WHO TAKES THIS MAN?
by unChuck - unchuck@bigfoot.com
~~~~~~~~~~

Dana Scully nervously applied her lipstick and checked her makeup
in the mirror for the fourth time in the past ten minutes. She
fiddled with her hair, desperately trying to get every last one
in place, but it was a battle with nature that she was quickly
losing; each time she managed to get one hair to take up it's
proper position, another defiantly jutted outwards. Her hands
shook nervously as she fought every last one of them. If this
wasn't over soon, she was going to have a nervous breakdown.

She took yet another long look over herself in the mirror.
She didn't look half bad in her simple cream-colored suit,
it showed off her deep auburn hair quite nicely. But still,
she was never going to be satisfied, she was never going to
reach the perfection that this moment required. How on earth
had she let him talk her into this? Why? Why had she said
"yes," it would have been much simpler to have said "no" and
not to have involved herself in this whole mess. If only she
were back in the lab, scooping out the entrails of some corse,
that would be much preferable to this.

"Come on, Scully, you look great!" Mulder did his best to
reassure her, but it didn't seem to be working.

"You're sure? I feel like a giant cream-puff, Mulder!"
Scully pleaded with the man for some bit of reassurance that
this wasn't going to turn into a disaster. God, she hated
weddings.

"You look beautiful, Scully. At this very moment, you're the
most exquisite woman on the planet. Now how about we go take
a walk down the aisle?" Mulder was grinning from ear to ear.
She knew Mulder loved her, he really did, but putting her
through this was sheer torture.

__________

 

Somehow, Mulder had managed to get her out of the waiting room.
They were now standing side-by-side at the back of the small but
ornate church. She looked over at her partner; he was dressed
immaculately in the finest tuxedo that Giorgio Armani made. What
was it about a tux that made a man look so good? Mulder was
reassuringly holding her hand as if to will her through this.

As the music began, they both took a deep breath and made their
first hesitant steps forward, down the aisle. Mulder was such
an incredible person, helping her through this when he must
have a thousand other things on his mind. The two had never
been as close as they had been in these past few weeks,
with this surprising decision, and then all the plans to make.
Yes, at this point, life could not have been more perfect.

__________

 

Dana wanted to reach out and smack Mulder. As they walked
down the aisle, he was humming along with the music. "Dum
dum da-dum, dum dum da-dum..." As she looked up the row
of pews she saw the small collection of their friends and
family plus a few coworkers from the agency. At the altar of
the church stood the pastor, in full religious regalia. To
the left was Kim, Skinner's dedicated secretary. To the right
was Skinner himself, looking very dashing in his new tux.
Black and white suited the man; he looked so strong and powerful
in the simple combination, he was even giving Mulder a run for
his money in the looks department today. She was amazed at
how calm and collected Skinner looked, but then that was the
way he always looked, like the Rock of Gibraltar - steady and
unmoving. He gave her a little wink as she and Mulder
proceeded up the aisle; his little gesture relaxing her.

"Mulder would you stop that humming!" Scully whispered under
her breath.

"Oh, sorry, I guess I'm a little nervous too."

After reassuring herself that Mulder was going to keep quiet,
her eyes returned to the front of the small church. Standing
beside Skinner was the slim form of Alex Krycek, who seemed
to be staring blankly out into space, and yet he had the
biggest grin on his face that she could imagine a mouth
capable of producing. It was quite the sight.

Just then, she and Mulder reached the front of the church,
and the music quietly faded away. The reverend cleared his
throat as he prepared to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen I welcome you here on this day of
celebration..."

Within a few seconds, Scully's mind began to drift. She'd
been to hundreds of weddings before and they all seemed to
follow the same basic format. The pastor would begin to
speak, "Welcome... yadda yadda yadda... Do you take this
man... yadda yadda yadda... I do, I do... yadda yadda
yadda... You may now kiss... yadda yadda yadda..." Oh,
but she skipped a part, where he says...

"Who gives this man away?"

Dana snapped back to reality as the reverend cleared his throat,
trying to get her attention. "Who gives this man away?"

"Oh, I do, Father." Dana nervously said her line and
reluctantly took up her position next to Kim. She looked
over at Mulder, standing there so handsome. He smiled
sweetly at her and then took his position standing beside
his betrothed. God, she hoped this would be over
soon. She was, after all, in Hawaii, one of the few perks
of this whole wedding thing. She'd have a few days to spend
at the beach before heading back to Washington, just enough
time enjoy the local beaches.

"Do you, Fox Mulder, take this man, to be your lawfully
wedded partner. In sickness and in health..."

Dana again drifted away from the ceremony and became lost
in her thoughts. It had been five years, five swiftly
moving years since she had first met Mulder and become
his partner. Since that time they had become close friends.
When she first met him, she had considered him something
of a looney tune, always going on about flying saucers and
little grey spacemen. But in the five intervening years
he had nearly won her over to his side. She still doubted
much of what he believed, but that was the way they both
liked it - Mulder always out in left field somewhere and
her always trying to pull him in to a more realistic position.

Early on in their partnership she had fantasized about,
well not fantasized - how would Mulder put it? Yes,
"considered the possibility" of the two of them being
together. But she had soon realized that it would never
be. It wasn't that Mulder didn't love her, she knew in her
heart that he loved her as much as she loved him. It was
just that Mulder needed something that she could not give.
But Mulder had found someone, some man that could fill this
void in his life.

Since the two men had acknowledged their feelings for each
other, Mulder had been a changed man. No more sleepless
nights, no more haunting nightmares. She had been amazed
at the change in her partner. Slowly, all his fears and
doubts had melted away. He was still pursuing his cases,
still carrying on about oily space aliens and strange
plots involving killer bees, but now there was something
else in his life, a new, positive influence.

"And do you, Alex Krycek, take this man, to be your lawfully..."

"I do!"

"Excuse me, Alex, but I need to finish all the vows first,
before we get to the I do's." Dana could tell that the
wrinkled old man was unhappy about being interrupted. He
too had been through this ceremony a million times, and it
appeared that Alex had made him lose his place.

"That's okay. I do, whatever he wants," Dana watched as Alex
pointed to a chuckling Mulder standing beside him, "whatever
he wants, I do."

Dana watched as the minister glared at the two men standing
oh-so unreverantly in front of him. He looked like he'd
rather be out in the parking lot smoking a pack of Morley
cigarettes. "Well then, with the power vested in me by the
Church of the Consortium and the State of Hawaii, I now
pronounce you life partners. You may now kiss each other.
If that's what you fellas do, personally I find this whole
thing disgusting, but who am I to..."

Dana let out a small laugh as she watched the pastor walk
off in a huff. As she turned back, she witnessed Mulder
and Alex's first embrace as a married couple. Their
lips entwined as the two held each other tightly and
they completed a long, passionate kiss. Skinner walked
over beside her and took her hand in his. He silently
brought her hand up to his mouth and gave her a little
kiss on the back side of her hand. Dana decided that maybe
this wedding thing wasn't such a bad idea after all.

-------------

No, no, wait a minute, that's not how it happened!
Here's what REALLY happened...

__________

Dana wanted to reach out and smack Mulder. As they walked
down the aisle, he was humming along with the music. "Dum
dum da-dum, dum dum da-dum..." As she looked up the row
of neatly arranged chairs, she saw the small collection of
their friends and family plus a few coworkers from the agency.
At the front podium of the church stood the minister, in his
drab, but formal suit. On the left side of the podium was Kim,
Skinner's dedicated secretary. To the right was Skinner himself,
looking very dashing in his new tux. The strong black and white
of the tux suited the man; he looked so strong and powerful in
the simple combination, he was even giving Mulder a run for
his money in the looks department today. She was amazed at
how calm and collected Skinner looked, but then that was the
way he always looked, like the Rock of Gibraltar - steady and
unmoving. There was even a light shining down from a skylight
above him that give the bald man a heavenly halo. It was
the crowning touch on his immaculate appearance. As she
looked into his eyes, he gave her a little wink. This
kind little gesture relaxed her as she, and the still
humming Mulder, continued up the aisle.

"Mulder would you stop that humming!" Scully whispered under
her breath.

"Oh, sorry, I guess I'm a little nervous."

After reassuring herself that Mulder was going to keep quiet,
her eyes returned to the front of the small church. Standing
beside Skinner was the always rakish Alex Krycek, who seemed
to be staring blankly out into space, and yet he had the
most severe frown on his face that she could imagine a mouth
capable of producing. He must have been practicing the look
for years; it was so expertly painted on his face. It was quite
the sight.

Just then, she and Mulder reached the front of the church,
and the music quietly faded away. The minister cleared his
throat as he prepared to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen my name is Father Frohike, and I welcome
you here on this day of celebration..."

Within a few seconds, Scully's mind began to drift. She'd
been to hundreds of weddings before and they all seemed to
follow the same basic format. The minister would begin to
speak, "Welcome... yackada yackada yackada... Do you take
this man... yip yip yip... I do, I do... wubba wubba wubba...
You may now kiss... yadda yadda yadda..." Oh, but she skipped
a part, where the minister says...

"Who gives this man away?"

Dana snapped back to reality as the minister cleared his throat,
trying to get her attention. "Who gives this man away?"

"Oh, that would be me." Dana nervously said her line
and with great relief that her part was over, she took up her
position next to Kim. She looked over at Mulder, standing there
like something out of BRIDE Magazine. She had been so
embarrassed when Mulder had uncovered her secret stash of
bridal magazines at her house one afternoon. He had teased
her endlessly, and yet somehow managed to waste the better
part of that Saturday flipping through the pages, looking
for just he right setting for his own fantasy nuptuals.

He smiled sweetly at her and then took his position
standing in front of the minister. God, she hoped this would be
over soon. She was, after all, in Hawaii, one of the few perks
of this whole wedding thing. She'd have a few days to spend
at the beach before heading back to Washington, just enough
time to get a bit of a tan.

"Do you, Fox Mulder, take this man, to be your lawfully
wedded partner. In sickness and in health..."

Dana again drifted away from the ceremony and became lost
in her thoughts. It had been five years, five swiftly
moving years since she had first met Mulder and become
his partner. Since that time, they had become close friends.
When she first met him, she had considered him something
worthy of a psychology textbook, always going on about flying
saucers and little grey spacemen. But in the five intervening
years he had nearly won her over to his side. She still doubted
much of what he believed, but that was the way they both
liked it - Mulder always somewhere out in deep space, and
her always trying to pull him back to earth.

Early on in their partnership she had fantasized about,
well not fantasized - how would Mulder put it? Yes,
"considered the possibility" of the two of them being
together. But she had soon realized that it would never
be. It wasn't that Mulder didn't love her, she knew in her
heart that he loved her as much as she loved him. It was
just that Mulder needed something that she could not give.
But Mulder had found someone, some man that could fill this
void in his life.

Since the two men had acknowledged their feelings for each
other, Mulder had been a changed man. No more sleepless
nights, no more haunting nightmares. She had been amazed
at the change in her partner. Slowly, all his fears and
doubts had melted away. He was still pursuing his cases,
still carrying on about shape shifters and strange
plots involving killer bees, but now there was something else
in his life, a new, positive influence.

"And do you, Walter Skinner, take this man, to be your lawfully..."

"He does!"

"Excuse me, Mulder, but Walter has to answer that question
for himself!" Dana could tell that the Frohike was unhappy about
being interrupted. He obviously had spent a great deal of time
memorizing his lines and it appeared that Mulder had made him
lose his place.

"That's okay. I do, whatever he wants," Dana watched as Skinner
pointed to a grinning Mulder standing beside him. "Whatever
he wants, he gets." She laughed under her breath as the
soon to be married Skinner let out a deep sigh.

"Damn straight!" Mulder chimed in.

For some odd reasons, these words caused Krycek to burst
out laughing, causing Skinner to give the Russian
triple-agent the evil eye.

Dana watched as Frohike glared at the group of men standing
oh-so-unreverantly before him. He looked like he'd rather
be out in the parking lot hot-wiring the limo or cracking
everyone's cellphone codes. "Well then, with the power vested
in me by the Church of the Lone Gunmen and the State of Hawaii,
I now pronounce you life partners. You may now kiss each other.
If that's what you fellas do; personally I find this whole
thing weird, but who am I to..."

Dana let out a small laugh as she watched the squirrely little
man walk off in a huff. As she turned back, she witnessed
Mulder and Skinner's first embrace as a married couple. Their
lips entwined as the two held each other tightly and they
completed a long, passionate kiss. Alex walked over beside
her. He was trying to get on her good side, with that slimy
little grin of his, but she wasn't buying any of it. She still
didn't know why Mulder had invited him, him of all people! But
still, love does crazy things, and Mulder seemed to be in a
forgiving mood since he and Skinner had fallen in love. Besides,
Alex was still wearing those handcuffs that they'd put on him
in Washington. How many days had it been since they'd left D.C.?
Three? Four? Dana decided that maybe this wedding thing wasn't
such a bad idea after all.

_______

Okay, that's the end, unless of course there are other
folks out there that wanna marry Mulder???

__________
###