pushed backward, wanting all
of Fox, all at once.
Mulder gave in to the silent plea. He lifted Alex slightly, bringing
his right arm under and around his chest, then wrapped his left
arm low, around his waist and entered him with one hard thrust.
Alex bit back a sob. His fingers dug into the arms clamped around
him as Mulder quickly established a forceful rhythm.
The arm around Alex's chest, moved up to encircle his neck, drawing
his head back against Mulder's shoulder. "You're too fucking
beautiful," Mulder grated into his ear as he slowed his movements.
"My beautiful Lexei...do you know how much I love you?"
Alex gasped at his lover's words. Words he needed so desperately
Mulder increased the speed and strength of his thrusts. "I
love...you, Lexei....love you..." He groaned harshly into
Alex's hair as his body convulsed violently, then went slack.
Alex lay quietly, still wrapped tightly in Mulder's arms. He stroked
the arm around his neck, waiting for his lover to recover. A short
time later, Mulder began to stir. He dropped several small kisses
onto the dark head and raised himself up enough to be able to
see Alex's face.
"I guess you're going to need another shower," he smiled
down at the younger man.
Alex shifted and looked up. He gave Mulder a smile that didn't
quite reach his eyes. "Come with me?"
Both men rose and gathered up their clothing, then headed in to
"Want to go out somewhere?"
"If you want."
The server led the two men to a corner table at Mulder's request
and took their drink orders. Once she was gone, Mulder turned
to Alex and brushed the tips of his fingers across the top of
the other man's hand.
"I won't have lunch with Richardson anymore."
Alex lowered his eyes to the table. "It...it's okay. Like
you said, it's you I have to trust. And I do."
"I don't even know the guy. And even if I did...it's not
worth getting you upset over. I'll tell him to get lost, tomorrow,
if I hear from him."
"It's *done*, Alex. Now let's just forget about Mark Richardson,
Alex grasped Mulder's hand and brought it to his lips. "Okay."
The dark-eyed man watched from his vantage point at the bar, as
the two at the corner table, began their meal.
//Small city, boys.//
He smiled, tossed back the remainder of his beer and summoned
"You're not going to poison him."
"No? And why not?"
"You wouldn't have the heart."
"Might I remind you what it was I did for a living..."
Mulder smirked. "I don't care *what* you say, Alex. I don't
care what you *did*. You can't kill him. You *know* you can't."
Alex stared at him for a few seconds, the sighed. "Okay.
Maybe I can't. But I'm going to try to trap him. Then I'm going
to drive him to Florida."
Mulder let out a hardy laugh. "Be sure to take the scenic
Alex rested his chin in his hand. "Shit. I'm going soft."
Mulder favored him with a heated stare. "I can fix that for
Just as Alex was about to answer, a waitress approached the table.
"Excuse me guys, but this drink is for you." She placed
a glass down on in front of Mulder. "From an admirer."
"Who?" Alex spun in his chair, looking around the restaurant,
before Mulder could respond.
"I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to say." The waitress retreated
quickly, before any more questions could be asked.
Mulder stared down at the drink, then looked around the room.
"This is a new one. Wonder where it came from?"
Alex jerked his body around in his chair. "Are you kidding?
"Richardson? Come on, Alex. Do you see him anywhere around
"No. But he wouldn't stay, knowing I'd be looking for him."
Mulder thought about it. Alex had a point. But still...
"Could've been anybody, Alex."
"I know. But it was *him*."
"Okay. Let's just say for a second, that it was him. So what?
He's just trying to get to you. And you're letting him. Forget
it. I'll talk to him tomorrow and everything will be taken care
"Don't bet on it."
"Come on Alex, cut it out. You're getting paranoid."
Alex gave no indication that he'd heard a word that was just said
to him. He continued to look around, muttering to himself.
"I'm going to rip his head off."
"No, you're not...*Alex*."
The stress placed on his name, brought his attention back to Mulder.
"We have no proof that it was Richardson who sent this drink."
"I don't *need* proof."
"Just...*stay* away from him. I'll take care of this."
"A good *talking to* isn't going to get it, Fox. I'll communicate
with him in a language he'll understand..."
"I *said*, I'll take care of it." It came out a little
more forcefully than he'd intended. His tone softened, immediately.
"Please, Alex. We don't need any trouble."
Alex studied him for a second, then his gaze dropped to the table.
"Fine. You want me to leave him alone, I'll leave him alone."
"To avoid *trouble*. Okay?"
One word answers. Great. Just wonderful.
The ride home was a long, silent one. Alex sat sulking in the
passenger's seat, eyes never leaving his window. Mulder sighed
softly, not knowing how to deal with his lover's pensive mood.
It was a funny thing. They'd fought constantly and violently *before*
they became lovers, but they'd been together a year and a half
now, and had only ever had minor disagreements. Now there was
*this* and Mulder was at a complete loss.
He stole frequent glances across the short distance, hoping to
catch Alex's eye but the younger man refused to turn away from
the window. Finally, he stopped trying and just concentrated on
getting them home as soon as possible.
The door swung open and Mulder stepped back, allowing Alex to
"Hey, uh...I got some work I really should try to get finished."
Mulder took a step in the direction of his office. "Want
to come with me?"
Alex turned his wary green gaze on his lover, who gave him a coaxing
"I'll let you look over my shoulder..."
"I don't think so. I'm kind of tired, I think I'll just,"
he jerked his head in the direction of the bedroom, "turn
The smile faded from Mulder's face. "O-okay. I won't be too
Alex nodded and as Mulder took a couple of tentative steps toward
him, he moved away and off toward the bedroom. "Goodnight,"
he called softly and disappeared into the hall.
Mulder stood quietly, in the middle of the living room, until
he heard the bedroom door close. He inhaled deeply and turned
toward his office.
Alex's eyes snapped open and he turned toward the clock.
Twenty minutes later than the last time he looked.
He'd been in bed for an hour and a half, now. No sleep in sight.
No shock, it was impossible to sleep knowing what he'd done to
Fox, tonight. He was behaving like a child and he hated himself
for it. Fox didn't deserve the cold-shoulder. He hadn't done anything
wrong. So, he didn't exactly see this Richardson thing the same
way. So what? The point was, he said he'd tell the guy to get
lost. So, he didn't believe that it was Richardson who sent him
that drink. Truth of the matter was, they *hadn't* seen him, so
they really *didn't* know for sure that it was him.
//Stop being an idiot. Go find him. Put your arms around him,
give him a big wet one, then fuck him right there, in the chair.//
Alex slipped out of bed and made his way quietly, to Mulder's
office. The door was ajar and he was just about to push it open
the rest of the way, when Mulder's voice, soft and low, broke
"I dont know how to deal with this. His suspicion seems to
be growing and I don't know what to do to quell it. Got any ideas?"
Alex backed away from the door and moved back toward the bedroom.
He dropped onto the bed and took a few steadying breaths.
Scully. That's who he was talking to. It only made sense. He wanted
advice from his partner on how to deal with his lover's growing
//Go back. Talk to him. Apologize. He'll *tell* you that he's
been on the phone with Scully.//
Instead of heading back toward the office, he lay down, curling
himself around a pillow and stared at the wall.
Mulder entered the bedroom and peeked over Alex's back. It was
hard to see in the darkness, but it looked as though he was asleep.
He stripped down to his shorts and slipped into bed, behind his
lover. He longed to fall asleep, wrapped around Alex, but kept
his distance. He'd shied away from an overture once tonight, and
Mulder just wasn't up to another rejection. He settled back against
the pillows and closed his eyes.
Alex lay very still, listening as Mulder shifted time and again,
trying to get comfortable. Finally his movements stilled and his
respiration became steady and even. Even after he was sure that
Mulder was asleep, Alex remained on his side, pillow clutched
to his chest, staring into the darkness.
"Morning. You don't look so good. Bad start?"
"He was in a darker mood this morning, than he was last night.
I tried to talk to him. He just blew me off, saying that he was
okay. He's *not* okay, Scully. This thing with Richardson has
really got him bent out of shape. I don't know what to do, other
than what I told him I *would* do."
"Well, maybe once he knows that you actually talked to Richardson
and told him to bug off, he'll feel better."
"I don't know. I hope so, but from the way he acted yesterday,
I'm really...I'm not sure."
"See what today brings, Mulder, then take it from there.
What else *can* you do?"
Mulder shook his head. "Nothing I can think of. By the way,
sorry for calling so late, last night. I just didn't know what
else to do..."
"I told you last night Mulder, don't worry about it. I had
a feeling that this guy would be trouble."
"I thought for a little while there, that you might have
had a thing for him," Mulder teased.
He's a handsome man. Very personable." She shrugged. "I
thought he may have been paying a little extra attention to me,
but I began to see that it might have just been an attempt to
get next to you. And from what you told me last night, I'm sure
"Uh huh. I'm not going to wait and see if he shows up or
calls today. I'm going to find *him*."
"What are you going to tell him?"
"The truth. I don't think it's a good idea to see him anymore,
outside of possible business."
"He's going to ask why."
"And I'll tell him that it's created problems in my personal
life, and my relationship with Alex is more important to me than
"Sounds good. Any reasonable person would understand that."
"I don't think there'll be any problems after I talk to him."
"I hope not."
Mulder cocked his head. "You almost sound like Alex."
"Just seems to me, Mulder, than this guy is a little more
persistent than most. *Why* did he ask to get together with you,
right after Alex went to see him? Why did he say all the things
he said? I think he's *looking* to cause trouble. Keep an eye
out for it."
Scully checked her watch. "Okay. Well, we got a meeting with
Skinner in a few minutes...you *did* prepare for it, didn't you?"
"Yeah," He lifted two folders off of his desk. "I
got the reports finished last night."
"Wow. With everything that went on, you still managed to
get your work done?"
"Yep. I won't vouch for its accuracy, but..."
Scully patted his arm. "I'm sure Skinner'll let you know
all about it. Let's go, before we're late."
Mark Richardson turned in the direction of the low, masculine
voice. He smiled as Mulder approached from the top of the stairs
and descended to where he stood.
"Hey! Surprised to see you here."
Mulder steered him down the steps and off to a less crowded spot
on the lawn, outside of the conference center.
"I got an hour and a half for lunch. Wanna grab something?"
"That's what I came here for. I can't."
Richardson laughed. "Let me get this straight. You came all
the way over here, to tell me that you can't have lunch me? And
we didn't have a lunch date to begin with?"
"What I mean, Richardson, is that I can't have lunch with
"Oh. I see. Let me guess. Alex is pouting?"
"He's disturbed by it. And I don't want to do that to him."
Richardson looked away. "No, no. Wouldn't want to disturb
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say?"
"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Well, what can I say? You gotta do what
you gotta do, right? Having a harmless, friendly relationship
isn't worth you sleeping on the sofa. You gotta live with the
man and I can see where he could make life pretty miserable for
you, if you crossed him..."
"Alex isn't an unreasonable or vindictive man. And I'd thank
you not to make him sound that way. I love him and if something
bothers him, it bothers me."
"Hey," Richardson held his hands up. "Sorry man,
no offense, okay? I just call em like I see em. You know him better
than me, obviously, and if you're happy with your life, who am
I to say anything to the contrary? Tell Alex he can relax. I have
no intention to try and take you away from him."
Mulder nodded curtly. "Fine. I gotta go."
"Okay, then. Sorry for all the trouble."
He watched Mulder turn and leave, a tiny smile glued to his lips.
Mulder entered the silent house and looked around. No sign of
Alex. He moved down the hall, looking in room after room. Finding
each one empty, he headed toward the yard.
Alex squatted between a row of tomato plants, staking the quickly
growing stalks, to keep them from falling over. He neither heard
nor felt Mulder's approach and when the older man spoke, he spun
quickly to his feet.
"Sorry," Mulder reached out, touching his arm.
Alex took a few steadying breaths and glanced at his watch. "I...I
didn't realize it was this time already. Sorry, I guess dinner
is going to be late." He started to move past Mulder, but
was stopped by a gentle hand around his upper arm.
"Forget about dinner. We can send out for something, later.
I want to talk to you."
"Richardson. I saw him today. Told him there'd be no more
Alex stared at a spot on the ground, just beyond where Mulder
stood. "I'm sure dinners would do just as well..." He
raised his eyebrows. "Breakfast'd be even better."
"Alex, stop it. Listen to me. He can want whatever the hell
it is that he wants. It doesn't matter. Wanting isn't *getting*.
He'll never *get* me. I made myself very clear. Said what I had
to say, then left. This is done. Over. Okay?"
Still avoiding Mulder's eye, Alex nodded.
"Alex, what is it? I thought this'd make you happy."
"I...I am. It's just...it's...I'm sorry I put you through
"S,okay. It's done. Let's just forget about it. Can we do
"Alex," Mulder called softly. "Look at me."
Sad green eyes flicked up and away, three times, before settling
on steady hazel.
"I missed you, last night. When I got to bed, you were asleep."
Alex looked away briefly, then back.
"I wanted to put my arms around you and pull you against
me, but I was afraid to."
"Yeah. When we got back from the restaurant, I started to
move toward you in the living room, but you turned away and went
into the bedroom. In eighteen months, you've never turned away
from me. That stung. I wasn't really up for another rejection,
so I kept my distance."
Alex drew in an unsteady breath and released it. "I'm sorry,"
he said on the exhale. "I'm really.....Christ, I'm....so
stupid...I didn't mean..."
Mulder stepped forward and reached out to stroke his hair. "It's
all right. Forget it. Can we just get back to our life?"
Alex nodded mutely.
Mulder traced the bottom swell of his lip with his thumb. "I
want to kiss you, Lexei. I haven't kissed you since yesterday.
I haven't...touched you. I can't...I need to."
Alex took two steps forward, right into his lover's waiting arms.
Their lips met in a surprisingly tender kiss. One that shook Alex
to the ground. "I'm sorry," he murmured against Fox's
mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm s..."
The rest of his apology was muffled by Mulder's mouth, again covering
his. But this time, the kiss was much more demanding and Alex
gave in easily to it, winding one arm around his lover's neck
and plunging his free hand into the soft golden-brown hair.
Mulder pulled Alex tightly against him. He fed hungrily on the
younger man's lips, stripping away all residual insecurities and
fears, leaving only want and a need so strong, it bordered on
Alex whimpered in protest as Fox tore his mouth away, but a whimper
was all he had time for, before he was spun around and pushed
to his knees in the dirt.
He remained, shaking on his knees, as he heard the quick retreat
and return. The next thing he heard was the clinking of a belt,
then the soft monotone again, right behind him.
"Pull your pants down."
Alex quickly obeyed and when he was done, was pushed forward so
that he was now down on his hands and knees, hidden from casual
view, by the tangle of plants around him. Mulder kneeled behind
him and ran a hand up his back, then down, stroking and caressing
the taut muscles of his ass. Alex moaned softly, wiggling against
Mulder's touch. The hand left his skin momentarily, then returned,
this time gliding down the cleft and teasing the tight opening
Alex gritted his teeth and pushed back, trying to impale himself
on the slick, probing fingers. Mulder obliged him, pushing two
fingers into him at once, forcing a low, drawn-out groan from
his throat. Alex bucked against the hand, forcing Mulder's fingers
in, up to the last knuckle, then continued to rock, his cries
growing louder and more demanding, with every thrust.
Mulder leaned over his back and began to withdraw his fingers
from the clutching muscles. "Easy, Lexei," he whispered
as Alex fought the retreat.
"Nooo," Alex whined, as the presence inside him was
"I've got something better for you," Mulder promised,
as he grasped his thickly lubricated cock and guided it to the
Alex's head snapped back and he cried out into the late afternoon
air, as he felt his lover's cock stretch and enter him in one
"Sshhhh baby," Mulder whispered unevenly into his ear
as he set a slow, easy rhythm. "The neighbors'll hear."
"Fuck the neighbors."
Mulder let out a short, hoarse laugh as he continued to move.
"*That's* my Alex."
Mulder picked up the pace, grunting softly at the sensation of
his balls slapping against the backs of his lover's thighs. He
reached down and wrapped his fingers firmly around Alex's cock.
"God...oh yeah...do me, Fox. I'm ready..."
Mulder began to stroke Alex's cock with his lube-slick hand as
he continued to pump his ass. Alex cried out again and again,
jerking his hips back and forth, forcing Mulder into a wild pace.
"Alex..." Mulder thrashed against the younger man, trying
desperately to hold back the scream that was forming in his throat.
He pressed his face into Alex's back in an effort to muffle the
sound when it came, but Alex's cries errupted at almost the same
moment, echoing around the yard and beyond.
Alex collapsed to the ground and Mulder fell on top of him, pressing
his body into the cool, soft dirt. After several minutes, Mulder
stirred, lifting himself off of his lover and helping him into
a sitting position. He smiled softly, brushing some dirt away
from Alex's cheek. "Sorry," he whispered. "Guess
this wasn't the best place in the world for that."
Alex displayed a lazy, satisfied grin. "You kidding? I love
it when we just drop down and do it wherever we are."
"Doesn't say much about self-control, does it?"
"I don't care," Alex murmured into his shoulder. "I'll
start worrying when you're suddenly *able* to control your impulses."
Mulder kissed his temple. "I love you."
Alex turned and met his eye. "I love *you*," he whispered
Another kiss. "I think we could do with a shower,"
Alex nodded in agreement. He rose to his feet and pulled Mulder
up after him. They pulled their clothing into some semblance of
order, then headed, arms wound around each other's waists, to
The next night
Alex's voice lost some of its sleepy quality and took on an edge
of insistence. "Hello?"
Mulder raised his head from the pillow. "Who was it?"
Wide awake now, Alex drummed his fingers on his leg. "I don't
know. But this is the third time since yesterday. I'm getting
a little fed up."
"Probably just some kids fooling around. They'll get tired
and move on to a new number."
Alex fought hard to keep the thoughts from entering his head.
So far, he was losing ground. "I don't know."
"Don't know what?" Mulder's nearly incoherent voice
drifted up from amongst the pillows.
"It's never happened before."
Mulder reached up and pulled Alex down beside him. He tucked an
arm around the younger man's waist and nestled his head against
his chest. "Go back to sleep."
Alex absently stroked the head under his chin and stared up at
"C'mon Fox, you're gonna be late!"
Mulder sauntered into the kitchen, tie undone, sorting through
an armload of paperwork.
"I hate this, I really hate this..." he muttered to
himself. "I can't find that Raleigh file that I was working
on, just yesterday..."
Alex sighed and took the papers from him. "Sit down and eat.
I'll look for it."
As Mulder picked through breakfast, Alex searched. "Fox,"
he dropped the last paper back into the pile. "It's not here.
Are you sure you didn't leave it at the office?"
"No, I..." a sudden thought came to his mind. "Shit.
Alex rolled his eyes and walked toward the sink.
"Yeah, oops. I don't...."
The ringing phone interrupted the beginning of his speech.
"Hello?...Who's *me*?" He pulled the phone away from
his ear and stared at it for a second, then hung up.
Noticing his disturbed expression, Mulder asked, "Who was
"I don't know...whoever it was, he was whispering very softly."
"What'd they say?"
"Just, _it's me,. When I asked who _me, was, they hung up."
He glanced at Mulder, then looked away.
"And you didn't recognize the voice?"
"I wasn't really paying close attention..." The muscle
in his jaw began to work convulsively. "..and as I said,
he was whispering very softly."
Mulder nodded. "Well...I gotta go." He rose from the
table and gathered up his paperwork, slipping it into a large
folder. "I'll see you later." He approached the younger
man, who still stood leaning against the sink. Threading a hand
through his hair, he pulled Alex forward and planted a long, thorough
kiss on his lips. He drew back slightly, dropped another light
kiss on Alex's nose, then turned and left.
Alex remained where he stood, a good long time, playing and replaying
the voice in his head, trying to prove or disprove his theory
about who it belonged to. When his head began to ache, he abandoned
his efforts and went about his daily business.
Scully gathered up her jacket and headed for the door. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Mulder said, shutting his computer down. "You
go on ahead, I'll be right there. Just gotta hit the head."
"Okay, I'll meet you at the car."
Mulder followed her out the door and took a left down the hall,
leading to the men's room. Ten seconds later, Mark Richardson
pushed at the partially open office door and peeked inside. Visually
confirming that the office was empty, he quickly slipped inside
and scanned the room.
"Oh, yeah..." He spotted Mulder's suit jacket, thrown
across the back of his chair and crept over to it. He held the
garment up to his face, inhaling deeply. "Mmmmm." Searching
the inside pockets, he found what he was looking for. He pulled
Mulder's wallet out and quickly rooted through it. He yanked the
agent's driver's license from the wallet, stuffed it into his
own pocket, then replaced the wallet and laid the jacket carefully,
back across the chair. "This is the most fun I've ever *had*
at a seminar," he mumbled to himself, before slipping quietly
out of the office.
Alex answered the phone and was greeted by the apologetic voice
of his lover.
"It's me, Lexei."
"Let me guess. You're going to be late."
"Afraid so." He spoke above the blare of sirens, behind
him. "Can you hear me?"
"There's been another murder."
"Jeez. Same thing?"
"Looks that way. Listen, don't hold dinner and don't wait
up, okay? I have no idea how long I'm going to be."
"Okay. So, I guess I'll see you when I see you, huh?"
"Yeah. I gotta go. Scully is calling me. Uh...everything
"All right. Night, babe."
Alex disconnected and looked down at the dinner he'd already started.
He shrugged. "Maybe he'll eat it anyway, if he doesn't get
in, too late." He covered the prepared chicken and popped
it into the oven.
"You sound exhausted."
"Been a long night."
"You coming home?"
"No, not right now. I still got some work to do."
"Fox, don't push it, okay? You gotta get some sleep."
"I won't be here all day. But I really do have to get this
wrapped up first. I just wanted to call and check in."
"Okay. Well, get your work done and get your ass home. I'll
give you a nice warm bath, maybe a massage..."
Mulder groaned softly into the phone. "I'll get through this
as fast as I can."
"See you soon."
Alex hung up and as he was turning away from the phone, it rang
again. He smiled, sure that it was Fox again. He snatched up the
A perky female voice responded. "Good morning, Mr. Mulder..."
Alex tried to inform the girl that she wasn't speaking to Mr.
Mulder, but she rattled on at a breakneck pace, keeping him from
getting a word in, edgewise.
"...this is Amy from the Monument Hotel. Housekeeping found
your license this morning while cleaning in one of the rooms,
and we just thought we'd let you know that it was here. So whenever
you'd like to pick it up, or if it's more convenient, we could
messenger it to you..."
Alex held the phone in a death grip, his knuckles turning white,
as he listened to the girl rattle on. When she was through, he
asked softly, "The room...the room you found it in...that
was Mr. Richardson's room..."
"Uh...yes! Yes, it was. Will you be by to get it?"
"Um, yeah. Yeah. At some point. If there's a change in plans,
I'll let you know."
"All righty then. You have a good day, Mr. Mulder."
Alex let the phone fall into the cradle and leaned against the
wall for support. His head moved slowly, from side to side. "No,"
he whispered to himself. "No, no, no, no..."
Mulder trudged into the house, glazed, blood-shot eyes searching
for his lover.
He was home, his pickup was in the garage. Mulder called again.
Still no answer. He headed for the backyard and found Alex slouched
in a chair on the patio, staring blankly into the yard. He touched
the back of the seated man's head.
"Hey. You didn't hear me calling you?"
Mulder frowned, moving to Alex's front and squatting before him.
"Lexei? What's wrong?"
Dull green eyes rose to his and stared.
Mulder placed a hand on his thigh and rubbed gently. "Talk
Alex spoke in a flat, listless tone. "Scully drive you home?"
"No. I had my own car, why would Scully drive me?"
"I didn't think you'd want to be driving around without your
"Oh, you haven't realized yet, that you lost it."
"I lost my license?" Mulder patted his jacket, feeling
for his wallet. He pulled it out of the inner breast pocket and
looked through it. He looked up at Alex. "It's not here.
How did you know?"
"Got a call this morning. Someone found it."
"Why didn't you come home, last night?"
Mulder inclined his head a fraction and drew his eyebrows together.
"I was working. I told you that."
"Not *all* night."
"Yes, *all* night."
"You took *some* time for a break."
"Alex...where do you think I was last night? Who found my
"You're going to play this out to the very end, aren't you?"
Irritation laced the tired man's tone. "Alex, I don't know
*what* the hell you're talking about. *Who* found my license?"
"The Monument Hotel."
Mulder shrugged, shaking his head.
"It was found *at* the Monument Hotel...in Mark Richardson's
Alex continued to stare.
"Oh, and *you* think that I...Alex...tell me you don't believe
that I spent the night with Richardson."
"What was your driver's license doing there in his room?"
"I don't *know*, but I wasn't *there*! I didn't even know
where he was staying!"
Alex hurled himself out of the chair, practically knocking Mulder
to the ground.
"Stop it Fox, okay? Just knock it the fuck off!"
Mulder watched, dumbfounded, as Alex began to pace.
"When did it start? Hmm? When? While you were on that case
with him? No, couldn't have been. He would have bragged about
it when I went to see him. So...it must have been after...huh...tell
me...was it him you were on the phone with the other night?"
"Alex, you're not being rational."
"Answer me! The night we went out to eat and you got that
drink from an *admirer*...you were on the phone later, in your
office. Were you talking to him? Making plans?"
"I was talking to Scully! And if you were there, eavesdropping,
thinking it was him I was talking to, why didn't you come in and
"Because I wasn't sure! I didn't *want* to believe that it
was him. Then everytime I picked up the phone after that, the
caller would hang up. Well, except for yesterday when he must
have thought it was you who answered, then realized it wasn't
and hung up. Awfully suspicious, wouldn't you say, Agent Mulder?
*Now*, you spend the night out on a *case*, and your license turns
up the next morning, in Richardson's hotel room! You tell me.
What the *fuck* am I supposed to think?"
"You're supposed to believe me when I tell you, I *never*
spent the night with Richardson. That the extent of my relationship
with him was one case in common, and two lunches. You're supposed
to look in my eyes and *know* that when I tell you that there's
a logical explanation for all of this, I'm telling you the truth!"
"What's the logical explanation, Fox? Tell me. I'm listening."
Mulder closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't know.
But I'll find *out*."
"You mean, you'll think one *up*."
Mulder stared at him, disbelief glittering in his eyes. "What
the hell is wrong with you? A year and a half ago, I gave you
my heart and my soul...and my *trust*. I thought you did the same."
He looked around. "We bought this house together. Made a
home. We promised our lives to each other. Now someone as inconsequential
as Mark Richardson is trying to fuck that all up and you're allowing
it. I thought we meant more to you than that."
Alex glared at him. "I thought we meant more to *you*. How
was he, Fox? I never did him, but I heard stories about his expertise.
Is all the hype true?"
Mulder stared for a few seconds more, then his eyes dropped away.
He raised a hand and turned toward the house. "I can't...I
can't do this with you..."
Alex threw his hands up. "And hell, why would you *want*
to? After you've done it with *him*..."
Mulder continued on his way, taking out the lamp on the end table
with a vicious swipe of his arm.
Alex ignored the crash and followed the other man halfway into
the room. He watched as Mulder picked up his keys and moved toward
the front door.
"Don't forget your license," he yelled, as the door
"Mulder, what are you doing here? I thought you were going
"I did. But I couldn't...I couldn't stay."
Scully stepped aside as allowed her partner to enter.
"What the hell happened?"
He spun to face Scully. "Alex thinks I slept with Richardson."
Mulder dropped onto the sofa and covered his eyes with his hands.
"Somehow, my license turned up this morning at the hotel
he's staying at...in his *room*. Alex took the call from the hotel
this morning and he's really gone around the bend."
"Did you tell him you weren't there?"
He looked up at Scully. "Of course I did! He doesn't believe
"Well, *I'll* tell him, then."
"What do you mean, no? I can straighten this out, Mulder.
You never left my sight for more than a few seconds, last night."
"I don't want you pleading my case. He needs to believe *me*.
That he doesn't, just shows what little trust he actually has
in me." He closed his eyes and lowered his head. "I
can't believe this," he whispered. "I thought we were...I
Scully took a seat beside him and squeezed his shoulder. "Mulder...let
me tell you something. Something you really should have known
or at least had a clue about. For a good many years, Alex was
alone. He had only himself. Nobody to talk to, nobody to trust.
Suspicious of everyone and everything. His survival depended on
that. Then, and I'm still trying to figure out *how* it happened,
but you two got together. And I could see the love grow between
you. He worships you Mulder, and he's become a much different
person because of you, but it's hard to completely change those
survival instincts. Forgive the comparison, but it's like trying
to domesticate a mountain lion."
Mulder looked up at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Okay, maybe not *exactly* like that, but you get my point.
He can't help his suspicion or his insecurity, Mulder."
"But in eighteen months, he's never acted like this, before."
"It was always there beneath the surface, there's just never
been a reason for it to come out, before. It took years to ingrain
those instincts in him, Mulder. It's not gonna take just a few
months to make 'em go away. You gotta have a little more patience."
"I want to Scully. I've tried. It's him that I want. *Only*
him. I don't know how many more ways I can say it to him."
"You have to keep trying till you find the *right* way...if
you want to save your relationship. And I know you do. And *where*
is Richardson in all of this? Seems to me, he's the one who should
be in the hot seat, here."
"I don't know. After what I just went through with Alex,
I couldn't think about anything else."
She pushed the hair back from his forehead, only to watch it flop
stubbornly back into place. "You look like you're about to
drop. Why don't you crash here on the sofa? I was just about to
have a nap, myself. Maybe once we've both had a little rest, we
can tackle this thing more rationally."
Mulder nodded slowly. Scully patted his hand as she rose to her
feet, then moved off toward her bedroom.
"Don't worry. It'll be okay."
Mulder dropped onto his side and closed his eyes. "I hope
so, Scully," he murmured, then dropped into a heavy sleep.
Four and a half hours later
Scully stood outside Mulder and Alex's house, ringing the bell.
She hesitated, then pulled the key out of her bag. Taking a deep
breath, she unlocked the door and stepped into the house.
"Alex? It's me, Scully. You here?"
She moved through the house, checking room after room, then decided
to try the yard. She frowned, noting the mangled lamp on the floor
of the living room, and proceeded to the patio. The mess that
greeted her eyes, made her jaw go slack. The garden. The beautiful
garden that Alex had worked so hard to build, lay before her in
shambles. Movement from the left caught her eye. It was Alex,
ripping stringbean plants out of the ground and hurling them into
"Oh, my God."
Scully moved cautiously toward him, calling his name.
The third utterance of his name snapped his head in her direction.
"Alex, what..." She looked around in disbelief. "Why
are you doing this?"
Wild green eyes stared through her and she couldn't help being
reminded of the comparison she'd made this morning, of him to
a mountain lion. He stood, chest heaving, dirty and scratched,
making not a sound except for the occasional rasp of air that
pushed past his constricted throat.
"Alex..." She held a hand out to him. "Stop this."
"Why?" He drew his eyebrows together, "What does
"You're going to snap out of this state you've worked yourself
into, and then you're going to hate yourself when you realize
what it is you've done."
He shrugged, laughing bitterly. "What have I done, Scully?
Pulled up a few plants? Chopped up a few bushes? Big deal. Big
fat, *fucking* deal!"
"It's more than that Alex, and you know it!"
"No, it isn't. Anything more than this was just an illusion.
A beautiful world I built up in my head."
"That's not true, Alex. You and Mulder are real. I never
in a million years could've imagined it, but...just stop this,
okay? Come sit down and talk to me."
Alex stood immobile, clenching limp strands of string beans in
Scully inched closer and touched his arm. "Come on."
Slowly, she led Alex through the mess and, righting one of the
four chairs he'd knocked over, sat him down. She pulled another
chair upright and dropped into it.
"Mulder would kill me if he knew I was here..."
"So, why are you?"
"Because he's miserable. And I knew you would be, too."
Alex looked away.
"He's at my apartment, Alex. I left him there, asleep. He
came there this morning after your fight." She waited for
some reaction. Got none, and went on. "He was at the crime
scene *all night*, with *me*. Your accusations are groundless,
Alex, not to mention completely crazy. You hurt him...are you
listening to me?"
Alex looked up at her. "His license was found in Richardson's
room this morning. What'd it do, hop out of his wallet, and hitch
a ride downtown?"
Scully raked a hand through her hair and sighed. "I don't
know how it got there. And neither does Mulder."
Alex jerked his head to the side.
"I know what this looks like and it's easy to believe what
seems so obvious, but this is where trust comes in. If you love
him and want to keep him, you *have* to trust him."
"I *did* trust him," Alex hissed sharply. "And
look what it got me."
"Trust doesn't always equal hurt, Alex."
"No? Then why do I hurt so much right now?"
"You're hurting needlessly. Mulder did nothing wrong. And
it's killing him that you don't believe that."
Alex lowered his gaze to the ground, clenching and unclenching
"Mark Richardson is the man we need to concentrate on, here.
He's at the bottom of this mess. I don't know how, but he had
to have gotten hold of Mulder's license somehow...I know what
you told Mulder about him. Is he the type of man who'd go so far
as to do something like this to cause trouble?"
Alex massaged his temple with the knuckles of one hand. "Absolutely."
"Well, there you go."
"Scully, Richardson is a heartless, manipulative jerk, but
he's not Houdini. "*How* did he get Fox's license out of
his wallet without his knowledge?"
"I don't know. If you believe it fell out of his wallet at
Richardson's hotel, why couldn't it have fallen out at the restaurant
they had lunch at? Or in the office, one day while he was there?
Richardson could have picked it up and kept it till he thought
the time was right to cause trouble."
"That's a hundred times more believable to me than Mulder
being in his hotel room. How about you?"
Alex's knee began to bounce up and down. His head came up and
he looked out at the aftermath of his rampage. His throat worked
convulsively and a bright gleam appeared in his eyes. "Jesus."
Scully just barely heard the whispered regret. She placed a hand
on his shoulder and kneaded gently.
He turned his head to her and asked in a small voice, "What
am I going to do?"
"What do you *want* to do?"
"I want to back this day up about seven hours and do it over
"Okay, what do you want to do, that you're *able* to do?"
"I want to go to him. Tell him I'm sorry...beg him to come
Scully smiled. "Then go do it."
Alex looked out into the yard, again. "I...I don't want him
to see this..."
Scully got to her feet. "Come on, I'll help you clean it
He looked up at her in a bit of a daze.
"Come on." She grasped his hand and pulled him up and
into the garden.
Almost two hours later, everything was gathered up, put through
the shredder and placed into the mulching bin. What was left over
was piled neatly beside the bin. Alex looked around at his nearly
"Months of work shot to hell in one afternoon...by the same
lunatic who did all the work in the first place." He turned
to Scully, again on the verge of tears. "You're right. I
"I knew you would. So see, you're not quite the lunatic you
think you are. If you were, you'd be too crazy to feel bad about
what you'd done." Scully rubbed his back. "Don't worry,
Alex. It isn't like you contaminated the soil. You can replant.
Now you have some experience. You know what to do to make it flourish
and you know what to avoid to keep it from dying. And your second
effort will be more beautiful than your first."
"Thanks, Scully. Not only for helping me clean this up, but
for the advice."
"No problem. Now why don't you go get cleaned up so we can
Halfway into the living room, Alex stopped. "Scully?"
"What if I apologize and he doesn't accept it? What if he
doesn't want to come home?"
"He will." She clapped her hands and shooed him into
the hall. "Now, get going."
Twenty minutes later, they were on their way to Scully's apartment.
When they arrived, Scully got out of her car and walked over to
Alex, who was still in his truck, hands gripped tightly around
"Come on," she coaxed. "You don't have to be afraid."
"I am, though. If he doesn't want to talk to me...if he doesn't
want to come home..."
"He *will*. Now, come on!"
Finally, with a little more coaxing from Scully, they reached
her apartment. Scully unlocked the door and walked in, followed
at a distance, by Alex. She looked around at the empty apartment,
then at Alex.
"Maybe he's in the bathroom. Mulder?" She called, moving
down the hall. "Mulder?" A short silence, then she returned,
alone. "He's not here."
Alex bowed his head and let out a heavy sigh.
"Maybe he went back home," she offered. We could have
passed each other, you know."
"He *must* have. Where *else* would he go?"
There was more to her question than just the obvious. Alex bit
his lower lip and turned away.
"Alex...you're not thinking..."
"N-no. No." He shook his head. "Like you said,
he probably went home. To pack his clothes...or *my* clothes..."
"Or to talk."
"You didn't see the way he left. He was done talking to me."
"He was hurt and upset. But maybe after a few hours sleep,
he thought better of it. Why don't you go home? I'll bet he's
there right now, wondering where *you* are."
Alex nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Scully."
She gave him a sympathetic smile. "It'll be okay, Alex. Trust
me. Go on. Go to him and get this straightened out."
After she sent Alex on his way, Scully leaned up against the door,
banging her head against it.
"Shit, shit, shit."
She snatched up her keys and left the apartment.
Mark Richardson's eyes widened as he opened his door. Quickly,
he summoned a smile to his face.
"Hey! Wh-what are you doing here? How'd you know where I
Mulder walked past him and entered the room, looking around. "Wasn't
hard. The doorman at the Monument'll tell you just about anything
you want to know, for a twenty. Why'd you move?"_ Richardson
shrugged. "I didn't care for the Monument. Lousy service."
"*Really*? I think they served *you*, very well."
"What do you mean?"
"How'd my license wind up in your room?"
"Cut the shit, Richardson, how'd you do it?"
"Do what? Mulder, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Sure, you do. Somehow, you managed to get hold of my driver's
license and plant it in your room, for housekeeping to find this
morning, knowing that they'd call my house."
"I did no such thing, Mulder. I mean, how *would* I? Did
it ever occur to you that *Alex* may have done it, to try and
convince you that I was up to no good? To make *sure* that you
stayed away from me?"
"Really? As wigged out as he is over the fact that we had
lunch together? How do you *know* that he wouldn't pull a stunt
like that? *I* wouldn't put it past him..."
"How the hell would you know what he would and wouldn't do?"
"Look. Mulder. I understand that you wouldn't want to believe
Alex capable of something so low, but...if he's *that* insecure,
who knows? Poor guy. I think you ought to consider getting him
"No, *you're* the one who needs help."
"That must have been some fight you guys had to get you this
upset. Listen, why don't we go get a drink or something? Calm
your nerves. Maybe it'll help you see things a little clearer..."
"That's just a little old, isn't it Richardson?"
"The bourbon and sympathy ploy. Ply me with liquor, then
sashay me back here for a little fun?" He spat out an acid
laugh. "Not even in your wildest dreams, pal. There isn't
enough liquor in Washington, to get me into bed with you."
"You got it all wrong."
Mulder shook his head. "The only thing I had wrong was the
way I treated Alex, behind this whole thing. You're every bit
the conniver he said you were. I don't know *how* you got your
hands on my license and at this point, I don't care. What matters
is, you failed. You didn't get me, and you have *not* split Alex
and me up. Now spare yourself any further embarrassment and give
Richardson emitted a loud, snorting chuckle. The facade was gone.
"Well you know, you win some, you lose some. And you know,
that goes both ways."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"My original description of Alex's personality was no lie.
I don't believe for half a second, that this hasn't affected him.
In fact, I'm willing to bet that it's driving him crazy...crazier
than he already is. He'll be suspicious of you from now on. It'll
just be a matter of time, before you've had all you can take."
He smirked. "You won't stay together for much longer...if
you really are still together *now*..."
Mulder's hands clenched at his side. "Alex was right. You
*are* a sleazy bastard."
Richardson smirked. "Answer me a question, would you, Mulder?
Is he the only man you've ever been with? If he is, then that
might explain things. See, I'm trying to figure out what the hell
it is that's got you so loyal to this nut. I think he *is* your
first. Tsk, tsk. You don't know what you're missing. I could show
you things Alex has never even heard of. Might just put things
in a different perspective for you. And you'll end up thanking
me for being the one who gave you your wake up call." He
took one step toward Mulder and lowered his voice to its most
seductive tone. "What do you say? Give me two hours and I
guarantee at the end of it, you won't even remember his name."
He never saw the blow coming. He started to sink to the floor,
but a hand clenched in his shirt, prevented him. Jerked him up
and held him as the second blow compounded the already excruciating
pain, and the third, numbed his face and knocked him across the
room and onto the bed. He tried to focus on the infuriated man
standing above him. A low, angry growl filtered through the ringing
in his ears.
"Stay away from me, and stay the fuck away from Alex. If
I have even the slightest idea that you're messing with him in
some way, you'll get a lot worse than what I've given you, today.
Do you understand me?"
Richardson nodded, wincing with the pain that the movement brought.
"I'm not kidding, Richardson. Leave Alex alone. You'd do
well not to test me."
Mulder turned and stalked out without another word, slamming the
door behind him.
"Who is it?"
A muffled, "It's me," came from the other side of Scully's
She threw it open and immediately began to shout at the man outside.
"Mulder, where have you been and what the bloody hell are
you doing back *here*?" She looked down at the hand he was
cradling with the other. "And what happened to your hand?"
Mulder looked up through a curtain of golden-brown lashes. "I
went to get my license. And then I tracked Richardson down."
She pulled him inside. "And?"
He shrugged. "I confronted him. He denied everything...at
first...then he got arrogant. Said a bunch of stuff I didn't like...I
cold-cocked him, told him to keep the hell away from me and Alex...then
"You *hit* him?"
"He pissed me off."
Scully couldn't help the smile that came to her lips. "I
should be shaking my finger at you, but I can't. Whatever he said,
I'm sure he deserved what he got. The snake. Come on, let me take
care of this for you." She inspected the hand, made him move
all the fingers, then announced that nothing was broken. She pulled
him into the kitchen and made him sit for a while, with a bag
of ice on his hand, then led him to the bathroom and cleaned up
the blood. "You cut up these two knuckles pretty good."
"Must've cut em on his teeth."
"God Mulder, did you at least leave them in his mouth?"
Scully finished cleaning the wounds, then bandaged his hand. "You
never answered my second question. What are you doing, *here*?
Why didn't you go home? *Tell* me you didn't go home and now you're
"No, I didn't go home."
"Alex was so upset. I don't know how to begin to try to convince
him that he's wrong, without upsetting him even more."
Scully wrinkled her nose and squinted. "Uh, Mulder?"
"Don't get mad, okay?"
"What'd you do?"
"You know how you told me not to go talk to him?"
"You went to talk to him."
"While you were asleep."
Mulder opened his mouth, but before any sound could come out,
Scully was talking again.
"I'm sorry Mulder, I couldn't stand by and do nothing when
there was a chance that I could help."
"You were so unhappy when you got here, earlier..."
"And I knew that if I could just *talk* to Alex..."
Mulder heaved a long sigh. "What happened?"
She smiled at him. "He came back here, with me. But of course,
*you* were gone. I sent him back home, hoping that maybe you'd
gone there. And in the meantime, I went out looking for you. Needless
to say, I didn't find you. I couldn't reach you on your cell..."
"I don't have it with me. He came back here with you?"
"*Yes*. To talk."
Mulder lowered his head and said nothing.
"Go *home*, Mulder. It's been two hours since he left here.
He must be going crazy, wondering where you are. I'm surprised
he hasn't called me."
"Are you sure he wants me there, Scully?"
"*Yes*, for the love of God!" She turned Mulder around
and shoved him toward the door. "Now would you get the hell
out of here!"
Mulder stopped in the doorway and turned back toward her. "Thanks,
Scully. For interfering."
"No problem." She smiled sweetly, then slammed the door
in his face.
Mulder carefully unlocked the door, wincing at the pain in his
hand. It was beginning to throb, but he pushed the pain aside
and quietly entered the house. He moved slowly, letting his eyes
adjust to the darkness. As he made his way to the living room,
he saw a figure seated at the far end of the sofa, softly outlined
by the evening light coming in through the sliding doors. He moved
cautiously toward the motionless form, stopping just a few feet
Alex sat silently, hands folded neatly in his lap, head tilted
downward. The sudden feeling of a presence beside him, brought
his head up. His eyes rose to Mulder's face, unable to see his
eyes in the darkness.
Silence hung for what seemed like any eternity, between the two
men, neither knowing what to say or even how to begin. Finally,
it was Mulder who spoke.
"Scully said that you'd gone to her apartment to talk to
Alex nodded slowly, again lowering his head.
"When we didn't find you there, she figured you must have
come back here. S-so I came right back. That was a few hours ago..."
He fell silent, picking at a non-existent thread on the leg of
"And you've been sitting here in the dark ever since?"
"You think I've been with Richardson the past few hours,
Again, Alex gave no answer, but his heart began to pound in dreaded
Mulder released a long, soft sigh. "I *was* with him..."
The glittering slits of green disappeared and Alex's head hung
Mulder kneeled in front of Alex and rested his hands on the other
man's knees. "I was with him, Alex, but not for the reason
you're thinking...he moved to another hotel this morning. I tracked
him down and confronted him about this business with my license.
He didn't come right out and admit to it, but I'm positive that
somehow he got hold of it and planted it there as a means to drive
you nuts and hopefully put a wedge between us. He made a pass
at me. Said a bunch of things about you that ticked me off...I
hit him..." Alex's head rose a fraction. "...I gave
him a warning he's too smart to ignore, and I *left*."
Alex's eyes opened and the first thing that caught his eye was
Mulder's bandaged hand. He reached out to touch it, then drew
"You hurt your hand when you hit him?"
"Yeah. Scully said nothing was broken, but I guess I really
should put some more ice on in."
Before he could say another word, Alex was off the sofa and heading
for the kitchen. Mulder followed and found him wrapping some ice
cubes in a dish towel.
"You should have done this as soon as you got in," Alex
said, finishing his task. He handed the bundle to Mulder, but
did not meet his eye.
"Thanks." Mulder put the compress down on the table
and unwrapped his hand. There was a fair amount of swelling and
by the looks of things, there was going to be quite a bruise.
Alex glanced at the wound, then turned away, rocking back and
"Tell me what I've done to make you think the worst of me,"
Mulder asked softly, as he leaned against the counter, holding
the ice to his hand.
Alex displayed a mirthless smile. "Don't know. Must be the
insanity kicking in."
"You're not crazy."
"No?" Alex wrapped his arms around himself and then
began to rock from side to side, rolling against the other end
of the counter. "Guess Scully didn't fill you in about the
"What about it?"
Alex gave no response. He only continued to rock slowly, with
his head tilted down toward the floor.
Fairly certain that reiterating the question would only garner
more silence, Mulder moved carefully around Alex and out to the
yard. He flipped on the flood lights and stood, shocked, looking
around at the almost bare garden. When he'd regained his composure,
he re-entered the house. He found Alex in the same spot in which
he'd left him.
"What happened?" Mulder asked softly. "You worked
so hard to make the yard beautiful. Why'd you ruin it?"
"It's what I do...ruin things..." He began to mumble
to himself. "What the hell made me think I could have something
good? Do one good deed after years of bad, and I start to think
I can have the world. Stupid, fucked up bastard..."
Mulder dropped the ice pack down behind him and walked toward
Alex. "Don't talk like that. You came through Alex, when
it really counted. Millions of lives were saved and that couldn't
have happened without you. That wasn't some little boyscout's
good deed for the day. You're a good man. Decent and caring..."
he stopped when he was standing directly in front of Alex. "..loving."
He reached out to touch the heavily stubbled face, but Alex turned
"Don't touch me."
"I don't deserve it."
He turned and fled the room.
It took Mulder a second to register what had just happened and
then he was after Alex, following him down the hall to the bedroom.
He came in as the other man was pulling a suitcase out of the
"What are you doing?"
"I can't stay here, I can't..."
Mulder stepped forward and took the suitcase away, just as Alex
dropped it on the bed.
"You're not going anywhere."
"Give it back."
"No. This is your home."
"It's *your* home. I was just passing through."
"Bullshit. *You* make this home, Alex. If you're not here,
*I'm* not here."
Alex spun toward the dresser and started pulling clothes out.
"This was a dream, Fox. That's all it was..."
Mulder came up behind him and wrapped his arms tightly around
his chest, pinning his arms to his sides. "Lexei...*stop*
it. This is no dream. It's real. We hit a little bump, that's
Alex struggled against the man who fought to restrain him. "You
were so fed up with my shit, you *left*. That's no little bump.
Let me go!"
"No! I'll never let you go, Lexei..."
"Don't call me that!"
"I'm Alex Krycek. Double crossing, murdering, hateful, low-life."
Mulder tightened his hold. "No, you're not. You're my sweet,
fun-loving, wise-cracking, beautiful, Lexei. And I love you..."
"And you love me."
Alex pushed again, but Mulder's grip was too tight.
"I don't hear any denials, Lexei. You can't, can you?"
"Please, let me go."
"Tell me you don't love me."
"How can I love you? If I did, would I do what I did to you
this morning? If I did, I would have trusted you!"
"Then say it."
Alex's head dropped and he started to tremble. Mulder's grip on
him loosened and he turned the younger man around to face him.
He wrapped his arms around him again, this time in a tender embrace,
which proved to be Alex's undoing. His hands clenched in Mulder's
shirt and he began to cry.
Mulder held Alex securely to him with one arm while he stroked
the soft, sable hair with his free hand. "Remember the other
day when you asked me to never let you go, Lexei? I promised you
I wouldn't. I keep my promises. I'll never let you go. Never let
Alex's sobs quieted and Mulder pulled back a fraction, kissing
his forehead. "It's late. We're both exhausted. Why don't
we get some sleep and we can talk about this more tomorrow, when
we're both a little more rational?"
Alex stood quietly, with his head down and his eyes closed. Mulder
slipped a hand under his chin and lifted.
"Hey. Open your eyes."
The younger man shook his head and attempted to turn his face
away. Mulder wasn't having it.
"Look at me. Alex..."
Almost blue eyes, streaked with red, slowly opened and still avoided
looking into those that stared intently.
"Why can't you look at me?"
Alex wrenched his face out of Mulder's light grasp and turned
it downward. The older man sighed softly.
"Okay. No more questions, tonight." He began to unbutton
Alex's shirt and was stopped immediately, by a hand on his. "You
can't sleep in your clothes. I was just helping you get them off."
"I can do it." Alex replied flatly.
Mulder stared at him, more confused than before. He removed his
hands from the shirt. "Okay."
Alex turned away and undressed slowly, then got into bed. Mulder
watched him lay rigidly on his side and close his eyes.
"Um," he spoke to the prone man, "Scully said I
should keep my hand wrapped, so I gotta go do that. I'll be right
Alex's eyes opened halfway and he nodded almost imperceptibly.
Mulder went quickly to the bathroom, wrapping his hand and undressing
in record time, afraid that Alex may try to sneak out, while he
was gone. But when he returned, Alex was still in bed though now,
he was rolled over onto his side, facing the wall. Mulder shut
the lights off and slipped into bed behind him. He wrapped an
arm around Alex and snuggled against his back. The younger man's
body automatically stiffened in response.
"I'm not letting you go. I'm not spending another night like
the last one." He kissed the back of Alex's head and tightened
his hold a bit. "I love you, Lexei."
Alex stared silently at the wall, shivering in the warmth of his
Mulder blinked in the early morning sunlight and looked down at
the man wrapped securely in his arms. Alex snored softly, his
dark head resting on Mulder's chest, arm tucked around his waist.
Mulder inclined his head, planting soft kisses in his lover's
//Thank you God, it was just a really long, really awful dream...//
Alex stirred and nuzzled the sprinkling of hair beneath his cheek.
As consciousness began to overtake sleep, he froze. Stiffened
and pulled away. Mulder turned onto his side, facing the man who
was now laying on his back. He hesitated, then spoke.
"I woke up a few minutes ago and found you fast asleep in
my arms. I didn't drag you there. You came to me on your own.
And whether you were asleep or awake when you did, you know it's
where you wanted to be."
Mulder reached out and stroked the back of his hand down Alex's
cheek. The younger man flinched at the touch.
"Talk to me, Lexei. Tell me why you're doing this. Why do
you suddenly feel like you don't deserve to be happy?"
A good fifteen minutes passed before Alex spoke. Mulder strained
to hear the low, scratchy voice.
"Remember that night after everything was over and you offered
to take me out for a beer?"
"I was scared."
"Of you letting me walk out of your office. I didn't know
where I was going or what I was going to do. But that wasn't the
frightening part. I'd been wandering from place to place for years.
Only difference would be, that I wouldn't have to steal anything
or kill anybody." Keeping his eyes averted, he took a breath
and continued. "What really scared me was never seeing you
again. I never dreamed that you and I would ever work together,
much less say so much as a civil word to each other. Then fate
threw us together. I always felt an attraction to you, but months
of being with you day in and day out, strengthened it to a degree
that shocked me and when it was over and you told me I was free
to go, all I could think was that I didn't want to be free if
it meant not seeing you anymore. When you stopped me at the door
and invited me out for a beer, I didn't know what the hell to
do. My hopes soared, then I shot them down, telling myself that
you and me becoming *friends* would be an amazing miracle. Anything
more than that was pure fantasy..."
Mulder remained silent, waiting for him to continue. A few seconds
later, he did.
"When we were walking out to the parking lot, I was sure
that this time, it was the end of the line. When you reached out
to shake my hand, I felt my knees go weak. When you didn't let
it go and you stroked my knuckles with your thumb, I thought my
heart would come out of my chest. I don't even remember how we
wound up against your car..." Alex closed his eyes and swallowed
hard. "I only remember how everything started to spin when
your arms closed around me and your mouth covered mine. I couldn't...I
couldn't think, I couldn't...I could only feel and God, it felt
so good. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt anything but
pain and emptiness. And I took what you offered me that night
and every day afterward, and pushed who I'd been and what I'd
done as far away as I could make it go. And then I buried it.
For a year and a half, I'd become someone else. And you were happy
with who I was. God knows how long I would've gone on that way,
if Richardson hadn't dug up the part of me I'd buried." He
laughed softly, bitterly. "I actually started to believe
that I was who I'd been pretending to be. I actually believed
that I deserved you and everything good that came with you. Richardson
reminded me of where I came from and who I'd become. I began to
see bits and pieces of the real me when he showed up. Driving
you out of here yesterday and destroying the yard really drove
Mulder listened, shaking his head.
"You can drape me in nice clothes, stick me in a beautiful
house, give me a hobby and a trusting, handsome, upstanding man
to share my life with, and underneath it all I'm still the same
scum I started out as." He looked around. "I don't know
why I let you convince me to stay, last night. I shouldn't be
here, I shouldn't..."
Mulder swung his body over Alex's, straddling him from above before
the distraut man could decide to bolt.
"You're exactly where you should be." He laid a hand
on the side of Alex's face to stop him from turning away. "And
I'm tired of seeing you look everywhere but at me." He caressed
his lover's face. "I love your eyes, Lexei. Let me see them...please."
"I can't, I..."
"Look at me."
"Don't make me."
Mulder nuzzled his jaw. "Lexei..."
Alex shuddered and finally turned glassy eyes up to meet those
of the man above him. The intensity of Mulder's gaze caught and
held him in a vice-like trance. All at once, he became agonizingly
aware of every last inch of the body that rested so intimately
against his and the hardness that pressed into his own growing
"You've got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen,"
Mulder whispered to him. "So much depth. Even behind all
the pain I see in them right now, there's so much more. I see
love. And need." His head lowered slowly, afraid to startle
Alex and ruin his progress. Gently, his lips brushed the younger
man's, drawing a soft gasp. His tongue inched out, carefully tracing
the line of Alex's lower lip.
Alex's eyes drifted shut and he opened his mouth to his lover
in offering. Mulder accepted the invitation, sweeping inside,
tasting and stroking the smooth sweetness. Alex's soft moans vibrated
on his tongue as it found it's mate, coaxing and teasing, until
the moans turned to whimpers of frustration.
Mulder pulled away, leaving Alex panting and flushed. He could
feel the younger man struggling to keep from writhing beneath
him and he watched as his hands, those wonderfully talented hands,
clenched in the pillow, on either side of his head. He reached
out and gently began to pry one hand away. Having finally accomplished
the task, he held that hand firmly, while working on the other.
When finally, he held both of Alex's hands in his own, he moved
them to his back.
"Touch me, Lexei."
Alex locked his muscles, resisting the attempt. Mulder lowered
his head and brushed Alex's lips.
"You gave me your mouth, baby. Surely you can't think that
I'd be satisfied with just that. I want the rest. Give it to me.
You know you want to."
Alex shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, trying unsuccessfully
to stop the quivering that told Fox a different story.
"What are you doing, Alex? Every little thing about you tells
me that you want me. Why are you fighting so hard to deny it?"
"Okay. You don't want to touch me, you don't have to."
Still gripping Alex's hands, Mulder raised them above his head
and pinned them there. "But before I let you out of this
bed, you *are* going to give in..." His mouth came down on
Alex's, drinking in the weak cries of protest. His hips began
a slow grind, gently rubbing their cotton-covered erections together.
When Alex's body began to arch up against his, Mulder broke the
kiss and moved to his ear, whispering, "Tell me what you
want, Alex. Your body is already saying it loud and clear. Now,
give me the words." Alex bit his lip as Mulder traced a moist
line down his throat, then nibbled at the base. "Tell me
where you want to go baby, and I'll take you there."
A small, choking sound was all the answer Alex could muster.
Mulder took a chance and released his hands. He slid down Alex's
body, licking and nipping at the sensitive skin. He stopped at
one brown nipple and pulled it into his mouth, sucking at the
tight bud and flicking his tongue across the tip.
Alex twisted beneath him and emitted a loud whine. His hands left
the pillow and clenched in his lover's hair.
Mulder teased him for a while longer, then again began his trek
south, grazing the soft skin and fine sable hairs of Alex's belly,
before making it to the amazingly hard, yet always velvety smooth
length of muscle that stood out from the dark, crisp curls.
His eyes closed in sensuous anticipation of that first taste.
His tongue slithered along it's surface, and a long moan rose
into the air. Unsure of whether it came from him or the beneficiary
of his intimate caress, Mulder tossed the thought away and worked
his way to the blunt tip. Once there, his tongue danced around
it, lapping at the fluid that had formed.
Alex squirmed beneath Mulder, unable to think about anything but
the dull throb of his body and the relief he knew his lover would
bring. "Please," he whispered in a broken voice. Please..."
Mulder smiled in triumph. One last pass of his tongue over the
head of Alex's cock and then he was swallowing its entire length,
taking in every last inch, right down to the base. Alex shrieked
and bucked against Mulder, trying in vain to push himself deeper
into the older man's mouth. Mulder grasped his hips to hold him
still, then began to slide up and down on the shaft, at an agonizingly
Alex's head rolled from side to side. The pressure was building
to an intolerable level. Mulder sensed his growing anxiety and
sank back down to the base, sucking and swallowing until Alex's
body tensed and he came, shooting an endless stream of fluid down
his lover's throat. Loud, sobbing moans echoed through the bedroom,
then faded as he fell into that peaceful lethargy that always
Mulder slid up beside him, kissing his cheek, then the tip of
his nose, and finally his mouth. His eyelashes fluttered, then
his lids rose and he stared up at the ceiling. The smile faded
from Mulder's face as he watched Alex's eyes well up and spill
over. The tears slipped silently down the sides of his face and
into the pillowcase.
"Alex..." he called softly, brushing the tears away
with the back of his hand. "Alex, *please*. Can't you accept
what I have to give you without feeling guilty about it?"
He buried his face into the pillow beside Alex's head. "I
didn't mean to make you feel worse." He picked his head up
and cupped Alex's face in one hand. "All I wanted to do was
make you feel good. Can't you understand that you're worthy of
being loved? I love you for who you are."
"For who you want me to be..."
"No. Why is it so hard to believe that *this* is who you
are? Those years that you spent working for those bastards, have
*passed*. They went down in flames and *you* lit the match, Alex.
You didn't go down with them and that was *your* choice. A soulless
killer or a crazy man wouldn't have the conscience or the heart
to make the decision that you did. And all this time that we've
been together. All the fun we've had. All the hard work on this
house...the late nights that I drag in here, and you're waiting
for me with a warm meal and a massage...the countless ways you
show me your love, every day...you're going to tell me that man
isn't really you? Bullshit. You can tell me it isn't you from
now till hell freezes over and I won't believe it. So we had a
fight. So you were so upset over me walking out, that you trashed
the garden. So you've got an insecurity issue that neither one
of us knew about till now. So we found out that things aren't
as perfect as we thought. So what? We'll talk about it. We'll
work it out. But I'm *not* going to stand by and let you punish
yourself for it. And think about this. Whatever pain you inflict
on yourself, you inflict on me."
Alex blinked and brought his gaze down from the ceiling, to Mulder's
face. Mulder stroked his cheek.
"Don't you know how much it hurts me to see you like this?
Don't you know that if you *left* me, it'd break my heart?"
He studied Alex intently. "Would you break my heart, Lexei?"
Alex shook his head, unable to tear himself away from his lover's
"Because I love you."
"Do you mean that?"
"Can a heartless killer love?"
Alex's eyes glazed over and a single tear escaped the corner of
his eye. Mulder kissed it away.
"Would he cry?"
He pulled Alex into his arms and held him while the younger man
wept softly into his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Alex chanted between shuddering
Mulder tightened his embrace and rocked his lover slowly. "Shh.
Don't. It's okay. It's okay..."
Alex clung tightly to Fox, allowing himself to be soothed by the
steady beat of his heart and long, smooth strokes of his hand,
up and down his back. They lay quietly together for a while, then
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you."
"You believe me now?"
Alex nodded. "And I'm sorry for all the stuff I said to you.
If I could take it all back..."
"Don't dwell on it. What's done is done. Just let it go,
"But I hurt you..."
"You were hurting, too."
"I caused my own pain. I deserved whatever I got. You didn't
"Don't say that. You don't deserve to hurt and you've got
to stop thinking that you do."
Alex gave no immediate reply. He simply turned his face into Mulder's
chest and breathed deeply. After long seconds, he asked, "How's
Mulder pulled his right hand away from Alex's back and looked
at it. "I hadn't even really thought about it." He bent
and unbent his fingers. "A little sore, I guess. But not
Alex reached for the hand and pulled it to his lips. After planting
a few soft kisses along the line of the bandage, he held it to
his cheek. "You said you hit him..."
"I didn't think so. Not from the damage I saw last night."
"He was asking for it."
"And you think that now, we've heard the last from him?"
"Yeah, I do."
Alex nodded then scattered a few warm kisses across his lover's
chest. "I know you want to talk *all* of this out, but can
we just forget about it for a little while?"
Mulder hugged Alex to him. "Sure. You tired?"
"Not really. I was kind of thinking that...um..."
He dropped more kisses onto Mulder's chest, then a few up the
column of his throat. "Can I...would you let me..."
By the time Alex reached his chin, Mulder's eyes had dropped shut.
He tilted his head downward and moaned at the touch of Alex's
lips on his. The younger man slid up, covering Mulder's body with
his own, continuing to tease his mouth. Mulder threaded a hand
through his hair and opened his mouth, inviting him to deepen
the kiss. He did and was immediately rewarded with a deep groan
of pleasure. Mulder's cock had gradually softened after he'd brought
Alex to orgasm a while ago and they'd begun to talk. Now, it jumped
back to life, hardening almost instantly at the feel of his lover's
mouth on his.
Alex pulled away from the kiss and licked the stubbled line of
Mulder's jaw, loving the feel of it against his sensitive tongue.
He continued, sweeping up to Mulder's ear, nipping gently at the
lobe, then probing the interior. Mulder cocked his head, tilting
it into the teasing caress.
"I love you," Alex whispered, his words drawing a hard
shudder from his lover. Mulder's fingers tightened in Alex's hair,
jerking his head back to center, where he quickly devoured the
younger man's mouth. With his free hand, he began to tug at the
underwear he still wore, getting an immediate assist from the
man on top of him. Mulder groaned as Alex pulled away to get the
briefs all the way off, but in an eyeblink he was back, being
pulled once again, down to Mulder's searching lips.
Alex lay sprawled along the length of Mulder's body, once again
surrendering his mouth to his lover's hungry kiss. Mulder's hand
wandered restlessly, up and down his back, then came to rest on
the rounded curve of his ass. He pressed down, while pushing up
with his hips, impressing on his lover, the extent of his arousal.
Alex groaned into his mouth and rolled his hips slowly, teasing
his lover's cock to even greater hardness.
Mulder tore himself away from Alex's mouth. "Alex,"
he panted, "I need you..."
Alex reached down between them and stroked the silky length of
Mulder's erection, ignoring his own. "Tell me what you want.
I'll do anything..."
"Anything you do to me feels like heaven, baby."
Alex's eyes took on an odd expression. "Please, Fox. Tell
me what you want."
Two pairs of eyes locked. One pleading, the other studying. Mulder
chewed on his lower lip.
"Lick my nipples."
Obediently, Alex slid down his chest and began to lick gently
at one hard peak.
"Mmmm, yeah. Flick it....oh, that's it...now, suck it...Jesus,
Alex worked Mulder's nipple just the way he instructed, then moved
on to the other when he was told to. Mulder stroked the dark hair
lovingly, thoroughly enjoying Alex's attentions. When it finally
hit him that Alex hadn't and wouldn't deviate from his last instructions,
he issued a new one.
"Work your way down to my cock. Slowly."
Again, Alex immediately complied, kissing and licking his way
down Mulder's chest and belly, pausing to tease the small indentation
of his navel, before continuing on toward his goal. As he approached,
Mulder spoke again, this time in a noticeably shaky voice.
"Tease me, Lexei. Don't let me come until I tell you to."
Alex repeatedly grazed Mulder's sides and hips with his palms,
while the tip of his tongue skittered along the heated surface
of his lover's cock. As he worked, he listened attentively to
every moan and sigh, expertly gauging the level of Mulder's arousal,
adjusting speed and pressure as needed.
Mulder's head rolled slowly on the pillow. Short, audible breaths
escaped past his parted lips as Alex followed his instruction,
to the letter.
His neck arched, snapping his head back into the pillow, as a
warm wetness engulfed him completely and a light suction began.
"Oh shit...oh...God...baby....no....I can't...." He
gritted his teeth and just as he was about to pull Alex off of
him by his hair, the pressure began to subside. "Damn Alex,
that was close," he whispered, struggling to control his
Alex licked and nuzzled him gently, giving him a chance to come
down a bit. When Mulder's respiration slowed to a reasonable rate,
Alex resumed, building the agony to another near-explosion, unerringly
pulling away at just the right moment.
Mulder gave him no chance to repeat it. He closed his fingers
in Alex's hair and pulled him up, into a numbing kiss. "You're
just too goddamn good," he murmured appreciatively into the
younger man's mouth. "But I've had about all I can take.
I need to be inside you..."
Alex nuzzled his jaw. "How do you want it?"
Hazel eyes glistened in the bright morning light. "Your call."
"I'll take it any way you want to give it to me."
Mulder gazed up at his lover, a million questions buzzing through
his head. Their sexual relationship was generally one of give
and take, neither one being constantly dominant or submissive,
but very lately and most especially this morning, it seemed that
Alex had become more compliant than Mulder had ever seen him.
He drew the fingertips of his bandaged hand down Alex's cheek,
thinking. He stretched up the scant few inches it took for him
to kiss the beautifully bowed lips. He let his head drop back
onto the pillow and he stared up into his lover's face. His faint
whisper barely made it up to Alex's ear.
Alex's face contorted with an emotion Mulder couldn't quite recognize,
then it was gone. He sat up slowly, drawing his hands down the
older man's chest as he did.
Never taking his eyes off of Alex's, Mulder bucked, bouncing his
lover up and down. "Come on, Lexei," he whispered, rubbing
his hands over Alex's thighs. He bucked again. "Take it."
Alex rose slightly, grasping Mulder's cock, to help guide it,
then lowered himself, slowly taking in every last inch. Mulder's
eyes closed and a look of pure ecstasy washed over his features
as he felt the tight heat close around him.
"Baby....oh God, baby....slow and easy..."
Alex moved a fraction at a time, keeping a close watch on Fox's
reactions, taking care not to take him too close to the edge.
His own cock screamed for attention, but he ignored it, instead
concentrating all his energies on Fox and what *he* needed.
Mulder lay still, allowing Alex to do the work. Only his hands
moved, wandering over Alex's chest and arms, stroking and gently
pinching his pebble-hard nipples. Alex groaned with pleasure,
then as if realizing his mistake, gently pushed the hands away.
Mulder's eyes opened and held on his lover's. He moved one hand
purposefully down to Alex's cock and wrapped his fingers around
it. He watched the glazed green disappear behind closing lids
as he tenderly stroked the velvety length.
Alex arched his neck and moaned deep in his throat as Mulder worked
him in a steady rhythm, comparable to the one he had set.
// So good, so...no. No....//
Alex opened his eyes and pried Mulder's hand away. He grasped
the other hand and brought them both up to his mouth, then intertwined
their fingers and wound Mulder's arms around his waist, effectively
pinning his own hands behind his back. Mulder stared up at him
in obvious confusion.
Alex leaned over Mulder, offering his mouth, knowing that he'd
never refuse it. As he kissed Alex, he bent his knees and tilted
his pelvis, providing cradling support and insuring that Alex
remained fitted tightly to him. As Mulder fed on his lover's lips,
Alex began a rhythmic contracting of his muscles, milking the
cock inside him, even as he continued to rock back and forth.
Mulder tightened his arms around Alex's waist, pulling the younger
man's arms back into a slightly more uncomfortable position. Alex
issued not a single whimper of complaint, but rather squeezed
the muscles surrounding Mulder's cock, harder, taking his lover
dangerously close to the edge.
Mulder knew how close he was and made no attempt to alter Alex's
movements. "I'm ready baby," he rasped. "Can't..can't
hold it..." He jerked upward, forcing Alex to move faster.
Alex's eyes closed and he obeyed the silent command, thrashing
against his lover. His own body ached with need but he refused
to give in to it. This was for Fox... His eyes snapped open as
he felt his hands being released and himself being yanked down
on top of Mulder's chest. He moaned frantically as his cock became
trapped between their bodies and he felt the pressure immediately
build to a point beyond return. He struggled, trying to free himself,
but Mulder's grip was strong and insistent.
"Come on, Lexei...come with me," he gasped into the
younger man's ear as he pressed upward, driving all rational though
from Alex's mind.
Unable, and no longer willing to maintain control of his needs,
Alex let go, taking them both screaming over the precipice, then
into the dark, comforting quiet.
Long minutes passed before Mulder regained enough of himself to
attend to the man lying passively in his arms. He rubbed Alex's
perspiration-dampened back and dropped several kisses into his
"I'm hungry, all of a sudden. How about some breakfast?"
"Yeah, okay," Alex said softly, attempting to get up.
"What do you want?"
Mulder held him to his chest. "To know what *you* want. I'm
"No, I'll do it."
"No, you don't." He rolled Alex underneath him and kissed
his nose. "You cook and take care of things around here,
all the time."
"But you work so much..."
"Yeah, but I've got nothing pressing going on this weekend.
So..." he gave Alex another quick kiss, "I'm going to
take care of *you* for a change."
"This isn't up for discussion," Mulder warned. "I'm
going to go grab a shower. You stay right here and relax while
I do. When I get out, I'm going to make us breakfast. Got it?"
Alex's eyes fell away from his face and he nodded.
//No argument? Okay, who are you and what the hell have you done
with my Alex?//
Mulder decided to let it go. "What would you like?"
Alex shrugged. "Whatever *you* want."
Mulder emitted a soft sigh and rose from the bed. "I'll only
be a few minutes."
Alex's eyes followed him to the bathroom, then closed as he swung
the door shut. He turned on to his side, pulling a pillow against
his chest, trying to replace the warmth lost when Mulder left
Almost ten minutes went by when he'd decided that he couldn't
stay in bed any longer. He spun to his feet and pulled on his
underwear, then walked toward the bathroom. The water was just
stopping as he opened the door. He grabbed the towel off the rack
and waited. The door slid open and Mulder looked up, a bit startled.
"Sorry," Alex apologized, wrapping the towel around
him. "I just...I had to get up."
"S,okay. You just kinda startled me."
Alex rubbed the towel across his dripping chest and arms, then
turned him around and started on his back.
"You know..." Mulder said, just realizing what Alex
was doing, "I can dry myself."
"I know," Alex stopped, responding with just a tinge
of hurt in his tone.
Mulder turned back to face him. "Hey," he tried to lighten
the mood. "If you get your jollies from drying me off, far
be it from me to stop you."
Alex held the towel out to him. "Here," he said softly.
"You're right. You can do it yourself."
Mulder snagged the towel and quickly wrapped it around Alex's
wrist before he could let it go, and pulled him forward. Their
faces were only inches apart. "Finish," he hissed softly
against the younger man's lips.
Alex stood frozen for a number of seconds, then took the towel
from Mulder's loosened grip and moved to complete his task.
Mulder stood still, eyes drifting shut as Alex rubbed the soft
cotton gently, over every inch of him. He felt his cock begin
to stir as the towel moved up his thighs, then between them. A
barely audible moan sounded into the humid air.
Alex watched his lover's erection swell to its full length. He
looked up to find Mulder staring down at him, hunger blazing again
in his eyes. Maintaining eye contact, he leaned forward and gingerly
ran the tip of his tongue up the underside of the solid shaft.
Mulder cut off a hoarse groan and grabbed hold of the towel, pulling
Alex up in front of him. He backed the younger man slowly into
the side of the pedestal sink, then abruptly spun him around to
Shaking, Alex did as he was told. He closed his eyes and waited.
Mulder left and returned quickly, slathering his cock with lube,
as he did. One hand slid up Alex's back and grasped his shoulder,
while the other guided his cock to the small opening. He plunged
forward, pulling a sharp gasp from the man under him. Once inside,
his hand moved to steady Alex's hip as he pumped relentlessly
Alex gripped the sink with one hand and the nearby towel rack,
with the other. He gritted his teeth as Fox slammed into him,
using hard, fast strokes. The whimpers above him, grew louder,
then ended on a sharp cry as Mulder emptied himself into his lover.
Alex remained folded over the sink, until Mulder regained enough
strength to move away from him. He stood up straight and turned
to find himself immediately enfolded in Mulder's arms.
"You're just too fucking irresistible," Mulder muttered
into his throat.
Alex wound his arms around his lover. "Any time you want
me," he whispered into Mulder's hair.
Although he knew that Alex was sincere, the statement troubled
Mulder. Again, he pushed it aside and hugged Alex to him. The
hard length of the younger man's cock brushed against his thigh.
He pressed into it. "Let me do something about this."
Alex stiffened and started to pull away. "I'm okay. What
I really need is some breakfast. All of a sudden, I'm starving."
Mulder studied him, suspicion shadowing his eyes. "Yeah?"
Alex nodded, not quite meeting his gaze.
"Really Fox, I'm not...I just...don't really feel up to it."
One golden-brown eyebrow arched upward." Doesn't look that
way to me."
"Just a reaction. But I really don't feel like it."
Why didn't you tell me that, a few minutes ago?"
"I mean, for *me*."
He had to say it. "So, what you're telling me is, you let
me fuck you just now, without really wanting to."
"No, that's not what I'm saying. I wanted very *much*, to
"Alex, it turned you on, there's no denying that." He
looked down at the other man's still rigid erection, for emphasis.
"You're going to stand there and tell me that you don't need
"I did, not all that long ago."
"So did *I*. What's your point?"
"It's just not that strong an urge, right now." He tried
to smile in the face of Mulder's concern. "Food is about
all I can think about at the moment, yet you seem intent on starving
Mulder stared at him a full ten seconds, before dropping a light
kiss on the bridge of his nose.
"Looks like I could use another shower. Mind sharing yours
Alex rubbed his head against Mulder's shoulder. "Of course
They stepped into the shower together, Mulder behind Alex. Mulder
washed quickly, then kissing the back of the younger man's neck,
he left him to finish his shower, alone.
Alex finished washing, then adjusted the temperature so that the
water was almost ice cold. He forced himself to stand under the
spray until his cock went limp and shrank, and his teeth began
to chatter. Still, it wasn't enough. Not enough.
Alex entered the kitchen and stood in the doorway, watching Mulder
at the stove. He was so busy, he hadn't even noticed Alex's arrival.
Fried eggs over medium, bacon...wheat toast. His favorite breakfast.
And Fox was making it for *him*. His stomach began to flutter
"Hey." Mulder turned to reach for a bowl on the table
and finally spotted him. "How long have you been standing
"Few seconds." Alex walked in and opened up the refrigerator.
"What are you doing?"
"Getting the juice and the cream. Need anything else while
I'm in here?"
"Yeah. I need you to sit down. I'll take care of everything."
Mulder took the carton of orange juice from him and led him to
the table. He pulled out a chair and gently pushed Alex down into
it. He picked up the folded paper at the other end of the table
and handed it to him. He then picked a glass up from the counter
and poured the juice. "Here." Alex took the glass and
set it down in front of him. "Don't you move from this chair.
I've got everything under control." Mulder leaned down and
brushed his lips against Alex's forehead, then turned his attention
back to the eggs.
Alex unfolded the paper and began to read an article on the front
page. Two paragraphs in, he bent the paper in two and dropped
it down onto the table. He sat quietly, staring at the table,
until Mulder placed his dish in front of him.
Alex smiled at him and picked up his fork. Ten minutes later,
Mulder wearied of watching him play with his food.
"Did I screw it up?"
"No, it's good."
"Then why are you eating like there's glass in it?"
"I'm sorry, I'm just not very hungry, now."
"Something is still bothering you."
Alex could hear the worry in his voice. He looked up and reached
for one of Mulder's hands. "I'm okay, Fox. Please don't worry."
"That's kind of hard to do, you know, Lexei?"
"I...I know. I'm sorry."
"I don't want apologies. I want you to be all right."
"You're *not*. Talk to me. What's got you so bugged?"
Alex let go of Mulder's hand and left the table. He moved over
to the windows and looked out. Mulder followed. He stood directly
behind Alex and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"I just want to forget all about this," Alex said softly.
"I feel so foolish." He turned to Mulder, eyes pleading.
"Can't we just go back a few days? Go on like it never happened?"
"But it *did* happen. And I really don't think that shoving
it into a corner is the best thing."
"But I'm all *right*. I just flipped out for a little while.
It was stupid jealousy, that's all."
"All that you said to me, came out of a little jealousy?
I don't think so. That may have triggered it, but it's deeper
than *just* that. We can work it out, Alex. Come on, we started
to talk about it, this morning..."
Alex shook his head. "No. No, no. I was j...I was babbling,
that's all. Can't you just ignore it?"
"I don't think I can."
Alex closed his fingers in Mulder's shirt and rested his head
on his shoulder. "*Please*, Fox. I'm all right, I *swear*.
Mulder wrapped his arms around Alex. "Okay." He rubbed
a hand up and down the younger man's back, attempting to soothe
him. "Okay, Lexei. I won't push."
They stood that way, together in front of the window, for a long
while before Alex pulled himself away from his lover's protective
embrace. "Sorry you went through all that trouble,"
he said, nodding toward their ice-cold breakfast.
"You're still not hungry?"
Alex shook his head. "But if *you* are, I'll get you something..."
"No, I ate enough. You're the one who hasn't had a bite."
"I'll make up for it at lunch." He walked away and began
to clear the dishes. Mulder moved to help. He scraped the food
into the disposal and handed the plates to Alex, then leaned against
the counter and watched him stack the dishwasher.
"What do you want to do today?"
Alex turned the appliance on and turned to face Mulder. "I
don't know. Whatever. You have something in mind?"
"Nope." Mulder reached out and pulled Alex into his
arms. "And how about we keep it that way? Let's do absolutely
nothing. Let's just stay home. Barbecue, watch a movie...cat nap."
He inclined his head and nipped at the younger man's chin. "Fool
Alex wrapped his arms around Mulder's waist and buried his face
in the side of his neck. "Okay."
"Okay to all of it? Or okay to fooling around?"
"All of it." Alex lifted his head and brushed his cheek
against Mulder's. "You could use some rest."
"You're the one who has to go to work tomorrow."
"So?" He kissed Alex's neck. "I'm going to finish
cleaning up in here..."
"I'll do it."
"No, no." Mulder slipped his fingers through Alex's
hair and held his head motionless. He looked into the eyes that
refused to remain still. "I got other plans for you. Why
don't you go wait for me in the hammock? I'll be there soon."
Alex hesitated, then moved away. He stopped at the door and looked
back at Fox, who had already turned to his work. He pushed the
door open and exited the kitchen. He walked slowly through the
house and out to the back. Pausing on the patio, he looked around
the yard. A tidal wave of regret washed over him as he viewed
what was left of his beautiful garden. He felt his stomach lurch
and was instantly grateful for not having eaten breakfast. He
took two deep breaths and moved toward the hammock.
Green eyes drifted open and looked up at the man standing beside
Alex made room for Fox, who dropped in beside him.
"You were asleep."
"Yes, you were. I was standing here for at least five minutes,
Silence, then a soft query. "So what are these plans you
have for me?"
Mulder studied him for a few moments, then pulled him against
his chest. He slowly combed his fingers through the soft sable
hair. "Just this."
"You made it sound almost ominous."
"Did I? Sorry. I just wanted you to relax." He continued
the soothing caress. "Close your eyes. Go back to sleep."
"I don't think I can. I don't know how it is I fell asleep
in the first place."
"You're tired. No big mystery in that." Mulder looked
down and caught Alex's eyes skittering across the remains of his
garden. "I know it may not make you feel any better but,
it's not so bad. We can replace the bushes and most of the plants
and you can replant your vegetables next year. "In fact,"
he offered, hugging Alex tightly, "I know I talked about
just relaxing today, but if this really bothers you all that much,
we can go out and get some stuff and start restoring it, today."
Alex glanced up at Mulder, then back out to the garden, but gave
no answer. Mulder released him and rolled out of the hammock.
He grasped the younger man's hand and tugged him to his feet.
"Well," Mulder grunted, pulling the last tub of hydrangeas
out of the pickup, "this is a pretty good start, dontcha
Mulder looked at his watch. "Well, we blew right through
lunch, but we can have some dinner then get started, if you want."
"Fox, why don't you just take it easy for the rest of the
day? You've got work tomorrow. I've got all day tomorrow, to take
care of this..."
Mulder shook his head. "If you're tired then, yeah. It can
wait till tomorrow. But I can't stand to see that look in your
eyes, every time you look around the yard. The sooner we can rebuild
it, the sooner maybe, you can start to feel better."
"I understand and I appreciate what you're trying to do...look,
I tore it up, *I'll* fix it."
"Alex, I had a hand in this, too."
"You had nothing to do with it. It was me."
"I may not have cut or pulled anything up, but I won't let
you shoulder all the responsibility. If I had been a little smarter
and realized what Richardson was up to from the jump, we might
not be where we are, right now."
"Yeah, we would. Because nothing would have filtered through
the jealousy and suspicion I felt. This is *my* fault. I have
to fix it myself, or I won't feel right. Please understand."
Impatience crept into Mulder's tone. "I can't. If we can
work together, why shouldn't we?"
Alex's gaze dropped to the ground. "I'm sorry. You're right."
He picked up a flat of ivy and turned toward the yard.
Mulder remained a while longer, standing by Alex's truck. He closed
his eyes and opened them slowly. Then, picking up the hydrangea,
he followed Alex into the yard.
Mulder stood in front of the grill, supposedly tending to the
steaks, but he was a million miles away. The light touch of a
hand on his arm, startled him. He turned and came face to face
with Alex, who'd just come out of the shower. The light from the
citronella torches sparkled in his eyes and added a warm glow
to his still-damp hair. Mulder stared, speechless, at the sad,
"Are you still not talking to me?"
"I was never *not talking* to you, Alex. I just didn't know
what to say. You've got me very confused, you know?"
Alex took one tiny step at a time, until he was molded into Mulder's
body. "I'm sorry," he rasped softly, slowly raising
his palms against the older man's chest. "I'm sorry."
He lowered his head to Mulder's shoulder and pressed closer.
Mulder wound one arm around him and rested his cheek against his
head. "It's okay," he said flatly. "Let's just
have dinner, all right? These steaks are just about done."
He released Alex and returned his attention to the grill. Alex
lingered a few seconds longer, then disappeared into the house.
A while later, he reappeared, carrying two small bowls of salad
and a couple of bottles of beer.
Mulder approached the table with a platter containing the steaks
and a couple of baked potatoes. He set the platter down and sat
back as Alex immediately began to serve the food. They ate in
virtual silence, neither man really enjoying his meal. When they'd
finally dispensed with the pretense of eating, Mulder picked up
his beer and looked out into the darkened yard.
Alex watched him for a while, then cautiously rose from his chair
and came to stand in front of him. Mulder looked up into his face,
then followed it down, as Alex sank to the tiled patio floor.
He sat motionless, as the younger man carefully placed a hand
on his thigh and laid his head on his lap. Long minutes passed,
before Mulder raised a hand and began to stroke and pet the glistening
dark hair. Alex's eyes drifted shut and he released a long shuddering
Just as Mulder thought he might be falling asleep, Alex's hand
began to move higher on his leg, rubbing back and forth. Almost
unnoticeably, he shouldered his way between the older man's legs,
moving his head against his groin. Mulder continued to finger-comb
Alex's hair, as he nuzzled the growing bulge.
Alex stopped for a moment, and looked up into his lover's glittering
hazel eyes, silently asking for, and receiving his approval. He
unbuttoned Mulder's jeans, then drew the zipper down, revealing
the midnight blue boxer-briefs that barely contained a rather
impressive erection. Mulder lifted his hips, allowing Alex to
pull his jeans and underwear down and off. As soon as the garments
were removed, Alex leaned down, pressing his face against his
lover's cock, inhaling the smell that was his, alone.
Mulder let his head fall back and a tiny sigh escaped his throat.
All the encouragement Alex needed to take things a step further.
Slowly, his tongue inched out and stroked the underside of Mulder's
cock, eliciting a barely noticeable twitch in the older man's
upper lip. The strokes became increasingly bolder until the man
at Mulder's feet, had him squirming helplessly in his seat.
A deep moan rumbled in Mulder's chest as Alex worked him, neglecting
not one inch of rigid flesh. Then, using his tongue only, he scooped
the fuzzy sac that rested heavily on the chair, into his open
mouth. Mulder's fingers curled into his lover's hair and he arched
Damn good. That's what Alex was. A flick of the tongue. Sweep
of those impossibly thick eyelashes and Mulder was all his. Mulder
knew it and had never been the least bit ashamed to say so. It
made Alex smile whenever he heard the claim. A blessed constant
in his life, he knew this was one thing that was no lie. The heat
that radiated between them could never be fabricated. Time and
even now, conflict, could not cool it. If this was all he had,
all that was left, he wanted it. If this was all there was to
hold Fox to him, he'd use it and use it, well. Please him in any
and every way he knew how, just to go on waking up next to him
in the morning. The thought that he'd actually tried to leave
last night, scared the hell out of him. What if Fox had let him
go? What then? He needed Fox, even as he tried to push away the
man's attempted sexual demonstrations of love. A perverse form
of self-punishment for the way he'd screwed up, but to his mind,
it was appropriate. Necessary.
Mulder writhed in his chair, completely overcome by the pleasure
that Alex never failed to deliver. When the younger man moved
once again to his aching cock, his hips jerked upward, searching
for the wet heat, he loved so much.
Alex obliged, wrapping his lips around the head and probed the
small opening with his tongue. The bitter promise of Fox's inevitable
explosion, teased his mouth. His tongue slid down the underside,
then back up, dancing briefly around the tip, before his head
dropped and he swallowed his lover's cock, down to the base.
Mulder's mouth fell open and a quick gasp tumbled out, as he bucked
once, then fell back into his seat. Alex sucked gently as he pulled
up, almost to the head, then slid back down the glistening shaft
and stopped halfway. Mulder groaned and bucked again, then again,
when Alex still hadn't moved. By the third time, his frustration
had gotten the better of him, and he tightened his fingers in
the younger man's hair and repeatedly jerked his hips and down,
brutally forcing himself in and out of the compliant mouth.
Alex was an expert in the art of *giving head*, but when *he*
was in control of the situation. He had no intention to control
*this*. He attempted to relax his throat and take his lover's
ample length as he had so many times before, but Mulder's erratic
movements threw him off balance and he choked several times. Still,
he refused to let go, taking the punishing strokes as best he
Mulder's increasingly frantic whimpers signaled his coming climax.
Alex moved a bit lower on Mulder's cock, giving him a shorter
distance to travel, as he continued to assault the younger man's
Mulder bucked one last time and exploded into Alex's mouth, crying
his name into the still, night air. He collapsed into his chair,
struggling for breath, as the man on the floor, gently lapped
at his gradually softening cock. He slumped in the seat, only
vaguely aware of movement and the absence of Alex's presence.
An eternity filled with nothing passed, and he felt gentle hands
on him, under his arms, pulling him to his feet.
"Come on," the soft voice coaxed, "time for bed."
"All done. Let's go."
More asleep than awake, Mulder allowed Alex to lead him to the
bedroom, where he was stripped of his clothing and lowered to
the mattress. By the time Alex had gone into the bathroom and
returned, Mulder was again, sound asleep. Slowly, he removed his
own clothes, then slid under the sheet.
A soft sigh broke the silence as Mulder stirred, then went still.
Alex turned carefully onto his side and studied his lover. He
watched the gentle rise and fall of Mulder's chest for a while,
then his gaze wandered up to his face, drinking in the beauty
of the sleep-softened features. From the heavy fringe of golden-brown
lashes, to the moderately stubbled jaw, to his mouth...that mouth.
Soft and beautifully full and...Mark Richardson was a lousy, sneaky
son of a bitch, but he was right on the mark about his theory.
These lips were just made for...shit, and Alex's cock agreed one
thousand percent. It throbbed within the confines of his underwear,
begging to feel the wet heat of that mouth, surrounding him. He
attempted to push his body's demands away. He lay rigidly still
and closed his eyes. Sometime in the early hours of the morning,
he fell asleep.
Mulder entered the kitchen, tempted there, by the smells of breakfast.
He walked up behind Alex who was at the stove, and laid a hand
on his shoulder.
"Yeah." Mulder firmed his grip on the younger man's
shoulder, and turned him around. His eyes automatically fell to
the light bruise around the right corner of Alex's mouth. He winced,
as if slapped. "Alex, I'm..."
"Did I do this to you? Last night?"
Alex's twisted to kiss the hand that still rested on his shoulder.
"Does it hurt?"
"Don't be. It's *nothing*."
"I shouldn't have been so rough. It won't happen again..."
Alex's eyes turned a deeper shade of green. "Was it good?"
"Good enough to wipe out any memory of what happened after,
and how I got to bed."
"Then don't worry about it. It's well worth a little bruise
to know that I satisfied you."
"Not to me." His hand moved up to Alex's cheek and his
thumb brushed gently across the injured corner of his mouth. "Not
like this. I didn't want to hurt you, Lexei."
"You didn't hurt me." Alex covered Mulder's hand with
his own. "Besides...there are lots of times when we're uh...less
than tender with each other."
Mulder said nothing. Alex continued, reinforcing his point.
"Remember that hickey I gave you a few weeks ago?" he
teased softly. "That was probably a heck of a lot more painful
than this. And a lot more noticeable."
A hint of a smile crossed Mulder's lips. "You sure it doesn't
"I'm *sure*...speaking of hurt, how's your hand?"
"A little sore, but..."
"I *told* you, you shouldn't have done all that work yesterday."
"Is the yard looking better?"
"Do you feel better?"
Mulder threw his words back at him. "Then it's well worth
a little soreness, to know that I made you feel better."
Alex's gaze dropped to the tiled floor between them. He watched
the terra cotta patch disappear, as Mulder moved closer. The older
man tilted his face up and looked across the very short distance,
into his eyes. He searched their green depths for a number of
seconds, then very gently, kissed him.
Overly sensitive due to his still unsatisfied state, Alex sighed
softly into Mulder's mouth and unconsciously writhed against his
Mulder wound an arm around Alex's waist, then slid his hand down
to the younger man's ass, rubbing slowly, as he pushed against
the solid bulge with his thigh. "Is this for me?" he
murmured against Alex's mouth.
//Oh yeah, it's for you. All for you. Take it. I need you to...oh
God, I need...//
Alex tensed and pulled away. Avoiding Mulder's questioning eyes,
he tried to keep his tone light. "No time for that, now."
"Alex, I've *always* got time for you..."
"Later, okay?" //Oh, that's good. Like he's not going
to remember later, that you said that.// "Come on, have some
breakfast. You gotta get going, soon."
He managed to coax Mulder to the table and placed his breakfast
in front of him. Mulder eyed him warily, as he took the seat across
the table and began to pick unenthusiastically at his food.
"You've eaten next to nothing, since yesterday," Mulder
Mulder opened his mouth to argue, then thought better of it.
//Don't. Don't upset him, then leave him to brood all day.//
He changed the subject. "Listen I don't know if you remember,
but we're supposed to have that party this weekend for Langly's
"Yeah, I remember."
"If you're not up to it, we can go out, instead. Or just
skip it altogether..."
"I'm fine, Fox. The party'll go on as planned."
A small wrinkle formed on Mulder's brow. "Are you *sure*?"
"Positive." Alex glanced at his watch. "You'd better
Mulder nodded. "Yeah." He pulled his chair back and
rose from the table. Alex did the same and followed him to the
door. Mulder swung the heavy oak open, and turned to Alex, who
stood quietly behind him. He reached out and ran his knuckles
down the younger man's cheek. "See you, tonight."
Alex gave him a soft, half smile and nodded.
Mulder's hand dropped from his face and wrapped itself around
his upper arm.
Alex took three steps forward and found himself immediately encircled
in the older man's arms, immersed in a long, sensuous kiss.
Reluctantly, Mulder pulled away and with one last melting glance
at his lover, turned and walked toward the garage.
"Morning." Scully shed her suit jacket and draped it
across the back of her chair. "God, it's like a sauna in
here. Don't tell me the AC is out."
"They promised it'd only be for a little while."
"Oh yeah, right. I've heard that before." She dropped
down in the chair beside Mulder's desk. "So....how was your
Mulder emitted a soft sigh before speaking. "Confusing, is
the best word I can come up with at the moment."
"I didn't hear from you. You didn't show up on my doorstep..."
Mulder smiled. "No. We'll work it out...soon as I figure
"I'm not following."
"Well like I said, he's got me confused. In the course of
one day, he's gone from one end of the emotional spectrum, to
the other." He looked from his desk, to Scully's face. "My
_mountain lion, has turned into a docile, declawed housecat."
Scully squinted at him. "Huh?"
"He's loaded with guilt over what happened. And as a result,
he's being completely agreeable. Except when it comes to sex...or
anything involving *him*."
"You're really losing me, Mulder."
"He's being unselfish to the point where it's more like punishment.
He's punishing himself, Scully, for a situation that he sees as
completely his fault. He thinks he's been fooling himself *and*
me for the past year and a half."
"Fooling you, how?"
"He thinks that he'd only been masquerading as a decent human
being all this time and that this mess with Richardson had caused
the *real him* to resurface."
"Is he nuts?"
"*He* thinks so. He sort of went off the deep end, Saturday
night. It wasn't till late Sunday morning, that he stopped talking
"Said it wasn't his home. That he didn't deserve me or the
house or anything else good in his life. I had to take his suitcase
away from him and literally restrain him, to stop him from pulling
his clothes out of the drawers. Then he just came apart. After
a while, he let me put him to bed, but he stayed frozen, with
his back to me...even when I put my arms around him and pulled
him against me. We woke up yesterday morning and it almost started
all over again. But I got him to talk. A little, anyway. I was
straddling him to keep him from leaving, one thing led to another
and I ended up..." he paused for a moment, then continued.
"This isn't what it sounds like but...I held him down and
forced him to accept a little pleasure. I knew he wouldn't be
able to deny what he felt, for long. As soon as I had him past
the point of refusal, I let him go. When it was over and he recovered,
he lay there, staring up at the ceiling. Tears started streaming
down his face." Mulder's gaze dropped again to the desk and
he shook his head.
"I don't understand, Mulder. Why was he crying?"
"Guilt. He felt...he *feels* like he doesn't deserve my attention...or
Scully rolled her eyes. "What are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know. I mean, just because I know what the problem
is, that doesn't mean that I have the slightest idea how to solve
it. I gotta do something though, and soon. I don't know how much
longer I can take this. I want *my* Alex back. Stubborn, opinionated,
wise-ass answer for everything...aggressive..."
The right corner of Mulder's mouth curved into a trace of a smile.
"There are times when we can get pretty...exuberant. And
Alex can give as good as he gets..." He raised and lowered
his eyebrows. "*Better*. And ordinarily, a litle bruise or
a scratch on either of us won't bother me, but...I uh...I left
a bruise at the corner of his mouth, last night. I didn't realize
it till this morning. I feel terrible about it. I think it's because
he's being so passive. I think that he thinks he needs to pay
for hurting me and destroying the garden and...I'm just...I'm
very uncomfortable with the way he's acting. I don't want to *use*
him, Scully. But that's what it felt like, last night and especially
this morning, when I saw his face."
"I don't know what to say, Mulder. Just sit him down and
talk to him. Tell him how you feel."
"I've tried to talk to him. He just keeps saying that he's
all right and he asks me if we can't please forget about it."
"Tell him *no*! Tell him *you* want to talk about it and
get it settled."
"I tried to insist, yesterday morning. He got almost hysterical
on me. I got scared and promised not to push."
"After that scene Saturday night, I would have done anything
to keep him calm."
"I understand that you don't want to upset him Mulder, but
this has *got* to be confronted."
"I know. I...I just...I think I'll give him a little more
time. He's still too vulnerable."
"Well, you gotta play it the way you think you need to. Just
don't let it go on too long. It's not good for either of you."
Scully gave him a sympathetic smile and patted his hand. "Okay,
heart to heart hour is over. Time to get to work."
Mulder pulled into the garage beside Alex's truck and breathed
a sigh of relief. He'd secretly feared that once he was out of
the house, Alex might take off. He thought many times during the
course of the day, that he should call. Go home for lunch even,
but neither of those thing was something he ordinarily did, and
he didn't want to make it look to Alex like he was checking up
on him. He lifted his suit jacket front the seat beside him, and
headed toward the house.
The front door swung open, as Alex was crossing through the living
room. He stopped in his tracks, his fingers tightening involuntarily
on the rim of the laundry basket that he held. He returned Mulder's
wary smile as the older man moved toward him.
As he moved in for a kiss, Mulder took notice of the bruise that
seemed to have darkened a bit, since this morning. He cautiously
covered Alex's mouth with his own, then pulled away.
"What'd you do, today?"
"Worked outside, mostly." He shifted the basket in his
"Diner'll be ready, soon."
"Okay, I'll go change."
Alex rubbed his cheek against the palm that rose to caress it.
Mulder paused for a moment, staring intently at his lover, then
retreated to the bedroom.
Dinnertime passed uneventfully. The two men made small talk, discussing
Mulder's work and the birthday party they'd had planned for the
"Have you seen Skinner?" Alex asked, after a sip of
"Yeah, we had a meeting with him, this afternoon."
"Is he coming?"
"He said he was pretty sure he could make it."
"Yeah, I know. Shocked me, too. Well you know, it's been
a long time. He had to come to the realization sooner or later,
that you and I aren't just some ten minute fling. His only choices
were to accept that, or flush our friendship."
"He may accept us, but it's only *because* of your friendship.
He'll always hate me."
"He shouldn't. You two are even and it doesn't help anything
to hold grudges. Maybe he realizes that, as well."
Alex shrugged. "We'll see."
Mulder grinned at him. "Yeah, we will."
When dinner was finished, Mulder rose to help Alex clear the table.
Alex of course, protested.
"Leave it, Fox. I can handle it. Why don't you go relax?"
"I *can't* go relax, I've got some work to do, and I'm trying
to put it off." He smirked at Alex. "Why don't *you*
go relax, and *I'll* take care of this?"
"Uh uh. Out. Get to work."
Mulder sighed and put his dish down on the counter, giving Alex
an exaggerated whine. "I don't want to..."
"Yeah, I know." Alex turned him toward the door and
gave him a gentle shove.
"When you're done, will you come and find me in the office?"
A slight hesitation then, "Okay."
Mulder disappeared from the kitchen, leaving Alex to himself.
He moved slowly around the room, taking his time, cleaning up.
When he cleaned everything he could possibly clean, he left the
kitchen and walked down the hall, to Mulder's office. He stood
in the open doorway, watching his lover root through case file
after case file, muttering to himself all the while.
"Come on, come on...one goddamn little time discrepancy and
my whole case is shot to shit..." Mulder threw another file
down on the pile to his right, and caught something in the corner
of his eye. He swiveled his chair around and found Alex lingering
in the doorway. He pulled his glasses down to the tip of his nose
and smiled. "Ah. Distraction."
"Sorry. You asked me to join you, so I..." He turned
sideways, ready to leave. "I'll just go find..."
"No!" Mulder reached out, knowing he was too far to
touch Alex. "You misunderstood me. I'm *grateful* for the
distraction." He waved his outstretched hand. "Get in
Alex stepped into the room and looked around at the chaos. "This
is some mess. Can I help you find something?"
"I'm looking for a nineteen ninety seven file. There were
six murders committed in Augusta, Georgia and surrounding cities.
They had a striking similarity to those that are happening around
here. Officials are hesitant to make a connection, but if I can
find the times of death of the Georgia victims, I'll have proof
that they can't ignore."
Alex sat down on the floor and opened up a file. "What's
time of death got to do with it?"
"All four of the victims in this area, have the same approximate
"Within a few minutes."
"And you're betting that these other victims were killed
around the same time of day?"
"Night. Morning, actually. Between three fourteen and three
"Any other similarities?"
"None that I can pinpoint, so far. There's got to be something...wait...I
got it. This is the file I'm looking for."
Alex sat at Mulder's feet, arms draped around bent knees, waiting
quietly for the older man to finish reading. He smiled as he watched
a bright sparkle appear in the gold-flecked eyes.
"Got your proof?"
"Three sixteen...three fifteen...three fifteen...three eighteen...three
seventeen..." He looked from the folder, to Alex. "...three
"Now, you just gotta sell it to those yahoos, running the
"Yeah." Mulder tossed the file onto his desk and switched
the computer on.
Alex pushed himself to his knees, and began sorting and stacking
"You don't have to do that, Lexei. It's my mess, I'll clean
Alex looked up from his task. "It's okay. You just get to
work on your report. That way when you're done, you can just go
Mulder gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you."
Alex returned the smile and went back to sorting and stacking.
When he was through, Mulder was still pounding maniacally at the
keyboard. Alex unfolded himself and rose from the floor. The movement
caught Mulder's attention.
"Where are you going?"
Alex shrugged. "I don't know, I just..."
"Don't leave, okay?"
"You're so busy, you won't even know I'm gone."
"Yeah, I will. I know this sounds stupid, but...I hate being
in here, alone. I work a lot better with you in the room."
Alex frowned his confusion.
Mulder reached out, running a hand down his hip and leg. "I
just like to feel you near me. Okay?"
Alex gave him a tiny smile and nodded. He turned toward the sofa
and dropped down into it. He picked up a magazine from the small
stack on the floor and began to leaf through it.
Satisfied, Mulder returned to his work.
Mulder hit _print, and stretched his back and arms. He brought
his left arm down in front of his face and looked at his watch.
//Jesus, twelve thirty-three.//
The chair issued a tiny squeak as he spun around and looked at
Alex. A soft smile graced his lips, as he watched his lover sleeping
peacefully on the sofa. He rose to his feet, stretched again and
walked quietly over to the unconscious man. He lowered himself
to the thick, forest green carpet, sat by Alex's head, and studied
his face. "So beautiful," he whispered almost inaudibly,
the back of his hand, grazing the surface of the thick, sable
hair. Matching eyelashes drifted upward and sleep-glazed eyes
attempted to focus on the figure before them. Mulder's hand traveled
down to Alex's face and lingered at his cheek, his thumb tracing
light circles, just below the bone. The green eyes became more
alert. They watched the ever-present pout of his lover's lips
become more pronounced, and his hazel eyes change and darken to
a turbulent black-green. His heart began to pound double time,
as Mulder leaned in and brushed his jaw with his mouth.
"Remember what you said this morning?"
Alex swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. He continued
to stare up into Mulder's eyes, saying nothing.
"You said, *later*. Well, it's later."
Mulder's hand traveled down to the buttons on Alex's shirt, undoing
one at a time. "How about the other morning? Do you remember
what you said, then?"
"You said, anytime I wanted you. I want you, now." He
undid the last button and swept his hand back and forth across
Alex's chest, pushing the shirt away, as he did.
Alex's eyes rolled up and his lids dropped over them, as Mulder
continued to caress his heated skin.
"I've been thinking about you, all day..." One hand
slid up to his throat, then back down, arching up on fingertips
as it went. "Carried my jacket around in *front* of me, quite
a lot..." He watched Alex's mouth drop open as his fingers
wandered over a flat nipple. Heard the soft gasp as he gently
pinched the hardening nub. "I could see you so clearly in
my mind, sprawled on our bed, stroking your cock..." He shifted
into a kneeling position, allowing himself better access to his
lover's body. "...teasing yourself..." His left hand
joined his right, giving equal attention to the other nipple.
"...waiting for me..." He rolled both nipples between
his fingers, pulling a low moan from Alex. "Did you jerk
off today, Alex? Or did you save it all up for me?"
Alex's head rolled back and forth against the cushion. His breaths
came in shallow pants as Fox's words as well as his touch, sent
an electrical surge through his body.
Mulder lowered his head down to Alex's, nibbling and licking at
his ear. His coarse whisper tickled the interior. "Tell me
you waited for me. Tell me you're so frustrated right now, that
you're ready the climb the walls..."
Alex whimpered his name, softly.
"What is it, Lexei? What do you want?" Mulder's hand
slid down to the hard bulge in the lightweight pants that Alex
wore. "Is it this?"
Alex jerked against his hand and was rewarded with a gentle squeeze.
Whatever little will he had when he first woke, was gone. He needed
what Fox was offering. He couldn't last another hour without it,
and he hated himself for his weakness.
"Have you waited for me since the last time? Has the pressure
been building since Sunday morning?"
Alex nodded frantically.
Mulder unbuttoned Alex's pants and slid the zipper down. "You
can't wait another minute, can you?"
"No...no, *please*. I can't...I..."
Alex's frantic sobs were abruptly cut off as Mulder's mouth came
down on his. He plunged his hands into the golden-brown hair,
loving the silky, sensuous feel of it, as it flowed between his
fingers. His soft cries for fulfillment became more demanding
as his lover's tongue plunged into his mouth, stroking and teasing
everywhere, and the hand at his crotch, worked his cock free of
Mulder pulled away from the kiss and smiled as Alex twisted and
moaned. He caught the hands that were blindly reaching for him
and held the wrists together in one hand. His other hand skimmed
the underside of Alex's cock. "Easy, babe. Take it easy..."
Alex's eyes fluttered open and stared up at the older man. Mulder
bent down and dragged his tongue across a nipple, sending a shudder
The golden-brown head rose, then the man. He stared down into
Alex's tortured green eyes as he unbuttoned and discarded his
own shirt. Slowly, he shed his pants and underwear, then backed
up and settled in his chair.
Alex did as he was told and stood trembling, waiting for his next
The younger man approached and stood within inches of the chair.
Mulder spread his legs and silently instructed Alex to step between
them. His eyes slid down the lean body and settled on the rock
hard erection, bobbing in front of his face. He leaned forward
and nuzzled the head, then teased the weeping tip with his tongue.
Alex bit back a sob and turned his face.
"Look at me, Lexei." Mulder waited, gently rubbing the
backs of Alex's thighs, until the younger man obeyed. When their
eyes finally met, Mulder's hands slid up to his ass, squeezing
and caressing. "You always love to watch me suck you. Watch
me." He leaned forward again, eyes still turned up to his
lover's face, and circled the head of his cock with his tongue.
Reluctantly, Alex kept his eyes on Mulder. His lower lip trembled
as the older man suckled the blunt head for a few moments, then
released it, kissing the very tip.
"Fuck my mouth, baby."
Alex squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.
"Fox, don't...please, no..."
Mulder opened his mouth and took the half of Alex's length inside.
He tightened his grip on the younger man's ass, and pulled him
forward. When Alex refused to move, Mulder pushed him back, then
forward again. A few more encouraging pushes and pulls, and Alex
could take no more. He began to move on his own, thrusting steadily,
down Mulder's throat. He moaned softly, as he felt his body begin
to tighten. The moans turned to frustrated whimpers, as Mulder
released him and pushed him back. He brought his legs together
and began to pull Alex toward him, again.
"Straddle my legs, then sit down."
Alex moved over Mulder and lowered himself onto his legs, sitting
close to the other man's knees.
"No." Mulder gripped his hips and pulled him forward,
as far as he could go. "Right here." He grasped both
cocks together in one hand and squeezed. Alex's eyes fluttered,
threatening to close. Mulder's other hand came in to play, now
holding one cock in each and slowly stroking. "God, that's
good," he whispered. "But your hand would feel better."
He released his own cock and wrapped Alex's hand around it. The
younger man's head fell back as he began an almost identical rhythm
to that of his lover. Soft, impatient sounds emitted from his
Mulder brought his free hand up to the back of Alex's head and
pulled it down, until their foreheads were resting against each
other. He reduced the pressure on Alex's cock, pulling a moan
of protest from the other man.
"Slow it down, baby. Not yet, okay?"
"But I...I can't...I can't..."
"Breathe, Alex. Yes, you can. Come on...relax."
Alex drew a hard breath and released it. Then another.
"That's it," Mulder cooed. "That's good."
He continued to feather Alex's cock with light strokes. "I
ever tell you how absolutely gorgeous you are when you're turned
on, like this?"
Alex closed his eyes and frowned.
"Your skin flushes and your eyes...God, baby, your eyes turn
this incredible shade of green." He curled his fingers in
the sable hair and gently pulled Alex's head away from his. As
he did so, the heavy lids lifted halfway. He smiled up into forest-green
eyes. "Just like that. Beautiful."Alex's gaze skittered
away and came to rest upon a stack of files on the floor, just
to Mulder's left. He inhaled sharply as his lover regained his
attention with a long, slow pull on his cock.
This time, Mulder held his eyes as he reached back, pulling one
of the desk drawers open. He produced a tube of lubrication and
released Alex long enough to squeeze some into his hand and apply
it to his own cock. He patted Alex's ass with one hand. "Up."
Alex obeyed, lifting himself enough for Mulder to position his
cock. "Okay babe, it's all yours."
Alex sank down, wiggling just enough to help work his lover's
cock into the tight muscle. Tiny whines escaped his compressed
lips, when Mulder pushed upward, slowly burying inch after inch
of his erection in his ass. When Alex was fully impaled, he ceased
movement and turned tormented eyes to Mulder.
"It's okay," Mulder breathed. "I don't want to
wait anymore, either." He began to move, prompting Alex to
do the same. The younger man rose slightly, then lowered himself,
groaning softly as he did. He repeated the action slowly, again
Mulder slid down a fraction, in the chair, for a better angle.
He knew he'd achieved it, when Alex's lips parted and a long,
low growl pushed past them. His hips jerked upward, in search
of confirmation. It came in the form of a loud, sobbing cry.
"That's the spot, huh baby?" he panted, executing the
same move, over and over. Alex cried out in answer. Mulder wrapped
his fingers around his lover's cock and began to slowly milk it.
"I know...I know. It's time to come, now. Come with me, baby."
Gratefully, Alex rocked faster, feeling his orgasm build.
Mulder wound an arm tightly around Alex's waist and increased
the speed of the hand, pumping his cock. "God....that's...oh...I
love...love you, Lexei..."
Alex's eyes flew open, then dropped shut again, as he felt the
sudden rush of tears. He buried his face in Mulder's shoulder
and shuddered violently as he came. And cried.
Mulder thrust into Alex twice more and his own hoarse cries filled
the room. He released his lover's quickly softening cock and brought
his sticky hand up to join the other, around his waist. He rested
his head against the one still burrowed into his shoulder.
Alex lay limply against Mulder's chest, intermittent shivers,
still coursing through his body.
"Babe," Mulder whispered sleepily into his ear. "Come
on, this is going to get uncomfortable for you. How about a nice
warm shower, then we can go to bed?"
"Alex?" Mulder pushed him away a bit, just far enough
to see his face. His eyes were closed and his eyelashes were spiked
with moisture "Jesus Lexei, what's wrong?"
Alex lowered his head almost to his chest, and shook it back and
Mulder was fully alert, now. "Talk to me, Lexei. Tell me
what's wrong. Did I...did I do something? Did I..."
Alex looked up at Mulder, wide-eyed. "No," He choked
in his rush to get the word out. "It's nothing you did. It's...it's
nothing." He struggled to compose himself. "I'm okay.
I'm...you didn't do anything..."
"I *must* have."
"No! Please, I'm all right. Just a little...a little overwhelmed,
Mulder searched his bloodshot eyes. "I don't believe you."
Alex again shook his head.
"*Tell* me, Alex."
"No. There's nothing..." Alex disengaged himself and
got to his feet. "It's late. You're going to be tired in
"Don't change the subject."
"I'm not. There's just nothing to talk about. I'm okay, Fox.
Please don't worry. I'm tired, I want to go to bed."
Mulder rose and took Alex's hand. "All right. Okay. Let's
go have a quick shower first, then we can turn in."
Alex nodded and allowed Mulder to lead him into the bathroom.
Fifteen minutes later, they were in bed, Alex settled stiffly
against Mulder's chest, being petted and caressed, as both men
stared into the darkness.
Four days later
"Wait a minute, wait a minute. What did you do?"
"What do you mean, what did I do? I put the stuff in the
bowl, like you said."
"All at once."
"Well...yeah. Why, shouldn't I have?"
Alex smiled and heaved a patient sigh. "No, you shouldn't
"But your instructions say..."
"Nevermind, Fox. It's okay." Alex took the bowl and
dumped the contents down the dispenser. "Let's start over."
He separated the ingredients into groups. "Now. Measure these
out first. Mix them. Then throw this group in and mix that. Okay?"
"I don't get it. What difference does it make *what* order
they go in?"
It just does. Are you going to do it?"
"Yeah, I said I'd help, and I will."
"You know, I forgot to ask Scully at work...is she still
Alex answered, without turning from his potato salad. "As
far as I know. When I talked to her yesterday, she said that she
was going to."
Alex turned and smiled, as he watched Mulder pick bits of eggshell
out of the bowl. He covered the potato salad, shoved it into the
refrigerator, then walked up behind Mulder. "I'm done, Fox."
His hands slid back and forth across the other man's shoulders.
"I can take over, now."
"I'm screwing it up that badly?"
Mulder hooked his thumbs in the back pockets of his jeans and
moved away from the counter. "Sorry. Instead of helping,
I'm just making extra work for you."
"It's okay. I appreciate you wanting to help."
"Maybe I could just be your gopher."
Alex looked around. "Thanks, but...I think I've pretty much
got everything I need, right here."
Mulder nodded, leaned against the counter and sighed. "I
hate to just hang around here while you do all the work."
He leered suggestively. "Not that I don't *enjoy* watching
you do all the work..."
Alex made no more comment, than a soft laugh.
Mulder wandered over to the refrigerator and opened the door.
"Want a beer?"
Alex glanced quickly over his shoulder. "No, thanks."
Mulder pulled a Corona off the second shelf and a chunk of lime,
from the Ziplock bag, beside the six-pack. He sat at the table,
squeezing, then dropping the lime into the bottle. He watched
his younger lover move confidently around the kitchen and smiled.
Things hadn't been too bad in the last few days. He thought he'd
finally figured out what things sent Alex off the deep end, and
did his damndest to avoid them.
First, keep completely off the subject of last weekend. No questions,
no references. He could do that. For a while, anyway. At least
until he thought Alex was more himself.
Second, no overly sweet gestures or words. Those seemed to really
throw Alex. It drove Mulder crazy not to tell him that he loved
him. It wasn't too long after they'd become a couple, that Mulder
discovered how demonstrative *and* verbal he could be about his
feelings and he liked it. Now, he found himself having to alter
those habits and it didn't thrill him a bit.
His smile started to fade. Maybe things weren't as okay as he'd
talked himself into believing...
Third...and this was really killing him...sex. Alex gave it to
him, whenever and however he wanted it, but did everything in
his power to thwart Mulder's attempts to give *him* any pleasure.
On that rare occasion when Mulder had managed to get past his
defenses, Alex would afterward drop into a very quiet mood, bordering
Christ, this wasn't right. It couldn't go on, he couldn't let
it. He couldn't allow Alex to go on punishing himself, but he
was at a loss on how to stop him.
He refocused on Alex, who was just pouring the batter into the
pans. When he got them into the oven, he picked one of the beaters
up out of the bowl and licked it.
"Mmmm. This cake is going to be good." He held the beater
out in offering. "Want some?"
Mulder shook his head quietly, as he took a long swallow of his
Alex lifted the utensil again to his mouth. His tongue slithered
from between the irresistibly bowed lips and traveled up the cool
steel, taking with it, more of the thick mixture.
Mulder watched hungrily, each pass of that luscious tongue. His
respiration grew erratic, as he imagined that it was his rapidly
growing erection, that Alex was so blissfully licking.
When both beaters were clean, Alex dropped them into the sink.
He then resorted to using his fingers, to swipe the remaining
batter from the bowl.
Mulder watched his lover innocently enjoying the cake batter and
wondered what he would do, if he knew the effect his actions were
having on him.
Almost as his thoughts were completed, Alex looked up, two fingers
in his mouth, and caught Mulder's eye. A year and a half with
the man was more than sufficient for Alex to know exactly what
that look in his eyes meant. He froze for a few seconds, then
pulled his fingers from his mouth. His tongue inched out to lick
away the speck of batter, at the corner of his mouth. He glanced
down at the bowl, then up at Mulder. "You sure you don't
Mulder rose from his chair and started slowly, toward the man
standing against the counter. "You make it look so good,"
he said softly, "maybe I'll have a little."
Alex dipped his fingers back into the bowl and held them up to
Mulder's mouth, as the older man reached him.
Mulder wound his arms around Alex's waist, pressing the full length
of their bodies together. He opened his mouth, inviting Alex to
slip his fingers inside. His eyes closed as he very thoroughly,
sucked every last bit of batter from his lover's fingers. When
he finished, he drew away and opened his eyes, finding that Alex's
eyes were now shut. Not for long, as the younger man sensed that
his lover was staring at him.
A sliver of green appeared under the heavy lids, then more became
visible and more, as Alex's interest in the activity to his lower
Mulder dipped one finger into the bowl and brought it up to Alex's
face. The younger man's eyes never left his, as his finger drew
a line of batter down the soft cheek. Mulder pitched forward and
slowly licked the sweet mixture away. He felt the muscle twitch
in response and found himself wishing that he could be sure whether
the reaction was good or bad. He backed away just a few inches
and scooped up a bit more of the bowl's contents. His eyes flicked
down to Alex's chest and his finger soon followed, distributing
another line of batter there, from the base of his throat, down
to the third open button of his shirt. A small grunt formed in
the convulsing throat, as Mulder's tongue performed a sideways
swipe, removing the batter, one tiny section at a time. When all
traces were gone, Mulder lifted his head and met his lover's eyes.
"You're right," he whispered. "It *is* good."
His finger rose again, more batter at the tip, and smeared it
across Alex's lips. He repeated the same process, slowly licking
the batter away, moaning softly as he did. "So, so good..."
Alex gripped the edge of the counter for support, sure that if
he didn't, his increasingly shaky legs would not hold him up much
longer. He fought to control the soft whimpers as they continued
to escape past his lips, but to no avail. Control seemed to be
slipping away quickly.
Alex's condition did not escape Mulder's notice. He moved in without
hesitation, pressing his advantage. Both arms clamped around Alex's
waist and he covered the younger man's lips with his own, muffling
the tiny cries. One hand slipped downward, over the taut muscles
of Alex's ass and pulled him into the hard warmth of his body.
"Do something for me Lexei," Mulder murmured against
Alex's hands moved restlessly, up and down his lover's back. "What?"
Alex's hands stilled and Mulder could feel his body tense. He
kissed the younger man's chin, moving to his throat, then rested
his head upon his shoulder.
"Please? It's been so long since I've felt you inside me..."
Mulder slid down, brushing every inch of Alex's body, along the
way. He settled on his knees, before the younger man, and wrapped
his arms around Alex's legs. He rested his cheek against the solid
bulge in his lover's pants. "I need you, Lexei." He
rubbed his face against Alex's crotch. "Please."
Alex ran a trembling hand through Fox's hair. "God, don't
do this to me," he whispered in a barely audible voice.
Mulder reached for the top button of Alex's pants and released
it. Next, he pulled the zipper down and slipped his hand inside
the slitted fold of his underwear. Alex's hips jerked reflexively
as his lover's fingers curled around his rock-hard erection and
pulled it free of the material. He lapped at the small bead of
fluid that appeared at the tip.
Alex gritted his teeth and held himself up against the counter
with one hand, while the other clenched in Mulder's hair.
"Lexei..." Mulder continued to tease the head of his
lover's cock. "Baby..."
Alex summoned every last bit of resolve that he had left and pulled
away from Mulder's mouth. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply.
As he exhaled, he opened his eyes, to find his lover still on
his knees, looking up at him. Waiting.
"Please, get up."
Mulder stroked the back of Alex's thigh. "Why?"
"I j...I...don't you want to go into the bedroom?"
Mulder remained on his knees for a moment, then rose to his feet.
He studied his lover closely.
Alex's eyes shifted to his face, then slipped quickly away. "So,
what do you..."
"Nothing. Forget it."
//Shit. Oh, damn.//
He reached out, grazing Mulder's arm with his fingertips. "No...no,
Fox. I'm sorry, I didn't...I want to, I just..."
"No, you don't," Mulder said softly.
"I *do*. Please don't look at me, like that." Alex grasped
Mulder's hand and tugged. "Let's go..."
Mulder stood his ground, shaking his head. "It's okay, Alex.
"*Nooo*..." Alex stepped forward and wrapped his arms
around Mulder. He rubbed his cheek against the older man's and
pressed his body into the one that stood stiffly before him. "I
want you, Fox." He nuzzled and kissed Mulder's throat. "You
know I do."
"I *don't* know that, Alex. I saw hesitation all over your
face, a minute ago. I don't want to push you into anything you
don't want to do."
"You're not pushing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, Fox. I'll
do anything for you." Soft kisses rained over Mulder's face
and neck. "Anything..."
"Even if you don't want to."
"I told you, I *do*."
Mulder could see the spark of panic flickering in his eyes. He
raised a hand to Alex's face, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone.
"I didn't mean to upset you," Alex croaked, as he slowly
leaned forward, tentatively touching his lips to the other man's.
Mulder brushed his mouth back and forth against Alex's. "I
"I'm sorry, Fox..."
Mulder covered Alex's mouth with his own, cutting him off in mid-sentence.
If he heard one more _I'm sorry,, he believed he'd go mad.
Alex immersed himself in his lover's kiss, grateful that Fox wasn't
angry with him and determined to do nothing to change that. His
hands traveled up the front of Mulder's shirt and started undoing
the buttons. The moment he got the last one unbuttoned, Mulder
pulled the shirt off and started on his. When both men were naked
from the waist up, Mulder moved quickly, ridding them both of
the rest of their clothing. He led Alex over to the kitchen table
and pushed him against it.
Alex shot him a confused look. "But I thought you wanted..."
"I changed my mind." Mulder rubbed his hand up Alex's
chest to his neck. He stopped halfway and closed his fingers around
the younger man's throat, tightening them to the point of mild
discomfort. "I want you on the table. Now."
Alex's cock twitched at the low, commanding tone in his lover's
voice. He leaned back against the edge of the table and pushed
himself onto the burnished oak. The coolness of the wood felt
good against his heated skin. He waited quietly, trying to swallow
past the light pressure on his throat.
Mulder uncurled his fingers and moved his hand away. Smoky hazel
eyes never left glazed green, as he stepped forward and slipped
both hands between Alex's knees. He pushed the younger man's legs
apart and moved between them. His hands glided up and down the
well-muscled thighs as he pitched forward then stopped, his lips
just shy of Alex's. "Move forward," he rasped, the vibration
of his words, tickling Alex's mouth.
Alex obeyed without delay, then stopped, unsure of how far Mulder
wanted him to go.
Mulder leaned back far enough to keep their lips from touching.
"A little more."
Alex slid forward again.
"That's good." Mulder ran a hand through Alex's hair
and tilted his head back. "Now, lay back."
More soothing coolness spread over the length of Alex's back as
he lay on the table. Mulder tucked his hand under his knees and
lifted. Alex needed no instruction. He immediately wrapped his
legs around Mulder's waist.
Mulder looked down at his lover, on his back, on their kitchen
table. Eyelids half closed, the thick sable lashes shading glittering,
forest green. His lips, so soft and inviting, parted to allow
the heavy breaths an exit. Christ, he was fucking beautiful. And
though Mulder knew that this was wrong, this...one-way encounter,
he couldn't resist. He reached down and ran two fingers over the
head of Alex's dripping cock, forcing himself to ignore the soft
grunt, then brought the fingers to his own cock, combining Alex's
fluids with his own. He spread the slickness over as much of the
surface of his cock as he could, then guided it to his lover's
Alex arched up off of the table as Mulder drove into him. His
eyes flew open at the brief flash of pain, then settled back into
their half-mast position, as pleasure quickly replaced the discomfort.
Mulder pumped relentlessly into his lover's body, repeatedly pulling
Alex's ass hard, against his own hips. He tried to keep his eyes
open. He wanted to be looking at his Lexei, when he came, but
it was impossible. It was as if weights were attached to his eyelids
and they slipped shut.
Alex scratched at the smooth wood, struggling to keep from wrapping
his hand around his throbbing cock, as Mulder jerked his body
back and forth across the table.
"Alex," Mulder moaned. "Oh, *Jesus*..."
Alex whimpered as his lover tightened his hold on his hips and
slammed into him. The heavy table groaned in protest, then gave
in to the force of Mulder's thrusts, sliding a fraction at a time,
in a forward direction.
"It's....I'm...oh God, Alex...oh God..."
Mulder's harsh groans filled the kitchen as he emptied himself
into his lover, then collapsed onto his chest.
Alex's legs fell away from Mulder's waist and hung over the side
of the table. He lay rigidly beneath the weight of his exhausted
lover, praying that Mulder would recover enough to move off of
him. His still very erect cock was now trapped between their bodies
and any second now, he was going to break...
As if he'd heard Alex's thoughts, Mulder lifted himself on weak
arms, above the younger man. As he rose, Alex pulled himself up
into a sitting position. Mulder glanced down at the other man's
continued state of arousal and felt a knot tighten in his stomach.
He raised weary eyes to his lover's face.
Alex moved slowly off of the table and picked up his pants. As
he put them on, he spoke softly. There was definite pain behind
the forced lightness in his tone.
"Why don't you go take a shower and go to bed? You look so
"What about you?"
Alex buttoned and zippered his pants, then slipped his shirt on.
"The cakes still has a few minutes to go. I'll clean up,
take them out of the oven, then I'll be in." He walked up
to Mulder and handed him his clothes. The two men stared quietly
at each other for a moment. Alex was the first to break eye contact.
"Are you all right?" Mulder asked softly.
Alex nodded and gave him a trace of a smile.
"I'm fine. Better, now that we're okay?"
Mulder's gaze fell away from Alex's for a moment, but rose up
//Okay? Jesus Christ, how can *we* be okay, when *you're* not
He nodded and slid one arm around Alex, pulling him close.
"You won't be too long?"
Mulder kissed the side of Alex's head and released him. He exited
the kitchen, leaving the younger man standing alone, by the table
that was now, going to need a thorough cleaning. Alex moved slowly,
taking care of the table and the rest of the kitchen. When the
cake was done, he removed the pans from the oven, covered them
and retreated to the bathroom. Five minutes later, he was shivering
under an icy cold spray.
//Stupid, fuck. You almost blew it, this time. You could have
pushed him away for good. You're so fucking lucky, you know that?
Not that you deserve to have any luck...//
His erection subsided and shrank but it wasn't until almost ten
minutes after that, that Mulder's voice startled him into shutting
the water off. He stepped out of the shower and quickly wrapped
a towel around his waist. Mulder stood in the doorway, staring
"I thought you'd be asleep by now."
"I'll go to sleep when you come to bed," came the soft
"Just let me brush my teeth and I'll be right there."
Mulder glanced around the bathroom, frowning, then looked back
to Alex. "Okay." He turned from the doorway and headed
back to the bedroom. He slipped under the sheet and propped himself
up against the pillows.
No humidity. Clear mirror.
Alex had taken a cold shower.
Mulder had given some thought to the fact that Alex may have been
relieving himself afterward, but that thought, little comfort
that it was, just got tossed right out the window.
//Jesus Christ, Lexei...what do I do? How do I get through to
As Mulder contemplated this new revelation, Alex moved silently
into the dark room. He felt the gentle depression of the mattress
and Alex slide over beside him.
"I hope the cake didn't fall."
"Just a little bit. Nothing that can't be camouflaged."
Mulder turned his head in Alex's direction and studied his lover's
He opened his mouth but no sound would come out.
Alex looked over at him. "What is it?"
Mulder closed his mouth and sighed heavily.
The younger man pressed himself against Mulder's side, wrapping
an arm around his waist and resting his head against his shoulder.
A sliver of fear tightened his chest. "Fox?"
Mulder brought a hand up to Alex's back and stroked it's length.
"Nothing, Lexei. I just...I..." He couldn't stop the
words. Couldn't stop hoping that sooner or later, they'd really
sink in and mean to Alex, what they used to. "I love you."
Alex made a conscious effort to keep his muscles relaxed. He closed
his eyes, turning his face into Mulder's chest. He nuzzled the
light sprinkling of hair, then kissed the warm skin. "I love
Sensing Alex's struggle, Mulder's hand began to move in firm circles,
across his back and shoulders, soothing and massaging the taut
To his surprise, Alex found himself relaxing under Fox's loving
caress. Soon, a calm blackness surrounded him and he dropped heavily,
Alex blinked and sat up. His hand automatically went to the vacant
spot beside him. Cold. Fox had been up for a while.
He slipped out of bed and headed into the bathroom. Still, no
Fox. He shrugged off his lover's absence, assuming that he was
simply somewhere else in the house, and turned on the shower.
Twenty minutes later, Alex swung the kitchen door open and glanced
around. Everything was in its place, except for the note on the
table. He walked over and looked down at the hastily scribbled
Got a call about the murder case. Should only be a couple of hours.
Alex drummed his fingers on the oak as he thought.
//Okay. A couple of hours usually means, three or four. So, I
guess I'd better start preparing, earlier.//
He threw the note away and, grabbing a Pop Tart, went to work.
Alex covered the soda and beer with ice and closed the cooler
lid. He looked down at his watch.
Three twenty-two and he hadn't so much as received a phone call
from Fox. He'd thought of calling the cell, but Fox had left without
it, this morning. Alex found it on the seat cushion of the sofa,
while he was straightening up.
//Come on Fox, call. I'm getting worried.//
Worried for his lover's safety *and* worried about the fact that
their guests would be arriving soon. And knowing Skinner's penchant
for punctuality, *he'd* be the first to arrive.
//Oh, that'd be interesting. Me and Skinner, alone. Can we say,
He walked the perimeter of the yard, insuring that all of the
citronella torches were full, when he heard the phone ringing
in the house. He broke into a sprint, and entering the house,
snatched the phone up from the coffee table.
"God, Fox." He took a deep breath and released it. "I
was getting worried."
"I know, I figured you would be. I forgot my cell phone at
"Yeah, I found it on the couch. You okay?"
"Fine. This just ran *way* longer than I thought it would.
There was so much information to check and double check. I'll
be home in a little while."
"Okay. Everything's ready."
"Thanks, babe. I'm really sorry..."
"It's fine. Just drive carefully and I'll see you soon."
Alex hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. He walked into the
kitchen to make some last minute checks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ringing doorbell just about scared Alex out of his skin. He
checked his watch as he walked to the door.
//Shit, shit, shit. It's him, I just know it's him...//
Alex took a deep breath and opened the door.
Walter Skinner stood on the other side of the threshold, holding
a bottle of...something, and glaring at the man who'd just opened
//How the hell does he *do* that? His jaw never moves...//
Alex nodded his greeting and stepped aside, allowing the man to
Skinner brushed past him, looking around. "Where's Mulder?"
Heavy sigh. "He's not here."
Skinner spun on his heel. His eyes narrowed on the younger man.
"Where *is* he?"
"Actually, he should have been home by now. He left the house
this morning on some call about that serial murder case and hasn't
come back, yet."
"Have you heard from him?"
"Yeah. Two hours ago, he said he'd be here, soon..."
Skinner scowled, and took another look around. "Have you
tried calling him?"
"Can't. He forgot his cell phone."
"Great," the older man mumbled under his breath. He
turned piercing eyes back on Alex. "Scully here?"
"Nobody is here, yet..."
Skinner jerked his head away.
"But I'm sure somebody'll show up, soon." //*Please*,
somebody show up, soon...// "Uh...you want a beer or something?"
//Afraid I'll poison you?//
"Well, you wanna," Alex waved his hand between Skinner
and the direction of the yard, "follow me out to the patio?
Have a seat?"
Skinner hesitated for a moment, weighing his options. Follow the
son of a bitch, or turn around and leave. His upper lip twitched
as he considered Mulder. The man was an agent of the FBI, under
*his* direction, but they'd been through far more shit together
than most bosses and employees, and they'd developed a bond of
friendship as a result.
He remembered the day Mulder had shown up on his doorstep to *talk*.
An unexplainable feeling of dread settled over him as he invited
his agent in. He recalled having the need to sit down, as Mulder
revealed his purpose for being there. He sat quietly, allowing
Mulder to say everything he had to say. When Mulder had finished,
he remained silent. The other man had just dropped a bombshell
in his lap and he was torn between his duty as Assistant Director
and his feelings as a friend. Friendship won out, though Mulder's
choice of a partner disturbed him beyond words. Alex Krycek was
the last name in the world that Skinner would ever have expected
to come out of Mulder's mouth, but come out, it did.
After the initial shock, Skinner composed himself and confronted
Mulder's admission. He pulled no punches with his friend, explaining
that he would *never* like or trust Krycek, but if he was Mulder's
choice, then somehow, he'd come to terms with it.
Well, it'd taken over a year and a half, but here it was. It was
time. He'd come this far. If he turned back now, he had no doubt
it would adversely affect his friendship with Mulder and he didn't
want that. He raked a critical eye over the young man standing
at a safe distance.
Krycek cleaned up good, he admitted grudgingly to himself. The
bastard apparently still had a thing for black, though. Black
pleated pants, black silk shirt, tucked neatly inside. His eyes
flicked up to Alex's face. The silver hoop in his ear stood out
against the tanned skin, as did the green of his eyes. Skinner
fought back the sudden urge to beat the shit out of him. Instead,
he waved Alex on, following the younger man out to the patio.
He took a seat and handed Alex the bottle of wine.
"I'll go put this on ice," Alex said, grateful for the
chance to get away, if even for a minute.
"Come on Fox, come on...please..." he muttered to himself,
as he dumped the bottle and some ice into a bucket. He walked
slowly back to the yard, hoping, praying that the front door would
open before he got there.
No damn such luck.
Alex dropped into the farthest chair from Skinner's, nervously
drumming his fingers on the table. Skinner was the first to speak.
A short stretch of silence.
"Thanks for coming."
Skinner shrugged. "I like Langly and the guys. And I'm here
"I know. It means a lot to him."
Skinner's eyes narrowed. He wondered if he'd just imagined the
softness in Krycek's tone as he spoke of Mulder.
"Do you really care?"
Alex looked up at him. "Of course, I do."
Skinner gave a barely perceptible nod. He scanned the yard, then
his eyes fell back on Alex. "You look as though you've adjusted
well to civilized living."
Alex waited a number of seconds then, "But?"
"Is there a but?"
"Seems like you've got something more to say."
Skinner sat back in the chair and folded his hands in his lap.
"I'm just wondering."
"Is it really possible for a hired thug...a cold blooded
killer, to completely turn his life around in the course of a
couple of years?"
Alex dropped his gaze to the table and said nothing.
"I'm going to say this once, Krycek, then I'll never say
Alex looked up, noting the deadly serious tone of his voice.
"You ever pull anything dirty and I promise you, there won't
be anyplace in the world that you can hide."
Just as Skinner finished his threat, the doorbell rang. Alex rose
from his seat and left the patio without excusing himself. He
went to the door and swung it open. Scully stood on the other
side, with Frohike, Langly and Byers behind her.
"Hey!" She shoved the promised lasagna at him and strode
in. The three men followed closely behind her.
"Hi, Scully." Alex nodded at the men behind her. "Guys."
Then to the scrawny blonde. "Happy birthday, Langly."
"Yeah." Langly inched closer to Frohike, who eased closer
to Scully. "Uh, thanks."
Byers surveyed the room. "Where's Mulder?"
"He's not here."
Scully raised one red eyebrow. "Not here?"
Alex explained the situation.
"Well, no wonder you don't look too happy," Scully said.
"I believe I'd be a little ticked off, myself."
"I'm not mad. I'm a little worried..."
"Let's give him a little longer. Then I'll go looking for
"How about you tell *me* where to look, and you can stay
and entertain Skinner."
Scully pointed in the direction of the patio. "Out there?"
"Twenty two minutes, fifteen and a quarter seconds."
"That had to be uncomfortable."
"Just a little."
"Okay well, fellas? Why don't you just mosey out to the patio?
We'll be out there in a minute."
As soon as the trio was gone, Scully turned her attention to Alex.
"You've been here alone with Skinner for almost half an hour?
You have *got* to be furious with Mulder."
Alex turned toward the kitchen with Scully close on his heels.
"He's doing his job, Scully."
"Come on, Alex. You know and I know, that it probably isn't
anything that couldn't wait till Monday. Tomorrow, even. But he
gets engrossed in something, and everything else fades into the
Alex remained silent, as he placed the lasagna in the oven to
"What did Skinner have to say?"
"You sat in silence for over twenty minutes?"
"It's that *not completely* that's got me worried. What'd
Alex shrugged. "He just made a couple of observations...gave
me a little advice..."
"Advice...Alex, what did he say?"
"He's a good friend to Fox. I appreciate that."
Realizing that an attempt to get any more information out of Alex
would be futile, Scully changed the subject.
"So...I've starved myself all day for this. What do you say
we get some of this food out there?"
"Sure. We can't keep everyone waiting forever, can we?"
Scully laid a sympathetic hand on Alex's arm. "He's okay.
I'm sure he'll be walking in, any minute."
*Any minute* turned into five, then fifteen, then twenty. Five
of the people seated around the table made light conversation,
while they ate. The sixth sat quietly, moving his food around
on his plate, glancing from time to time, into the living room.
Scully sympathized with Alex's mood, not to mention his discomfort,
and repeatedly attempted in draw him into the conversation, but
had limited success in pulling many responses from him.
The sound of the front door being opened a few moments later,
drew everyone's attention. Mulder walked through the living room
and out to the patio, looking very much like a little boy, in
"Hi everybody. Sorry I wasn't home when you got here. Time
really got away from me."
"Mulder, where the heck have you been?" Scully demanded,
from her seat next to Alex.
"I think I've got some new information in this serial murder
case, but we can talk about that, later." He reached out
and slapped Langly on the back. "Happy birthday, Langly."
Mulder smiled at his friend, then nodded in Skinner's direction.
"I'm glad to see you could make it."
Skinner nodded back. "Of course, I'll expect a report on
my desk on Monday."
"Right." Mulder glanced over at Alex. He grimaced, noting
the expression that his lover was trying hard to mask. He moved
to Alex's side and cautiously squatted beside his chair. "I'm
sorry Lexei," he began, oblivious to the look of disgust
on Skinner's face, at hearing the endearment. "After I called
you, I ran into the detective in charge of the case and we started
"It's okay," Alex interrupted softly.
"I can't blame you for being upset."
"I'm not," the other man protested not so convincingly.
"I was just worried about you."
Mulder placed a hand on Alex thigh and stroked lightly. "I'm
sorry," he mouthed.
Alex gave him a slight nod and a weak smile.
"I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"
As he rose, Mulder cupped the back of Alex's head and pressed
his lips to his forehead. He then turned to the rest of the group,
who were doing their best to ignore the little scene. "I'm
gonna go grab a quick shower. I'll be back in a few."
Once he was gone, Scully attempted to fill the silence that had
descended on the patio.
"I almost forgot, Alex. I talked to my mother this morning
and she told me to remind you about your lunch date, next week."
For the first time so far that evening, Scully saw a tiny flash
of happiness in Alex's eyes.
"I haven't forgotten."
After her initial disappointment in finding out that Mulder would
never be her son-in-law, Margaret Scully met and took an immediate
liking to Alex. With both of her sons so far away, she'd sort
of informally adopted Mulder, and now Alex.
Alex was a bit apprehensive at first. He hadn't had a mother figure
in his life for a good twenty years or so, but Margaret's easy-going
manner and doting concern, won him over, quickly.
Margaret immediately saw past and worked her way around the young
man's defenses. She reached inside, seeing into his heart as only
Fox had been able to do, and she knew not the Alex Krycek that
he'd presented to the world, but the real man. The one who wanted
to be trusted and loved and who wanted so desperately to trust
and love in return.
"Tell her I'll give her a call on Monday, okay?"
The other men listened to the conversation, dumbfounded. Alex
glanced around, noting the looks on the four faces and quickly
lowered his head.
"I'll um...I'll go check and see if that lasagna is warm
Alex slid his chair back and quietly entered the house.
Frohike was first to speak his mind.
"You let your mother have lunch alone with *him*?"
Scully jumped to Alex's defense. "And why not?"
"Good reason, Frohike. Look, Alex happens to be very close
to my mother. She treats him like a son...just like she does,
"Mulder, *yeah*...but him?"
"My mother happens to think that Alex is very sweet."
Skinner muttered from his seat at the far end of the table. "Yeah,
sweet like a cobra."
"That's not true. You guys really need to cut him some slack,
you know? He's had a rough few days. Can't you please just be
Langly spoke up. "So, what *is* up with Boris? I did notice
that he doesn't really seem to be himself."
"Yeah," Byers concurred. "He hasn't tried to scare
either of these guys, since we got here."
"*Alex* does that in fun, because he knows that Frohike and
Langly are afraid of him. If they would just treat him like a
regular person instead of some kind of evil, butcher knife wielding
lunatic, they'd find him to be quite normal and very likeable."
Langly repeated his question. "So why's he so quiet?"
"I told you, he's had a rough few days. He'll be fine."
"Well, I just wanted to know...you know what they say about
quiet people. What if he suddenly snaps? Mulder could come back
out here and find us all drowning in our own blood."
"For God's sake, Langly. Don't you ever have times when you're
not quite up to par?"
"So, why can't Alex? He's *fine*. Just be a little more sociable,
would you? You *are* in his house.."
"Mulder and *Alex's* house. I don't know what gives you guys
"I'm back." Mulder spoke purposefully, making all aware
that he knew what was being discussed. He looked around. "Where's
Scully nodded in his direction. "He's checking on the lasagna."
Mulder nodded and pushed away from the doorframe. "Thanks,
Scully." He spun in the other direction and headed off toward
Alex stood at the counter, staring down into the lasagna. His
right hand closed loosely on the handle of the knife, tracing
the perimeter of the pan. Through the thick veil of his lashes,
he saw movement. Though the figure was blurred, he had no trouble
recognizing it as his lover. Mulder's presence had a feel all
its own and Alex knew it well. He stopped his repetitious action
and began to cut into the lasagna. He looked up, giving Mulder
the brightest smile he could manage.
"Smells good, huh?"
Mulder approached slowly, and stopped Alex's hand. With his hand
firmly encircling the younger man's wrist, he removed the knife
and placed it down on the counter.
Alex's eyes rose to meet Mulder's gold-splashed stare.
"If you're upset with me Alex, say so."
Alex's eyes fell away from his face. "I t...I told you that
I wasn't. I was just really worried about you. You could have
been in an accident or *shot* or..."
Mulder broke in. "Or insensitive, or unthinking, or..."
Alex shook his head.
"Who got here, first?"
Alex's voice dropped to near zero volume. "Skinner."
"How long was he here, before Scully arrived?"
"A little over twenty minutes."
"Bet it seemed like an eternity."
"Look, Alex, I know Skinner, and I know he came here with
no intentions to become your best buddy. I'm sure that spending
twenty minutes with him wasn't the most fun you've ever had. I'm
so sorry you had to go through that, alone. I should have been
"Fox, this case is important. If you can stop this nut before
he kills again..."
"I could have had that stuff faxed to me. Or at the very
least, gone out there, gathered the information, come home, and
worked on it, here. *That's* where the case is. All that talking
I did with investigators, will have no real bearing."
"You didn't know that until you talked to them."
Alex rubbed Mulder's forearm. "It's okay," he said,
forcing the cheeriness into his voice. "I'm just happy you're
"You didn't look the least bit happy when I walked out onto
the patio a little while ago."
Alex spun away from the older man, startling him. "What do
you want from me, Fox? Do you want me yell at you and throw a
tantrum? Would you feel better, then?"
Mulder's voice raised a bit. "Maybe I would, yeah! Then I'd
know that you were alive!"
Alex paused for two beats, then turned around to face Mulder.
He took a step forward and laid both hands on the other man's
chest, stroking erratically, with one. "I'm sorry, Fox..."
Mulder rolled his eyes up and closed his lids over them. His jaw
clenched and unclenched.
"I didn't mean to snap at you..."
"Don't be mad at me..."
Mulder raised his hands to Alex's back and pulled him into a gentle
embrace. "I'm not mad at you," he said, trying to reassure
his panicked lover.
//How the hell did this get turned around? *I* should be worried
about *him* being mad...//
Alex buried his face into the side of Mulder's neck and held on
to him, tightly.
"It's okay Lexei," Mulder whispered into his hair. "I'm
not mad, *really*. "It's okay." He held Alex for a while
longer, then pushed him away, not quite as gently as he'd intended
to. "Come on, now. Let's get back outside. They're going
to be wondering what happened to us."
Mulder caught the wounded expression as Alex nodded and turned
to cut the lasagna. He moved up behind him and draped an arm across
his chest. He kissed the back of the younger man's neck.
"Did I tell you how handsome you look tonight?"
Alex rubbed his head against Mulder's cheek, but gave no answer.
"Did you wear this for me?"
"I know you like black..."
"I like black when *you're* in it." He cupped Alex's
cheek and turned him into a long, sweet kiss.
The knife clattered to the tiled counter and Alex turned to face
his lover, their mouths never losing contact. Alex wrapped his
arms around Mulder's neck and the older man deepened the kiss.
Alex's body screamed at him. To push it farther. To stop it. To
drop to his knees and pull Fox's zipper down...
"Oh God, get a room, would you?"
Both men broke off the kiss simultaneously and looked toward the
door. Scully leaned against the frame, grinning. "I just
came out to make sure you weren't killing each other. I should
have known better."
"Sorry Scully," Mulder looked back to Alex, drawing
his fingertips down his cheek. "He's just so damn hard to
Alex's eyes closed momentarily, then the heavy lashes lifted.
"We uh...should get out there."
Mulder nodded, still holding his lover's eyes with his own.
Scully rolled her eyes and stepped forward. She picked the abandoned
knife up and finished cutting the lasagna. "Okay, let's go."
She picked up the pan and bustled out of the room.
Mulder took Alex by the hand and led him through the doors, after
"We were kinda finding it hard to believe that you got lost
in your own house, Mulder."
"Yeah Frohike, okay..."
Scully set the pan down and started to serve. Alex took the seat
he'd had, next to Scully's, and Mulder took the seat next to his,
pulling the chair over until the arms touched. He interwove his
fingers with Alex's and pulled the younger man's hand up to his
mouth for a kiss. And another.
"This is a nice place, Mulder."
The impatient baritone sounded again. "Very nice house. Very
"Thanks." Mulder's eyes left Alex's and came to rest
on Skinner. They sparkled with pride. "Alex did a good portion
of the work and he picked out all the furniture and whatnot."
Skinner pressed his lips together and fell silent.
//Wonderful. The Martha Stewart of the underworld...//
For the next half hour, the small group ate and talked, laughing
at the occasional joke or comment. Even Skinner seemed in better
humor, cracking the rare smile. Alex stayed close to Mulder, quiet,
reserved, speaking only when spoken to, then retreating back into
When it started to rain not long after they'd finished eating,
everyone ran for cover. Scully insisted that Mulder stay in the
living room with the others, while she helped Alex get everything
put away in the kitchen.
"Everything okay?" she asked after a few minutes of
"Yeah. With you and Mulder. Things sure *seemed* okay when
I walked in on you earlier..."
"Yeah." Alex began putting all the food away, while
Scully stacked the dishwasher. She closed the door and turned
the appliance on, then stood watching as Alex shoved the last
of the leftovers into the refrigerator. She wasn't sure she believed
him, but what could she do? It was pointless to push him. Nobody
put up walls faster than Alex...except maybe Mulder. She made
a mental note to time them one day and compare.
When they finished, Scully led the way back into the living room,
where she took a seat between Byers and Langly on one of the two
sofas. Skinner and Frohike sat diagonally from the facing sofas
and across from each other, in single wingbacks. Alex sank to
the floor, beside Mulder, who was seated on the other sofa. He
leaned into the older man's leg, seeking the comfort of contact.
Sensing Alex's need, Mulder combed a hand through his lover's
hair. Listened to the soft purring sound that his action triggered
and wished suddenly that they were alone.
"I feel like playing Monopoly," Scully blurted out,
interrupting a conversation between Skinner and Byers. Skinner
snapped his head around.
"Where'd *that* come from?"
Scully shrugged. "I just feel like playing Monopoly. Who's
up for it?"
"Oooh! I haven't played that in years!" Frohike waggled
his bushy eyebrows at Scully. Wanna play in teams, Scully? I'll
be your partner..."
"I never was very good at it, but I'll be the banker,"
Byers volunteered. "Keep you all honest..."
Langly leaned forward. "Are you insinuating they we're cheaters?"
Byers pitched forward in his seat as well, meeting the other man's
eyes. "Some of you are, *yes*."
Frohike jumped in. "Listen, narc..."
Mulder watched the argument, an amused smirk twitching at the
corners of his mouth.
"Settle down fellas," Skinner mumbled. "I'm in.
Mulder shrugged, still petting the sable head by his leg. "I
guess." He leaned close to Alex's ear. "Lexei?"
The younger man looked up at him. Damn, his eyes were that shade
of green again, and his mouth...his mouth was only inches away...
"I'll get it." Scully popped out of her chair and moved
off in the direction of the hall closet.
Mulder moved in closer, whispering softly. "Let's kick their
asses and get em the hell out of here."
The close proximity of his lover's mouth, tempted Alex to tilt
his head up for a kiss, but he quickly checked himself. As he
backed off a fraction, Mulder's hand at the back of head, stopped
him. He looked up into the other man's eyes, seeing something
that couldn't exactly be classified as anger, but some emotion
close to it. The hand pulled him back and Mulder's lips tenderly
covered his, catching him by surprise.
Just as the younger man began to melt into the kiss, Mulder pulled
away just long enough to tip his head from left to right and cover
his lips once again.
His point. To the occupants of the room and the man he was kissing...Alex
was his. And he had no intention of ignoring or hiding that fact.
And the people in his life had better recognize and accept that.
Mulder finally broke the kiss, leaving Alex flushed and just a
bit out of breath. He gave his lover another brief, chastising
look and slid down to the floor beside him. The younger man pushed
over until their legs touched, then rested his head on Mulder's
Seemingly satisfied, Mulder laid his hand against Alex's face,
stroking his cheek with his thumb. He scattered a number of kisses
in the dark hair.
Scully returned with the game, startling the other men out of
their fascinated observance of the scene. She placed the box down
on the coffee table and began to set up the board. "Okay
you losers," she sang, "prepare to get beaten like you've
never been beaten before."
Byers picked up the money and began distributing the proper amount
to each team. "You're pretty confident."
"Melissa and I used to beat the pants off of my brothers
when we were kids."
Mulder smirked at her. "Yeah well, that was a long time ago
and *we're* not you brothers."
"You're *still* gonna lose."
"Okay. We might have showed you some mercy, but since you
want to be arrogant about it..."
Half an hour into the game, an argument broke out between Frohike
"Hey! Where do you think you're going? You can't get out
of jail, *yet*."
"Sure I can. This is my third try. On your third try, you
can pay your money and get out."
"This is only your *second*."
"It is not! If you'd pay attention to the game and stop trying
to smell Scully's hair, you'd *know* that."
Mulder covered his eyes and laid his head back against the seat
cushion of the sofa. "I need a drink."
Alex rubbed the older man's thigh. "I'll get you something.
What do you want?"
Mulder opened his eyes and squinted up at Alex. "Uh...vodka
Alex nodded and hoisted himself to his feet. "Anybody want
anything to drink?" After he memorized all the requests,
he disappeared into the kitchen and came back sometime later,
with a large tray full of various drinks and a big bowl of Doritos.
As he was setting the bowl down, he noticed Mulder, rolling his
head back and forth, across his shoulders. Alex set the emptied
tray aside and sat on the sofa, directly behind his lover. He
swung one long leg over Mulder's head so that the older man now
sat between his legs.
Mulder's eyes dropped shut and a long sigh escaped his lips, as
he felt Alex's warm hands begin to rub and caress his shoulders
and upper back, making the occasional foray up the back of his
neck, to ruffle the golden-brown hair and massage his scalp.
As the game resumed, Alex worked slowly and silently, loosening
his lover's knotted muscles. When he felt Mulder completely relax,
he ceased his ministrations and leaned in to murmur in his ear.
Mulder tipped his head back to meet his lover's eye. "Better."
Just as their lips touched, that irritated baritone interrupted.
"Come on Mulder, it's you turn."
Mulder took the time to plant another brief kiss on Alex's mouth,
before turning his attention back to the game. When he had finished
moving their piece around the board, Alex wrapped his arms loosely
around his chest and shoulders and rubbed his face against the
lightly stubbled one to his right.
Mulder reached up, raking his fingers through his lover's hair,
again and again. He smiled as he felt Alex's lips, soft and moist
against his cheek, skimming the line of his jaw...teasing his
ear. The urge to throw Alex onto his back and do him right there
on the sofa was strong, but Mulder kept his guests in mind and
managed to suppress his desire.
Despite the distraction, Skinner and Langly won, prompting another
argument between Langly and Frohike.
"Aren't you ashamed of yourself, cheating at Monopoly?"
"You're calling us cheaters?"
"No, I'm calling *you* a cheater. How *else* do you explain
"Kiss off, hippie jerk." Frohike nodded in the direction
of the other two men. "What about them? You beat them, too!"
He singled Alex out. "As ruthless as *he* is, you *had* to
Frohike meant nothing insulting by the remark, but Mulder could
feel the slight sag of Alex's body, behind him. He moved up to
the sofa and wound an arm around Alex's waist, pulling the younger
man back against him.
"Okay, okay," Scully jumped in. "I'm as shocked
as anybody that I didn't win, but hey. That's life. Come on you
guys, it's late. Let's get out of here."
After the game was put away and everyone was supplied with a doggie
bag, the guests began to file out the door.
"Thanks for the party," Langly directed his conversation
mostly at Mulder, only occasionally sending Alex a brief glance.
"You're welcome. See you soon."
Scully gave both men a hug and stepped back. "Thanks guys.
See you later."
Alex nodded. "Thanks for cooking, Scully. The lasagna was
"How would *you* know?"
The others said their good-byes and left, leaving Skinner standing
with the two men at the door. Mulder spoke.
"I hope this isn't the first and last time you visit."
Skinner opened his mouth, then closed it again. He glanced at
Alex, looked back at Mulder, then spoke. "I'm uh...sorry
it took me so long to get here."
Not exactly a direct answer, but it wasn't a negative response,
Mulder nodded. "See you Monday."
Skinner turned narrowed eyes on Alex once more and nodded. "Krycek."
"Goodnight," Alex replied softly.
Skinner walked away and Alex closed the front door. He was immediately
spun around and slammed up against it. Before he could take a
breath, his lover's lips came down, hard and insistent on his.
"I've been waiting all night to get my hands on you,"
Mulder growled into Alex's mouth as he practically ripped the
younger man's shirt open.
Alex writhed against him, returning his kisses with equal passion.
"I know. I could feel it every time you touched me. Let me
relieve some of that tension for you..."
Alex moved away from his lips, nipping his way down his throat.
He cupped the older man's ass and pulled him forward, grinding
their erections together. "Let me..."
"Let's go to bed, Lexei..."
"You want to wait that long?" Alex turned them both
around, reversing their positions. Mulder sagged against the door
and moaned as his lover ran a hand down his chest and let it rest
on his crotch. "You're so hard, Fox. Have you been this hard
Mulder grimaced and nodded.
Alex unbuckled Mulder's belt, then undid his pants, sliding them
down to the floor. He stroked the older man through his underwear.
"A little better but not perfect, is it?" Not waiting
for an answer, he pulled the boxer-briefs down, releasing his
lover's throbbing erection. He touched the glistening tip with
one finger, then brought it up to his lips.
Mulder watched entranced, as Alex closed his eyes and licked the
bead of moisture away. As soon as the younger man's finger left
his mouth, Mulder took its place, drawing Alex into another hard
kiss. One hand made its way down to Alex's pants but was immediately
stopped before it could undo the button.
"I want to undress you, Lexei..."
Alex gave no answer. He simply slid to his knees and engulfed
the head of Mulder's cock in his mouth. Mulder's head fell back
against the door and a quick gasp escaped his lips.
His thoughts jumbled and his words slurred into unintelligible
sounds of pleasure as Alex sucked him completely into his mouth,
then withdrew slowly.
When again, only the head remained in his mouth, Alex swirled
his tongue around it, then gently probed the small opening. The
low, feral moans coming from above his head, told Alex that Fox
was past the point of argument. He relaxed his throat and swallowed
his lover's cock, to the base.
Mulder cried out, arching into Alex's mouth. One hand gripped
the doorknob behind him and the other clenched in the sable hair
as he struggled to maintain his balance.
Alex sucked harder, drawing louder moans from his lover. He brought
one hand around to the front, fondling the heavy sac that hung
below Mulder's cock and at the same time, gauging just how close
the older man was to orgasm.
Mulder was very close as it turned out, and from his frenzied
movements and heavy respiration, Alex determined that it was time
to take him all the way.
Mulder's rumbling sobs echoed through the otherwise silent house,
as his orgasm hit. Alex sucked him dry, then lovingly cleaned
him with his tongue as the older man leaned trembling, against
the door. When he was finished, he rose to his feet and met Mulder's
eyes, which were just beginning to open.
The two men stood staring, reading each other, then Mulder's eyes
fell away and he bent to pull up his pants. When he straightened,
he looked back at Alex, who frowned at the expression that now
filled his lover's eyes.
"If this is the way it's going to be," Mulder began
softly, "don't touch me again."
For a moment, Alex could do little more than watch, stunned, as
Mulder moved past him and out of the room. Eventually, he regained
enough composure to turn off the lights and follow the older man
into the bedroom. He arrived in the empty room, then heard the
shower go on. He seated himself at the edge of the bed and waited
until Mulder emerged from the bathroom, clad in a pair of black
boxer-briefs and matching tank. Alex watched as the older man
moved silently to the closet, withdrawing two pillows and a light
"What are you doing?" he croaked, almost afraid to ask.
"I'm going to sleep in the office." Mulder did not meet
Alex's eye as he walked past the bed and out of the room.
Alex's head began to spin.
He followed Mulder down the hall and into the office.
"Fox. Don't. Don't do this. Please? Come to bed."
"I can't, Alex. I'm tired." He dropped the pillows onto
the sofa, then spread the blanket. "I'm tired of this."
He looked up, into frightened green eyes. The sight ripped into
his heart, but he continued. He had to. "I want *my* Alex
back. *All* of him. Not just the bits and pieces that you see
fit to dole out. Until I can have all of you, the way you *were*..."
He shook his head and sat down at the edge of the sofa.
Alex approached and dropped to his knees. He moved to wrap his
arms around his angry lover. "I'm sorry, Fox."
Mulder grasped Alex's upper arms and firmly pulled him away. "Go
to bed, Alex."
Hurt joined fear. "I can't...I can't go to bed without you.
I can't go to sleep, knowing that you're in here..."
"Fox, *please*. I'll do anything you want..."
Mulder emitted a short, harsh laugh. "You don't get that
part, do you, Alex? Doing *what I want*, won't make me happy.
Our relationship used to be give and take. Now, it's only one-sided.
Everything I want. Whatever *I* want. What about what *you* want?
I can't *stand* the way you're punishing yourself. I told you
and I *told* you...apparently my word doesn't mean jack shit,
because you're still doing it. Well, I've had it. You know, I'm
used to having my words fall on deaf ears. Very few people believe
or even care about what I have to say, but I thought you were
"I s-sorry, Fox...I'm..."
"You know," Mulder rasped, "if you say that one
more time, I do believe I'll beat you."
Alex flinched as though he *had* been slapped. He stared wide-eyed
at Fox, not knowing what to do.
Mulder swung his legs onto the sofa and flipped the blanket over
himself. He turned onto his side, facing away from Alex. "Go
Alex hesitated for a moment, then slowly got to his feet. He moved
to the door, then paused once more.
A light glaze covered one eye as Alex looked at the motionless
form on the sofa. Seeing no other choice, he moved away from the
door and down the hall, toward the bedroom.
Mulder lay awake, as he had been since last night.
The dull ache in his chest would not let him sleep. He'd never
intentionally slept apart from Alex. The knowledge that his lover
was lying alone and miserable in the bedroom, gnawed a hole straight
Mulder rubbed his eyes, wincing at the burning, sandy feel.
It was Sunday. He probably should stay where he was and *try*
to get a few hours sleep, but as long as things between him and
Alex remained like this, he knew that sleep would be damn near
He flipped the blanket off and headed for the closed door. The
moment he turned the knob and stepped out into the hall, the tempting
smells of breakfast invaded his nostrils.
He really expected that Alex would still be in the bedroom brooding,
not out in the kitchen, cooking a full breakfast.
Mulder let out a long sigh and made for the bathroom.
Alex looked up from the stove and watched as Mulder quietly entered
the room. He was showered and clean shaven, but looked pretty
much the same way Alex did. Like hell.
Bloodshot hazel eyes, met puffy green. Alex gave Mulder a tiny,
shy smile. Receiving no response, he quickly dropped his gaze
back to the stove. Mulder's voice regained his attention.
"You didn't have to do this."
"I always make you a big breakfast on Sunday."
"You must be tired. You don't look like you slept much."
An obvious lie. Mulder chose not to address it.
He seated himself at the table and pretended to read the paper,
while Alex finished cooking. A few minutes later, breakfast was
served. Both men sat silently picking at their food. Mulder waiting
for a word...*something* from Alex that said he was ready to start
dealing with this problem. But Alex wasn't talking. Not so much
for lack of something to say, but more out of fear of saying the
When it had become obvious that nothing was going to get solved
this morning, Mulder shoved his barely touched plate aside and
pushed away from the table.
"I got some work to do," he announced softly. He started
to turn away from the table, then stopped and turned back. "Sorry
Alex lowered his eyes to his hands, folded in his lap and gave
a weak nod. Long after Mulder had gone, he sat staring at nothing
in particular. Finally, he rose and began to clear away the dishes.
Mulder lifted his glasses onto his forehead and rubbed the bridge
of his nose.
//God, what a headache.//
He glanced down at his watch.
His eyes rose to the door.
He hadn't heard a peep from Alex, all day. He wondered what he
was doing. He missed him.
The soft knock startled him. Alex never knocked. Of course, he'd
never closed the door before, either
The door opened slowly and Alex drifted in. "I umm..."
His eyes skittered all over the room as he spoke. "W-would
you like some dinner? You haven't eaten all day."
"I'm not really hungry."
"You have to eat, Fox."
"A pizza would be fine with me. I'm really not up for any
"What time do you want it?"
"I don't know. An hour or so, I guess."
Alex nodded. He hesitated for a moment, then asked, "You
Mulder turned back to face the computer. "Not really."
He absently raised a hand to his own shoulder and massaged it.
//You *would* have been done hours ago, if you'd kept your mind
on your work...//
Alex lingered in the doorway. Should he or shouldn't he? Finally,
he took a few cautious steps forward and gently laid his hands
on his lover's shoulders. "You should have taken a break,"
he murmured as his hands began to work out the kinks.
Mulder groaned softly and let his head fall forward.
//Oh God, that's good. So good, so....*good* to have his hands
And his mouth. So lightly brushing the back of Mulder's neck...
Mulder's head jerked up and his eyes opened. He pitched forward
and rolled his chair away, effectively rejecting Alex's attempt
The younger man backed away, hands clasping tightly together.
"I'm sorry. I....you just....I thought maybe..."
"I meant what I said last night, Alex."
Alex nodded. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. For a minute,
it just seemed like you wanted..."
Mulder spun out of his chair and sent it slamming against the
"Stop it! Just knock it the fuck off, would you?"
Alex stared, stricken.
"Were you listening to me, last night? I don't *want* this,
_whatever Fox wants and to hell with what *I* want,, bullshit!
Mulder raked his hand through his hair and began to pace. "You
know, after what I said to you last night, making breakfast for
me was the bloody *last* thing I expected you to do! What the
fuck was *that* about, anyway?"
"I...I," Alex stammered, " told you, I always make
breakfast for you on Sunday..."
"After last night?!? Who the fuck are you? *My* Alex never
would have taken that shit from me, never*mind* turn around and
make me a big breakfast the next morning!"
"But...this..this mess is all m..my fault. I just...I just
want to try to make it up to you..."
"Do me a big favor Alex, and *don't*. Okay? I...can't...*stand*...it.
I tried, I did. I *tried* to be patient. I kept hoping that you'd
just get over this, but god*damn*! You just seem to get more and
Alex's breath caught in his throat. He stared mutely at the enraged
man, who had started to approach him.
"You want me to use you, Alex? You want to wash my clothes
and serve me food....sit at my feet like a fucking puppy?"
He grasped Alex's shirt with both hands and yanked it apart, snapping
three buttons. "You want to be my bitch? Suck my cock...let
me come in your mouth, then take yourself into the bathroom for
a nice, cold shower? You really think this shit makes me happy?"
He shoved the stunned man away. "Do you?"
Alex's eyes filled with tears, but he remained silent.
"This shit is driving me crazy, Alex. I don't know what the
hell to do with you and you know, I'm really too tired to try
to figure it out, anymore. It's on you. Let me know when and if
you're ever ready to go back to being *my* Alex." Mulder
retrieved his chair and dropped into it, spinning his back to
the other man.
Two teardrops fell, one after another, as Alex stared down at
the floor. He turned and exited the room, closing the door silently
The moment Alex's presence was no longer felt, Mulder's head rose.
He stared at the door for long moments, then dropped his head
into trembling hands.
Mulder opened his eyes and glanced around. Pale light filtered
in through the blinds of his office window, making it somewhat
easier to read the clock on his desk.
He looked down at himself. Still dressed in the same clothes that
he wore the night before.
He swung his legs off the sofa and sat up.
Sofa? How did he get *there*?
The last thing he remembered was the...oh God, the awful things
he said to Alex and the terrible look of hurt in those beautiful
eyes, just before he turned his back on him.
"Jesus," he whispered into his fist.
Taking a deep breath, Mulder hoisted himself off of the sofa and
exited the room. He moved slowly to the bedroom and paused at
//What are you going to do? Wake him up at five something in the
morning and ask to have a heart to heart? What makes you think
he'd want to talk to you after what you did? When he went nuts
on you last week, *you* left. Shit. Maybe he did the same. Maybe
he left last night after you fell asleep. I mean, could you blame
him? You were a rotten bastard, last night. If I were him, I don't
know if I'd ever forgive you...//
Attempting to mentally prepare himself for the possibility that
Alex might not be there, Mulder carefully turned the knob and
pushed the door open.
Fingers of pale light made their way into the room and slatted
across the bed, revealing Alex, fully clothed, on Mulder's side
of the bed, curled tightly around his lover's pillows.
Mulder stepped silently into the room and squatted beside the
bed. A sad shadow of a smile curved his lips as memories of the
first night, more specifically the first morning, that he and
Alex had spent together, invaded his thoughts.
Mulder had awakened first, feeling a warm presence behind him.
Recalling the night before and thinking that only something completely
and utterly unholy could have done the things that Alex had done
to him last night, he turned to look upon the demon, but found
no such creature. Instead, he found himself looking at the most
innocently beautiful face he had ever seen. He couldn't take his
eyes off of that face, and he knew in that instant, that he would
never want to wake up next to anyone other than this man, for
the rest of his life...
Mulder blinked and refocused on the same sweet face that he'd
looked on that morning, almost two years ago. He reached out and
feathered the surface of Alex's hair with the back of his hand.
"I love you, Lexei," he whispered under his breath.
"Please, come back to me." He drew his hand back, rose
to his feet, and left the room.
Alex blinked in the bright morning sunlight and sat up. A glance
at the clock and some quick subtraction, told him that he'd had
about three and a half hours of sleep. It was more than he thought
he'd get, given the events of the night before.
The pain came back in a rush as he recalled Fox's words and the
look of disgust in his eyes as he said them. After he'd left the
office, he remembered staggering through the house and out to
the yard, where he fell into a chair and sat staring out into
the darkness. Sometime later, he came back into the house and
went straight into the bedroom, where he collapsed, fully dressed,
onto the bed and lay there wide eyed, until sometime after four.
_He swallowed back the threatening sting of tears and got out
of bed. But now that he was up, now what? He didn't know what
to do, what he should...
He couldn't face Fox...not that Fox wanted to see him, *anyway*.
But it was only seven thirty, and chances were great, that the
other man was still in the house.
Should he stay there in the bedroom until he was sure Fox was
gone? Yeah, maybe.
Okay, a shower first, then a shave and maybe by then, enough time
would have passed for him to safely venture out.
Twenty-five minutes later, Alex opened the bedroom door and stood,
listening. All was quiet.
He moved down the hall, slowing his pace when he reached Mulder's
office. The door was wide open and no sound came from within,
so he carefully peeked inside.
Alex entered the living room and looked around. Again, there was
no sign of the other man. He took a deep breath and headed for
the last place Fox might be.
The kitchen door squeaked gently as he swung it open and looked
Alex didn't know whether to be relieved or scared. He headed back
to the bedroom and came to stand in front of Fox's closet.
What if he had no intention of coming back after work? What if
he'd come in last night and packed his clothes?
//One way to find out.//
Alex closed his eyes and slid the door open. He opened his eyes
slowly and nearly sank to the floor in relief, when he found all
of Fox's clothes just the way he'd hung them, neatly, by color.
//What the hell are you so happy about? It's not like you're going
to throw your arms around each other and everything's going to
be fine and wonderful. He's furious with you. He can't stand the
sight of you.//
Alex backed away from the closet and sat heavily on the bed. He
closed his eyes and hung his head.
"Morning, Mulder." Scully tossed her bag onto her desk
as she entered their shared office.
"Oh, hell. What's wrong?"
"Oh, *please*. You can't do nonchalant, Mulder. Just give
it up and tell me why you've got a face, a mile long. You're beating
yourself up over *something*, what is it?"
"What makes you think I'm doing that?"
"I'd know that look of self-loathing, anywhere. Tell me what
Mulder sighed and rubbed at the corners of his eyes. "Your
partner is a prick, Scully."
"That's just a little harsh, isn't it?"
"The truth is seldom pretty. Haven't we learned that?"
"I'll ask you again. What happened?"
"I don't want to go into the whole thing, I just...I can't.
Suffice it to say, that I was so...*rotten* to Alex last night,
I don't know that he'll ever forgive me for it."
"Come on, it couldn't have been *that* bad."
"It could have been and it was."
"Can I ask, why?"
"I couldn't take his behavior anymore. I'd had it and I let
him know, none to kindly. If you could have seen the hurt in his
eyes, you would have wanted to string me up from the highest tree.
But instead of apologizing, I let him leave the room and I just
stayed there, in my office. Fell asleep on the couch. When I got
up this morning, I found him asleep in the bedroom, still dressed,
curled up with my pillows." He smiled sadly, a bright gleam
coating one eye. "You ever see him sleep?"
"I don't think so."
"You'd have remembered if you had. So beautiful. Almost angelic..."
Scully arched one eyebrow. "Ooookaaaay..."
Mulder frowned and looked away.
"I'm sorry Mulder, it's just kind of hard to imagine, you
know? Listen, whatever happened, you've got to straighten it out,
you know that. It'll just eat you up until you do."
"I know Scully, but I don't know how to..."
The ringing phone interrupted Mulder's sentence.
"Mulder. Yeah..what?................We'll be right there."
He dropped the phone into its cradle and looked up at his partner.
"We gotta go. Morelli and his boys have who we believe to
be the killer, in Alexandria."
"Are you okay? You don't sound well and the phone rang so
many times before you answered it..."
"Sorry. I'm okay. Maggie? Would it be all right if we postponed
lunch for another day?"
"I *knew* it. Something's wrong. Are you ill, Alex?"
"I raised four children, sweetheart. Don't try to snow me."
"Okay, look. If you don't want to go out for lunch, that's
fine. I'll pick something up and come over there."
"I'll be there in an hour."
Margaret Scully disconnected and Alex dropped his hand to his
side, letting the phone dangle from his fingers. After a moment,
he placed it on the kitchen table and leaned back against the
cabinets and slowly slid to the floor.
An hour and ten minutes passed, before Alex heard the doorbell
ring. He lifted himself from the spot he'd been sitting in since
Maggie's call, and went to the door.
Eyes as blue as Scully's and bright with concern, skimmed the
figure in the doorway.
"Alex, you look like death."
Alex stepped aside and allowed the petite woman to enter. She
shifted the two bags she carried into one hand and grabbed Alex's
wrist with the other. Pulling him along behind her, she entered
the kitchen and set the bags down.
"Sit down, here." Maggie pulled out a chair and pressed
him into it. She studied his face for a few seconds, then pulled
up a chair for herself. "Your eyes are bloodshot and all
dark underneath. You haven't slept, have you?"
"Not too much."
"Work, I guess."
"You guess? Don't you know?"
"Y...yeah. He's at work."
Maggie frowned. "Does he know you're not well?"
Alex swallowed down the lump that had suddenly appeared in his
throat and lowered his head, a bit.
"I'm not sick, Maggie. I'm okay."
"Okay, you're not sick. Then it's got something to do with
Fox. Did something happen between the two of you?"
"I'd really rather not talk about it."
"I don't want to pry, honey. Whatever happened between you
and Fox is your business. But look how it's got you. You need
to work it out, whatever it is. Can you do that?"
"I don't...I don't know. I don't know if he even wants to,
"Aw sweetie, it can't be as bad as all that."
"You weren't here."
"No, I wasn't. But let me just tell you this. Fox loves you,
Alex. I'm as sure of that as I am, my own name. And I'm just as
sure that you two will get through whatever trouble you're having."
She patted his hand. "Now, how about some lunch?"
Alex wrinkled his nose at the offer.
"I'm not leaving here until you eat something..."
The young man sighed. "Okay, since you went to all the trouble."
Maggie gave him a brilliant smile and began removing the contents
from the bags. "You're going to love this. The cutest little
French sandwich shop opened up downtown..."
Mulder turned his head in the direction of his partner.
"It's after six. We could be here for quite a while, yet.
Shouldn't you call Alex?"
"Yeah. I should. I've been telling myself that for over an
"So, I don't know what to say to him."
"What do you *want* to say to him? Besides, _I might be pretty
"I want to tell him that I'm sorry about last night and that
I love him more than he can know."
"Sounds pretty good to me."
Mulder pulled his cell phone from his inside breast pocket and
walked away, trying to find a quieter place within the precinct,
to make his call. Finally, he found a spot and dialed his home
number. The phone rang four times before he heard a brief rustle
and a soft, hoarse, _hello,.
"Umm, look, uhhh...I'm going to be late. The suspected killer
has been caught and I might have to be here at the police station
for a while, yet....Alex, are you there?"
Mulder closed his eyes and drew a steady breath.
//What the hell did you *expect*?//
"All right, then. I'll uh...I guess I'll see you when I get
home, if it's not too late."
"See you later, then."
Mulder leaned forward, pressing his head to the wall in front
of him, phone still to his ear.
//Well, that went well.//
He pressed 'end, and shoving the phone back into his pocket, rejoined
"That was quick."
"Okay...you didn't tell him, did you?"
"I don't think it would have done much good if I had."
"Meaning, you didn't."
Mulder ignored Scully's last statement and moved down the crowded
hall, toward the interrogation room. "Let's see if we can't
move this along, huh?"
Alex lay back against the pillows, blindly flipping through channel
after channel. He shifted again and again, unable to find a comfortable
position on the stiff pillows. His focus on the television blurred
as he thought back to Fox's call, a couple of hours ago.
He was shocked at hearing the soft monotone, telling him he'd
be late. He truly had not expected it. He didn't know what to
think at all, really. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know
what to *feel*.
Not true, exactly. He *did* feel something. A few things, actually.
Hurt, confusion, regret...hurt...loneliness...hurt...
Alex closed his eyes and tried to think of something else. Something
happier. A tiny smile played at his lips as he recalled the first
night that he and Fox spent in their new home.
Boxes everywhere, furniture in complete disarray. And instead
of straightening the mess out, they opted to leave everything
as it was until morning. They'd cracked open a big bottle of champagne
and drank the whole thing, while they ate five-alarm buffalo wings
and bacon and cheddar potato skins.
By the end of the bottle, neither man was feeling much pain...
"What's so funny?"
The more Alex looked at Mulder, the more he giggled.
"C'mon, tell me!"
"Nothing..nothing, it's just.." Alex broke into hysterics.
Mulder leapt from his little patch of floor, landing with surprising
grace, on top of his lover and pushing him onto his back.
"You gonna tell me?"
Alex pushed against Mulder's chest, but he was laughing to hard
to have much effect.
Mulder easily pulled the younger man's hands above his head and
pinned them there. "Tell me what's so funny, or I'll *really*
give you a reason to laugh.
Alex's eyes widened. "No," he choked. "No Fox,
Screeches of laughter bounced off of the bare walls, as Mulder
mercilessly tickled the man beneath him.
"Cut it...*out*...*shit*....I can't...can't....*breathe*!"
"Are you going to tell me what you were laughing at?"
"*Yes*! Just stop!"
Mulder drew his hand back but remained poised to resume the assault,
if Alex didn't talk.
"It was nothing..." Alex drew a deep, shuddering breath.
"You just..you have this spot of sauce right on the tip of
"Yeah." Alex grinned up at him. "It's just funny!
It's been there for like, five minutes now. How can you not know
"Why didn't you say something instead of letting me sit there,
looking like an idiot?"
Alex began to laugh again. "I just wanted to see how long
it'd take before you noticed, if at all."
"I'm sorry." He smiled up at Mulder. "Let me get
it off, for you..."
The trapped man lifted his head off the floor, far enough to make
contact with his captor's nose. His tongue inched out and licked
at the orangy-red spot. "Wait...it's kinda stuck..."
"Yeah..." More laughter. "It's been there so long,
it's started to dry..."
Mulder lifted his hand to rub at his nose.
"I said I'd get it off."
"You also just said that it was *dry*."
"So? Just takes a little more work, that's all...."
Alex's tongue swiped at the sauce a couple more times. "There.
It's gone." His eyes took on a devilish gleam. "Oh...wait...there's
some over....here...." Again, the tongue slithered out, this
time making contact with the older man's lips.
Mulder groaned softly and his lips parted far enough to let his
own tongue slip past them, making contact with the one teasing
The amused gleam in Alex's eyes was quickly replaced with one
of desire. He gathered up the necessary strength and rolled the
older man onto his back, sprawling along the length of his body.
Mulder sent up a lazy grin. "Are you trying to take advantage
of my slightly inebriated condition?"
"Yes. Would you care to protest?"
"Only if you stop."
Alex's soft laughter vibrated against Mulder's lips, then the
interior of his mouth, as they came together. The laugh melted
into a whispered moan, when the man beneath him threaded a hand
through his hair and deepened the kiss.
Mulder shifted position slightly, trying to relieve the increasing
discomfort in the crotch of his jeans. The action caused him to
brush against his quickly hardening partner.
Alex broke the kiss and buried his face in the curve of Mulder's
throat. "I have a question for you," he murmured against
his lover's rapidly pounding pulse.
"Why the hell are you still dressed?"
"I was just about to ask you that same question."
The two men undressed each other, practically ripping the clothes
from their bodies, then fell together again, Alex still on top,
slowly rolling his hips, rubbing his full-blown erection against
Mulder's. The older man's eyes rolled up into his head and his
lids dropped over them.
Mulder nodded silently.
Alex kissed him again. Hard and long, then pulled away, smiling.
"Now, what?" Mulder panted.
"You know, we gotta do this in every room in the house, before
the week is out, or we'll have bad luck."
Mulder's eyebrows drew down into a distinct frown. "Where
the hell did you get *that* from?"
"I never *heard* of it."
Alex kissed him again, laughing. "Okay, I made it up. But
it sounds good, doesn't it?"
Alex shrugged. "I know. But you love me."
Mulder clasped a hand at the back of the younger man's head and
pulled him down into another kiss. "Yes, I do."
They made love twice that night, intense desire fueled by the
joy and excitement of embarking on this new life together.
They fell asleep, entangled on the mattress, on the floor of the
bedroom that would be theirs, happiness radiating from every pore.
Two rooms down, six to go...
Alex's smile faded as he came back to harsh reality and wondered
if he and Fox would ever have nights like those, again.
Mulder slipped into the house, moving deftly through the darkness.
A quick glance into the empty living room, and he moved on to
the kitchen. Also empty. He proceeded to the bedroom and pushed
the door open. His heart began to beat a little faster, when he
found the bed, still neatly made.
//Calm down. He's gotta be here, somewhere. His truck is still
in the garage...//
Mulder checked the bathroom, then journeyed back down the hall,
to his office. That room, like the others, was vacant.
As he leaned against the door, thinking of where to look next,
a slim band of flickering light down the other end of the hall,
caught his eye. He walked toward the light and paused at the door
of the guest bedroom. He listened to the faint drone of the television
and leaned his head against the door.
//Shit. Okay. Go in? What if he's asleep? Do I wake him? I'm sure
he's had as little sleep as I have. All right. If he's asleep,
I leave him alone. If he's awake...if he's awake? Yeah, good question.
What the hell do I do, if he's awake?//
Making the decision to play it by ear, Mulder turned the knob
and pushed the door open. The television provided a strobe-like
effect, flaring unsteadily across the figure on the bed. Mulder
approached carefully and looked down at his lover, propped against
a mass of pillows. His thick sable eyelashes gently swept the
swell of his cheek and his mouth...that perfectly bowed, infinitely
kissable mouth, parted slightly, making visible, just the tiniest
flash of white teeth.
Mulder studied the beautiful face, feeling the strong urge to
wake the sleeping man and ask him...demand, if necessary, that
he come back to their room with him. But what right did he have?
After the way he'd treated Alex last night, he was lucky that
the younger man was still here, in the *house*.
Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. He'd take the morning...the *day* off,
and they'd talk. Get this all straightened out. Hopefully.
He eased the remote from underneath Alex's hand, and shut the
The soft click, snapped Alex's eyes open. Mulder heard the sudden
intake of breath, and flicked the t.v. back on. Startled but exhausted
green eyes, met his.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
Alex glanced at the clock. Eight minutes after midnight. He looked
back at Fox, but didn't meet his eye.
"Just get in?"
"Yeah. They've got the bastard. There's a good case against
him, I don't think he'll slip the noose."
"Thanks to all your work."
Mulder shrugged, then took a seat at the very edge of the mattress.
"Uh...so...since you're awake, could we...would you mind..."
Alex sat quietly, staring down at his loosely folded hands.
"I'm really sorry about last night. I was such an asshole.
I didn't mean the things I said..."
"Sure you did," Alex said flatly. "Or you wouldn't
have said them. It's okay. You're right. I am pathetic."
Alex nodded. "This is my problem, Fox. I won't bother you
with it. When I've got it worked out, I'll let you know, okay?"
Mulder sat with his head down, hearing his own words, coming back
to haunt him.
"You look really tired," Alex said softly. "Why
don't you go to bed?"
//Not without you, Lexei. Come with me. Let's fall asleep wrapped
in each other's arms, like we used to...//
Mulder hesitated a moment, wanting desperately to give voice to
his thoughts, but the words refused to come. He got to his feet
and moved slowly toward the door. He stopped there, hand on the
knob. He spoke to the man in the bed, without turning his head.
Receiving no answer, he opened the door and slipped out as silently
as he'd arrived.
Alex watched the closed door for what seemed like an eternity,
hoping that Fox would come back through it, promising him that
everything would be okay and ask him to please, come back to their
When he realized that it wasn't going to happen, he rolled onto
his side and closed his eyes, trying to ward off the pain that
swept through his body. He finally fell into a fitful sleep, sometime
in the early morning.
Mulder entered the kitchen at seven twenty-two, looking around
at the pristine room.
He stood, hands resting on a chair, frowning in confusion.
//That's *bacon* I smell, I know it...//
His eyes fell on the stove. The oven was on, the knob turned to
*warm*. He pulled the door down and found a covered plate inside.
He retrieved an oven mit from the counter and removed the plate.
Taking the lid off, he found the bacon he'd been smelling, accompanied
by a stack of pancakes.
He couldn't believe this. Alex had apparently gotten up long before
he had, made him breakfast, then conveniently, disappeared.
Mulder set the plate down on the table, then sat in front of it.
He hadn't much of an appetite, but Alex had gone to the trouble
of preparing it for him, so he at least had to try.
To his surprise, he ate about half of the meal. Much more than
he imagined he could.
Much as he hated to do it, he scraped the rest down the disposal,
then placed the dish in the dishwasher. The thought to seek Alex
out and at least thank him, crossed Mulder's mind, but if Alex
had wanted to talk, he wouldn't have made himself scarce.
Mulder pulled open a drawer at the end of the counter, removing
a pad of paper and a pen. He scribbled a brief message across
the yellow paper, then left for work.
Three hours later
Alex entered the kitchen and went to the refrigerator for some
orange juice. He poured himself a glass and leaned against the
counter, taking notice that the oven had been shut off. On his
way to the stove, he noticed the small piece of paper lying on
the table. He slid the paper toward him and tilted his head at
a slight angle to read.
He stared down at the note for a while, his thumb stroking across
the two word message. Finally, he picked the paper up and let
it drop into the garbage.
Another lonely night.
Mulder had come home early today, hoping that Alex might be in
the mood to talk. But after the younger man fixed dinner, he excused
himself, then retreated into the guest bedroom, not to be seen
for the rest of the evening.
Mulder had tried once to initiate a conversation while Alex cooked,
but it went nowhere...
"Can I help? Is there anything I can get...chop..."
He gave Alex a wary smile. "Slice, dice, puree?"
"N-no. I got it under control. Why don't you just go relax?
Dinner should be done in half an hour or so."
He should have said something more. *Done* something...pulled
Alex away from the goddamn stove, spun him around and laid a long,
tender kiss on him, *begged* him to talk this out, but *noooooo*.
What did he do? He turned around and went out to the living room,
where he brooded in front of the fucking t.v. for forty-five minutes
until Alex came out, carrying a plate and a bottle of Corona.
He set them down on the coffee table, placed a neatly folded napkin
beside the plate, then left Mulder alone...
Mulder grimaced, propping himself up against three pillows, while
hugging the fourth to his chest.
How long was this going to go on? He couldn't take much more of
the silence. He couldn't take much more of the loneliness. He
needed to see that smile that greeted him at the end of every
day...feel those strong, sure arms around him...hear his lover's
sweet, passionate whispers in his ear...
Sleep came to Mulder, painfully slow. Every waking moment, plagued
by thoughts of his Lexei, hurt and alone as he was, tossing and
turning, lying sleepless in the bed he owned, but was not really
//We gotta stop this, Lexei. We gotta...before *we* stop...//
Alex's eyes opened and he looked at the clock.
Great. Less than thirty minutes after he'd finally fallen asleep,
he was awake again.
Something roused him. He didn't know *what*, but...
He listened in the darkness, hearing nothing but silence, then...there
it was. Abrupt. Terrified.
Alex bolted from the bed and fled the room. Before he reached
the bedroom, Fox's voice sounded again, literally screaming...*Alex's*
name. The sound froze him for a split second, then he was throwing
the door open and falling onto the bed beside the sweat-soaked,
"Fox..." Alex stroked his damp hair away from his forehead.
"*Fox*, wake up..."
It'd been more than six months since the last nightmare. He was
doing so well...when they first moved in together, Alex had discovered
that Mulder had frequent nightmares. He'd wake up in the middle
of the night, screaming his sister's name. Sometimes it only took
a few minutes to calm him down...sometimes longer. Sometimes,
the only way to stop the incessant shaking, was to occupy him
with other things. Alex would kiss him gently, skimming his body
with loving caresses, until Fox began to whimper not with fear,
but with need. Then Alex would make love to him, making him forget
the terror and pain of his sister's loss.
But this wasn't Samantha's name, Fox was screaming. It was *his*...
"Fox!" Alex shook him gently. "Wake up, baby..."
Mulder's thrashing subsided and his eyes drifted open. The first
image within his focus, was that of Alex's frightened, concerned
face. He reached up, touching the younger man's cheek, and began
to tremble violently. "Alex....oh God, Alex..."
Alex pushed himself up into a sitting position, against the headboard
and pulled Fox into his arms, rocking him gently. "It was
just a dream, Fox. It's over. It's okay..."
Fox clung tightly to Alex, pressing his face into the younger
man's chest, as Alex continued to rock him, and for that moment,
they weren't two men whose relationship teetered on the brink
of destruction. They were just Alex and Fox, wrapped in the warmth
of each other's arms, giving and receiving comfort.
Alex stroked the golden-brown head, scattering tiny kisses over
the crown, as Fox continued to shudder uncontrollably.
"What were you dreaming about?"
Mulder took a few hard breaths and began to speak. "It s-started
out like all the..the r-rest. Samantha floating out the win..window
and me not being..." another long, shaky breath, "being
able to do anything...then it changed...I don't...I don't know
where I was, but...it was dark, and...you were..." he tightened
his grip on the front of Alex's t-shirt, "...were there.
You were in this black pool of w-water, I guess. You were struggling....drowning,
and you kept...kept calling me...reaching out for me, and I just..."
his words started to come out in gasping sobs, "I just stood
there, watch...watching...I didn't...I didn't..."
"Easy, Fox." Alex rubbed his back. "Come on, breathe..."
"I didn't do anything to save you..."
"It's the same as with Samantha, Fox. You were paralyzed..."
"No! You don't...don't get it! I *could* have saved you...I
know I could've, I just...I just, *didn't*. I stood there. I watched
you slip into that blackness. Then I realized....oh *God*, I realized
that I wanted to pull you out. I *tried*, but it was....it was
too l-late. You were gone." The tremors increased. "I
let you go...I let you go..."
"You didn't let me go, Fox. I'm right here. Look at me. Please,
look at me..."
Mulder turned tormented eyes up to Alex's face.
"See?" he whispered. "You didn't let me go."
The two men stared at each other for long moments, Alex still
lovingly stroking Fox's cheek. Finally, it was Fox, who tilted
his face downward.
"I can't...I can't s-stop shaking..."
"Are you cold?"
The other man nodded.
"I'll get you a blanket..." Alex loosened his hold on
Fox and started to move away, but the older man would not release
"No." He looked up again, into unsure green eyes. "Don't
let me go...please."
Alex hesitated, then slowly relaxed back against the headboard,
again encircling Fox in his arms. "Okay." He rested
his cheek on top of the quivering man's head and gently rubbed
his back and arm.
A long silence passed before Alex curved a finger under Fox's
chin and lifted his head. "You're still shaking. It's not
just the dream, is it?"
Mulder blinked, trying to keep his focus on the sea of deep green
above him. "I can't...can't lose you..."
Alex shook his head, opening and closing his mouth. Wanting to
speak, but unsure of what to say. So he decided against speech.
His head lowered slowly to his lover's, tentatively brushing the
full lips with his own. The tiny gasp emitted by the man in his
arms, prompted a deeper kiss.
Mulder groaned into the other man's mouth and wound an arm around
his neck. It wasn't very long at all before they were kissing
as passionately as they ever had, tongues stroking and caressing,
teasing each other with the promise of what was yet to come.
"I need you Lexei," Fox whimpered against Alex's mouth.
Alex nodded, then slipped a hand under Fox's shirt, stroking his
overheated skin, loving the feel of the rippling muscles, beneath
his fingers. "I missed you so much, Fox. I'm so..."
He stopped, biting back the words. Fox pulled away from his mouth
and met his gaze on a level.
"You don't..." Fox drew a shaky breath. "..have
to apologize, Alex. But go...go ahead, if you feel you need to.
I know, *I* do."
Alex studied him for a moment, then spoke. "I'm sorry for
all of this. I've caused us so much trouble...please forgive me."
Mulder imparted a tender, shaky kiss on Alex's lips, then replied.
"I'll accept y-your apology, but I'm the one who needs to
beg forgiveness, not you. I was awful to you baby, and I hate
myself for it. I'm so s-sorry I hurt you. Can you forgive *me*?"
"You wouldn't have had to do what you did if I wasn't acting
the way I was..."
"Can we talk it all out, Lexei? Make it right?"
"I want that more than anything."
Mulder smiled, raking his fingers through his lover's hair. "I
Alex returned the smile as the other man moved in for another
kiss. And another. And still another, until both men were panting
heavily, tearing at the scant clothing that each of them was wearing.
Once they were naked, Alex rolled Fox under him and attacked his
mouth once more, thrusting his tongue into the wet heat.
Fox surrendered himself to his lover, happier than he could ever
express, to have him back. "Lexei," he whispered between
kisses. "My Lexei..."
Alex's mouth moved away from his lover's, licking and nibbling
at his chin, then the sensitive flesh underneath. He worked his
way down to Fox's throat, then made a sudden detour north, paying
loving attention to his ear.
"Jesus, I missed you..." His teeth clamped down gently
on Fox's earlobe and pulled, before teasing the interior with
the tip of his tongue.
Shivers raced down Fox's spine as he writhed beneath his lover.
His fingers clenched in the lean muscles of Alex's back, prompting
a deep groan. Fox shuddered, feeling the vibration pass into his
ear and straight through the center of his body.
Alex left Fox's ear and worked his way back down, pausing along
the way, to trace the ridge of his collar bone with the tip of
The younger man smiled against his lover's quivering flesh, then
continued on, working his way down to one hard, brown nipple.
Fox hissed in surprise, feeling the gentle graze, then the sharp
pinch of teeth, as they clamped down and pulled.
"Oh, God. You're driving me crazy, Alex....*Alex*!"
Alex held Fox's nipple firmly between his teeth and flicked at
the tip with his tongue, sending the older man into a frenzy.
"Christ, I can't..can't stand it! Been too long, Lexei. Please.
"You're right." The soft, smoky voice drifted up to
Fox's ear. "It *has* been too long. And that's why were going
to wait. I want this to last."
Soft whimper. "How long?"
"As long as I can make it."
Alex was back. And he was taking no prisoners.
"Relax, beautiful. It's going to be a long night."
Alex returned to the reddened little peak, gently feathering it
with tiny, teasing lashes.
God, he loved the way Fox tasted. He loved the sounds, soft and
not so soft, that he made. He adored the way he felt...hard and
soft....rough and smooth...how did he ever go...how the hell long
was it? Made no difference, it *seemed* like a lifetime, without
experiencing all the pleasures his lover's body had to offer.
Fox's head rolled frantically against the pillows, as Alex moved
to torment his other nipple. He plunged his fingers into the sable
silk, unsure of whether he wanted to pull Alex away, or hold him
No matter, as Alex was going to do exactly what *Alex* wanted
to do, anyway.
God, Fox was glad to have him back...
Alex's teeth closed around the second nipple, treating it to the
same type of attention that the first had received.
"Oh God, oh....*shit*!" Mulder gritted his teeth, taking
every bit of painful pleasure that Alex saw fit to dish out. "You're
killing me, Alex. I hope you know that..."
The smoky, seductive tone crept again, into Fox's auditory nerve,
curling around his brain. "I know that you love it...don't
A sharp pull on the flesh, recaptured between Alex's teeth.
"Yes! Alex, I'm *begging* you!"
"It'll do you no good."
"Nothing. Not tonight." Alex smiled at the low whine.
"Don't worry, baby. I promise, it'll be worth the wait."
"You mean, the...torture..."
"Such a harsh word." Alex turned his attention back
to Fox's nipple, bestowing a series of delicate licks and kisses.
Mulder's hands moved on Alex's back, using quick, erratic strokes,
his respiration rate almost matching that rhythm.
Alex began to move again, drifting south at an excruciatingly
slow pace, taking care not to ignore a single square inch of skin.
His heart pounded in an almost identical rhythm to that of his
lover and his own cock screamed for release, but he absolutely
refused to rush this. It felt so goddamn good to have his Fox
writhing beneath him, begging for his touch and it felt even better
to finally be able to give them both what they needed without
feeling that crippling guilt and self-hatred.
Fraction by fraction, Alex worked his way down to his lover's
twitching cock, nipping at the salty-sweet skin, then thoroughly
soothing the tiny irritations with his tongue. He moved down another
inch and felt the moist tip, brushing the underside of his chin.
He hooked two fingers around the base and pulled Mulder's cock
away from it's resting place. Then, parting his lips, he brought
his mouth down over the head, but would not let it touch the warm
A low, warning rumble came from somewhere above his head.
Alex ignored the sound and drew his mouth away.
The younger man rubbed his cheek ever so gently against the velvety
"I'm really...*really* ready..."
"I know you are," Alex whispered absently, intently
watching his own finger, run circles around the swollen head,
spreading a thin coating of pre-cum over the blunt surface.
"Well," Mulder spoke again, trying to rein in his impatience.
"Do you think maybe...we could get on with it?"
"W-what do you *mean*, nope?"
Alex continued to entertain himself, now tracing a path along
the vein on the underside of Mulder's cock. "Nope. As in,
no. Uh-uh. No way, Jose..."
Mulder drew in one shaky breath. Then another. He spoke to Alex
in a soft, barely controlled voice.
"You *do* realize that I'm going to have to make you pay
*big* for this..."
Alex's voice came back in a smooth purr. "Ooooh, you promise?"
"You can bet the ranch on it."
The younger man moaned his satisfaction and began inflicting dozens
of tiny, butterfly kisses up and down his lover's length. Reaching
the tip for the fourth time, he released a series of quick tongue
lashes all around the head.
"Oh, *Jesus*...Alex...*please*. If you *love* me..."
"You know I love you, Fox."
"Then, please. For *God's* sake..."
"Have you ever studied my cock, Fox?"
"Have you ever looked at it?"
The impatience was seeping through, again. "Yeah. Sure. Looks
pretty much like mine."
Alex propped his head up in his hand and observed the organ in
question. "Maybe at a quick glance, but I think they're like
hands. No two are the same."
"I'm gonna kill you..."
"For instance, yours curves the tiniest bit to the left...*my*
left, not yours..."
"You're a dead man..."
"Does yours, *what*?"
"I don't...look, Alex. I'll check it out later and describe
it in minute detail to you, okay? But for now, would you just
"You might think this is kind of sick, but...you know when
I best like to give you head?"
"After we've come in from a run or just finished working
out. I love that salty, clean sweat taste..."
"God, I can see it now. _Gee, Mr. medical examiner, I don't
know *what* killed him. I hadn't even fucking, *touched* *him*
"You shouldn't clench your jaws like that, Fox. That's how
my uncle Vlad wound up with TMJ. Poor man couldn't even open his
mouth to eat. He had to be fed through a straw..."
Mulder covered his eyes with his hands. "You can't kill him.
You'd regret it, later. You love him, you can't kill him. You
*can't* kill....ohhhhhhhhhh, yessssssssssss......"
Making the sudden decision to play nice, Alex opened his mouth
and slid it over the entire length of Mulder's cock.
Mulder's face contorted in intense pleasure, as his lover used
ever talent at his disposal, to bring him to the very edge of
"No, don't stop! Don't..."
Alex released Fox from his mouth and slid up over his body.
"Shhh. Easy." He grinned at the man beneath him. "That
was close, huh?"
Through gritted teeth. "*Yes*."
Alex dropped his head to the other man's, dragging his tongue
heavily, across his mouth. "You can't come yet."
"Oh God, why not?"
"Because I want to be inside you, when you do."
"Well, *get* there, would you?"
"All right, all right. Now, where did I put the lube..."
"You've got three seconds to find it."
"And if I don't?"
"You're going in without it. Sure as shit wouldn't be the
Alex smirked, pulling open the nightstand drawer. He made a show
of rummaging through the contents, then produced the tube. "Hmm.
Feels kinda light. I'd better remember to put that on my shopping
Mulder groaned and tilted his head back against the pillows. A
few seconds later, he felt a hand in his hair, and his head being
tipped forward, pulled into a soul-melting kiss. Alex released
him long moments later, and whispered against his mouth.
"I love you, Fox."
Mulder's eyelids lifted and he found himself staring up into the
sober, green gaze of his lover. Before he could respond, he felt
himself being lifted and positioned. A loud gasp escaped his lips,
as he felt himself being stretched and entered, slowly.
Alex threw his head back, releasing a long moan, as he struggled
to get control of his body. It screamed at him. Pleaded with him,
to plunge ahead and put an end to this torture he'd created for
Fox and himself. But he couldn't. Not now. He couldn't deny either
of them the pleasure of this moment. He moved slowly within his
lover, pushing forward a bit, then pulling back, repeating the
process, over and over, until he was completely sheathed in Fox's
"Ohhhhhh, yes....Lexei...it's been so long...."
Alex lowered himself onto Fox's chest, his trembling arms no longer
able to hold him up. The older man's arms immediately wrapped
around his back, stroking and massaging the taut muscles.
"My God," Alex said in a breathless whisper, rocking
slowly. "You feel so, *so* good..." His mouth came down
tenderly on Fox's, drinking in his lover's soft whimpers. His
tongue dipped into the dark warmth, searching for and quickly
finding its mate...caressing and tasting the sweetness that belonged
to Fox, alone.
Involuntary shudders ran through Mulder's body as Alex continued
to feed on his mouth, and began a series of slow, deep thrusts.
He tightened one arm around the younger man's back, while his
other hand wandered downward, stroking over the tense muscles
of his ass.
Alex broke the kiss and buried his face in the curve of his lover's
shoulder, concentrating all his efforts on maintaining control.
A difficult thing to do, since Fox was squeezing his ass, pulling
him in tightly on every downstroke.
"Fox...*damn*...Fox, don't...I can't hold on, if you're..."
Mulder showed no signs that he'd heard a word of what Alex was
trying to say. The only thing that filtered through the sensual
haze he was in, was the urgent demands of his body. He tilted
his hips, giving Alex greater access, then joined his left hand
with his right, coaxing his lover to increase the speed and strength
of his thrusts.
Alex held up well under the pressure, but when the soft, gasping
moans began, he threw in the towel. Alex Krycek was a man who
had always prided himself on his patience and restraint, but he
learned early on, that he had no defense for those sounds. They
were as irresistible to him as the man who made them.
Slipping one hand under Fox's head and the other between their
hips, Alex grasped his lover's cock and began to milk it in time
to his movements.
Mulder's head twisted to the side and a loud sob tumbled from
his open mouth.
"It's right there Fox," Alex panted. "You feel
Mulder nodded, unable to speak.
"Come on, then. Come with me...come on, baby..."
Mulder's body tightened as his orgasm hit, squeezing his lover's
cock in a vise-grip. The sensation resonated through Alex's whole
body. He groaned through gritted teeth and drove into Fox with
all his strength, feeling the rush of his own release, only seconds
later. Their hoarse cries tore through the room as Alex continued
to pound into his lover, refusing to quit until sheer exhaustion
caused him to collapse. He fell on top of Fox, intermittent shudders
running through his limp body.
"Alex..." The almost inaudible whisper sounded, long
Alex moaned softly, already slipping back into unconsciousness.
Mulder worked a hand between them. "Baby, let..." He
managed to grasp Alex's hand, which was still wrapped tightly
around his cock. "..let...go."
Alex heard and understood, loosening his grip and moving his hand
away. He let it drop on the pillow, beside Mulder's head and the
older man could not resist turning his head to taste himself.
He wrapped his arms around Alex's back and stroked it slowly,
while he dropped several kisses onto the head, nestled against
Mulder smiled at the sleepy mumble.
He laughed softly. "It's okay. I don't want you to."
He tightened his hold on his lover. "Go to sleep."
There was no need for that last instruction. Alex never heard
//What the hell is that? Oh...the phone...//
Alex's head jerked up and looked around. His action caused the
man beneath him to stir. He stretched over Fox and grabbed for
Scully's eyebrows rose at the sound of the hoarse _hello,.
"Yeah. Scully, what's..."
"I'm sorry I woke you, but...Alex, would you have any idea
where Mulder is?"
Alex looked down at Mulder, whose eyes were just beginning to
open, then glanced over at the clock.
Mulder blinked up at his lover, noting his expression, then lifted
his head to look at the clock.
He could hear the smile in her voice. "Is that Mulder, I
Before Alex could answer, Mulder took the phone from him.
"Sorry Scully, I completely forgot to set the alarm."
"Uh huh. Will you be coming in today, or should I go see
Morelli without you?"
"N-no. I'll be there. Give me an hour, okay?"
"You got it. Hey, Mulder?"
"Sorry I woke you boys up."
Mulder grinned into the phone. "See you soon." He hung
up and turned his attention to the man draped over his chest.
They stared at each other for a long while, Mulder stroking Alex's
cheek, then he spoke. "I don't want to leave you, today."
Alex strung a trail of moist kisses across Fox's chest, before
answering. "I know you don't. But you've got work to do."
"Scully understands. I should call her back."
Alex sat up and grasped Mulder's arms, pulling him up as well.
He kissed the older man's chin, then the corner of his shoulder.
He leaned forward until his forehead rested in the same spot.
"Go to work, Fox. We've got plenty of time to catch up."
Mulder threaded his fingers through Alex's hair and pulled his
head away from his shoulder. Their eyes met and held.
"Last night was incredible."
Alex kissed his arm, then gave him a thoroughly heart-melting
pout. "So, you don't want to make me *pay*, anymore?"
"Oh no, you're still going to pay for what you did to me.
Oh *God*, you're gonna pay..."
Alex's face brightened. "Later?"
"You must be the only person I know who looks *forward* to
Alex dropped a hand to his lover's thigh, tracing light circles
on it, through the sheet. "Only if you're the one dishing
Mulder groaned softly. "If I don't get up right now, I never
"Okay." Alex threw the sheet off and slipped out of
bed. He motioned to Mulder to do the same. "Let's go. You
told Scully an hour and we've already wasted about fifteen minutes.
Go get into the shower. I'll get your clothes."
Mulder swung his legs off the bed and looked Alex up and down.
Mostly down. He stepped forward and wound his arms around his
partner's waist. "I got a better idea," he murmured,
pressing their erections together.
Alex groaned. "Your better *idea* is going to make you later
than you already are."
Mulder just smiled and wrapping his hand around Alex's cock, led
him into the bathroom.
"An hour, huh?"
Mulder bustled into the room and yanked open a file drawer. "I
know. I'm sorry, I got stuck in uh..." he looked up at Scully's
amused face. "traffic."
Mulder tried to cover his grin as he searched through the drawer.
"I called Morelli and told him that we couldn't make it there
until twelve-thirty. He wasn't thrilled to have to juggle his
schedule around, but he did."
Scully drummed her fingers on Mulder's desk. Waiting. Finally,
she'd had it.
"What the hell *happened*?"
Mulder pulled the found file out and closed the drawer. He walked
over to his desk and dropped into the chair, before he spoke.
"We still need to do some talking...clear the air, but now,
we're both in agreement about that. We're traveling the same path,
"I can safely assume that the kissing and making up phase
has begun, though?"
A soft smile curved Mulder's lips. "Yeah."
"Thank *God*. Well, come on. We'd better get out of here.
Morelli's mad enough."
Mulder quickly scanned the file for the information he was looking
for, then jumped up and headed for the door. "Okay, let's
roll. The sooner we wrap this case up, the sooner this day will
Scully walked out after him, laughing. "You know Mulder,
there was a time when I'd practically have to drag you away from
work at gunpoint..."
God, this had to be the damn longest day on record.
Mulder pulled into the garage beside the black pickup and looked
down at the clock, before cutting the motor.
He grinned, recalling his conversation with Alex, earlier this
afternoon. He was up to something. The devious tone in his voice
left no doubt about that. He'd asked when Fox would be getting
home, then insisted on pinning him down to an exact time. When
asked about it, Alex said nothing more than that he'd had a special
dinner planned, and if Fox was late, it would be ruined.
He exited the garage and walked slowly to the front door, looking
around. Nothing out of the ordinary, so far. He unlocked the door
and pushed it open, causing a piece of paper attached to a string,
to drop down in front of his face. He yanked the string away from
the doorframe and read the note.
_Hi handsome. Please go directly into the dining room.,
Smirking uncontrollably, Mulder followed the written instructions.
He walked to the dining room, sniffing at the wonderful aromas
coming from the kitchen. The smirk turned into a full grin, when
he opened the door and found the dining room alight with at least
a dozen candles and their favorite music, wafting softly through
the air. His gaze fell to the table, which he noticed was exquisitely
Mulder walked over to the table and found another note on his
_Sit. Relax. Pour yourself a glass of wine and wait for me.,
Shaking his head, Mulder seated himself and pulled the bottle
from the ice bucket, beside the table. Having filled his goblet,
he returned the bottle to its resting place. He lifted the glass,
momentarily entranced by the way the shimmering candlelight reflected
in the burgundy pool, then brought it to his lips.
Having spent the majority of the day in a smoke-filled police
station, his throat had become a bit irritated, and the chilled
wine felt like heaven. Fox sat quietly, letting the wine and the
music do their job, while he contemplated the meaning of the single
A quarter of the way through his second glass of wine, he heard
the door open. He smiled into the goblet but did not turn around.
"You were early," the low seductive voice came from
directly behind him.
"You were so adamant about me not being late, but I didn't
figure it would be a bad thing to be early."
"It's not. I just hadn't intended for you to wait so long."
Mulder raised his glass for another sip and nearly choked as he
caught Alex out of the corner of his eye, coming around his left
side, carrying a large silver tray and wearing nothing but an
earring and a decidedly evil, little smile.
"Dinner is served."
Mulder gaped at the man beside him, unable to say a word.
It was an even better reaction than Alex had expected. He set
the tray down and moved closer to his shocked lover, skimming
the slack jaw, as he glided around to the back of the chair. "Let's
get your jacket off." He gently pushed Fox forward, and worked
the suit jacket down his arms, and off. Draping the garment across
the closest vacant chair, Alex returned to Fox's line of sight.
The left corner of his mouth slanted upward, as his hands slid
up his lover's shoulders, coming together at his throat. He loosened
the tie enough to slip it over Fox's head, then dropped it down,
around his own neck. He then turned back to the table and began
serving the contents of the tray.
Fox watched all of this, mesmerized and still, very speechless.
Not even his thoughts would come to him in a coherent pattern.
Alex finished serving the food, then picked the pale celadon napkin
up, and placed it neatly over the prominent bulge in Fox's lap.
He then leaned back against the table, and lifted a forkful of
tender Chateaubriand to the older man's mouth. "Open up,"
he instructed in a soft, singing tone.
Fox finally found his voice, raspy though it was. "Are you
going to eat?"
Alex slipped the fork into his opening mouth. "So I could
give you all my attention."
Mulder chewed the meat and swallowed.
He nodded. "Where are your clothes?"
Alex gave him a cryptic smile. "Would you like me to go put
Mulder shook his head.
"Very sure." The seated man raised a hand to Alex's
thigh and swept the length of it.
"Ah, ah, ah. No dessert till *after* dinner.
Mulder pulled the corner of his lower lip into his mouth and let
his hand drop from Alex's leg.
Alex speared a tiny red potato and popped into the other man's
mouth. "How was your day?"
"Long. One of the longest, I can remember."
"Aww. My poor Fox. Well, you're home now. You can relax."
"And how do you suggest I do that?"
Alex cocked his head, giving Mulder a curious look.
"You're leaning against the dining room table, *naked*, less
than six inches from me, feeding me my dinner and you want me
"Is it that much of a distraction?"
Mulder snorted around a mouthful of food. "Like you didn't
Alex continued feeding him. "You've seen me naked a million
"This is just a little different though, you know? You truly
"I gathered that from the look on your face."
Mulder took hold of his necktie, just brushing Alex's chest with
the backs of his fingers, and tugged gently on the silk. "Looks
good on you."
Alex merely smiled and held another forkful up to his lover's
Mulder closed his lips around the fork and pulled the food away,
never taking his eyes off of Alex's. When he'd swallowed, he wound
the tie around his fingers. He patted the table with his other
hand. "Hop up."
Alex raised one dark eyebrow. "You're supposed to be eating..."
"I will. Up."
Alex sighed, seating himself on the table.
"You know..." Mulder began, picking bits of food out
of the plate. "..this is very good. Excellent. But it would
taste that much better..." He lined the contents of his hand
up, along Alex's thigh. "..if I ate it..." He nuzzled
the other man's knee. "..like this..."
Alex sucked in a quick breath, as his lover picked the first morsel
up, dragging his tongue along the skin as he did.
"You're an evil, evil man..."
"You started it," Mulder murmured against the younger
man's thigh. "Now, I'm going to finish it."
By the time Fox had finished his dinner, Alex was a wreck. He
fought to control the tremors that passed through his body, every
time Fox's mouth grazed his skin. When the last bit of food was
eaten away, he released a long breath of relief.
Fox rose to his feet and planted his hands on either side of Alex's
hips. "That was the most delicious meal I've ever had."
He leaned in, laying a soft kiss on Alex's lips. "Thank you."
"You *really* want to thank me?"
The older man leaned in, stopping when their mouths were only
fractions apart. "Sure, I do."
Mmmm, I don't know..."
Mulder rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, giving his lover's
request some thought.
Alex rubbed his head against the lightly stubbled cheek. "Fox..."
"I need you," he whined softly, licking his way up to
the Fox's ear. "*Please*."
Alex slid off the table and wrapped himself around his partner,
grinding their hips together. "Do me..." He let out
a sharp gasp as Mulder suddenly spun him around. The older man
grasped the end of the necktie, winding it around his hand, until
he held it snugly to the back of Alex's neck.
"Slut." The amused whisper dripped like honey from Fox's
"Is it going to get me what I want?"
"And then some."
Alex groaned at the feel of his lover's lips traveling up the
side of his neck. Mulder held the necktie taut with one hand,
as the other crept up and down his chest. Over and over Mulder's
fingers skimmed his nipples, teasing them for just a moment, then
flitted away. Alex twisted within his lover's grasp, his moans
becoming increasingly anguished.
"Good?" Mulder plucked at one nipple, pulling a strangled
cry from his captive.
Alex drew a gasping breath and nodded.
"Remember what I promised you this morning?"
Mulder walked him over to the nearest chair and pushed him to
his knees in front of it. "It's payback time." He loosened
his hold on the tie and slipped it over Alex's head and off. He
grabbed both of the younger man's wrists, wrenching his hands
behind his back and securing them together with the knotted tie.
The blood thundered through Alex's body as he was pushed down
over the seat. He closed his eyes and made a conscious effort
to try to control his ragged breathing as Mulder ran a hand lightly,
over his back.
"Oh, yeah. This is great, thanks."
"Do I detect a note of sarcasm in your tone?"
Mulder removed his hand and pulled another chair up. He lowered
himself into it and studied the man in front of him.
Alex opened his eyes. "What are you doing?"
"Just admiring the scenery."
"The *scenery* would like to make a request."
Mulder tilted his head in curiosity.
"It's one very simple request."
Mulder leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. "You've
got some damn nerve, you that? How long did I beg *you*, last
"I don't know, I wasn't keeping time."
Mulder dropped to his knees beside Alex's head. He brought his
face down to the one resting on the chair and whispered into the
exposed ear. "I was."
Alex whimpered softly.
"And now you're going to pay me back with interest."
"Come on, Fox..."
"You were looking forward to it, this morning. What happened?"
"Can't a guy change his mind?"
Mulder's tongue inched out, tickling the sensitive interior of
Alex's ear. "Sure. But that doesn't mean that *another* guy
is obligated to listen." He smiled to himself, listening
to the sound that came out of Alex, undecided on whether it was
a laugh or a sob. Maybe both. "So. What have you got for
Alex wiggled his ass. "It's right here. Come and get it."
Mulder moved around to the rear, investigating Alex's offering.
"Mmm. Looks good." He snapped his fingers. "You
know, I just had a thought..."
"Should I be scared?"
"I don't think so...do we have any ice cream?"
"You didn't sound very convincing."
"No...really...no ice cream."
"Think I'll go check for myself." Mulder rose to leave
the room but before he got to the door, he stopped. Doubling back,
he freed Alex's hands, only to tie them in front of him, to the
leg of the chair. "You stay put, now."
"Oh, like I've got a choice?"
The older man planted an affectionate peck on his cheek, then
left the room. What seemed like an eternity later, he was back.
Alex gritted his teeth and squinted. "Yeah?"
"I thought you said we didn't have any ice cream?"
"Is that what you said?" *I* thought you said, iced
*tea*. Cause see, we're out of *that*. I gotta remember to put
it on my shopping...Ow! Hey!" Alex winced at the stinging
slap delivered to his right ass cheek.
"Shame on you. Lying to me..."
Another slap. This time, across the left cheek. Alex's body jumped
and his cock throbbed in response.
Mulder smiled at the low, frustrated growl. "That turn you
Another moan. This one, louder than the last.
"You'll be really pissed in the morning, if you come all
over the carpet," Mulder warned.
"I can't think that...that far...ahead."
"Ohhh...poor Lexei. Let me cool you off a little."
"Shit!" Alex's muscles seized, as his lover rubbed a
spoonful of ice cream over his ass.
"Relax, babe. Enjoy it. Isn't it soothing?"
"S-soothing? It stings!"
"It won't in a minute. Oops, it's starting to run..."
Mulder got on his knees behind Alex and licked the dripping ice
cream off of his skin.
"Mmmm." Mulder ignored him and spread more ice cream
over him, this time, working the spoon into the crevice of his
"*Christ*! Watch it with that thing, would you? You're in
sensitive territory, there!"
Mulder's only response was a soft, nasty chuckle.
"I *really* think you're enjoying this a little too much,"
Alex hissed into the seat cushion.
Mulder observed the intermittent jerk of the younger man's hips.
"No more than you are." The spoon moved in an upward
direction, then away. Mulder discarded the utensil, then laid
his tongue flat against the smooth flesh, and began to lick the
thin layer of sticky sweetness away. Alex clenched his teeth together
so tightly, his jaw was beginning to ache. Mulder worked slowly,
savoring every twitch, every muffled groan. When every last visible
bit of ice cream was gone, he gently spread Alex's cheeks and
returned to his task. Alex jerked against his mouth, a loud roar
breaking from his constricted throat. Mulder cleaned him thoroughly,
taking extra care to tease the small opening, which prompted a
long stream of curses to pour from the younger man's mouth. Mulder
lifted his head and leaned over Alex, pressing his chest to the
perspiration dampened back. He rocked his hips against his lover's
ass, taking his torment a notch higher. "Such profanity.
I can't believe I let you kiss me with that mouth...and *other*
"It's cause I'm just so *fucking* good..."
Mulder reached down, untying Alex's hands and pulled them both
into an upright, kneeling position. His hands wandered over the
body in front of him, intentionally ignoring that one thing that
was begging for his attention. "Very true. Why don't you
show me *how* good..." He rose to his feet and walked around
the kneeling man, coming to a halt, in front of him.
Alex looked up at his still, fully clothed lover. His hands slowly
rose up the backs of Fox's thighs and over the curve of his ass.
Pressing his hands there, he leaned in and rubbed his cheek against
the rock-hard bulge. Heard the soft hiss of breath, and tipped
his head to the right, closing his teeth over the restrained shaft,
and pulling gently.
Fox's fingers plunged into the dark hair, closing around the silky
strands. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations a while longer,
before Alex released him and reached for his belt. He opened his
eyes and looked down to find his lover looking up at him through
the thick fringe of his lashes. He touched one hand to Alex's
cheek, sliding his thumb back and forth, across the smooth skin.
The kneeling man turned his face into the touch, hungrily licking
at Fox's palm. Once he had the belt undone, he made quick work
of the rest, pulling the garments off of Fox's lower body. Fox
favored him with those looks that would drop most women and quite
a few men where they stood, and began unbuttoning his own shirt,
as Alex wrapped his mouth around the head of his cock.
"Oh *God*," Fox whispered, tilting his head back, as
Alex proceeded to tease him mercilessly. "Easy, baby. Easy..."
He struggled to get his respiration under control as his lover's
mouth slid delicately, up and down on his cock. He shook his head
and pulled Alex away by his hair. "I can't," he panted.
Alex smirked up at him. "I was barely touching you."
"I know, but...I couldn't. I couldn't even take *that*."
"Well then..." Alex risked a soft kiss on the weeping
tip. "You're ready to explode....*I'm* ready to explode...what
do you say we do it together? *Now*."
Mulder studied Alex for all of ten seconds, before he pulled the
younger man to his feet and hauled him out of the dining room
and into the bedroom. He practically threw Alex down onto the
bed, before spinning him onto his stomach and shoving a couple
of pillows under his hips.
Alex shook with anticipation, as Fox jerked the nightstand drawer
open and reached for the lube. Hastily slathering his cock with
the gel, he draped himself over Alex's back and worked a slick
finger into his ass. Alex whimpered softly and pushed back against
the probing finger.
"I know, baby. Hang on." Fox added a second finger,
adequately stretching his lover, then removed them, leaving Alex
twisting in agony. He emitted a shaky laugh, gripping Alex's hip
with one hand. "Hold still, will you?" His other hand
grasped his cock by the base, guiding it, slowly thrusting into
the man beneath him.
Alex clutched at the sheets, pulling them away from the mattress
and burying his face in the pale yellow material that was gathering
in a heap, by his head. His muffled cries prompted increased movement
from Fox, who had now given up any thoughts he may have entertained
about dragging this out a minute longer.
"Oh, yeah..." Fox grunted into Alex's ear, squeezing
a hand between his lover's hips and the pillows, to take hold
of his cock. He rocked forcefully against Alex, increasing the
tension, and jerked the cock in his hand faster, trying awkwardly,
to match the speed of his thrusts. "I'm...oh...Jesus..."
Fox pressed his face into the side of the younger man's neck,
groaning loudly, as he spent himself inside of his lover. Alex
came seconds later, screaming into the sheets and coating Fox's
hand and the pillow with warm, slick fluid.
They lay joined together, struggling for each breath. Fox moved
first, inclining his head to kiss Alex's shoulder. He licked his
lips, then his lover's shoulder, enjoying the salty sweet taste.
Alex moaned, then shifted as much as the weight pressing down
on him would allow.
Fox kissed him once more, then gently disengaged himself, drawing
another moan, this time, one of protest.
"Now my back is cold," Alex grumbled at the man who
had just dropped onto his back, beside him.
Fox snickered softly and pulled himself up, covering Alex's back
with his chest. "Okay?"
Alex snuggled happily into the sheets. "Mmm hmm."
The two men lay quietly together, content with the silence for
a while. Then Fox spoke up.
"Thought I would be, but no. You?"
"No." He eased himself off of Alex and waited, while
the younger man flipped over and propped himself against the pillows,
tossing the soiled one onto the floor. Alex spread his legs, pulling
Fox between them. The older man backed himself against Alex's
chest, sighing contentedly, as a pair of warm arms came around
him. He entwined the fingers of one hand with Alex's, and brought
the hand up to his lips.
Alex nuzzled the side of Fox's head and whispered against it.
"I can't tell you how happy I am to be here with you like
this, and how scared I'd been that I might never be, again."
"I know. Me too." Fox held on to Alex's hand, bringing
his arm back down, across his chest. "I hated sleeping alone
in this bed."
Alex nodded in agreement. "I couldn't stand it. That's why,
after that first night, I moved to the guest room."
Fox tipped his head up so that their eyes met. "Do you sleep
there when I'm away?"
"No. It's different, then. You know...there's nothing wrong,
you're coming back. It's comforting to sleep on your side of the
bed with your pillows. But knowing that we were in the same house
and you didn't *want* to be with me..it was just too much to take."
"I'm sorry." Fox reached up, cupping the back of Alex's
head. "That was one of the stupidest things I've ever done.
I tortured us both, needlessly."
Alex tightened his arm around his lover's chest. "Hey, I
was driving you crazy. I'm shocked that you were able to put up
with it for as long as you did..."
"What happened, Alex? Can you explain it to me? I'm not pushing
for answers that you may not have, I just want to understand as
much as I can."
"Sorry, it's not going to be much. I just know that I was
fine, until you mentioned the name Mark Richardson. The jealousy
overwhelmed me. I can't explain it. I *knew* him and I knew what
he'd be up to. And I *knew* I should have trusted you, I had no
reason *not* to, but I couldn't help myself. And I could feel
the anger. I wanted to kill him. That's no exaggeration, Fox.
I had to fight every instinct I had, to keep from whacking the
guy. I hadn't had a thought like that in ages. But it cropped
up," He snapped his fingers. "just like that. I pushed
the anger as far away as I could. I didn't want to be who I could
feel myself becoming...I didn't want to be who I used to be. But
every time his name was mentioned. Every time something happened
that involved him, I felt myself slipping another notch."
Alex rubbed his cheek into the golden-brown silk under his chin.
"I uh...I never told you or Scully but...I went looking for
Richardson, after I left her place that day. I wanted to kill
him in the worst way. I didn't find him of course, which is a
good thing, for him. And me, I guess. And you." Alex sighed.
"I could've screwed up the rest of our lives, if I had."
Mulder said nothing. He rubbed Alex's arm, soothing the younger
man, and let him continue.
"I just came home, after I couldn't find him. I don't even
know how I got back here. The thought kept running through my
mind, that wherever he was, you were with him. I didn't know what
to do. I wanted to kill *him*, that much was clear. But as far
as you were concerned...everything was a blur. I was so confused...when
Scully came over to talk to me, I was a mess. I'd worked myself
into such a state. But she kept talking to me and some of the
sense she was making, managed to make it through the rage and
I started to see a way out of the place I really didn't want to
be in, in the first place. She helped me clean up the mess in
the garden and convinced me to go back to her place and talk to
you. When we got there, and you were gone, something inside of
me, snapped. Again, she tried to tell me that everything would
be fine and that you were probably home, waiting for *me*, but
I couldn't believe that, a second time. I told her I'd go home,
but getting Richardson was the only thing I could think about
doing. I kept seeing these images of him touching *my* Fox. Doing
things to you only *I* should do..." Alex's eyes misted.
"And I couldn't stand it. When you walked in and found me
sitting in the living room, I'd already had myself convinced that
you were there to tell me that we were done. Needless to say,
it surprised me to hear what you *did* have to say."
"And you believed me..."
"Yeah. Well, it occurred to me that it would be very easy
to check out your injured hand story and you'd know that, so why
would you lie about it, you know? And then the guilt came sweeping
in. And all of a sudden I couldn't look at you. I couldn't stay,
knowing what I'd done. I felt lower than dirt. Like I used to
feel, before. And the scum that I was before, wasn't good enough
to be near you. Not nearly good enough..."
Fox turned onto his side and pulled Alex's head down for a soft
kiss. It said all it needed to say. The younger man continued.
"Yet, I needed you. I was so screwed up. I felt I had to
leave, but I *wanted* to stay and when you stopped me from packing
my bags and told me you loved me...after all that had happened,
it just ripped me in two. I *really* hated myself, then. And every
time you touched me and I accepted the pleasure, I felt like I
was taking something that wasn't rightfully mine. Like I was stealing.
And I hated myself some more. I had to try to fix it. To replace
what I'd taken from you, and then I started to *over*compensate,
I guess, for my failings. *That* started to piss you off and I
didn't know which way was up. I lost sight of myself. I didn't
know where I belonged in your life anymore, if *anywhere*, until
"Why did last night change things?"
"I was feeling useless. Like a contemptible piece of shit,
you'd just scraped off your shoe. I was sure that it was just
a matter of time until you'd realized what I already had. That
I was just in the way, and we'd be history. Then last night...you
needed me. And there was no time to think about all that had happened
or the consequences for what *could* happen. All of a sudden,
I was *me*, again. Not the cold-hearted assassin of the past,
not the jealous, pathetic, insecure jerk, I had become. I was
the man you trusted and loved. The *real* Alex...holding you and
making you believe that everything was okay. You put yourself
in my hands. You trusted me to make it all right and that trust
restored my strength and my identity."
Fox kissed the base of Alex's throat. "I'm so glad you're
back. I *missed* you."
Alex hugged Fox to him and nodded silently.
"Promise you won't disappear on me like that, again?"
Fox curled up against Alex's chest. "And listen, if you want
to punch me for all that stuff I said to you..."
"No. It hurt like hell Fox, but I know that you were desperate."
"Still. I'm so sorry. I love you, Lexei and I never should
have let myself blow up like that."
"It's all right," Alex whispered. "Let's just start
Fox tilted his head, looking Alex in the eye. "Okay."
The younger man slipped a hand through Fox's hair and his head
descended for a long, tender kiss. When he pulled away, he smiled
down into sparkling hazel eyes. "I've got something I want
to show you."
Fox chuckled softly. "I've seen it, but I'll be happy to
take another look..."
"Anybody ever tell you, you've got a dirty mind?"
Fox recoiled in mock astonishment. "*Never*."
"Very convincing. Do yourself a favor, okay? "Don't
quit your day job."
Fox flipped himself back into his original position, resting his
back against Alex's chest. "So, what do you want to show
Alex reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a rather
battered looking, black leather bound book. He lowered the book
onto Fox's thigh, laying his hand on top of it.
>Fox placed his hand over Alex's and looked down at the book.
"It's a journal. I started it the night I came to you with
the offer to help."
"Yeah. I wanted some kind of documentation. Some way to keep
everything straight. And in case something happened to me, you'd
have it as a point of reference. Someplace to go, if you needed
to." Alex smiled into his lover's hair. But somehow, it wound
up being something more. I wrote in it almost every day, until
shortly after we got together."
"Where've you kept it all this time?"
"I went to Byers and told him about it. Told him that it
was in a fireproof box, under the fifteenth floorboard in the
living room in my apartment and made him promise never to tell
you about it, unless I was dead. When we moved in together, I
gave it to him and held him to the same promise."
"How come it's taken you almost two years to show it to me?"
"I don't know."
"What made you decide to show it to me, now?"
Alex shrugged. "I just thought...I just...it's part of me.
And you should know. I never let you in on my thought processes,
how I came to the decisions that I had...how and why I felt the
things I felt during that time, and since all this confusion,
I thought maybe somehow, it might help to...I don't know. Maybe
there could be something in there...understanding...validation."
He dropped his forehead into Fox's hair and heaved a deep breath.
"Just...read it, would you?"
Fox rubbed the back of Alex's hand, making no move to pick the
Alex waited, anxiety slowly creeping in.
The older man turned his eyes up to meet his lover's. His soft
smile eased the apprehension.
"For finally giving me every last little bit of yourself."
Alex looked from his lover, to the journal, then back again. "Is
that what I did?"
The smile broadened. "Yeah." Fox lifted the journal
and set it down a few inches away. "Can this wait for just
a little while?"
"Yeah, I guess...why?"
Fox turned, pushing Alex down onto his back. "I really want
to read your thoughts and I will, but right now, there's something
I want even more..."
Alex giggled softly as he clamped his arms around his lover, dragging
him down on top of his quickly hardening body. "Fudge ripple?"