Title: "Poisoning Pigeons In The Park"
Author: Katherine F.
Archive: Ok to ArchiveX and TER/MA, elsewhere let me know. Rating: a weak R
Pairing: M/K
Spoilers: none
Summary: Sunday in the park
Feedback: yum! afarmar@iol.ie
Author's notes: My answer to Spike's Spring Fever challenge. And when I asked for Tom Lehrer songfic, nobody took me up on it, so I've had to write it myself. So there. I have *no* idea how many words this is...


"Poisoning Pigeons In The Park"
by Katherine F.

It was a shame about the leather jacket -- Alex had yet to find a light coat that combined menace and aesthetic pleasure quite so perfectly -- but now that the snow was gone and the buds were out, it was really *much* too warm for black.

He gazed around him. Children playing in the playground, ducks ducking for weed in the pond, the sun peeping through clouds as white as cheap vanilla ice cream -- it was enough to make him vomit. Except that, of course, there was Mulder.

There was Mulder...and what had possessed him to agree to this meeting, anyway? Not that Alex was complaining. These little moments when they weren't working or fucking or beating each other up were rare, and for that reason precious; he knew that, months from now, when the lean times came, he would treasure the memory of Mulder sitting beside him on the park bench, sunning himself and munching sunflower seeds, at least as much as the memory of Mulder's lips on his cock. If not more.

But if only Mulder was sitting on his right side, so that he could at least rest his arm on the bench behind him...

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"That tune you're humming...what are the words?"

He had been humming? He reeled his mind back a few seconds...oh. That. Well, why not?

"Spring is here, spring is here,
Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring -- I do! Don't you? Course ya do!"

Mulder smiled and started tossing seeds to the pigeons who were beginning to congregate in front of the bench. Stupid little birds, with their puffed up chests and their bobbing heads. They didn't even taste nice.

"But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me That makes every Sunday a treat for me..."

...and by a weird coincidence, it just happened to *be* a Sunday...

"All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon When we're poisoning pigeons in the park..."

Mulder choked on a seed and kept on choking. Alex continued singing as he shifted position so that he could pat him on the back.

"...They call it impiety
And lack of propriety
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon..."

Mulder, having regained the ability to breathe, fixed Alex with a stare that was two parts bewildered affection to one part irritation.

"Alex, you're *evil*, you know that?"

Alex smiled his most innocent smile and rubbed Mulder's back with a soothing circular motion. "But Mulder, you say that like it's a *bad* thing..."

And the smile Alex got in return was warm enough to shame the spring sunshine. It made him think that maybe the pigeons *did* deserve to live, after all.

And the pigeons clucked by, unpoisoned and oblivious.

[end]


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