Disclaimer: OK, I stole the boys again, Chris Carter is their official
owner, but they like me, they honestly do

Spoilers for Sleepless. If you are offended by explicit male to male sex,
don't go here, it will not make you happy.

Thank you to Fleur and Frankie for their beta. Thanks to Frankie for the
idea. She just keeps on popping them out.

Feedback junkie here. Tell me your thoughts. Make me a better writer. I
won't go away!:)

White Rabbit

By Dr. Ruthless

"He had a gun!" The words slide and skitter crazily over my thoughts. He
did, he had a gun. He was going to shoot Mulder

I saw him.

I killed him!

Killed as in dead, bye-bye, all gone, goodnight, eyes staring wide and
sightless, cold, stiff, dead.

I killed him. Oh my God, it was so easy, I didn't really think about it. All
I did was aim and fire. Now he's dead and he will be dead forever. Fuck, I
did that all on my own. I feel sick.

"Mulder, he had a gun." The words are blurted out. There is a pause then in
which I look mutely at him hoping for absolution, and he knows, the bastard,
he knows I need to hear him tell me it's OK. Why doesn't he tell me it's OK?

It isn't OK is it? Because of me, this man is dead. He's lying there on the
ground and he's just so much meat. Stepping shakily around Mulder, I stumble
to the wall and retch, bringing back my breakfast. My stomach is still
rebelling with painful dry heaves when Mulder comes and lays his hand on my
shoulder.

"Come on Krycek, you need to get out of here." There is pressure on my
shoulder, but it feels friendly, and I go with the pressure, moving with
Mulder towards the stairs and down into the daylight. I shake and my teeth
chatter. Is this how it's going to be? I think I want to go and be an engine
driver, not a junior G-man. I can't do this.

Mulder brings me to the car and I sink into the passenger seat without any
argument. So what if his loony driving almost killed me? I deserve it. I
feel tears springing hot into the back of my nose, a feeling as if I just
inhaled pepper. My sinuses are clogged and my head begins to ache. Please
don't make me cry in front of this man. Give me just a little dignity

Mulder engages the gears, and we head out of there at warp speed. He's
concentrating on the road and I'm grateful. I'm still shaking and don't
trust my voice to reply if he asks me some deep psychological question about
how I'm feeling. I zone out, and the reaction makes me dizzy. Murderer!
Killer! Me!

The car draws to a halt, and Mulder is shaking my shoulder again. I blink at
him owlishly and he gets out of the car, waiting for me. I follow. I don't
really know where we're going and I don't care. I just want to sit until I
feel better. There are stairs, and then a corridor. Mulder uses a key and
opens a door, ushering me inside and pointing to the couch. I sit. He goes
to the cabinet in the corner and gets out glasses and a bottle of some sort.
He pours and I hear the glug-glug sound that tells me this is a fresh
bottle. Then he hands me the glass and I take it.

"Drink it Krycek, you'll feel better." His matter of fact voice pierces my
misery, and for want of something better to do, I raise the glass to my
lips. It's vodka, neat, warm, oily and disgusting. I drink it and he takes
the glass.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He's being kind. Looking at him sitting
there in his silk suit, eyes earnestly and kindly fixed on mine, I feel a
rush of affection for him. He's got better things to do with his time, but
he's sitting here in his apartment trying to make a dumb freshman feel
better about something he must regard as one of the routine parts of the
job.

"God Mulder! I killed him and now he's dead and gone. I never thought about
it before, but he's really gone and I did it." Mulder is regarding me
through sleepy hazel eyes, and I notice what long eyelashes he has.

"Krycek, is this the first time you killed someone?" I nod, not trusting
myself to speak. He kneels and moves forward towards where I'm sitting, and
suddenly, he has his arms around me, and my head is buried in his shoulder.
His suit is silk, and it feels cool and wonderful on my hot cheek. I think
to myself that I mustn't cry, it will spoil the jacket. It doesn't seem
strange to be sitting here accepting comfort from a man. His cologne is
spicy, and there's an odour of male underlying it. Not sweat or anything,
just he's a man, and I can tell. It's sexy, very sexy.

"You did right. You believed that my life was in danger and you protected
me. Thank you for that Alex."

My head comes up in a jerk. He is still kneeling but he removes his arms
from around my shoulders. I'm looking at him, wondering if he's got any
underlying agenda for this. I'm remembering that my employer has instructed
me to seduce this man, and a twitch goes through my belly. I've
never.....not with a guy. I don't hate gays or anything, but I just
don't...I like girls.

I look back to Mulder, and unbidden, the image of him climbing out of the
swimming pool floats up in front of me. The long flat slabs of muscle in his
back and shoulders, the narrow waist and tight buns, the powerful legs and
sleek, muscular arms are right there in my memory, and I wonder what the
hell my subconscious is trying to tell me. I think about Andrea, my girl.
Her image is refusing to come, and Mulder emerging from the pool is right
back in centre stage. I shiver again, and Mulder obviously misinterprets
this. He moves then to sit on the couch beside me, talking in that dogged,
flat voice of his while he does so.

"You know, it's good that you're taking it like this. Killing isn't
something you should be able to do without qualms. If you feel as badly
about everyone you kill, you'll be a good agent." His hand comes up to
ruffle my hair, and I lean into the contact somehow. I want the comfort, I
think that's what it is. I'm not gay and I don't have a thing for men.

So why is it that I want Mulder to put his arms back around me? I hang my
head because I can feel my face turn hot and I know I'm blushing. He's way
off in his summing up of the situation because he sighs and folds me up in
his arms again, rocking me slightly. My head is swimming from the triple
vodka on an empty (oh yeah!) stomach. I turn my head into his neck, and
nestle in as close as I can get. I haven't felt so safe for a long time. He
strokes my back and I have a real desire to stay here for the rest of the
day. My hand comes up to try and touch his face, and I have to exert a
conscious effort to keep it still. I compromise in the end by tucking it in
next to my face, just next to his neck. We stay like that for a moment.

"I'm sorry Mulder." I mumble, my tongue feeling large and clumsy in my
mouth. "I think I'm a little bit drunk." He turns his face to look at me,
leaning there on his shoulder and he is smiling. His face lights up when he
smiles. I've never seen him do it before, but it was worth waiting for let
me tell you. I smile in return. I must look a little dopey because his smile
widens, and he starts to stroke my ear very delicately with the tip of his
finger. All of a sudden my chest is feeling incredibly tight and I have to
gulp in order to get enough oxygen into my lungs. I'm giving him the benefit
of my unfocused stare when suddenly he leans his head forward and his lips
are on mine, soft and moist, moving over my mouth. His skin is clean-shaven
with just the hint of stubble to come, and his tongue is pushing through
into my mouth, darting into all the corners, sliding over mine. I'm
confused. Is this right? Do I want this? I concentrate on the feelings and
try to decide if it's good or if it's bad. Meanwhile my hands, my traitor
hands get away from my control and go up to hold his face between them.

I'm drowning in this kiss. It goes on forever, and he methodically explores
my mouth with his. His lips don't press hard. He's not aggressive about it.
He just does the job so thoroughly, my toes start to curl up. Worse, I'm
getting this feeling in my mid-section that I really don't want to think
about right now.

After what seems like an eternity, he pulls away from me and sits, staring
at me as if he's trying to read my thoughts. They are probably written all
over my face anyway and I shake my head in confusion.

"Krycek...Alex?" He's expecting something. Maybe he thinks I'm going to hit
him, or throw up, or something, I don't know, but I'm not. I want him to
kiss me again. I'm still trying to tell whether or not I like it.

"Mulder, I....I don't know...I haven't ever done this..." My voice runs down
like a clockwork toy, jerky and slow. He has his arms around me still but he
brings his hands back to my shoulders to push off my suit jacket. I can feel
the heat of him through the soft cotton of my shirt, and there isn't enough
air in this room.

There's certain inevitability about the way he pulls my face to his and
fixes his mouth over mine. I can't stop him, don't want to try. Once again
his tongue invades my mouth and I find myself responding, my own tongue
running over his teeth. One of his hands is slipping up and down my spine,
coming to rest on the back of my neck at the end of each stroke, while the
other moves up between us to caress first my neck, then moves down to stroke
my nipples through the shirt. I slide an arm around him and for some reason
he takes it as an invitation. He presses backwards until I am lying on my
back and he is covering my body with his. He doesn't break the kiss for even
a second, and I'm gradually coming to the conclusion that I do like it. I
like it a lot. My spare hand threads itself into his hair, and I find I'm
massaging the back of his neck.

This strikes me as irresistibly funny, and I start to splutter with laughter
which (though therapeutic I'm sure) has the net result of breaking off that
long, long kiss. Mulder lifts his head and smiles again. My belly flips and
I can feel a distinct presence inside my pants. I'm wondering what's going
to happen next and thinking that I'm getting an education that I didn't put
my name down for. Am I still here because I want to be, or because I'm too
scared to run away. Maybe it's just because of the vodka. I hope it's just
because of the vodka.

I look lazily up at Mulder, who is running his hands all over me. I'm
feeling good now, I mean really good, but I don't know if I want to go any
further than this. I know partners are supposed to have a bond between them,
but this is probably over and above the call of duty.

"Mulder, what are you doing here? I'm straight you know. I don't..." His
mouth halts my words, and also all conscious thoughts. The kisses are
getting harder and deeper now, and his hands are circling my erogenous zones
like sharks, darting in to nip or tweak from time to time. I am beginning to
sweat. This feels good, very good. It feels so good in fact that I find I am
gasping like a landed fish as waves of lust break over me. I moan into his
mouth and once more he disengages, pulling himself up to stand, and grabbing
my hand.

"Come on!" He leads me into his bedroom. It's small and the bed takes up
most of the space. He turns to face me and begins to unbutton my shirt,
loosening my tie and dropping it carelessly behind me before shucking the
shirt off my shoulders and allowing it to flutter down to lie where it will.
I'm strangely shy, feeling very vulnerable standing here without my shirt,
and evidence of my excitement tenting out the loose suit pants I have on.
Mulder tosses his clothing onto the chair in the corner of the room in a
matter of fact way. He's not doing a strip for me, he's just getting naked
in the most efficient way possible. I look at the body in front of me, and I
know that I'm curious. Try everything once, I tell myself, and if you like
it, do it again. I'm still standing like a fool, holding my hands in front
of my hard-on and wondering if he wants me to make the next move because I
don't think I can.

He steps in and his hands run over my chest, down to my belly, and the pants
are suddenly undone, slipping down my legs and tripping me. I sit down with
a bump onto the bed, and lift my feet to shake the encumbrance clear. Socks
and shoes go too, and I'm left in my boxers. Mulder is sniggering at them
and I realise that they are the ones with Mr. Happy from the Mr. Men all
over them.

"Mr. Happy? Oh, Krycek!" He cracks out laughing again, and I smile
uncertainly, feeling like a total dork. I don't feel that way for very long
though because he sits down beside me again and starts necking with me. He's
kissing me, stroking and pulling, nipping and licking, touching me
everywhere he can reach. I throw my head back and let him. I think to
myself, this is how girls must feel when I'm all over them and won't take no
for an answer. Of course I haven't said no. At this stage I don't think I
could possibly say anything except maybe "Please!" but I do start to run my
hands over those muscles I remember from the pool.

He groans and rolls to press his penis up against me. This makes me jump a
little I admit. I look down at it, and it looks back at me, it's one eye
weeping a little. I'm wondering where he's going to put the thing! What he
thinks I can do with it. I consider the alternatives and clench my butt
cheeks together firmly. I can't possibly do that! It would be disgusting! It
would tear me in two! It's huge. Ouch!

Mulder meanwhile is feeling down the front of my boxers, and Mr. Happy wants
to play. This also strikes me as irresistibly funny, and I start to laugh
all over again, which is probably a defense mechanism. Mulder rears back to
look at me, and his expression is very tender, unlike any I've seen on his
face before now. I stop my giggling, and try to communicate with him.

"Mulder, I don't know what you're expecting from me, but I don't know how to
do this. I don't want tothat's going to kill me, look at it!" Mulder smiles
down at me and starts to place kisses with wet centres all over my face. My
eyelids, my hairline, my cheeks and my neck, nibble at my nose and then the
corners of my mouth get the treatment. I'm lying here likelike a girl while
he kisses and strokes me. He lifts his head up again to look at me, and his
hand finally drops down to my cock. Hands push down on my boxers to let it
out, and he grasps it, squeezes it and I can't help myself, I push into his
hand. He kisses my mouth again. His tongue knows it's way now, and mine is
beginning to like the company. Mulder is slowly working my dick up and down,
while pressing himself against my thigh. I am just about choking, I feel so
strange, so excited, so out of control. I've never been out of control like
this. The kiss is finally over, and he doesn't say anything, but starts to
work his way south. He licks, sucks, flicks his tongue over me. I just lie
and gurgle, and hope my arteries can take it. I;m lost in a whirl of
sensation. Everything is moist and wet, his mouth is hot and his tongue is
dipping into my navel. That's another first. Ewww. He goes lower, and Oh,
God, he's not going.yes he is. He is and he has.

Tentatively at first he licks around the end of my cock. It feels as if he's
setting me on fire, but feels so good. He closes his lips on me, and his
whole mouth slides down the shaft of it, making me jerk my hips like a crazy
thing. His hands find their way to my balls, and he strokes them, teases
them, feels below them and then his damp fingers are working their way into
the crack of my ass. Oh, no! I panic and wriggle. Mulder lifts his head up
to look at me again and gives me another encouraging smile.

"It's OK Alex, I'm only going to make you feel good. I'm not going to hurt
you, I promise. Just relax and trust me, in a minute you'll be glad you
did." I am moaning almost continuously and what I really need is for him to
put those gorgeous lips of his back around my prick and for him to suck me,
but he doesn't. He pulls away, leaving my cock twitching with a life of it's
own, while he roots around in the drawer beside his bed. A grunt of
satisfaction indicates that he's got whatever he was looking for, and he
proceeds to squirt stuff from a tube, which he then starts to apply to my
butt. I'm feeling better and better, as the pressure he exerts gets
something down there thinking about playing the game. All of a sudden, he
has his finger inside me, and his mouth goes back down around my penis. He
sucks me in, so far in I wait to see if he gets a bulge in the back of his
neck. That finger is working it's way in, out, in again, and on its way it
brushes against something that I didn't know I had, but I will certainly be
revisiting in the future. I yell his name and my whole body pulses, tingles
and spurts out of the end of my cock, waves of hot joy carrying me along
with it. I don't know what it was that I yelled, but he finally releases me
and smiles, before squirming up to lie on top of me and give me one of those
deep kisses. The taste on his tongue is from me. This seems somehow more
exciting than anything else so far. I am aware that he is still as hard as
granite, and he's probably expecting me to do stuff to him.

"Alex, You're so beautiful Alex." I'm still dizzy, only now it's desire.
He's pushing up against me, and I grab hold of his cock making him moan.
Looking around for inspiration, I must have been acting like a dork again
because he chuckles and pulls me back to lie beside him.

"Listen Baby, I know this is new and scary, so let me do the work and show
you how, OK? Think of it as sex 101 tonight. Maybe tomorrow there will be a
test, but you have to complete the coursework first. His busy fingers are
working on that cock of mine while he is talking, and despite the fact that
I just blew all my seals, Mr. Happy is getting up again! Mulder is slicking
on more grease, and the feel of his hand stroking me rhythmically is very
nice. I can tell he's done this before. I collect some of the grease and
start to reciprocate. I can do this, it's like jerking myself off, only in
stereo. Then, Mulder scares me again. He turns his back into me, and with a
wriggle and a twitch, my dick is inside him, and he's pressing backwards
into me, forcing it higher. I'm feeling really good again, he is hot and
tight and everything seems to be throbbing as he slides up and down on me.
My hand goes back to his penis and I resume pumping it, which just about
makes him scream. I hear my name from his lips and then I feel him come. It
starts with tightness around my dick, and progresses to a pulsing movement
up and down it that has me coming out in sympathy. His penis throbs too, and
the sperm shoots, white and messy, all over my hand, his belly, the sheets,
everywhere. He turns his head over his shoulder and gently bites my lower
lip, before kissing me one last time.

"Alex..." He whispers my name. I'm starting to shake. I just came up a
senior agent's ass. I'm lying here naked in his arms and I wonder if the
world will ever go back to normal. Strange how much can change in the course
of one afternoon. I'm on a journey now, and like Alice in Wonderland, I
don't know if I'll ever be able to get home.

Sue aka Dr. Ruthless