Disclaimer: OK, I stole the boys again, Chris Carter is their
owner, but they like me, they honestly do
Spoilers for Sleepless. If you are offended by explicit male to
don't go here, it will not make you happy.
Thank you to Fleur and Frankie for their beta. Thanks to Frankie
idea. She just keeps on popping them out.
Feedback junkie here. Tell me your thoughts. Make me a better
won't go away!:)
By Dr. Ruthless
"He had a gun!" The words slide and skitter crazily
over my thoughts. He
did, he had a gun. He was going to shoot Mulder
I saw him.
I killed him!
Killed as in dead, bye-bye, all gone, goodnight, eyes staring
sightless, cold, stiff, dead.
I killed him. Oh my God, it was so easy, I didn't really think
about it. All
I did was aim and fire. Now he's dead and he will be dead forever.
did that all on my own. I feel sick.
"Mulder, he had a gun." The words are blurted out. There
is a pause then in
which I look mutely at him hoping for absolution, and he knows,
he knows I need to hear him tell me it's OK. Why doesn't he tell
me it's OK?
It isn't OK is it? Because of me, this man is dead. He's lying
there on the
ground and he's just so much meat. Stepping shakily around Mulder,
to the wall and retch, bringing back my breakfast. My stomach
rebelling with painful dry heaves when Mulder comes and lays his
hand on my
"Come on Krycek, you need to get out of here." There
is pressure on my
shoulder, but it feels friendly, and I go with the pressure, moving
Mulder towards the stairs and down into the daylight. I shake
and my teeth
chatter. Is this how it's going to be? I think I want to go and
be an engine
driver, not a junior G-man. I can't do this.
Mulder brings me to the car and I sink into the passenger seat
argument. So what if his loony driving almost killed me? I deserve
feel tears springing hot into the back of my nose, a feeling as
if I just
inhaled pepper. My sinuses are clogged and my head begins to ache.
don't make me cry in front of this man. Give me just a little
Mulder engages the gears, and we head out of there at warp speed.
concentrating on the road and I'm grateful. I'm still shaking
trust my voice to reply if he asks me some deep psychological
how I'm feeling. I zone out, and the reaction makes me dizzy.
The car draws to a halt, and Mulder is shaking my shoulder again.
I blink at
him owlishly and he gets out of the car, waiting for me. I follow.
really know where we're going and I don't care. I just want to
sit until I
feel better. There are stairs, and then a corridor. Mulder uses
a key and
opens a door, ushering me inside and pointing to the couch. I
sit. He goes
to the cabinet in the corner and gets out glasses and a bottle
of some sort.
He pours and I hear the glug-glug sound that tells me this is
bottle. Then he hands me the glass and I take it.
"Drink it Krycek, you'll feel better." His matter of
fact voice pierces my
misery, and for want of something better to do, I raise the glass
lips. It's vodka, neat, warm, oily and disgusting. I drink it
and he takes
"Do you want to talk about it?" He's being kind. Looking
at him sitting
there in his silk suit, eyes earnestly and kindly fixed on mine,
I feel a
rush of affection for him. He's got better things to do with his
he's sitting here in his apartment trying to make a dumb freshman
better about something he must regard as one of the routine parts
"God Mulder! I killed him and now he's dead and gone. I never
it before, but he's really gone and I did it." Mulder is
through sleepy hazel eyes, and I notice what long eyelashes he
"Krycek, is this the first time you killed someone?"
I nod, not trusting
myself to speak. He kneels and moves forward towards where I'm
suddenly, he has his arms around me, and my head is buried in
His suit is silk, and it feels cool and wonderful on my hot cheek.
to myself that I mustn't cry, it will spoil the jacket. It doesn't
strange to be sitting here accepting comfort from a man. His cologne
spicy, and there's an odour of male underlying it. Not sweat or
just he's a man, and I can tell. It's sexy, very sexy.
"You did right. You believed that my life was in danger and
me. Thank you for that Alex."
My head comes up in a jerk. He is still kneeling but he removes
from around my shoulders. I'm looking at him, wondering if he's
underlying agenda for this. I'm remembering that my employer has
me to seduce this man, and a twitch goes through my belly. I've
never.....not with a guy. I don't hate gays or anything, but I
don't...I like girls.
I look back to Mulder, and unbidden, the image of him climbing
out of the
swimming pool floats up in front of me. The long flat slabs of
muscle in his
back and shoulders, the narrow waist and tight buns, the powerful
sleek, muscular arms are right there in my memory, and I wonder
hell my subconscious is trying to tell me. I think about Andrea,
Her image is refusing to come, and Mulder emerging from the pool
back in centre stage. I shiver again, and Mulder obviously misinterprets
this. He moves then to sit on the couch beside me, talking in
flat voice of his while he does so.
"You know, it's good that you're taking it like this. Killing
something you should be able to do without qualms. If you feel
about everyone you kill, you'll be a good agent." His hand
comes up to
ruffle my hair, and I lean into the contact somehow. I want the
think that's what it is. I'm not gay and I don't have a thing
So why is it that I want Mulder to put his arms back around me?
I hang my
head because I can feel my face turn hot and I know I'm blushing.
off in his summing up of the situation because he sighs and folds
me up in
his arms again, rocking me slightly. My head is swimming from
vodka on an empty (oh yeah!) stomach. I turn my head into his
nestle in as close as I can get. I haven't felt so safe for a
long time. He
strokes my back and I have a real desire to stay here for the
rest of the
day. My hand comes up to try and touch his face, and I have to
conscious effort to keep it still. I compromise in the end by
tucking it in
next to my face, just next to his neck. We stay like that for
"I'm sorry Mulder." I mumble, my tongue feeling large
and clumsy in my
mouth. "I think I'm a little bit drunk." He turns his
face to look at me,
leaning there on his shoulder and he is smiling. His face lights
up when he
smiles. I've never seen him do it before, but it was worth waiting
me tell you. I smile in return. I must look a little dopey because
widens, and he starts to stroke my ear very delicately with the
tip of his
finger. All of a sudden my chest is feeling incredibly tight and
I have to
gulp in order to get enough oxygen into my lungs. I'm giving him
of my unfocused stare when suddenly he leans his head forward
and his lips
are on mine, soft and moist, moving over my mouth. His skin is
with just the hint of stubble to come, and his tongue is pushing
into my mouth, darting into all the corners, sliding over mine.
confused. Is this right? Do I want this? I concentrate on the
try to decide if it's good or if it's bad. Meanwhile my hands,
hands get away from my control and go up to hold his face between
I'm drowning in this kiss. It goes on forever, and he methodically
my mouth with his. His lips don't press hard. He's not aggressive
He just does the job so thoroughly, my toes start to curl up.
getting this feeling in my mid-section that I really don't want
about right now.
After what seems like an eternity, he pulls away from me and sits,
at me as if he's trying to read my thoughts. They are probably
over my face anyway and I shake my head in confusion.
"Krycek...Alex?" He's expecting something. Maybe he
thinks I'm going to hit
him, or throw up, or something, I don't know, but I'm not. I want
kiss me again. I'm still trying to tell whether or not I like
"Mulder, I....I don't know...I haven't ever done this..."
My voice runs down
like a clockwork toy, jerky and slow. He has his arms around me
still but he
brings his hands back to my shoulders to push off my suit jacket.
I can feel
the heat of him through the soft cotton of my shirt, and there
air in this room.
There's certain inevitability about the way he pulls my face to
fixes his mouth over mine. I can't stop him, don't want to try.
his tongue invades my mouth and I find myself responding, my own
running over his teeth. One of his hands is slipping up and down
coming to rest on the back of my neck at the end of each stroke,
other moves up between us to caress first my neck, then moves
down to stroke
my nipples through the shirt. I slide an arm around him and for
he takes it as an invitation. He presses backwards until I am
lying on my
back and he is covering my body with his. He doesn't break the
kiss for even
a second, and I'm gradually coming to the conclusion that I do
like it. I
like it a lot. My spare hand threads itself into his hair, and
I find I'm
massaging the back of his neck.
This strikes me as irresistibly funny, and I start to splutter
which (though therapeutic I'm sure) has the net result of breaking
long, long kiss. Mulder lifts his head and smiles again. My belly
I can feel a distinct presence inside my pants. I'm wondering
to happen next and thinking that I'm getting an education that
I didn't put
my name down for. Am I still here because I want to be, or because
scared to run away. Maybe it's just because of the vodka. I hope
because of the vodka.
I look lazily up at Mulder, who is running his hands all over
feeling good now, I mean really good, but I don't know if I want
to go any
further than this. I know partners are supposed to have a bond
but this is probably over and above the call of duty.
"Mulder, what are you doing here? I'm straight you know.
I don't..." His
mouth halts my words, and also all conscious thoughts. The kisses
getting harder and deeper now, and his hands are circling my erogenous
like sharks, darting in to nip or tweak from time to time. I am
sweat. This feels good, very good. It feels so good in fact that
I find I am
gasping like a landed fish as waves of lust break over me. I moan
mouth and once more he disengages, pulling himself up to stand,
"Come on!" He leads me into his bedroom. It's small
and the bed takes up
most of the space. He turns to face me and begins to unbutton
loosening my tie and dropping it carelessly behind me before shucking
shirt off my shoulders and allowing it to flutter down to lie
where it will.
I'm strangely shy, feeling very vulnerable standing here without
and evidence of my excitement tenting out the loose suit pants
I have on.
Mulder tosses his clothing onto the chair in the corner of the
room in a
matter of fact way. He's not doing a strip for me, he's just getting
in the most efficient way possible. I look at the body in front
of me, and I
know that I'm curious. Try everything once, I tell myself, and
if you like
it, do it again. I'm still standing like a fool, holding my hands
of my hard-on and wondering if he wants me to make the next move
don't think I can.
He steps in and his hands run over my chest, down to my belly,
and the pants
are suddenly undone, slipping down my legs and tripping me. I
sit down with
a bump onto the bed, and lift my feet to shake the encumbrance
and shoes go too, and I'm left in my boxers. Mulder is sniggering
and I realise that they are the ones with Mr. Happy from the Mr.
"Mr. Happy? Oh, Krycek!" He cracks out laughing again,
and I smile
uncertainly, feeling like a total dork. I don't feel that way
for very long
though because he sits down beside me again and starts necking
with me. He's
kissing me, stroking and pulling, nipping and licking, touching
everywhere he can reach. I throw my head back and let him. I think
myself, this is how girls must feel when I'm all over them and
won't take no
for an answer. Of course I haven't said no. At this stage I don't
could possibly say anything except maybe "Please!" but
I do start to run my
hands over those muscles I remember from the pool.
He groans and rolls to press his penis up against me. This makes
me jump a
little I admit. I look down at it, and it looks back at me, it's
weeping a little. I'm wondering where he's going to put the thing!
thinks I can do with it. I consider the alternatives and clench
cheeks together firmly. I can't possibly do that! It would be
would tear me in two! It's huge. Ouch!
Mulder meanwhile is feeling down the front of my boxers, and Mr.
to play. This also strikes me as irresistibly funny, and I start
all over again, which is probably a defense mechanism. Mulder
rears back to
look at me, and his expression is very tender, unlike any I've
seen on his
face before now. I stop my giggling, and try to communicate with
"Mulder, I don't know what you're expecting from me, but
I don't know how to
do this. I don't want tothat's going to kill me, look at it!"
down at me and starts to place kisses with wet centres all over
my face. My
eyelids, my hairline, my cheeks and my neck, nibble at my nose
and then the
corners of my mouth get the treatment. I'm lying here likelike
a girl while
he kisses and strokes me. He lifts his head up again to look at
me, and his
hand finally drops down to my cock. Hands push down on my boxers
to let it
out, and he grasps it, squeezes it and I can't help myself, I
push into his
hand. He kisses my mouth again. His tongue knows it's way now,
and mine is
beginning to like the company. Mulder is slowly working my dick
up and down,
while pressing himself against my thigh. I am just about choking,
I feel so
strange, so excited, so out of control. I've never been out of
this. The kiss is finally over, and he doesn't say anything, but
work his way south. He licks, sucks, flicks his tongue over me.
I just lie
and gurgle, and hope my arteries can take it. I;m lost in a whirl
sensation. Everything is moist and wet, his mouth is hot and his
dipping into my navel. That's another first. Ewww. He goes lower,
God, he's not going.yes he is. He is and he has.
Tentatively at first he licks around the end of my cock. It feels
as if he's
setting me on fire, but feels so good. He closes his lips on me,
whole mouth slides down the shaft of it, making me jerk my hips
like a crazy
thing. His hands find their way to my balls, and he strokes them,
them, feels below them and then his damp fingers are working their
the crack of my ass. Oh, no! I panic and wriggle. Mulder lifts
his head up
to look at me again and gives me another encouraging smile.
"It's OK Alex, I'm only going to make you feel good. I'm
not going to hurt
you, I promise. Just relax and trust me, in a minute you'll be
did." I am moaning almost continuously and what I really
need is for him to
put those gorgeous lips of his back around my prick and for him
to suck me,
but he doesn't. He pulls away, leaving my cock twitching with
a life of it's
own, while he roots around in the drawer beside his bed. A grunt
satisfaction indicates that he's got whatever he was looking for,
proceeds to squirt stuff from a tube, which he then starts to
apply to my
butt. I'm feeling better and better, as the pressure he exerts
something down there thinking about playing the game. All of a
has his finger inside me, and his mouth goes back down around
my penis. He
sucks me in, so far in I wait to see if he gets a bulge in the
back of his
neck. That finger is working it's way in, out, in again, and on
its way it
brushes against something that I didn't know I had, but I will
revisiting in the future. I yell his name and my whole body pulses,
and spurts out of the end of my cock, waves of hot joy carrying
with it. I don't know what it was that I yelled, but he finally
and smiles, before squirming up to lie on top of me and give me
one of those
deep kisses. The taste on his tongue is from me. This seems somehow
exciting than anything else so far. I am aware that he is still
as hard as
granite, and he's probably expecting me to do stuff to him.
"Alex, You're so beautiful Alex." I'm still dizzy, only
now it's desire.
He's pushing up against me, and I grab hold of his cock making
Looking around for inspiration, I must have been acting like a
because he chuckles and pulls me back to lie beside him.
"Listen Baby, I know this is new and scary, so let me do
the work and show
you how, OK? Think of it as sex 101 tonight. Maybe tomorrow there
will be a
test, but you have to complete the coursework first. His busy
working on that cock of mine while he is talking, and despite
the fact that
I just blew all my seals, Mr. Happy is getting up again! Mulder
on more grease, and the feel of his hand stroking me rhythmically
nice. I can tell he's done this before. I collect some of the
start to reciprocate. I can do this, it's like jerking myself
off, only in
stereo. Then, Mulder scares me again. He turns his back into me,
and with a
wriggle and a twitch, my dick is inside him, and he's pressing
into me, forcing it higher. I'm feeling really good again, he
is hot and
tight and everything seems to be throbbing as he slides up and
down on me.
My hand goes back to his penis and I resume pumping it, which
makes him scream. I hear my name from his lips and then I feel
him come. It
starts with tightness around my dick, and progresses to a pulsing
up and down it that has me coming out in sympathy. His penis throbs
the sperm shoots, white and messy, all over my hand, his belly,
everywhere. He turns his head over his shoulder and gently bites
lip, before kissing me one last time.
"Alex..." He whispers my name. I'm starting to shake.
I just came up a
senior agent's ass. I'm lying here naked in his arms and I wonder
world will ever go back to normal. Strange how much can change
in the course
of one afternoon. I'm on a journey now, and like Alice in Wonderland,
don't know if I'll ever be able to get home.
Sue aka Dr. Ruthless