Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are the exclusive
20th Century Fox, 1013 Productions and Chris "hang ten"
Carter. They are
being used without express written permission and I'll probably
end up in
the copyright infringement section of hell for using them. That's
be surrounded by all of you guys.
Rating/Pairing: NC-17 for m/m naughtiness; M/K
Spoilers: Terma, TRatB Oh, and pretend season 6 hasn't happened
Summary: Alex talks about Fox's visit.
Series: Just Talking Notes: This is the sequel to JT, and you
have to read
that to understand everything he's talking about. You can find
that on my
page- http://members.tripod.com/~ter_ma/frankie/frankie.htm This
is also a
reply to the QI challenge. Thanks to Lucy, Sue and Orithain for
and to the lovely QI ladies for their encouragement. As with the
story, this contains bad jokes and puns. WARNING: If you do not
have a sense
of humor, leave now. That is all.
Feedback: ::dons armor:: Yes, please. Luvnick62@aol.com
Just Talking 2: The Mouth That Ate Cincinnati
Life is a funny thing. Have you ever noticed how much it can completely
one minute, then the next, everything's coming up roses? [I *am*
Merman.] I suppose that's what makes it what it is, but I'm not
used to life
doing anything but slapping me in the face. I am a man who has
worthy in the 30-something years I've been alive. I take that
back. I have
been a good employee to the men who have seen fit to pay me to
on whatever soul they choose. I've even done a bit to help the
human race in
a cause they had no idea they should be fighting. However, on
the big 1 to
10 scale of life (1 being the lowest, 10 being the highest), I'm
a big fat
zero. That's why I can't understand what happened to me tonight.
Remember how I'd been in the middle of relating my true feelings
certain dashing Fibbie, when there was a knock on my door? It
was right in
the middle of a good part, but I answered it anyway...you know,
there. Anyway, it was the man in question, and you won't believe
happened after he stepped into my humble abode and closed the
him. No, there was no bloodshed, and not once did his fist connect
part of my body in a less than friendly manner. He just sort of
gave me this
curiously frustrated look, raked his hand through his hair and,
much as a hello, blurted out,
"Why did you call me?"
I didn't know what the hell to do. Should I lie? Tell him the
thought about it, gathered the bits of information I knew about
"What are you talking about? I didn't call you."
Have you ever seen Fox look at someone when he knows they're full
It's really great, and kind of funny, when you're not on the receiving
If you do happen to be the object of that scrutiny, let me tell
you, it's no
picnic. His eyes were burning holes into me...did I just say that?
promise, the next time I use a cliche, I'll put myself out of
misery. So, there I was with these smoking holes...
"I know it was you, Krycek."
"I star sixty-nined you." [Be still my beating heart.]
"Star 6-9. I got your number, then used it to get your address."
Here I thought I was being so clever to block caller ID, totally
about that *other* little extra. Amazing too, considering it's
number. I know you saw that coming.
"How'd you do that?"
"I work for the FBI. It's not that hard to get an address
if you use the
"Oh. Right." [Note to self: Kick own ass later.]
"So, why'd you call?"
"Why didn't you call me back?"
"Honestly, I thought it would be more fun to do it this way.
I guess you
could say, I pulled a Krycek." [Well, I know he did that
time at work...]
"Is that supposed to be an insult?"
"Depends on whether or not you think it is." [Dazzling,
Let me stop here for a moment. I admit that at this point I was
number of things:
The Mulder I know is dead and, in the grand tradition of "Invasion
Body Snatchers," has been replaced by this creature. Either
that, or he's
possessed a la "The Exorcist." Gorgeous and stunning
as he is, I think
getting spewed on during sex could spoil the mood. Call it a hunch.
Alex Thought #2:
This is all part of some elaborate scheme to get into my pants,
me into a false sense of security before taking me into custody.
is good...Mulder in my pants while I'm still wearing them, is
for the custody part, I like this thought.
Alex Thought #3:
He's choosing to ignore all the shit that's gone down since I
our partnership. I don't want to know why. I'm thinking temporary
has finally moved in permanently. It's a good fit considering
been on the verge of being a complete loony toon.
Alex Thought #4:
He likes me. He really likes me.
"I just want to know why you called and didn't say anything."
"What would you have done if I'd said hello?"
"Danced a fucking jig. What the hell do you think I would
I paused as I tried to imagine him doing a little dance...as he
shot up the
phone. If anyone could figure out how to get a bullet to pass
phone line, it would be him. I declined to share this little thought
him, though. Instead, I told him,
"Probably tell me to get a fucking life, then hang up. That's
what you did,
so what's the problem?"
The smile on his face took me by surprise. I mean, it's the last
expected him to do...so, why was he doing it?
"You know you just admitted it was you."
"You had it all figured out. So what?"
[Uncomfortable pause. He was being contemplative.] "Why did
you do it?"
"Just to bug you." [Calling all cars. Be on the lookout
for a trained
assassin. Has been known to call people and ask if their refrigerators
"No, I meant, why did you leave?"
I know Mulder is not a stupid man. In fact, anyone who knows me
and the way
I feel about him knows that I would *never* think that about him.
is probably a bigger turn on for me than the rest of him. [Mr.
like walks along the beach at sunset, semi-automatic weapons,
plaid, and a man with brains."] However, I wondered what
kind of meds he was
taking to make him ask me that. I mean, only a frontal lobotomy
in him asking me that question, right?
"I didn't feel like going to prison, Mulder. I've heard the
food is awful."
"I would have protected you." [BONK. That was my jaw
hitting the floor, in
case you were wondering.]
"Gee, now you tell me. And here I thought you hated my guts."
"Why would you think that?"
"Let's see...why would I think that? Hmm, it has nothing
to do with the fact
that every time you see me, you kick my ass, call me any number
names, or both. Oh yeah, and we didn't exactly part on a good
note. Just ask
I've only seen him look confused once, and that was when he was
figure out how to hack into some secret database so he could get
to porn sites. Now, he looked confused again, and I knew it wasn't
he was interested in gaining access to my hard drive. [Come on.
that bad, was it? Fine, I'll stop.]
"What does Scully have to do with this?"
This time I looked confused. I've been told it's disarming and
I think I must look like a Neanderthal - Alex no understand. Explain.
not big words. Ugh.
"I don't know. What *does* she have to do with it?"
"Alex, listen to me." [Yes, he called me by my first
name, and I almost
jumped into his arms and told him to take me, take me now, big
always been the picture of restraint.] "I'm not talking about
the first time
you left. I'm talking about when you came to my apartment to tell
the Colonists' plan."
"What about it?"
"Why did you just leave like that?"
"What, you expected me to stay and play a game of backgammon,
"I expected you to stay and follow through on that kiss."
It was at that point I realized that every man has a teenage girl
him, screaming to get out. But, being the professional that I
am, I simply
cocked my head to the side (quite jauntily, I might add) and...stuttered.
Damn him and those eyes, that mouth, that jaw, that neck, that...ah
finish the inventory yourself.
"I had nothing else to say. I figured all I could do was
leave you with the
information and get out of there while you were still in shock."
"You weren't trying to start something?"
"What do you mean?"
[Here's where he did that squinty-eyed, pouty, chewing on his
thing he'd always do when we were partners. Number 407 on my "Things
Fox That Drive Me Crazy" list.]
"Can I sit down?"
I pointed at the couch and told him to make himself comfortable.
"Alex, I need to explain some things to you."
"It'd be easier if you'd sit down, too."
Deciding that his lap would not be a good place for me to rest
my ass at
that moment, I took a seat in the old armchair next to the couch.
"I never forgot what happened between us that night at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is not to yell "Fuck, no!"
supposed to seem disinterested?
"It's crossed my mind on occasion." [Best acting of
my life. Are you paying
attention, Oscar voters?]
"I could never forgive myself for that. It's probably one
of the lowest
points of my life."
Why didn't he just reach into my chest and pull out my tiny, black,
"Stop trying to sweet talk me, Mulder. Get to the point."
"What I mean is, I couldn't believe I'd fallen for you, fallen
for the shit
you probably pull with everyone in order to get what you want."
"I'm not following." [I'm smarter than the average bear,
but the average
bear isn't all that perceptive.]
"I let myself become emotionally involved with someone who
"We weren't emotionally involved, Mulder. We fucked."
[Boy, did we.]
"I thought that's all it was too, but my feelings for you
deeper than I realized. It wasn't until you left that I knew I
to you. That's why all I could do was lash out at you whenever
"I know. I was there."
"So, what changed?"
"That night in my apartment. I thought that you were just
there to yank my
chain, but I found out you were telling me the truth. I couldn't
why the hell you'd want to help me. I honestly never expected
that from you.
And when I looked back on how you kissed me, I thought maybe you
feelings for me."
At this point, I was tempted to search my potted palm for a hidden
How did I know that footage of me being jerked around wasn't going
up on "America's Funniest Losers"? And I'd have to make
a point of checking
out the local cable access channel for any video of me dancing
singing "It's Raining Men", using a vibrator for a mic.
[Hey, I don't judge
you for what you do in *your* free time.]
"Mulder, I told you the only reason I was giving you that
because I didn't want the human race to cease existing. Where
the hell would
I find good bagels if the bakery down the street wasn't around
"What about the kiss?"
"Why do you care so much?"
"Did it mean anything?"
"What do you mean?"
"It was so...you lingered."
"You lingered. Your mouth...it was so close to mine and you
know. You *stayed* there for a while. When you pulled away, I
were going to kiss me again."
I remembered that night. Every detail had been engraved on my
brain. I even dreamt about it, on occasion. I always wondered
expression on his face after I'd kissed him. Assuming it was just
homicidal tendency where I'm concerned, I usually decided to ignore
it...until the next time I thought about it.
"I wondered why you looked like that, you know."
"I wanted you, Alex. I was willing to throw out every bit
of our past for a
"It would have been slow, Mulder. Slow, and easy, and really,
As cheesy as that sounded, I actually turned myself on a bit when
I said it
to him. It was probably the look on his face (and the way he licked
lips) that did it, now that I think it over. I mean, I'm egotistical,
I'm not *that* bad...most of the time.
"Are you saying it *did* mean something?"
"Sure it did. It meant I was fucking with your head."
Have you ever done anything really stupid and later regretted
it? Of course,
you have. Who hasn't? Well, the minute those words left my mouth,
I wished I
could have taken them back. I didn't mean to make it sound like
rejection of what he'd said to me, but that's the way he interpreted
OODs can be so fussy.
"I should have known better, I guess. It's my own fault for
something that stupid."
Man, the look on his face just about made me want to throw myself
of a speeding bus. I mean, I could almost hear the wind going
out of his
sails. Here I was, minutes away from getting my deepest desire,
and I was
blowing it. [Notice my not saying anything snarky about blowing
him.] I was
letting my macho need to not be the first one to break get in
the way of
what I was feeling. In fact, it was what I'd been bitching about
minutes before. Nope, instead of throwing my arms (make that 'arm')
him and telling him how I was feeling, I let him think I didn't
give a shit.
In a way, I think I was calling his bluff. I mean, how was I supposed
know that he meant what he was saying and that it wasn't just
some trick to
make me look like an idiot?
Alex argues with himself: Part One
You *do* realize he just told you that he had feelings for you
you feel the same way about him.
So, it's what you've been wanting for years now.
What's it going to get me?
Besides never-ending happiness, you mean?
No, I mean, besides never-ending bruises and jail time.
Why would you get jail time?
Because I'm a *criminal*. Because this is probably all part of
elaborate plan to-
Yeah, yeah, yeah...you've said that already. You've got quite
an ego, you
No sale, buddy. I know you too well to want to do that.
You're right. I'm sorry.
What are you up to?
Nothing. I agree with you. I think he's being sincere.
Uh oh...what's wrong with you? Why are you being so nice to me?
What do you
Not a thing. I just think I should listen to you. You're always
it comes to saving my life and other important things. The only
fucked up was that time in Russia.
You're never going to let up, are you? I lost the arm, too, you
you're digressing. The bottom line is you should believe him and
I guess there's always a first time for everyth-
Please don't say that.
Because you are an honest person. You just don't always say what
How about getting back to your story? No one cares what you talk
"Mulder, you're not stupid."
"I said, you're not stupid. You're the complete opposite
"What are you saying?"
"I didn't think you'd give my visit a second thought."
"And I wasn't just trying to mess with you."
"You mean more to me than you know."
I never expected him to move so quickly, but he was off that couch
than you could say 'Man, that was fast.'
"Alex, what are you saying?"
"I don't know. What do you want me to be saying?"
"I want you to say what you're feeling. Please, don't tell
me that every
thought I've had about you since that night is just me driving
Okay, so maybe I was starting to buy it. I couldn't look into
those eyes and
dismiss what I saw. Maybe I *wanted* to believe he could care
about me as
much as I cared about him. I know this probably sounds too good
to be true,
and seems a bit contrived, but I swear on the life of Kathie Lee
that I'm not lying. He really did say all these things to me,
and he really
did kneel down in front of me and put his hand on my thigh, waiting
to answer him. I couldn't think of what to say to him. Did I confess
at that moment? Or did I wait to see what else he would say to
me? Would it
be okay for me to throw him down on the floor, fuck him senseless,
I'd get back to him about the feelings stuff?
I have to tell you, it was more than a little disconcerting to
being so honest with me. I didn't know if I liked the fact that
coming so easily. Where was the angry guy who didn't give a fuck
Him I could deal with. This...this almost desperate guy in front
of me was
making me very nervous. The look in his eyes was daring me to
anything, but to please not hurt him. Oh shit.
"Mulder, I-I love you." [So much for waiting.]
You know that feeling when you tell a joke and no one laughs when
you get to
the punchline because they're still *waiting* for the punchline?
I felt a
little like that at that moment. He just stared at me, his mouth
slightly open. I wanted to tap his jaw and see if it would make
sound when it closed. I wanted to wave my hand in front of his
face and see
if he'd blink. Most of all, I wanted him to say something, or,
at the very
"Mulder? Did you hear me?"
He started nodding. I don't mean a nice concise, professional
started nodding...and nodding...and wouldn't stop. I had to put
my hand on
the top of his head to hold it still.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah...I just never expected... Are you sure?"
Sure? What the hell did he mean, was I sure? It wasn't like we
take out and I'd told him I wanted the kung pao chicken instead
of the moo
"I'd better be sure, otherwise you'll kick my ass."
"Nah, I'd probably do that anyway."
I laughed at that. [If he tells you I snorted, he's a dirty liar.]
laughing along with me...a lot. A sweet chuckle, or goofy guffaw,
understand, but he was letting out some major, hysterical, hearty
I chose to think that it was caused by nerves and that he wasn't
all the times he'd hurt me.
"It wasn't that funny. You left bruises."
"It's not that. I'd never laugh at that." [The part
of ChuckleFox will now
be played by UltraSeriousMulder. Talk about a complete 180.]
"Don't you think this whole thing is crazy? Think about it.
You and I have
every reason to hate each other. Me, because of what you did to
because of what I've done to you. One night, a million years ago,
around. That, in itself, should not have been enough to make me
head-over-heels for you, and even when it did, my feelings should
quashed by what happened later. Do you understand what I mean?"
"Alex? Talk to me, buddy."
"You were head-over-heels?"
"There you go, focus on the important stuff." [Historic
footnote: He smiled
and stroked my face. This is important because, for the first
time in my
life, I was struck speechless.]
"Alex, I loved you."
"You...oh...'loved'. As in past tense. Well, I can understand
that. I mean,
a lot has happened since then. I can't expect you to-"
"Shut up and listen." [Aye, aye, cap'n.] "I'm trying
to say that when we
were partners, much to my surprise, I was in love with you. I
thought it was
infatuation, you know, me trying to figure you out because you
driven, cocky, arrogant and ambitious. I wanted to know how your
worked. Hell, I wanted to know everything about you so I could
you. It wasn't until the night we were alone at work together
realized what I'd really wanted all that time."
"And when I left, you got over it. I *do* understand. Really.
::frustrated sigh and intense shoulder grip::
"Yes, after you left, I hated you. I wanted you dead. I wanted
you to hurt
as much as I was hurting. But, when you redeemed yourself-"
"When I what?"
"In my apartment. That's how I saw it, anyway. That night,
I knew I couldn't
get away from it. God help me, but I was willing to put my feelings
ahead of anything resembling logic."
"And that's why you're here? You're being illogical?"
"I'm here because I love you, you moron."
I'd like to say that after that romantic declaration, he swept
me up in his
arms and we retired to the bedchamber. Unfortunately, things never
like that. You want to know what happened? I mean, there we were,
admitting our feelings for each other after all this time, ready
to take the
next step, if his kiss was any indication... Oh yeah, he kissed
me after he
said he loved me. Excellent, by the way. Just like I remembered
from when we
were partners. Only this time, he hadn't been eating sunflower
seeds so it
wasn't as...salty. Anyway, I knew I was going to get lucky...when
goddamn cell phone rang. I want to kill the guy who invented those
things. Who knows how many intimate moments have been destroyed
little pieces of shit? He answered it,
"When? Uh huh. There's no way... Okay. Thanks."
::puppy dog eyes::
"I have to go."
This is when I knew it was a trick. Shit, the timing was just
convenient, you know? I couldn't believe I'd fallen for it.
"I can't believe I fell for it."
"Fell for what?"
"Your little plan to make a fool of me. Good job, Mulder."
"You can't believe that, Alex."
Alex argues with himself: Part Two
Why are you giving him a hard time? The guy has to work.
Doesn't it seem a little funny to you?
Not at all. You know what the Bureau's like.
Yeah, bad suits, shit cases and coffee that tastes like it was
the Eisenhower administration.
Be fair. I don't think it's a trick.
Yeah, but you also don't think the smoking bastard is all that
Hey, that only happened once. You said you wouldn't bring it up
Well, I lied. Just like Mulder did.
You don't give up, do you?
Nope. Why do you think I'm so good at staying alive?
Point taken. But look at him. Is that the face of someone who's
*Maybe* not? Come on, open your eyes, man.
"Alex? Talk to me."
"What do you want me to say?"
"What you're feeling."
"No, you don't. Trust me."
"Do you want to know who was on the phone?"
"I assume it was Scully."
I know...never assume because yadda, yadda, yadda. Long story
short, he left
because he had to pick up his car. It was in the shop and the
called him to say he couldn't fix the problem. If Fox wanted to
have his car
for the weekend, he had to get it right then. Why couldn't he
just rent one?
Good question. He said it would be easier to get it now than wait
when he'd be too busy to get over there. I pouted, he kissed me
left. I felt really stupid for doubting him, but a guy can't be
right? Actually, I still feel stupid telling you this. The guy's
my bed, so what was I worried about? Hindsight...it's not just
You know that pick-up line about heaven missing an angel? I always
that was really stupid. Of course, that never stopped me from
using it a few
times, with very good results. I also used that 'I've got the
F, the C and
the K. All I need is you' line...once...when I was really drunk.
though. She was drunk too. Um, I had a point. Yeah, so I'm sitting
looking at my sleeping Fox and wondering how the hell heaven let
get away. His face is so peaceful, and if I didn't occasionally
breathing, I'd swear he was dead. I know...morbid. I told you
before that I
don't have a way with words when it comes to love or anything
The sheets are tangled around his legs, and he's lying on his
perfect ass just daring me to smack it and wake him up. He needs
though. I can see a reddish-purplish mark on his shoulder where
I bit him.
Good thing I've had my shots. It's okay, I've got an equally colorful
on my left nipple. Seems that years of shelling sunflower seeds
teeth have given him the impulse to bite whenever something small
is in his mouth. I like it.
I suppose I should turn in, myself. I still can't believe that
changed so much in the past-
Alex argues with himself: Part Three
Oh, no you don't.
You're not going to leave, just like that.
Details! I want details!
Shut up. You were there.
Look, I always look out for you and get nothing but grief in return.
asking for is a little consideration.
No, for whoever would care to know what happened between you and
He did *not* yodel!
Okay, yodel, scream, sing...whatever. Spill it.
But it's personal.
More personal than the stuff you've talked about before?
Well, it's private.
Hon, you've had sex in public places for money. When did privacy
issue for you?
When it started involving the man I love...and who loves me.
That's sweet, but what's the harm?
It's the principle.
Excuse me? The what?
That's what I thought you said.
No, what's wrong?
Forget I said anything. It's your choice. That's fine. Your *principles*
won't let you share.
You're a bastard, you know that?
That's why you love me.
I had asked him if he wanted me to drive him to get his car, but
he said he
could take a cab. I felt bad because I didn't want to let him
out of my
sight now that I knew his true feelings. Still, I didn't want
to push the
issue, so I acquiesced and watched him walk out the door.
You have never seen a man find so many stupid little things to
do in an
apartment. I cleaned up everything in sight, changed the sheets,
washed the dish (I don't eat at home that often) and made myself
tonic. All of this in record time and one-handed, thank you very
He came back just as I had sat down with my drink, making me spring
the chair like a psychotic Jack-in-the-box when he opened the
"I see that. Want a drink?"
I now know what it's like to be a matador staring into the eyes
of a bull
that's about to charge. That's the look he gave me just before
the short distance to hold me and kiss me. Please, don't picture
that as a
scene out of some old black and white movie where the male lead
across a room, grabs his leading lady and plants a big old 'I
it' kiss on her lips. His steps were very deliberate, almost predatory,
for the first time in a long time, I knew I was wanted by someone
just as much.
Surrender has never been as easy as it was when I completely gave
in to him.
I kind of went limp in his arms and the only thing holding me
up was him. If
he'd have let go at that exact moment, unless his lips were strong
hold the weight of a grown man, I would have plunked down, unceremoniously,
in my chair. But, as it was, he held me tight and gave me the
wettest, hottest, most thorough kiss I'd ever gotten. My lips
buzzing, and my tongue...let's just say my tongue has never been
be so used. Wow.
He pulled away and I had to remind myself to open my eyes. What
I saw can
carry me to my grave should I die in the next minute or so. The
smile on his
face was so loving and tender, for a second I thought I'd turned
puppy or something equally cute. Sure, he said he loved me, but
no one could
look at me like that and mean it. Right? Wrong.
"You're incredible. This whole thing is incredible."
"Yeah." [It's okay. You don't have to be impressed with
"Alex, you're blushing."
"No, I'm not. I've been drinking."
"How many have you had?"
"Counting this one?"
"I never had you figured for a lightweight." [FYI, Fox
doesn't just have a
girlie scream. His giggle sounds an awful lot like it should be
of some adolescent babe's mouth. Don't tell him I said that.]
"You gonna tease me, or are you going to fuck me?"
"I was hoping to do a bit of both." [It's not corny,
it's cute. Hush.]
He took the drink out of my hand and swallowed it in one gulp.
him to choke or something, since I don't believe in making drinks
contain more mixer than liquor. I didn't even see his eyes tear.
"Do you need another?"
Okay, so *this* is the part that seemed like it came straight
from an old
movie. He looked me in the eye, smiled wickedly and pulled me
against him so
roughly, I thought I'd cracked a rib.
"There's only one thing I need, and it doesn't come in a
I almost said something about having to give that a try sometime,
think the look on his face lent itself to my smartass comments.
settled on being a mildlyintelligentass.
"You want the bottle, then?"
"No, but I want something else long and hard." [I see.
He says it and it's
His reply was punctuated by a really nice little hip grind, swivel
that just about made me believe there was a god.
I've never made better time than when I ran to the bedroom, dragging
behind me. Now, picture the two of us facing each other and lovingly
undressing one another...a button undone, a little kiss on whatever
slowly exposed...gentle caresses as we slide the intrusive garments
anxious bodies... Got it? Okay, now think of the exact opposite
was what it was like. Anyone walking in on us would have thought
Tasmanian Devil was trapped in my room and trying to decide what
Clothes were flying everywhere, fingers were tripping over each
other in a
mad dash to get as naked as possible in the shortest time imaginable.
never missed my arm as much as I did at that moment.) I think
were tossed out the window...I'll have to check later. Anyway,
that neither of us had experienced human contact in years (which
actually been true for Fox), because we were both driving ourselves
trying to be everywhere and touch everything at once. That was
while we were
still standing up. By the time we made it to the bed, I was well
on my way
to kissing and licking literally every centimeter of his body.
God, if Fox
was a buffet, I'd weigh 400 pounds by now.
After a number of long, luscious minutes, we ended up in a very
position, namely, with our dicks in each other's mouths. Quid
pro quo may be
the most romantic words on the earth, because I'd never been as
give and receive as I was then. The salty heat in my mouth, the
incredible feeling of Fox devouring me...man, just stamp "Paid
in full" on
my forehead and throw me in a corner somewhere. I don't know if
that I was so completely fixated on sucking his cock, but I bet
tongue could draw a relief map of it, should the need ever arise.
I came first. Fox doesn't know how close he came to being a eunuch,
must not have noticed because he continued to suck my dick dry
as if he
wanted to see me shrivel up. I actually had to pull away from
him so I'd
have something left to play with later. As soon as I did that,
it's like he
noticed for the first time that my lips were wrapped around his
pole, rod, joystick, manmeat, swizzle stick...take your pick.
call it Fox Junior. He doesn't like that.] I kept partaking of
dish, and he started moving his hips until he was fucking my mouth.
whole time, I kept thinking it was a good thing I studied how
to be a sword
swallower, because I could have died. Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic
hyperbolic, but when someone says Fox is a handful, they should
him head sometime. He's a fucking throatful. Not that I didn't
thrust and stolen breath. Quite the contrary. By the time he was
come, I was laid out, deep throating him the way he deserved...and
might have been accustomed. I have to remember to ask him about
that when he
When he came, I thought I was going to drown...in a good way.
I couldn't get
enough of the stuff, and did what he'd done to me, earlier. I
feel like a mama cat after a while, and he didn't seem to mind
attention. It's stupid, but I was so happy to just lie there,
every now and then, feeling him stroking my hair, whispering ridiculously
saccharine terms of endearment to each other. [None of your business.]
I suppose that's pretty much all that-
Alex argues with himself: Part Four
Hey! That's not all that happened!
Listen. I'm tired and I want to get back into bed with Fox.
Well, at least talk about what happened when you guys discussed,
The thing that almost made you cry.
Oh...that. I don't think so. Too much information.
Please? For me?
Fine, but you'd better leave me alone after this.
You got it.
We were lying there, kissing, fondling and basically getting all
again, when Fox told me to get onto my back because...shit, if
I have to
tell you, get out of here. That's when it hit me that I'd been
lying on my
left side. The stuff that had happened when we'd first gotten
into bed was
so fast, I hadn't even thought about my arm. But now...now we
things easy, and he was going to get a good look at it for the
first time. I
"Alex, come on, baby...I want you on your back."
"Fox, I can't."
"What? Why not? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, I just...I can't, right now."
"Please tell me. Are you feeling all right?"
"Then we can wait until you're ready."
Okay, his sweetness and understanding were starting to piss me
didn't he just tell me to get my fucking act together and do what
Because he loooooooves me, that's why. I knew this, but I thought
*make* me tell him what was wrong rather than waiting to see if
I would. He
looked so concerned about me, and I knew I was being totally paranoid.
not like he didn't know what happened to me. I'm sure while we
our tornado impression, he caught a glimpse. The difference was
been aware of it until now. I stared at him, hoping he'd read
my mind or
something. Unfortunately, there's a reason Fox joined the FBI
and not the
Psychic Friends Network. I had to bite the bullet.
"I'm...Fox, I don't want you to see..."
"What is it? Is this about your arm?"
Ack. He'd said it. I couldn't look at him. I just nodded.
"Alex, look at me." [No sale.]
"Alex, please...let me see you." [Weakening...]
"I love you, Alex. Please." [Bingo.]
The minute I looked up at him, I knew he'd never judge me or recoil
because of what I looked like. He kissed me and I think he was
me to say something to him. I had no idea what he wanted to hear,
"What do you want me to say?" [I seemed to be making
a habit of it. That was
at least the third time I'd done it.]
"You don't have to say anything. I want you to listen.
"I love you, Alex. Now, if I look at your past actions and
add them to mine,
that doesn't compute. There's no way you and I should be together,
we are. Do you want to know why I'm here?"
I nodded. I hated feeling like some junior athlete who was getting
talk, but then again, none of my coaches had ever declared their
me. Well, except for that one assistant coach in college who started
stalking me, but that's another story. This one is much better.
"I look at you and I don't see your crimes. I don't see your
shitty 'No one can touch me' attitude. For some reason, the fact
a cold-hearted killer never registers, and I hardly notice the
you always put yourself on the defensive."
"That's not true, and none of this is making me feel better."
"See? That's what I mean. Now, shut up."
It sounds worse than it was. He shut me up by sticking his tongue
mouth. That's the best diversionary tactic to use with me, apparently.
"The point I'm trying to make is that I don't see a lot of
things that are
obvious to people who don't care about you the way I do. That
parts of you that aren't perfect. Those are the things I don't
see and that
don't matter to me. If they did, I wouldn't be here right now.
"Before you say anything, I want you to realize that I know
you're more than
what you do...what you've done. When we were partners, I know
some of your true self to me. Your brilliance, your naivete about
things, your concern about doing what's right...I know those weren't
false, Alex. Even after you left, you were driven by something
eventually made you want to do the right thing. You just happened
to take a
hell of a detour to get there.
"Deep down, you're a different person, a good person, and
I know you're
fighting against what you've become, every day. That night in
I saw that fight in your eyes. I saw the person you want to be,
the man I love. I love what no one else can see. Maybe I'm making
biggest mistake of my life. Maybe you are, who knows? None of
it matters to
me because I love you. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
I understood. I completely understood. For the first time in my
someone was telling me they loved me in spite of who I was or
what I'd lost.
I'd defined myself by my actions and my life choices for so long,
forgotten maybe there was a human being under all this darkness.
"Fox, if you ever wake up and realize you've made a mistake,
I want you to
leave, okay? I don't want you to do something you can't live with."
Man, talk about dirty looks. I guess it wasn't so much dirty as
really disappointed and a bit disgusted. I just wanted to make
sure he had
an out, that's all. You know, this aircraft has six emergency
kind of thing. So, I expected him to launch into some lecture
stupid I am, but instead he kissed me again. It was so soft, and
second I wondered if I'd dreamt it. Whenever I'd dream of him,
that's how he
always kissed me and now it was really happening. Of course, in
the next thing that happened was Annette Funicello would come
bedroom, ask if I had any jelly, then leave singing the Mickey
song. Her absence was how I knew this was really happening. Well,
the fact that he started biting my nipple, causing some interesting
to come out of my mouth, as well as the aforementioned injury.
don't give me any shit about my "feelings" or not being
Some things are meant to be shared only with the object of my
wasn't defensive, was it? So what if it was? Anyway.]
Okay, to make a long story...to wrap up this rambling mess into
a nice, neat
package, suffice it to say he and I made love. And before that
little voice asks for salacious details, let me pose a few questions:
How do you tell someone about the most perfect, awe inspiring
event of your
life, without making it seem like less than it is?
How do you relate the feeling that you've finally found your soulmate,
the reason you know this is because when you make love, you don't
say a word to each other in order to say everything your heart
How do you make a person see that no matter what's happened in
life, the strength of one simple touch can erase all the pain,
something beautiful and magical behind?
How do you keep thinking of questions to illustrate how incredibly
you are and how much that love means?
Answer: You don't.
I shall now take my newfound depth, and head to bed. But before
I do, I want
to say that I now know a few things:
1) I love him even more than I thought I did.
2) He loves me more than I deserve.
3) He also loves me enough to let me...heh, okay, that's too personal.
4) I really don't like sleeping alone.
5) He snores. But it's that cute purring kind of snore that lets
he's still by my side and hasn't left me.
So maybe that list wasn't as profound as it could have been, and
have no idea why we've ended up together. Join the club. I just
for the first time in my life, I've gotten what I wanted more
and I have to do my best to keep it and nurture it. Kind of makes
relationship with Fox sound like a new puppy, but there you go.
Speaking of going, I really have to get back to Fox. He's lying
looking completely irresistible and I need to be next to him.
We belong to
each other now and have a lot of catching up to do. I think I'll
and let him sleep, though. This way I can watch him and not make
him feel as
if I'm scrutinizing every little part of him. I *am* scrutinizing
little part of him, but I just don't want *him* to feel that way.
I can be
patient, when it counts. Besides, we have a long time to make
up for what
Shouldn't you be thinking about going to bed, yourself? You'd
I'll make you tell me what you're doing up this late.