Disclaimer: Did you know that in Venutian, "Chris Carter"
means "one who
doesn't share pretty boys with the masses"? Neither did I.
Rating: NC-17 for m/m goings on.
Spoilers: Terma, The Red and the Black
Summary: A little harmless Alex babbling.
Notes: WARNING: Silliness and bad puns ahead. Thanks to Orithain,
Lucy, who read this, laughed (they were supposed to, btw) and
remaining mistakes are mine. Also, this is for Sarah, who said
she wanted a
happy story. Well, this is...not angst J
Archive: Anywhere...I'm easy.
Feedback: Anything...I'm easy. Luvnick62@aol.com
Other stories: http://members.tripod.com/~ter_ma/frankie/frankie.htm
I love him. Three simple, straightforward words, right? Then why
do I feel
like a complete jackass whenever I say them to myself? It's probably
it's like saying "I love money," then waiting to see
if my wallet magically
explodes and showers me with millions. Saying it doesn't make
I'm usually a man of action, but for some reason I can't bring
myself to do
what's necessary to get what I want this time.
I did have a plan, you know. Unfortunately, it consisted of me
off the street and plying him with words of love (not to mention
liquor) in order to win his heart. I know it would never have
because of the nature of the plan, but because I'm not too hip
when it comes
to the lingo of love. So, what does this mean?
It means I sit here, thinking about him, wondering when or if
I'll get the
chance to see him again, and basically driving myself nuts in
the process. I
also sit here playing out different scenarios in my head. They
something like this:
Him: What do you want, you scum-sucking son of a bitch who isn't
breathe the air I breathe?
Me: I was wondering if you were free for dinner.
Me: It's vital I talk to you.
Him: There's nothing you have to say that I want to hear.
Me: But, I love you.
Him: What the hell are you doing here, you motherpighorsefucking
piece of shit?
Me: Just wondering if you'd like to go see "The Blair Witch
Me: That would be 'no,' then?
See? They don't really work, do they? Okay, so my next course
of action is
to hang out in front of his apartment building and hope to catch
of him as he goes in and out. I know what you're thinking, but
it's not as
pathetic as it sounds. What if he sees me out there, runs over,
punches me a
couple of times, then drags me up to his apartment to really work
Wait. That wouldn't happen. He'd just put me in custody. Next.
I've got it! I wait for him in his apartment, catch him off guard
him that I have some vital information about the takeover of the
extra-terres.....shit. I've done that already. Although I did
get to kiss
him, it didn't exactly fulfill my wildest dreams.
I didn't even tell you what it is about the guy that drives me
crazy, did I? Well, besides the obvious attraction anyone with
a pulse would
have to that magnificent physical specimen, there are the other
quirks and habits that have endeared him to me. For instance,
when we were
partners, I could watch him eat sunflower seeds for hours. Yeah,
in with the physical attributes - those lips, those fingers, that
but the absentminded way he'd devour those suckers was adorable.
I'm using words like "adorable" to describe him. Remind
me to shoot myself
later. Anyway, I also really loved to watch him drive. Like any
make a bit of a big deal out of wanting a turn to drive, but that
was all a
front. I loved the way his hands looked gripping the steering
wheel, the way
he'd drum his fingers on the dashboard when we were waiting in
traffic and a
good tune was playing on the radio...the way he'd turn the key
to start the
car is still etched in my mind. Okay, I'm even starting to make
so let's move on, shall we?
The bottom line is I love him, and he has no idea, and I have
no clue what
to do about it. Is it too juvenile for a grown man to call the
object of his
desire just to hear the voice he wishes would be the last thing
he'd hear at
night and the first thing he'd hear in the morning? Probably.
At this point,
I don't give a shit. I'm going to do it. BRB.
Shit. He knew it was me. I don't know how, but he did. I've blocked
number from being seen on Caller ID, so I know that's not how
Unless he figures that anyone who calls him and doesn't say anything
me. That's pretty strange considering the weirdos who must call
him on a
regular basis. Oh, in case you're interested, this is pretty much
Me: ::heart racing::
Him: Hello? Who is this?
Me: ::heart pounding::
Him: ::looooooong pause:: Krycek?
Him: Alex? Talk to me. I need to know if this is you. There are
things I need to say to you.
Okay, I made up that last part. He just hung up after telling
me to get a
fucking life. I suppose this means I'm back at square one. What
Hold on. I have to take off this damn prosthesis...it's annoying
out of me, more so than usual. You know, rationally speaking,
I should be
madder than hell at him for screwing up my plan to get us out
of that prison
camp. Unfortunately, I can't be. I understand that it was a matter
self-preservation on his part. As for my arm...that'll teach me
to depend on
the kindness of strangers.
Okay, that's better. Where was I? I know what you're thinking.
How on earth
could I say I love him when every confrontation we've had has
and unproductive as far as furthering our relationship goes? I'll
There are certain types of people who will put up with any amount
if it means they can spend time with the object of their affections.
endure pain, both physical and emotional, rants against their
lack thereof), and even the occasional oilien possession. I'm
no different -
though I don't know of many people who get possessed by oiliens
*and* are in
love with Fox Mulder. I'm not counting that Covarrubias bitch
that's more a case of lust than love. Don't ask how I got the
about that, but if you want to know, remind me to tell you later.
Anyway, I'm a pathetic loner who loves from afar, bleeds from
a near and has
no chance of my feelings ever being returned in kind. It doesn't
though. No, really. I've come to the conclusion that a person
like me isn't
meant to be happy or content or any of the other things that normal,
law-abiding folks happen to be. I'll just be happy to live out
the rest of
my days alone and lonely with only my memories of the time we
had sex at
work to keep me company. Oh, didn't I mention that as one of the
still obsessed with him? My mistake.
We'd been working late, and the bullpen was deserted except for
the two of
us. I can't remember what case it was, but that doesn't matter.
remember that we'd been arguing about some of the facts in the
case, and it
got pretty heated. Having a no-holds-barred discussion with this
guy is the
best kind of foreplay I can imagine. He gets so passionate, and
his eyes do
this strange flashing thing that would probably cause seizures
men. Not to make him sound like some Japanese cartoon, but that's
way I can think of to describe it. Anyway, he was trying to get
me about whatever it was, and I was starting to get extremely
turned on. My
adrenaline was pumping, I was feeling attacked, I was about two
from the guy I'd been finding it harder and harder to fight my
to, and he was looking rumpled and tired and like he needed to
be fucked. If
you know of a more dangerous combination, please tell me because
as far as
I'm concerned, that's the most lethal one I know.
So, he was looking hot, I was feeling horny, and there was no
Something tells me the planets were aligned just right as well
suddenly stopped arguing and stared at me. It made me really uncomfortable
because I was sure he was reading my thoughts, and the last thing
to do was have him reject me while I was feeling vulnerable. [Laugh
you're dead). I asked him what was wrong, and he answered,
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
"I was listening to you. Isn't that what you want me to do?
Just listen and
never cross you or contradict you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I know that you don't respect me. You expect me to go along
you think I should, and the moment I don't do that, you go ballistic."
"I wouldn't characterize this conversation as me going ballistic,
"Then what would you call it? You've done everything but
call me a
brainless, mindless idiot who doesn't know his ass from a hole
ground. Believe it or not, it's not good to know that my partner
think I know what I'm doing."
"I never said you didn't know what you're doing. I just think
that in this
case you're a little misguided."
"Okay. So you're going to impress me with your superior knowledge
and set me
"That's what I was attempting to do, but you wouldn't shut
up long enough to
hear me out." [This is where he flashed me the sexiest smile
I've ever seen
on anyone to date]
I admit, that made me want to smile, but I couldn't give him the
satisfaction, no matter how much I wanted him at that particular
that point in my life I actually had some pride left. I didn't
to him, just started to gather my things and got ready to go home.
when he said,
"I respect you, Alex."
I still haven't heard words that made me as happy as those did.
I was struck
speechless for a few moments. When I did regain my wits, I told
"You have a strange way of showing it, Agent Mulder."
"You can call me Fox, you know."
"I thought you hated to be called Fox."
"I do. I just thought that I could make it up to you somehow.
"What the hell does your name have to do with making it up
make *what* up to me?"
"The obviously shitty way I've treated you. I had no idea
you were feeling
this way, and I want to apologize for my lack of professionalism.
know what I can do to make amends."
At this point, I began to feel as if I was the star in some porn
was waiting for the music to start to signal that I was about
to get laid.
It didn't, and I decided to make my own kind of music. [You can
"I'll give you one guess what you can do, Fox." [I admit
that he did wince a
little when I said his name. Score one for me.]
"Name it. You want football, hockey, basketball tickets?
"I think this may be a little better than that, actually."
"Oh? Does it involve certain favors from a member of the
opposite sex? I may
be able to work that out."
"No. It involves certain favors from a member of the same
sex, namely you."
[Yes, I know that could be straight out of a skin flick, but I
attempting to be seductive. Fox didn't notice that I sounded like
idiot, bless him.]
"Excuse me?" [I know I saw him blush, but he denied
At this point I figured I had nothing to lose, which may explain
what I did
next. I knew that it was only a matter of weeks before I'd be
out of there,
so I decided to go for it. If my partnership ended sooner than
intended, so be it. I stepped closer to him and felt this amazing
radiating from him. I didn't know if it was the fight we'd just
or the fact that I was exciting him somehow, but I wanted to have
warmth covering every inch of my body.
I took his hand and put it on my crotch. I was already kind of
hard, but the
minute I felt his touch, I thought I'd come in my pants. Luckily
that didn't happen, but it sure would have jibed with the kind
of day I had
been having up to that point. So, I was standing there holding
on my aching hard-on, hoping he wouldn't freak out yet curious
as to what he
was going to do about it. I lowered my voice and said,
"Make it up to me."
I've always been good at staring contests, so I made sure not
to break his
gaze. There's no way I'd be the first one to look away. If it
anyone else, I would have started to feel uncomfortable at the
he was looking at me, but all those eyes seemed to do was root
me to the
spot and make me forget about everything I was supposed to do
or say or
think...you get the idea. Imagine those eyes looking at you as
if you were a
piece of meat and he was a carnivore. I've got goosebumps thinking
He smiled and I was immediately relieved. I figured he wouldn't
too bad to me if he smiled first. I moved my hand from his, and
maintained the contact with my now throbbing erection - for a
second I was
concerned that my heart had dropped below my waist. He started
hand, rubbing it over the straining material of my trousers, and
my eyes. I wanted to grab him and kiss him so badly, but I wasn't
he wanted to do other than torment me with his touch.
"Don't do that."
When he said that, I wasn't sure what he was talking about. At
thought maybe he was telling me to stop getting hard and was about
him he had to be kidding when he raised his other hand and ran
over my bottom lip.
"Look at me. I love your eyes, Alex."
I looked at him again and saw that the smile was still there.
Before I knew
it, he was leaning toward me and kissing me. God, it was so incredibly
sensual and tender but still commanding. He knew exactly what
he wanted and
had no trouble taking it. I stood there, not knowing how to react
when my common sense kicked in, and I put my arms around him.
I could taste
the salt on his tongue from his latest seed binge and started
kiss with the same force, no, ferocity, he was showing me.
Sometime during our lip lock, he'd unzipped my pants and had slipped
hand inside my briefs. This man could use his touch as a form
in any state where they still use the electric chair...I seriously
my dick was going to catch fire. If I ever get a death sentence,
me die with Fox Mulder's hand around my cock. Anyway, to say I
would be an understatement. I think I might have asked him what
he was doing
because he laughed and said,
"I knew you were green, but don't tell me you've never done
"I just never expected you to..."
Then he shut me up by giving me the deepest, wettest, probably
I've ever experienced. One of those 'I hear a lot of groaning,
me, I think' kinds of kisses. I can still taste him, and if I
close my eyes,
I swear I can feel his tongue sliding over every inch of my mouth
as if he
were trying to memorize it. I remember laughing because I had
an image flash
through my mind of his tongue sweeping my mouth for bugs and wanting
him that my fillings weren't listening devices.
"Why are you laughing?" [okay, imagine hooded eyes,
red, shiny lips and him
starting to jerk me off. Or, imagine him jerking you off - whatever
I'm not sure how to spell the sound I made, but it went something
which got another laugh from him. Did I mention that his laugh
could be a
cure for every known cause of depression? Trust me on this.
"You like that, Alex?"
By this point, I knew that trying to speak was going to be an
so I nodded my head and closed my eyes. I could feel it as precome
leaking from the slit of my cock - kinda like peeing in a warm
be honest...hope that's not too...I was going to say graphic,
but if you're
reading about a guy getting a handjob from another guy, it's not
problem, is it? What was I saying? Oh yeah, so he traced the tip
of my penis
with his thumb, and I could feel the precome smearing all over
the head, and
I wanted to tell him that not only did I like it, I loved it and
life that consisted of nothing more than him touching me like
that until one
of us died from malnutrition.
I didn't open my eyes until I felt him let go of me. I wanted
to ask him
what the hell he was doing, when I saw that he was kneeling down.
told me he wasn't about to start praying...so I did. I looked
at this one
ceiling tile, and it became my new god. It heard all my wishes,
hopes, confessions and the occasional 'hallelujah' because that's
put his lips around my cock and started giving me the only blow
job that has
ever been worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. Think about it - if every
too busy getting their dicks sucked, no one would have the time
right? Well, it works for me, anyway.
My knees went weak - imagine that - and if there hadn't been a
me, I could have fallen on him hard enough to kill him or at least
hurt the both of us. I don't think worker's comp would have covered
kind of injury, so I was grateful for the support. When he went
down on me
completely, I breathed in so hard and fast, my lungs should have
Luckily for me, I just got lightheaded because I forgot to exhale...but
did eventually when he made me come. It's hard to scream without
air from your lungs, you know. Not to use a tired cliché,
but I saw stars.
That could have been from the previous lack of oxygen, but I choose
believe it was Fox's mouth sucking on my dick like it was the
biggest sunflower seed. That tongue was everywhere, the lips were
enough to matter but not enough to remind me of a Hoover (vacuum
Edgar, take your pick, though I'm not educated on how the J-man
and he'd worked his hand between my legs, cupping my balls as
if he was
deciding if he should throw the curve or knuckle pitch.
He didn't care that I sounded like the soprano section of my high
choir when I came. When I felt myself totally lose control of
body parts, I shot my come down his throat and expected to see
his head whip
backwards from the force. He kept sucking and making these really
noises, though, and I put my hand on his hair as he continued
to devour me.
A split second later, he lifted his eyes to look into mine, and
I knew I was
a goner. No one could have resisted that gaze, but considering
the crush I'd
been nursing for some time, I was really done for. Too soon, he
stood up and
kissed me. I must admit I tasted better mixed with him than those
seeds, but I've never been accused of being modest.
"Did that work?"
I frowned because I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say. 'Hell,
seemed a bit too simple. He clarified.
"Did that help make it up to you?"
This time I laughed at him and nodded my head. I pulled him to
me and buried
my face in his neck, smelling traces of sweat and his cologne.
feeling the material of his trousers rubbing against my cock,
and I wondered
why he wasn't hard. Then he moved to the side a little, and I
hard say hello, nice to meet ya. I started to undo his fly when
he put a
hand on my arm and shook his head.
"You don't have to do that."
"I know. I want you to fuck me. Please..." [I don't
beg anyone for anything,
but I figured I may as well go for the Grand Slam.]
"Are you sure?" [Hey, the man can't be brilliant all
He must have believed me because he drew me in for another kiss
and let my
busy hands finish their work. The first time I held his cock in
my hands, I
vowed never to wash them again, then I realized that wasn't practical,
especially if I ever wanted to pursue my other career path and
surgeon. Hey, that's pretty ironic that I'm in the business of
and at one point I wanted to save them, huh? I never thought about
Anyway, we continued to kiss, and I started jerking him off. That's
turned me around quickly and pushed me down over the desk. It
fast, it made my head spin - don't ask me which one, please -
would have been able to wipe the smile off my face. I started
to ask him if
he had any lube, when I felt something cold and smooth being rubbed
the cheeks of my ass (why are they called cheeks? When I see people
it never reminds me of their backsides, but I digress). At that
point in my
career, before I'd graduated from being a mere slut to complete
hadn't been with too many guys, so when he started to slide a
me, I panicked a little and pulled away from him. He was very
and rubbed a reassuring hand on the small of my back and told
me to relax.
"I'm sorry, Fox."
"Shh. Don't worry about it."
He tried again and this time got a little further, but I was biting
I mean, I wanted this - *really* wanted this - and I knew that
started fucking me it would be incredible. Unfortunately, it was
painful at that point, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to go
it. Shit, if I couldn't take a finger up my ass, how the hell
supposed to get Mr. Happy up there? Hmm, I'm not sure if that's
information, but I don't care. I will spare you the details of
loving way he did finally manage to prepare me (let me just say
that the man
has a gift) and turn to what it felt like when he started fucking
he put the head of his dick against my
SHIT!!!! Someone's at my door, and they're going to wake up the
building if I don't answer it. Trust me, I don't want any attention
myself or where I live. BRB.
Fuck! It's him and he looks pissed. How the hell did he find me?
care, I'll let him in and hope that he doesn't shoot me right
finish this later...unless he should happen to kill me. It's a
willing to take, and if he does, just remember that I told you
I love him.
Three simple, straightforward words, right?