Disclaimer: I neither own Krycek, nor Skinner, Marcus Cole, Kronos,
Caspian, nor Dr Bashir, Tom Veil, Lucas Buck and Sheriff Brock
Pepper's lonely hearts club, they were other peoples' ideas. Bringing
together was mine.
Ratings: PG for m/m affection (sorry, no slash), S for silly and
H for humor.
Spoiler: several series, MIB, several fan-fiction especially "Closecall"
Boadicea, small spoilers for "Descent" by Russianrat
or "Nemesis" by Dyevka,
etc., hope they don't mind; take it as a hommage.
There's also a quote of the Genesis song * I can't dance * and
allusion to Terry Pratchett.
Special thanks to my sister for inspiration.
Feedback always welcome: email@example.com
For everyone who doesn't know all of the guys, I've written a
description in order of appearance. Don't be surprised that some
don't seem to be attractive, but there's not really an orgy starting
-Krycek: the sexiest rat alive;-) Huge green eyes with looong
very pretty nose, tall, slender, long legs and a hot ass. He's
a thug, some
would call him evil.
-Skinner: Assistant Director at the FBI, looks like proof for
that bald men are more potent. Very tall, very masculine.
-Sheriff Brock: A family father who tries to appear more tolerant
than he is.
Doesn't make a very intelligent impression, but he's fun.
-Kronos: mad, evil immortal, heart of the Horsemen Of Evil, a
immortals who caused terror in the bronze time, founder of the
legend of the
Horsemen Of Apocalypse. Not tall, but robust, dark hair, mad eyes
-Silas: Horseman Of Evil. Large, massive, blonde and dump. Completely
brainless look on his face.
-Caspian: Horseman Of Evil. Looks like a brute, is a brute.
-Marcus Cole: a noble ranger. Tall slender, large blue eyes, velvet,
black hair; he looks like a girl's dream prince.
-Lucas Buck: keeper of law and order in a small, idyllic town.
He's a kind of
devil, cruel, arrogant, cynical, evil. And he's handsome: Tall,
light brown hair: the paragon of temptation.
Deep Space Nine:
-Dr Julian Bashir: Young, pretty, huge eyes, black hair, tall
looong legs. He's quite arrogant and quite intelligent. I wonder
and the chief engineer Miles O'Brien are doing all the time they
together in the holo-suites.;-)
-Tom Veil: A tall, slender, handsome journalist, fair hair, huge
eyes and a
very good stature. He's being chased by a strange organisation
since the day
all of his friends didn't recognize him anymore from one minute
to the other.
Note to Foxwoman: Don't worry, you can beta-read this without
Men in Black:
Who doesn't know these guys who are saving the earth and the hundreds
legal aliens from the scum of the universe?
Chaos in Minds-town
The year is 1998, the name of the place is minds-town, the place
writers' characters spent their time during the breaks in shooting.
A.D. Skinner already regretted having invited Krycek for coffee.
When he met
him out on the street half an hour ago, the boy had looked so
Skinner had really pitied him. He knew CC was a very cruel master,
Krycek had had to go through a lot in the last few episodes. Skinner
had some time left until he would be needed for his scenes in
episode, so why not invite Krycek for a coffee and try to console
Besides, he had nothing else to do. So they had entered Sergant
lonely hearts club.
And now? Krycek was drowning in self-pity, as if he was the only
suffered since CC had invented the X-files. Meanwhile it was getting
"Why does it always have to be me?" Krycek lamented.
"Why did CC invent me,
when all he ever does is toture me? And no one seems to mind -
not the X-phyles - even the MKRA are mean to me!"
"Krycek, you aren't the only one." Skinner tried to
remind him. "Don't you
remember that my wife left me, Louis Cardinal shot me and you
beat me up
Krycek looked up mockingly. "Oh, I'm so sorry for you. Bet
that's worse than
being kept in a silo for an indefinite time. And certainly much
losing an arm. Then I'm also in love with Mulder, but all he *wants
to do is
rub my face in the dirt*. And... do you know how often I get raped
damned fan fictions?" Krycek's eyes narrowed. "I even
remember several times
when YOU raped me."
"That wasn't my decision."Skinner murmured. Their conversation
become awkward, so Skinner looked around for an escape. "Ah,
I see over
there's an old friend of mine. Sorry, Krycek, I have at least
to say hello."
Skinner said, stood up and walked towards a man in a sheriff's
sitting on a table near the bar.
"Hello, my name is Skinner." he said as he sat down
next to him. "Just act
as if you knew me, I'm trying to get rid of my date."
The Sheriff stared at him uncomprehendingly with his mouth slightly
He didn't make a very intelligent impression. Skinner sighed.
certainly not his best day.
Krycek stared sadly into his cup of coffee. Nobody liked him.
understood him. No one even tried. He emptied his cup and stood
up in order
to leave the club, when a familiar voice called out:"YOU!"
Krycek turned around to face the dark-haired immortal with the
in his eyes. Oh no, not him again!
Kronos could hardly believe his luck. He'd always hoped for a
sequel to this
nice, dirty fan fic where he'd met that boy over there and taken
him in a
dark side street. Now there was that boy again. They could repeat
maybe this time without any lubrication, so he'd be very amused
boy tried hard not to scream. With a cruel smile Kronos walked
young man in the leather jacket.
Krycek turned around to run away, but he bumped into a very large,
man, who said with a completely brainless grin: "Hi!"
Krycek's heart made a leap of fear, then he tried to run past
"Silas! Caspian! Don't let him escape!" his earlier
whereupon the brainless blonde grabbed his right arm with a firm
nearly made him tumble and fall. Another man, who looked brainless
another way, like a dangerous, savage animal, packed his left
shortly above where his prothesis began.
"Brothers," Krycek heard the voice of his ex-and-future-tormentor
have here a very nice peace of meat to share among us." Krycek
tried in vain
to withdraw himself of the iron grip of these living nightmares,
third man's hands grabbed into his asscheeks in an unmisinterpretable
gesture. "Let's take him out on the street where no one will
His acquaintance added to his horrors.
"What a rude behaviour!" a voice with a British accent
called out. "Let him
Krycek turned his head to see a tall, slender man with black hair
short beard, dressed in strange, black clothes, which fitted to
fantastically. But to Krycek's concern he wasn't wearing any weapons.
"Keep out of that!" snarled the man Krycek knew from
you want to take his place...later!"
The handsome man in black sighed with a don't-tell-me-I-didn't-try-to-warn
-you-look on his face and produced somehow somewhere a long grey
fighting stab thing seemingly out of the air, which he slammed
jaw of the obvious leader of the three pedestrians of evil.
When he fell unconscius to the ground, the two others stared at
for a moment in deepest indignation, then they let Krycek go and
the man with the stab, one of them, the brute-like one, growling
Krycek's saver easily managed to knock out the brute, but the
blonde was a more difficult case. He just didn't lose consciousness,
matter how hard he was hit with the battle stab.
It would have been saver to run away, but dammit, it was the first
someone tried to help Krycek, he couldn't just let him down now!
gut-punched the blonde giant - with no effect, except that he
with a furious look in his eyes and hit Krycek into his face.
Krycek tumbled backwards, his cheek exploding in pain. He was
that the giant was walking angrily towards him while the brave-hearted
(st)ranger was striking in vain against the giant's back again
With a bit of annoyance he could also see Skinner at the other
end of the
room watching the fight without making the slightest move to help
Skinner's friend stared at them with his mouth wide open. A second
a very good looking one - sat down beside them and shut the other
jaw with an amused smile.
Well, what mattered now was the insane giant attacking him. But
as the giant
stroke out for another hit, his gaze suddenly became empty and
unconsciously to the ground. A pretty young man with very large
smiling behind him with a strange tool in his hands.
"Narcotics," Dr Bashir said smiling, "It always
works." When he'd seen
these men fighting, he of course had had to intervene. After all
he was a
Starfleet officer, not to intervene would be considered dishonorable.
other hand he suddenly was worried whether he had just harmed
However, before he could introduce himself and start a pleasant
a tall, slender man came along and stared at the chaos with fear.
"That... certainly has something to do with me!" he
called out in a paranoic
tone. "But you won't catch me!"
Julian was a doctor, he had to take care for that poor paranoic
Especially since he was goodlooking and since Miles O'Brien had
no more time
for him since his wife was back on DS9. He'd always liked blonde
this one looked much better than Miles.
"Calm down," Dr Bashir said and walked appeasing towards
the fearful man.
"Nobody here wants to hurt you!"
"Don't..." the man stammered and receded with horror
in his eyes. "Stay away
"I'm your friend." Dr Bashir said calmly.
"Dr Belami always said that, too!" the stranger said
with hysterical laughter
and receded further.
The doctor followed his prey.
"Thanks for your intervening!" Krycek said to the beautiful
man who'd rescued
him. "I already had a hard week."
"I am always glad to help." the stranger said. "My
name is Marcus Cole."
"Alex Krycek." Krycek introduced himself. "From
"Ah, I heard your master is almost as cruel as the Great
Maker." Marcus said.
Of course the men in black always tried to prevent that members
series met each other, but sometimes some information slipped
guardiance. And if it was just caused by the crossovers.
"Chris Carter is truly heartless." Krycek agreed. "But
the fan fic-authors
are even worse. As if I didn't have enough problems, they decided
unrequited in love with Mulder."
"I know how that is."Marcus replied. "I'm in love
with Ivanova, but the
Great Maker doesn't want her to return my love." A melancholic
on the ranger's expressive face. "She's so beautiful. And
so strong and so
brisk. And she's got such a dark kind of humor."
"Yeah," Krycek said, "I also love Mulder's sick
sense of humor."
"When she smiles it's like sunrise." Marcus continued.
"Normally she's just
nasty to me, but the rare times she smiles, I'm happy in the dephts
"Congratulations!" Krycek said dryly. "Mulder never
smiles to me. I'm glad
when he doesn't beat me."
Marcus looked at him with compassion. "Does he hate you so
"Well, the MKRA think, he just beats me because that is the
only way for him
to express that he really wants to fuck me." Krycek answered.
there's no chance for a happy end."
Marcus nodded his head. That was a man with similar problems,
really understand him!
"I fear, the Great Maker has already decided to let me die
as a virgin."
"You mean, you never...?" Krycek asked in surprise.
A man as beautiful should
be a virgin?
"That was the Great Maker's decision, not mine." Marcus
Damn, that man was so handsome! In a completely different way
than Mulder, of
course, but... It was such a waste that Marcus still waited for
a woman who
was obviously blind, deaf and couldn't smell if she ignored such
a man. He
couldn't permit that his saver didn't gain any experience... That
could at least thank him for saving his life.
Krycek stepped closer to Marcus and said in a low voice:"Why
don't you forget
what your Great Maker decided and come with me to a quiet, private
where no one will disturb us?"
Desire flackered up in Marcus's beautiful blue eyes. Eyes almost
"I don't know if that's right." he said hesitatingly.
"Right, wrong, good, bad - all that are just relative terms."
whispered and raised a hand to gently caress the ranger's precious
to pass through his lush, velvet hair.
Marcus closed his eyes when the young man touched him. He'd been
so long. Ivanova didn't show him the slightest sign of affection.
there was this decidedly goodlooking young man who wanted him
- well, not
exactly him, he really wanted a man named Mulder, as Marcus himself
loved Ivanova, but as long as this was settled... why not?
On the other hand he wanted to wait for the right one, the one
After all he was a romantic idealist, and a casually walked along
wouldn't change it! Granted, a very sexy daredevil. And his eyes...
green eyes, almost as beautiful as Ivanova's.
Before Marcus could protest, Alex closed his mouth with a wild
kiss, setting his virtuous heart on fire.
Sheriff Jimmy Brock felt definitively superfluous. The man named
was avoiding his date was now talking intensively with the Sheriff
introduced himself as Lucas Buck. They were talking about power,
with subordinates... all things he'd have to say something about,
they were ignoring his comments completely, just gazing at each
an intensive eye-contact.
Some minutes ago there had been a brawl near the door, but before
stand up and intervene, two other men had helped the one who'd
trouble. One of them - Sheriff Brock didn't quite understand what
on - was trying to appease another man who'd come along and who
confused and frightened. The other two men... Sheriff Brock's
down in surprise: They were standing midst the knocked out men
each other. O.K. He was a tolerante, open-minded man, he didn't
prejudices against homos, but did they have to live their sexuality
Sheriff Brock hadn't listened to the conversations of his neighbours
table and was astonished and a bit relieved when they stood up,
each other like two lurking tigers. Then, to his horrors, Skinner
Lucas against the wall, not to fight with him, but to kiss him
Maybe it was a kind of fight, because Lucas greedily grabbed Skinner's
and ripped it apart.
Sheriff Brock whimpered and buried his head in his hands. "I
want to go
home!" he whined. Rome, Wisconsin was such a quiet, idyllic
comparission to that!
A half dozen men entered Sergant Pepper's lonely hearts club,
each of them
wearing black suits with black ties and black shoes. They looked
annoyance, and one of them, an elder, massive one, started to
rail: "As if
we didn't already have enough problems without all of them leaving
"But Z," a tall black man in black said, "I don't
know what's so bad about
that. They seem to have a lot of fun."
Obviously he especially meant the two pairings, not the three
men on the floor and certainly not the one who tried to escape
wearing an uniform that looked like a pair of pyjamas.
"Do you know what a chaos develops whenever they meet?"
An elder man with
dark hair and a character face asked. "Last year a Cardassian
beach of Baywatch. When David Hasselhoff in red speedos stepped
out of the
water, the poor extraterrestrial was so frightened that he started
at Hasselhoff. What a luck that he didn't hit him!"
"I'm not sure if I would call that luck." the black
man in black murmured.
"O.K.then, all look here, please!" the elder man called
and stepped into the
middle of the room. "Look here to the light!"
The men in black all put on black sun glasses.
Marcus looked unnerved at the man. He was really disturbing, especially
since Krycek now cupped his buttocks with his experienced hands.
(The author stared frowning at the computer screen, as she remembered
Krycek was an amputee, so she could hardly write about his two
she decided simply to ignore it.)
Krycek looked angrily at the disturber. He was tempted to shoot
Lucas Buck wondered who dared to disturb him, now, that he'd met
challenging man, and looked annoyed into the direction the voice
Skinner was astonished because he'd thought the men in black were
of Mulder's fantasies.
Sheriff Brock wondered what strange things he would see now.
Kronos awoke and looked dazedly around. His companions Caspian
were also awaking, and between them the boy they'd wanted to take
door and the impudent man who'd disturbed them were standing in
embrace. But where were they staring to? Ah, a man in black was
strange thing into the air. The Horsemen Of Evil looked at him
Dr Bashir, always easy to distract, turned away from the paranoic
exitedly at the men in black.
Tom Veil took the chance to hide behind a counter. A red, bright
floated the club. When Tom carefully gazed over the counter he
terror that all of the others, except the men in black, were standing
their places with a frightening empty look on their faces.
The men in black took off the sun glasses and started to separate
paralytic men, who let that happen lacking any will-power. Tom
with awe. He hadn't known that the organisation was capable of
"OK, then everyone needs a new memory." the man in the
middle of the room
ordered. "And a nice one!" he added gazing at the black
man in black.
So that was what they'd done to Tom's family, when they didn't
anymore! He had to get out of here! Tom headed for the door, reached
"Damn!" K cursed. "Tom Veil has escaped. Come J,
we have to catch him before
he causes any damage!"
And so it ends with Tom being chased by strange men - nothing
new to him.