TITLE Copyclone (1/1)
DATE May 1999
FEEDBACK Always welcome
DISTRIBUTION Any time any place anywhere RATING PG for suggested
m/m m/f sex
CONTENT WARNING Another piece of fluff
CATEGORY English humour
KEYWORDS Clone problems
COMMENTS Mary now has 3 clones and her problems aren't over. Sequel
to Homeclone and Cruiseclone.
DISCLAIMER Chris Carter and 1013 own the X files. DD and NL own
themselves. I own Mulderclone #12475 - The Ultimate leather shorts
gardening model and Krycekclone #400 Feral Alex - who loves acting
on his baser instincts.
Thanks to Czara as always for the support and reading skills.
Clones can be obtained from two wonderful sites at:- http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4951/klone.html
for Krycek clones
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/4576/ for Mulder clones
Letter from Debbie Smith to Mary Smith - February 25th
hope you're well and nearly ready for the big event. I hope to
be nearby in the next couple of weeks, work permitting, and Ill
be sure to call in and see you. I hope those clones of yours are
looking after you well. Mom said they'd finally agreed on the
decor for the nursery, after long debate (and a couple of fights!).
Blue, pink or neutral? Knowing your problems, all three colour
schemes are probably in use. Hoping to see you soon, I have a
surprise to show you, but you'll never guess what it is in a million
years. I will tell you that it's absolutely the most up to date
thing you could imagine!
Note from W. Skinner #19 to A. Krycek #7
Use the cream paint on the walls and be sure to give it at least
two coats. Wait a minimum of two hours between applications. And
be sure to leave all the windows open, even if it is February.
We don't want Mary upset by the paint fumes. And make sure Mulder
is kept out. The last time he touched a paint brush, we had to
scrub all of the ceiling paint off the kitchen shelves, it was
a disaster. I should be back by 7 p.m. at the latest, and I'll
be sure to bring the baby book you wanted. Nice of you to take
an interest in my baby.
Postcard delivered to Mr. A Krycek #7 February 27th The following
books have now arrived in your local library as requested, and
The complete Mothercare baby book
Dr. Spock's baby theory for beginners
The Assassination squad - A. N. Other
Gun maintenance and storage - Bill Brown
care and the rearing of children - A. Milne Inside the CIA - Anonymous
The complete novels of Solzhenitsen in Russian
Letter from Mary to her mother - March 4th
I've got such a lot to tell you in this letter, I really don't
know how to begin. It all started three days ago, when Debbie
arrived unexpectedly, late in the evening. We had been expecting
her, but she hadn't told us the date she was coming, so things
got a little rushed when she turned up. Alex very kindly offered
to give up his bed and sleep in with me, so that she would have
accommodation. Then she sprung her surprise on us. She wasn't
alone. She'd gone and bought herself the latest model in Krycek
clones, an "Ultimate Childminder Model," just for me.
She said that he was a present for me to help me cope after the
happy event. After all, everyone knew that the original Krycek
models were just decorative additions to the home, with a few
minor household skills. How much better would it be to have an
expert nanny around the house, who didn't mind changing dirty
nappies, and knew exactly how warm baby's bath water should be.
This model was also guaranteed aggression free.
I could see that Mulder and Skinner loved the idea immediately,
all the hard work would be done for them, and they could relax
and enjoy fatherhood. My Alex though, immediately became aggressive.
and told the boys he would punch their lights out if they even
considered it. Oh dear. I'm afraid that this visit isn't going
to be peaceful. I told Debbie that I would tell her my decision
at the end of her visit. I love my present model, but his aggressive
display tonight really made me think. Do I really think he'll
do a good job looking after a baby? Anyway, he was banished to
the spare room in the end. Love Mary.
Extract from Mary's diary March 5th
The new Krycek model immediately proved his worth this morning
by making everyone breakfast in bed. Mulder and Skinner were captivated,
and Mulder wanted to know if he could make other things just as
expertly. Alex #5467 just gave a placid little grin and said that
his laundry was pretty good if the boys had anything they needed
washing. Definitely a hit.
But things got a little nasty when the new clone took my Alex
some breakfast. The first I knew of it was when there was an almighty
crash from the spare room, and the new clone emerged dripping
with food, a fried egg balanced delicately on his head.
The poor baby was crying, and he had a big bruise across his cheek
where my Alex had punched him. Then Alex had demonstrated what
he thought of his new double's cooking. Mulder got a tender look
in his eyes, and took the new clone away to clean him up, and
if I know Mulder, to spend a few hours cuddling and soothing away
those big tears that were rolling down the poor thing's face.
Mulder can be so kind sometimes.
Skinner took charge, and for the rest of the day, made that mean
clone clean up his mess. And I heard a few yelps at one point
as he got stern with Alex. Debbie was a little surprised, and
wondered if it was always like this in my house. I'm sure I don't
know what she means. Anyway, we're all going for a meal to the
local Italian restaurant tonight, so both Alexes will have a chance
to make up.
Extract from Mary's diary March 6th
Last night was one of the more interesting nights of my entire
life. I really don't know whether to get mad or not. But something
will have to be done about the Alex problem. It's really a worry,
I can feel my ankles swelling with the stress of it all.
It was supposed to be a happy meal at the restaurant, with the
whole family, including the Alexes, and my sister Debbie. But
things went a bit sour from the start. Walter kept grinning at
the new Alex because he was so pleased with the way his shirts
had been ironed. The seams were straight as a ruler, like you
see in the army. And Mulder had his arm round the new Alex all
night, and for some reason, kept nibbling his ear and squeezing
his waist. My Alex looked like a thundercloud, his face red with
anger. I just knew there was going to be trouble.
The first course passed smoothly, with only a few inaudible mutterings
from the far end of the table. Then the waiter brought in the
main course, a delectable pasta, smothered in a superb Bolognese
sauce. It was a pretty spectacular display, beautifully presented
on a huge silver platter, and the waiter shamelessly paused before
serving, so that we could admire the chef's creation. The mood
was wonderful, soft lighting and sweet background music, entertaining
Quite when it went seriously wrong, I'm not sure. Perhaps it was
the way Alex # 5467 snuggled against Mulder, a look of transparent
happiness on his face. He doesn't seem to need much to make him
happy. Or perhaps it was when Mulder picked up his fork and began
feeding the new clone little morsels from his plate, one at a
time. Anyway my Alex erupted. He's always been physical, but to
fling the whole platter of pasta and sauce at Mulder and the clone
must have taken some strength.
The two of them just sat there, stunned, and dripping for a moment.
Then, with a yell of outrage, Mulder grabbed at the dessert trolley
and began flinging things back at his attacker. You've guessed
it! A food fight in an expensive restaurant. And by now, nearby
tables had joined in.
Alex #5467 and I hid under the table whilst the boys fought it
out. He gave a tiny little sob, and I couldn't help but give his
hand a little squeeze. They certainly gave this model the treatment,
trying to make him look cute. For kids, I suppose. Big green eyes,
extra long eyelashes, and a hint of a trembling lower lip.
"Are they always so rough?" he whispered. Then he asked
if he could cuddle me because he was scared. How sweet.
We were helped out from under the table five minutes later by
Skinner, after he had thrown Mulder and Alex out of the restaurant.
I don't think he knew who to tend to first, me or Alex #5467.
In the end, he compromised, and put one arm around each of our
waists. I was grateful of the support, and Alex #5467 seemed to
enjoy leaning against Walter too.
Needless to say, Mulder and my old Alex clone were both banished
from the house, to the garage and the garden shed respectively.
And Walter told me later that they'd had to clean up using the
Diary of Walter Skinner - March 8th
I believe it's an old Chinese curse that states "May you
live in interesting times!" It was certainly someone very
wise. But I don't think they had domestic chaos in mind. I pride
myself on running an efficiently organised establishment, and
for a long time, using certain disciplinary measures, I succeeded.
If things weren't totally wonderful, at least there was a minimum
of friction. Things got done around here!
It was pure hell yesterday. The house was a shambles and if it
hadn't been for that wonderfully efficient clone, Alex #5467,
I'm sure I would still be picking crumbs out of the carpet and
trying to clean the kitchen floor. Alex #7 and Fox are implacably
opposed to each other at the moment, and if they are in the same
room together, items get thrown and the mess is just left for
someone else to clear up. Appalling! And neither of them listens
to me any more.
Alex #5467 creeps around the house like a little mouse, watching
everything with those big green eyes and saying nothing. He doesn't
deserve to be blamed for all this, he's only following his design
specifications. There's no reason for anyone to be jealous.
Mary was kind to Alex #5467 yesterday, she let him come to her
room to tidy up, and he was much more cheerful afterwards, his
cheeks were quite flushed, and he even grinned at me, which is
not something Alex #7 ever did!
Extract from Mary's diary March 12th
Oh dear. Now I know why Alex #5467 is always offering to come
to my room and tidy up. I went into the bedroom unexpectedly yesterday,
when I needed a jacket, and I found him wearing one of my dresses,
about to put blusher on his cheeks. No wonder my make up seems
to have been used up at such a tremendous rate!
I suppose it has something to do with the way his genes were messed
around with to create the perfect homemaker. An unexpected side
He looked so scared that I couldn't be cross, though I did warn
him that he could buy his own stockings in future. If it keeps
the poor thing happy, I don't really mind. He doesn't do any harm.
I have noticed that since I gave him permission to use my make
up, that he's started to wear a little around the house. A tiny
bit of blusher a hint of mascara, not that the Krycek eyelashes
need it, and a very pale lipstick. He seems very talented at applying
it. Que sera sera!
Note to Walter Skinner from Debbie Smith - March 13th
Wally my dear, when you took care of my washing yesterday, you
must have left my new suspender belt in the washing machine. Please
can I have it back?
Letter from Debbie Smith to her friend Sara Parker - March 14th
I'm living in the world's number one madhouse. I want to help
my sister in the coming birth, and I bought her an exclusive new
clone to help her out. But this is such a madhouse that none of
us have remained unscathed.
To give you an example, the new clone, Alex #5467 has been doing
wonders with the housework, taking over from her lazy old clones.
He gets on fairly well with two of Mary's menagerie. At least
he did. The old Krycek model gets very aggressive, so he's mainly
kept out of the way. But yesterday, we all tried to watch t.v.
together, though things were tense. Alex #5467 sat in between
the Mulderclone and the Skinnerclone, out of harms way.
It was then that things seemed to take on an edge of the surreal.
I distinctly heard Alex #5467 say to the Mulderclone "Do
you want to twang my suspender belt?" Needless to say, the
Mulderclone was a little surprised by this question, and after
opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish a few times, he
edged as far away from Alex #5467 as he could get without falling
off the couch. Alex #7 had been listening to the conversation,
and ended up being kicked out of the room by Skinner for howling
with laughter during his favourite show. Mulder had a face like
a thundercloud for the rest of the evening. Alex #5467 looked
upset, until Skinner gave him a big hug to comfort him.
Only then did it occur to me where Alex #5467 got the suspender
belt from! He must have stolen it from ME! When I pointed this
out to Skinner, he said that it wasn't a problem, and he would
get it off Alex #5467 later tonight.
Yours from the madhouse
Extract from Mary's diary March 15th
Any day now, the doctors say. I can hardly wait. I feel so awkward
and lumbering these days, it's going to be a difficult birth,
I think. One of those old women who lives in the village told
me the other day that my child would probably be over eight pounds
in weight from the size of my bump. I don't know whether to be
offended or not, but I'm not looking forward to the birth if that's
the case. It sounds pretty painful. In fact the thought was so
depressing that it quite put the Alex problem in the shade.
My Alex doesn't come to the house much now, Walter chases him
away if he sees him hanging around, so Alex pretty much camps
out in the garden shed. And Fox ignores him. How did things get
Anyway, Alex must have felt more comfortable with the boys out
shopping today, last minute little things that men always seem
to forget, like a supply of nappies and a big box of washing powder.
So Alex sneaked into the kitchen for a quiet read of his library
book and a fresh pot of coffee. He has a kind heart, and he came
in to ask if I wanted anything. I guess I must have been at a
low point, worrying about everything, so I just burst into tears.
Then he was holding me, troubles forgotten, and it all came pouring
out, how scared I was. He got this fierce expression on his face
and held me tight for a while, and told me that there was nothing
in the world that could keep him away from me during the birth,
and all I had to do was hold his hand and he would keep me safe.
I believed him.
Then he said that afterwards, he would go away if that was what
I wanted. We both had a little cry, and I told him not to be silly,
didn't he know that I'd choose him over any of the others. He
looked kind of surprised at that, then gave one of those sweet,
shy grins that I see so rarely these days.
"Marry me then," he said quietly.
I didn't get a chance to reply, because in walked Walter and Fox,
laden with boxes of groceries. Alex must have felt more cheerful
by then, because he grinned wickedly, ruffled Fox's hair in passing
and dodged out of the door before they could make him put the
groceries away. I've heard of the expression catching flies before,
but I'd never understood what it meant until I saw it on Fox's
face right then.
Note left on garden shed door - Evening of March 15th
It's been a long time since you touched me like that..... I'd
forgotten what it was like, the fun we used to have. I guess what
I'm trying to say in my clumsy way, is that I miss the way it
used to be. We never laugh any more. We never touch or hold each
other, just because it feels good. We haven't really talked to
each other since the time of the cruise. Not really. Just a look
from you could set my heart racing, but you never bother any more.
Don't hate me. I only flirted with HIM because he was so like
you, and for a while, I could close my eyes and pretend it was
you. And, for once you were watching me and you cared about what
I was doing.
I miss you. I love you always.
Note left on garage door late evening of March 15th
Come and see me later tonight. I guess we need to talk. I didn't
know how strongly I felt about you until I saw you with him. But
I warn you now. I don't do suspenders. Ever!
Letter from Debbie Smith to her mother March 16th
This place is an absolute madhouse. Mary is expecting her baby
any day now, and I'm beginning to think she's under a curse. Things
happen around her, things that don't happen to ordinary folk like
you and me. Not only that, but she has the most bizarre household
I've ever visited. Those three clones of hers fight incessantly.
Why, only last night, the weirdest thing happened in the garden.
As near as I can make out, her old Alex clone has been having
some sort of feud with the others. And last night the Mulderclone
decided to fight it out with him. It must have been quite a set
to. Apparently, the Alex clone slammed the Mulderclone up against
the wall of the garden shed, while they were wrestling, and the
whole rickety structure collapsed on top of them. The oddest thing
is that when the two of them finally managed to dig themselves
out, they could both barely stand for laughing, and went back
to the house arm in arm, the best of friends. And Mary said that
she doesn't mind trying out the new model of Krycek clone, but
she really prefers the one she has, thank you and goodbye.
I can take a hint. The new Alex clone is scared to go near those
rough boys, and hides a lot. The poor thing looks quite lost sometimes.
I might take him on myself. The Skinner clone has been really
nice to him on account of his exceptional laundry skills, and
I understand that whenever he needs a boost, he creeps along to
Skinner's room and gets his iron out.
Personally, I don't care for all of that heat and steaminess,
and as for starching things to make them go stiff, and adjusting
the seams in trousers, I can do without it.
Medical notes - Dr Numan - March 17th
At 3 p.m. this morning a new patient, a Ms. Mary Sue Brown was
admitted to the gynaecology ward in the early stages of labour.
I've never seen so many immediate family members at a birth before.
Three boyfriends and her sister were in attendance, which takes
some beating, And apparently, there's a fourth at home! All apparently
amicable, at least until the moment when Ms Smith was taken to
the labour suite. I was very firm and told the menagerie that
only one relative would be allowed in with her to offer support.
The patient's sister shrugged and said, "Take your pick!"
and I thought the more mature among them, a Mr. Skinner was doing
the honours. Then Ms. Smith pointed to the youngest one and said,
"No, I want Alex!" and that was that. Mr. Skinner got
rather red in the face, but it was too late to object at that
Mr. Krycek was exceptionally gentle and calming with his partner,
though I could tell he was quite nervous. He held her hand throughout,
and was a great support. It was only at the end that he fainted.
Perhaps it was the triplets that did it! Remarkable. The first
set to be delivered at this hospital in twenty years, and I gather
that the patient had kept the news that she was carrying more
than one baby secret, all this time. I do hope they have a large
Letter of Debbie Smith to her mother - March 18th
Well it's over with at last. I must say triplets was a surprise.
And all of them beautiful little boys with dark hair and the greenest
eyes you've ever seen. I don't think there's any question who
their father might be. No wonder she doesn't want to part with
her old Alex model, he's obviously of high quality!
The first news we heard was when a nurse wheeled Alex back to
the waiting room in a wheelchair. Apparently, he'd had a big shock.
Then he told us the news and you could have heard a pin drop for
five seconds. Then the other two began whooping and hollering
, until the nurse threatened to throw us all out.
There was an odd little silence though when the Mulderclone and
the Skinnerclone saw the babies for the first time. Skinner gave
a resigned sort of smile and said' "Why am I not surprised?"
He went home soon after that, muttering something about having
to get his shirt dirty or there would be hell to pay.
You'd think that he would want to take it off in that case!
And Mulder just stared for a bit then said to Alex, "Why
did you let me treat you badly for nine months? Didn't you feel
hurt when I assumed they were mine?"
Alex reached out and squeezed his hand and smiled. "Want
to get married?" he said.
I swear. Things get more bizarre in this household by the hour!
The next thing you know, they'll all be getting hitched!
Parish Newsletter - St. Patrick's church, Rivehope.
Parish announcements for the week of March 25th
To Alex Krycek #7 and Mary Sue Smith, who had a very happy St.
Fox William Krycek - born March 17th
Walter John Krycek - born March 17th
Alex Krycek Junior - born March 17th
Our first ceremonies performed under the new non specific gender
and group marriage law of July 2000
Alex Krycek #7 would like to announce his engagement to Mary Sue
Smith and Fox Mulder #12475. The wedding is expected to take place
in early June. Congratulations are extended to them at this time
of double celebration. The best man will be Mr. W. Skinner, and
the maids of honour will be Miss D. Smith and Ms. A Krycek #5467.
End of Copyclone (1/1)