Disclaimer: Since CC, 1013, and FOX haven't returned my phone calls, I assume the boys still aren't mine.
Rating/Pairing: NC-17 for, well, m/m stuff...but isn't that why you're here? M/K
Summary: Mulder and Krycek have a little talk. Notes: Muchas thanks to Lucy for beta and to the QI who made the challenge in the first place. This was an alternate to the phone sex story that I wrote so many moons ago and wasn't sure if I should/would finish. Thanks for the encouragement, ladies.
Archive: Sure, but let me know where.
Feedback: I'm human. I like a pat on the head or a kick in the butt...depending on my mood, of course. Feel free to do either at Luvnick62@aol.com
You can find my other stories on TER/MA http://members.tripod.com/~ter_ma/
Better Left Unsaid
The glow of the television set was the only light in the living room. As the images of naked bodies, writhing in feigned ecstasy to a purely pornographic soundtrack, flickered across the screen, Fox Mulder's mind was otherwise occupied. Instead of jerking off as his favorite actress sucked her co-star's dick, he was sitting there, nursing a beer and trying to figure out his new partner.
Alex Krycek was an overly eager, earnest rookie who was also extremely intelligent and a damn good agent. His performance on the Cole case had been excellent and even though he'd seemed to be shaken up at making his first kill, he'd dealt with it very well. In fact, he'd dealt with it too well. For a second Mulder had seen a glimpse of another man behind the bad suits and puppy dog admiration. He'd seen a man who was more savvy and worldly than he let on. Although Krycek was still acting the same as always, Mulder suddenly found himself looking at him in a different light. He hoped to have the opportunity to find out more about him and determine if he was simply an ambitious young man who was playing at being green until he saw the opportunity to make his move or whether he really was a naïf.
The case they were currently working on might or might not provide Mulder the opportunity to reach some sort of insight into Krycek's character. It was another mysterious murder case and Mulder had left Krycek at the crime scene after giving him his impression of the case. Krycek had in turn put forth some theories of his own and Mulder had laughed at them. He hadn't meant it in a mean way, but the seriously determined way Krycek approached everything reminded Mulder of himself as a rookie when he'd been wrong on a number of occasions. Regardless, he'd told Krycek to call him if his theory panned out.
As if on cue, the phone rang. Mulder paused the videotape and got up to answer it.
"Mulder, it's Alex." It still made Mulder grin when Krycek identified himself.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Well, I found what I was looking for."
Mulder smiled and sat back down on the couch. "Well, are you going to keep me in suspense?" he asked, taking a sip of his beer.
For the next ten minutes Krycek explained what he'd done and the evidence he'd found that pinpointed a suspect. Mulder listened patiently, impressed that this young man had found out so much in such a short time. He let out a whistle. "Good work, Alex. We can get a warrant to search this guy's house and see if we find anything."
"Sounds good. Well, sorry to disturb you at home."
"Hey, it's fine. In fact I was"
The pause clicked off and the video started playing. Mulder scrambled to hit the mute button.
"Mulder did I interrupt something?" Krycek sounded vaguely amused.
"Why do you ask?"
"If I'm not mistaken, that was the trademark sound of heavy breathing and cheesy 70s music common to, uh, adult entertainment."
"Hmm, so you're a fan too, huh?"
"Why do you sound so surprised?"
"Well," Mulder chuckled, "you do have to admit you have a certain choirboy look to you."
"You couldn't be more off the mark." Krycek paused. "Choirboy is a term I'd never use to describe myself."
Mulder jumped at the opportunity to find out more about his enigmatic partner. "Clue me in then. How would you describe yourself?"
"Mulder, I hope you're not trying to psychoanalyze me."
"Actually, I was hoping to get to know you better."
"Really? How come?"
"Well," Mulder flicked off the television and sat back in the dark. "I'm interested in getting to know the man behind the badge."
There was a moment's silence and Mulder wondered if they'd been disconnected. He was about to say something when Krycek spoke. "Are you coming on to me?"
Mulder almost choked on his beer. "Excuse me?"
"I think you heard me." Krycek's voice was suddenly filled with an unfamiliar quality. Mulder soon realized it was almost seductive. He decided to play along to see where this would go.
"What if I was? How would that make you feel?"
"Well, that depends."
"Whether or not the advance was welcome."
Mulder swallowed and decided to pursue the direction the conversation was turning. "Say this is a come on. Would it be welcome?"
"Yeah." Krycek's voice was deeper and huskier than Mulder had heard before. "Yeah, it's welcome."
Mulder tried to sound casual. "I had no idea you were interested in guys, Alex."
The laughter was unexpected. "I could say the same thing about you. Why did I never get a clue from you? It's my hair isn't it? You hate it."
"Well, I'm sure it would look great if you didn't put so much gel in it." Mulder couldn't believe he was sitting here giving hair care tips to his partner. Later, he could always blame it on the beer and temporary insanity.
"I'll be sure to keep that in mind."
More silence filled the line as Mulder tried to think of something to say. "So tell me how come you never gave *me* any kind of sign that you were interested?" he asked finally.
"I suppose the not so subtle, unadulterated hero worship hasn't been enough for you? What the hell do you want? Me on my knees with your dick in my mouth? Would that have been enough of a sign for you?"
Mulder was shocked at the outburst and too stunned to reply.
Alex sighed. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I'm just really tired and incredibly horny and I'm taking it out on you."
Mulder found his voice. "You're...you're horny?" He hadn't meant to sound so incredulous.
"Believe it or not, even choirboys like to get laid." Krycek laughed again and Mulder found himself enjoying the way it sounded more and more. "You must be in the same shape if you've been watching those videos."
As if noticing for the first time, Mulder realized his dick was semi-erect and he knew it wasn't because of any video. What he couldn't tell Alex was that the mental image of him on his knees in front of him had sent an unexpected but not unwelcome rush to his groin. He tried to play it off. "Well, you know how it is. But I have an excuse. What's yours?"
"I don't think you have to ask...do you?" Krycek cleared his throat and for a second sounded like the same rookie agent Mulder was used to dealing with.
"I think I'd like to hear it." Wondering where the hell this sudden interest in whether he was turning on Krycek was coming from, Mulder ignored the voice in the back of his head that told him to stop pressing the issue.
Krycek let out a deep breath and Mulder wondered if he was going to say goodnight without answering him. After a few moments he finally said something. "I've been thinking about you." The words were a whisper and Mulder could almost hear him blushing.
"You get horny when you think about me, Alex?"
"Yeah, sometimes," was the quiet reply.
"Why do you sound so hesitant all of a sudden? You were pretty confident just a second ago. You okay?" Mulder really did want to know what caused the sudden turnaround.
"It's just...you're my partner. You suddenly tell me you want to get to know me better and admit it's a come on. I think I'm just having a hard time processing it. And," he hesitated. "And I don't know exactly how you feel about me. I'm sure there are lots of guys you could have, so what would you want with some annoying rookie agent?"
"Look, why don't I hang up now so we can both do something about our situations."
"Alex, I've never been with a guy before." Mulder blurted out the words before he could stop himself.
"What are you talking about? Then what was all that stuff you just said about getting to know me better?"
"I meant that, but not in the way you thought. I'm sorry for misleading you."
There was another lengthy pause and Mulder waited to hear either an indignant statement from Krycek or the click of the phone being hung up.
"Well," Alex sounded hesitant, but a little more confident than before. "Are you really interested in getting to know me better, Mulder?"
"What do you want to know?"
"Where you come from, what made you want to be an FBI agent...how long you've been interested in me." He was slightly shocked that he'd said the last part out loud, but since it was too late to take it back, waited for the reply.
"Okay. Well, in order, the East Coast, I was approached after I graduated from high school, and since the first time I saw you."
Mulder felt as if he were pulling teeth but was starting to enjoy this strange game he was playing with the young man he thought he knew. "Where on the East Coast, what happened when you graduated, and why did you act like such a little shit?"
The smirk in Krycek's voice was evident. "Maryland, I received an offer I couldn't refuse, and the bullpen wasn't the first place I saw you."
"What? You mean we'd met before you came to inform me we were working on the Cole case together?"
"I didn't say that. I said I'd seen you before. You came to talk to my criminal psychology class when I was at Quantico. I couldn't believe how brilliant you were and I knew from that day on I wanted to work with you. I never thought that would happen, but I guess I got lucky."
Mulder didn't say anything as he racked his brain to try and place what would have been a younger, greener Alex Krycek in the crowd of one of the many classes he spoke to about the criminal mind.
"I don't expect you to remember me, but you did ask."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"About what? My having seen you before or the fact that I've been interested in you for all this time?"
"Both, I guess."
"It's complicated. I didn't think you'd remember me and I was right about that. And I didn't want to come on to someone who wasn't interested in me." He paused and Mulder heard some rustling. "I still don't."
"What did you just do?"
"I took off my tie, why?"
"I heard something and wondered what it was. You know, Alex...I..."
"What is it?" He was sounding impatient now.
"I am interested in you."
"Yes, we've established that you want to know more about me. You could just read my personnel file if you're that curious." There was more rustling. "I just took off my shirt if you're wondering about that too."
"Alex why do you sound so hostile all of a sudden?"
"Mulder, I told you. I'm tired and now I'm being interrogated by my partner who obviously has no clue what it's like to want someone he can't have."
The last statement was a bit of a surprise to Mulder. Now Krycek had admitted that not only was he interested but he actually wanted him. The throbbing in his groin was back and for the first time he seriously thought about what it would be like to have Krycek suck his dick. Instead of questioning the seemingly foreign thought, he decided to come clean.
"Who said you can't have me?"
"What? This isn't funny, Mulder. You just told me that you weren't interested in guys."
"No, I said that I'd never been with a guy before. Doesn't mean I'm not open to the possibility. In fact," he looked at the bulge in his sweats, "I'd say a part of me is very interested."
"Mulder, what do you want from me?"
"I don't know. Can't we just talk?"
"Isn't that what we're doing?"
"Alex, this is all new to me. I can't remember a time I've gotten a hard-on from imagining a guy giving me head."
Krycek laughed. "What? Why are you doing that?"
"It's that damn comment you made before about being on your knees in front of me...shit, Alex. I don't know what the hell is going on here. I don't know what I want from you. I don't think I can do this."
"Wait a minute. Do what? We're only talking. Besides, just because you said you're turned on doesn't mean I'm going to rush over there and deflower you tonight. I'm not into reluctant partners, you know."
Mulder sighed. "It's not that I'm reluctant, I'm just..."
"Alex, what are you wearing?"
"Oh," Alex chuckled. "We're cutting right to the chase, are we? I thought you weren't feeling too comfortable about this."
"Well, it's something familiar. Phone sex, I mean. That is unless I've completely misread where this could go. Alex, why don't we just assume that I'm drunk and this never happened and you can hang up now, okay? I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Mulder hung up the phone before Krycek had a chance to respond. He got up to replace the receiver and turned on the light. Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, he started chastising himself for being such a complete idiot. Who the hell did he think he was fooling? So the kid had a crush on him, that didn't mean anything would come of it. In fact, Mulder wasn't even sure he wanted it to lead to anything. Fuck. How the hell could he face him tomorrow? Before he could ponder his situation any longer, the phone rang. He let the machine pick it up.
"Mulder, pick up. Please. Okay, you're not going to. Well, I hope you're listening to this. If I'd known that my calling you was going to turn into a session of true confessions, I would have waited until I saw you at work tomorrow. I don't understand what you want. I would have been willing to go along with whatever you wanted to tell me or ask me tonight, but you decided to stop communication. That's fine, I understand. But I wish you had the balls to put your money where your mouth is and quit playing games. You can't start something and not finish it, okay?" There was a heavy sigh followed by complete silence. "I guess you're not going to pick up then. See you to"
Mulder grabbed the receiver. "Alex, I'm here. I'm sorry."
"Wow, I didn't expect you to actually talk to me."
"Look, I don't know why I went into asshole mode, but I'd really like to continue where we left off."
"Continue what, Mulder? We hadn't done anything."
"What are you wearing?"
"You can't just start out like that, Mulder. Don't you think you've spoiled the mood?"
Ignoring Krycek's question, Mulder continued. "Well, I'm wearing a pair of grey sweatpants, a T-shirt and a basketball shirt over that." He sat down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.
"That's what you wear to work out. Yeah, I can picture that. You look really good when you work out, Mulder. Not as good as when you go swimming, but still very nice."
"You check me out when I'm working out?" Mulder sat up a little.
"Of course I do. I'm not dead. Sometimes I get so turned on I have to...nevermind."
"You have to what?"
Krycek surprised Mulder by sounding embarrassed. "I have to go jerk off. God, I'm so hard right now just thinking about you."
"So that's where you'd disappear to. What did I do anyway?" Mulder didn't really care what he did, but he was enjoying the effect he was having on his partner.
"Mulder, all you have to do is stand there covered in sweat. The way your ass looks when you walk around...god, I want to fuck you stupid. Man, hold on." Mulder heard Krycek moving around then the sound of a zipper being pulled down. "That's better."
"You okay, Alex?"
"You don't have any idea what you do to people do you?"
Mulder frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I mean I'm sitting here with a huge hard-on because I'm thinking about your body and all the things I'd like to do to it." Krycek was definitely starting to sound more like the assertive person Mulder had been talking to earlier. The changes in mood were still confusing Mulder, but he was beginning to like this confident Alex Krycek more and more.
"What do you want to do to me, Alex?"
Krycek ignored the question. "Are you hard, Mulder? I really want to picture you sitting there, your dick so hard I can see every detail through your sweats. I want to know that you're sitting there dying to yank down your pants and start jerking off. I bet you have a beautiful cock and I bet it tastes as good as it looks."
"Take off your clothes. I'm going to do the same thing. I want to know you're naked too."
Mulder swallowed hard and agreed. He lay the receiver down and stripped. When he sat down, his erection bobbed in front of his stomach, droplets of pre-come already beginning to form. He picked up the phone.
"Okay, Alex. Now what?"
"What do you want, Mulder?" Krycek purred into Mulder's ear sending another pleasant thrill to his swollen cock. "Tell your partner what you want him to do."
Mulder would have laughed at the absurdity of the statement if he wasn't so hard and desperate for relief. He could not fathom what he was about to do, but to hell with it.
"I want you to suck me off."
"Mmm, gladly. I spread your legs and kneel between them, running my hands up and down the insides of your thighs. I love your legs. They're so strong, so beautiful. I have to kiss them. I start at the knee and kiss my way to your inner thigh, licking and biting the soft skin there."
"Yeah, that's good." Mulder was running his own hand slowly over his thigh, imagining Krycek's soft lips playing over the hot skin.
"I move to the other leg and do the same thing, tasting the salt of your skin, making you shiver slightly as my tongue leaves a wet trail behind that feels cool when the air hits it. Without warning, I bite the inside of your thigh hard enough to leave a mark."
At that moment, Mulder pinched the skin of his inner thigh, feeling Krycek's teeth as they branded him.
Alex laughed softly when he heard the slight gasp. "I lick my way up the inside of your leg until I reach your cock. It's beautiful and so hard and hot when I touch it. It jumps a little when I put my hand around it and I can tell by the look on your face that you want me. The tip is red and shiny and I want to taste you so badly. Can I?"
Mulder groaned and placed his hand around his erection. "Yeah, do it, Alex."
"Your dick feels so good in my hand and I squeeze it as I lick the head, tonguing the slit."
As he listened to the words being growled into his ear, Mulder traced the head of his cock with his thumb. He could almost feel the wet heat of Alex's tongue trailing over his sensitive flesh.
"I suck the head into my mouth and run my tongue around the ridge of it." Alex paused at the soft moans he was hearing on the other end of the phone. "Slowly, I start taking you completely into my mouth, sucking you in until every inch of you is filling me. I begin to move my head up and down, swallowing when I feel you against the back of my throat."
Mulder was stroking his aching cock, thrusting his hips into his grip. He could never have imagined how much he wanted to see Alex on his knees before him, sucking him down his throat. With every stroke, Mulder felt himself climbing closer to climax. More than anything, he wanted to come in Alex's mouth and watch his young partner swallow his semen as if it was the best thing he'd ever tasted.
"Alex, it feels so good. I need you here."
"No, Fox...I keep sucking your hot cock and begin playing with your balls. Your breathing is heavy and I hear you trying to maintain control as I squeeze the velvety sacs. I'm sucking and slurping and can taste your come as it leaks into my mouth. You're so close, Fox...I want you to come. I know you want to shoot your load down my throat. Do it, Fox..."
"Oh, god, Alex..." Mulder's hand was moving faster now and his other had moved down to fondle his balls, feeling Alex's delicate fingers as he caressed them. He began to feel the explosive force of an orgasm as it took hold inside him, threatening to erupt at any second.
"Fox, I want you to fuck me."
The unexpected declaration took Mulder by surprise, but the need and lust in Alex's voice sent him over the edge. He closed his eyes tightly and felt his body finally give in to the sweet pressure that had been building inside him since he and Alex had started this.
Alex listened to the unintelligible sounds Mulder made as he came, and smiled. His own cock was screaming for some attention, but he'd take care of himself later. For now, he wanted to make sure Mulder was satisfied.
"Alex," Mulder said, his breathing steadying, "I...I don't know what to say. That was incredible. Thanks."
"Mulder, it wasn't anything unusual. I'm sure you get better from those phone sex operators you call.
"How do you know about them?"
Alex chuckled. "I didn't. It was a lucky guess."
"Ah, you're sneaky as well as sexy."
Alex cleared his throat. "Mulder, I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."
Before Mulder could protest, Alex hung up the phone, leaving Mulder to wonder what was wrong. Surely he'd have wanted Mulder to do the same thing to him. Mulder might not have any experience with getting guys off, but he'd been willing to give it a shot.
Lazily stroking his spent cock, Mulder sat on the couch for a few minutes, thinking about his young partner. He hoped that he hadn't done any harm to their partnership by allowing this to happen. Finally, he stood up and went to take a shower before going to bed. As strange a night as this had been, he wondered what it would be like tomorrow when he had to see Alex face to face.
Alex walked into the side entrance of the Hoover building,
reserved for agents and other employees. He'd hardly slept last
night and had seriously considered calling in sick today. Last
night, he'd been left with a raging hard-on and had jerked off
in the shower, whispering Mulder's name as he came. When he'd
gone to bed, he'd imagined Mulder's mouth and tongue covering
every inch of his body, and had jerked off again. After that,
he'd pretty much given up on sleep. Mulder had been on his mind
from the time he'd hung up the phone and Alex didn't foresee it
getting any better considering he'd be seeing his partner in only
a few minutes. He stepped onto the elevator, happy to be surrounded
by other worker drones. Perhaps being in the real world for a
minute would help him to get into a professional mindset and quiet
the butterflies which had taken residence in his gut.
The moment the elevator doors opened onto his floor, Alex held his breath as he saw the familiar form of his partner. He was surprised at the strength of the emotion he felt as he drank in the sight of the man he hoped would become his lover. As if sensing Krycek had arrived, Mulder turned around. Alex smiled broadly, trying not to seem too eager.
"Krycek. Good morning." Mulder sounded very formal and Alex's smile dimmed as he wondered if Mulder was having second thoughts.
"Mulder." Krycek nodded. "How are you?"
"Good, good. I'm good."
The two of them stood, staring at the other for a few long moments until another agent approached them and broke the awkward silence.
"Agent Krycek, I have that warrant for you." She handed Alex a piece of paper and walked away, but not before giving the both of them a strange look.
"Is that for our case?" Mulder asked, knowing it was a stupid question.
"Yeah, it is."
"We should go then."
"Mulder," Alex said slowly, testing the waters, "you don't have to go with me. I can find someone else to go."
"Bullshit. I'm your partner and I'm going with you to search this guy's place."
Alex smiled and Mulder could have sworn he blushed a little. "Okay. Let's go."
The silence in the car was deafening as both men tried to think of something to say to the other. Alex wanted to ask outright where they stood, but was afraid of pushing the other man too soon. After they'd exhausted the usual discussions of weather, world affairs and sports, there was nothing left to discuss but what had happened.
"Krycek, about last night. I just want you to know that I don't think any differently of you."
Alex looked at his partner and smirked, trying to maintain a neutral expression and failing miserably. "That's so generous of you, Mulder."
His partner's tone didn't go unnoticed by Mulder. "Well, I didn't mean it that way. I don't want you to think that I'm going to tell anyone what happened. Your secret is safe with me."
"Oh, I see. And what about your secret?" Alex shifted in his seat until he was facing Mulder. "It seems we both have things we'd like to keep quiet."
Mulder began to say something then sighed. "You're right. How about we agree to forget about it and dismiss it as a one time thing?"
Alex swallowed and nodded. "Okay, if that's what you want to do. We can keep it purely professional."
Mulder frowned. "Do you have a problem with that? I thought that you were as uncomfortable with what happened as I am."
"I thought I was too, but I think I was looking forward to us getting to know each other better." Alex didn't tell him that his discomfort had lasted approximately ten seconds or that he'd been counting on a warmer reception on Mulder's part.
Mulder was more than a little shocked by what he was hearing. "You're kidding. Why did you hang up so abruptly, then?"
"I was scared," Alex replied, truthfully. He did not mention that his fear stemmed from what getting too close would mean for his future. "I wasn't sure how much more I could handle."
Mulder glanced at his young partner and hesitated before continuing. "I--Alex, I have to be honest with you. Last night, I was a little drunk when you called and I was more open to suggestions than I would have been normally. I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you."
Alex looked down at his hands, trying not to clench them into fists. He knew exactly where the conversation was headed and was glad he hadn't admitted his feelings. "Of course I understand. You're telling me that you don't want to admit to yourself that you liked what we did."
"Alex, I reacted in the same way that I would with anyone I was having phone sex with. I admit it was the first time I'd talked to a man, but--"
"Just drop it, Mulder." Alex snapped at his partner and stared straight ahead. He was chastising himself for ever believing Mulder would have been serious about what happened.
"Alex, I don't want to offend you."
"I said drop it."
Mulder sighed and turned his attention back to the road. Both men were silent for the rest of the trip.
After their team had searched the suspect's home and gathered the evidence they needed to connect him to the murders, Mulder and Krycek drove back to the Hoover building to file their reports. Alex had not said a word to Mulder outside what was necessary as professional consult and courtesy.
Not being able to stand the silence any longer, Mulder spoke. "Alex, can we--"
"I'm heading home if you don't need anything else, Mulder." Alex looked at him expectantly.
"Please, I want to settle this." Mulder reached out and put a tremulous hand on Krycek's arm.
"Dammit, Mulder!" Alex surprised him by pulling away from him. "There's nothing to settle. You're not into guys unless you're drunk. You don't want to have a relationship with me unless it's professional. It's fine. Now I'm going home."
Mulder watched as his partner disappeared into the shadows of the nearly deserted corridor. He felt a twinge of sadness to know that whatever professional relationship they'd formed was now and forever damaged because of a few moments of drunken madness. He also knew the only thing that could possibly remedy the situation was something he would never be able to do.
Alex slammed his front door closed and threw his suit jacket onto the couch. Loosening his tie, he poured himself a drink and sat down with a resigned sigh. On the coffee table before him were files and papers containing the information he'd been given on Agent Mulder and what he'd been able to gather about his partner on his own. He had been ready to turn over everything to Mulder if it turned out that they would have some kind of future together. Alex would have given up the assignment he'd been handed and tried to get out from under his bosses, control, unscathed. He doubted that the men he worked for would have been that understanding about his resignation, but it was a chance he was willing to take. Especially if it meant that he'd be with the man he'd grown so close to these past weeks. However, Mulder had made it abundantly clear that he was not interested.
Alex sipped his drink and felt righteous indignation begin to spread throughout his body along with the liquor. The more he thought about what Mulder had done to him, the more he found his initial hurt and upset being replaced with anger at the fact that the same man he'd been willing to give up everything for was nothing but a coward. For a second, but only a second, Alex felt like kicking himself for allowing any kind of emotional attachment to his partner to develop. That wasn't what he'd been sent to do and he chastised himself for being so unprofessional.
"It's okay, Mulder," Alex said to the empty room. "You just made my job easier."
He swallowed the rest of his drink and wiped his mouth. The betrayal that he was to be a part of would not be a problem now.