Title: Krycek's Memoirs
Author: Robin Watters
Classification: Adventure/romance
Rating: PG
Archives: Sure.
Spoilers: The Red and the Black
Summary: Thirty years sfter the X-Files, a tape is discovered in an airport locker. A companion piece to Dana's Memoirs and Mulder's Memoirs. Disclaimer: The X-Files and characters therein belong to Chris Carter, 1013 productions and the Fox Network. No infringement is intended.

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National Archives Document: -Transcript of an audiocassette tape found in a storage locker in Dulles Airport
December 14, 2038-

"So you have this tape...that means you found the key to the locker I sewed in the lining of my leather jacket..and if you have my leather jacket, then I'm probably sleeping with the fishes [sharp laugh]..."

[sound of a chair being dragged across a floor. - Sound of liquid being poured. -sound of a match lighting. - sound of inhalation and exhalation]

"Well...the envelope is my last will and testament...it's all legal and notarized...the lawyer will know where to find it all...my daughter gets everything..."

[pause]

"Except for this tape...this goes to Spooky...or to Scully...Either one...They'll know what to do with it."

"I read what they wrote...those things they published..."

[sounds of drinking.]

"Well...I don't have their literary talent but I thought I should set the record straight on a few things...you know...for posterity, like.

"And since I never know when I'll walk into something I can't get myself out of, I'd better set it all down now...so...that's why I'm making this tape."

[long pause]

"I guess I should start with my assignment to the X-Files...It's kind of complicated...The FBI figures they put me there... The Puppet Master - Mulder calls him Cancer Man - thinks he put me there...The Consortium thinks it was them...

[cough]

"But it was Ops that put me there and I don't mean Black Ops; I mean Deep Ops and if you never heard of them that's ...well... that's the way it's supposed to be...Ops started during the Vietnam conflict...Skinner, he could tell you a thing or two about Ops...not that he will. I heard all the stories about him when I was recruited out of prison. He was smart and got out when he saw the way things were going to be..."

[pause]

"Anyway, Ops put me in to the Consortium to spy on them...and then *those* guys put me into the FBI to spy on Mulder...and the Puppet Master recruited me to spy on Mulder too but for his own reasons...and to keep him alive. He wanted Mulder out of harm's way...at first, anyway. That all changed later...

[chair creaking]

It was all the same to me in those days. I was the best rat in Ops, and I'd take any job - the worst - just to prove I was the best. I didn't care about the particulars. Anyway, until I met Mulder...

That first day we met - me looking like a rube to inspire him to be all big brotherly - and he gave me that [expletive deleted] *look* and blew me off...[pause]...I made up my mind right then that I'd do anything it took to [expletive deleted] this guy up...I hated the [expletive deleted] and his freaking wisecracks and his *attitude*...Of course, I'd read his file and I knew what made him tick but he really [expletive deleted] me off...

[inhalation and exhalation]

So there I was three layers deep in bosses - and I'd already been on that job for nearly two years, just working my way into the Consortium...nearly two *years* under that cover... and I get assigned to babysit Mulder... my big mistake...I let him get to me...I let it get personal...

[pause]

it all went to hell after that...

[pause]

Oh! And I want to settle a few things right now.

First I did not kill Spooky's father - although the [expletive deleted] deserved to die and I'd have been glad to pull the trigger...what kind of a man lets those freaks take away his *daughter* - well, OK, she wasn't his biologically - but he [expletive deleted] *raised* her - and he let them take her and *then* and *then* he lets his *son* take the fall for it - turns his own *son* from a bright, happy handsome kid into a guilt-ridden [expletive deleted] who grows up to be Spooky Mulder...I mean, my dad was a drunk and a [expletive deleted] but at least I got to beat the [expletive deleted] out of him when I got big enough...

Oh, and by the way, Spooky, your mom did not cheat on your dad...turns out that Bill Mulder had very slow swimmers that kept getting lost on their way to the egg factory...but he had the Puppet Master as a friend and in those days the Consortium was starting to play around with stuff like in vitro fertilization although they didn't call it that then...so you may very well be the first test tube baby...

[laughter]

But the Puppet Master had a real thing for your mom...so when it came time to give you a sibling, he just pulled a little switcheroo in the lab and - bingo!...you had a baby sister but your dad did not have a daughter........of course your mother knew nothing about it...

you were too hard on her, Mulder...she was just a nice woman who wanted to be a mom and got caught up in things beyond her control...

Anyway, the night your old man got plugged...yes, I was there...no, I didn't do it...

See, I was doing my job, spying on the Consortium for Ops...eavesdropping on a big meeting and I hear one of them say that "Mulder was out of control" and "It's time to neutralize Mulder" and "We're sending someone tonight."...And I think they mean *you*, Spooky...And I know the Puppet Master would want me to stop it...he still wanted you alive in those days...so I follow you to your dad's place...and I'm hiding in the bathroom trying to figure out how to get to where I can see what's going on in the other room...and your dad walks in...and *boom*!

I never saw who did it...but I'd bet my other arm it was that [expletive deleted] Cardinal...

So I didn't kill your father...

And, second, I didn't kill Scully's sister, either...see, by the time your dad got hacked, they were on to me...wait...I should back up...back up to Scully's abduction...

[inhalation and exhalation]

When it came down that they were going to take Scully, I was fine with it - well, at the time - because I knew it would [expletive deleted] you up big time and by then I *lived* to [expletive deleted] you up, you putz...

[long pause]

But I had no idea what they intended to do to her and that's God's honest truth...I did *not* know...I'd have found a way if I'd known...

[pause]

[sounds of drinking]

Anyway, when I found out, I sneaked in and got her out of there...that's how I tipped my hand...someone figured out it was me...but I didn't know I'd been made...I thought I got away clean...

Oh, I know the Puppet Master told you that he arranged to have her sent back to you...but it was me... acting like a jerk instead of a rat...and I really screwed the pooch that time...

So...OK...so...OK...They come to me and they tell me they're going to take Scully *again*...and I'm thinking...if I'm there, maybe there's something I can do...to...to stop it...

See, by this time, I like Scully...not...not...romantically - nothing like that...but she's...decent. Not phony decent but the real thing. I mean...she's...honorable because she really believes in it...not because it can get her something...just...you know...decent...

Plus...she *shot you* and I really *love* that about her... [laughter]

So...I go with them on this job to take her...and you gotta believe I thought we were there to snatch her...I mean...who sends *three guys* to kill one...little...woman? You know?...If I was going to kill her that night, I'd have waited alone in the dark with a gun and plugged her when she walked in the door...just me...not *three* of us...you send *three* guys because it's going to take at least *two* to subdue and one to drive, right?...

[pause]

I almost crapped when Cardinal fired his weapon...and then, it wasn't even Scully...[expletive deleted]...

It wasn't until they tried to blow me up that I realized I'd been flipped...and *then* - you'll love this part, Mulder - I contact Ops and tell them the whole thing has blown up in my face and I want to be brought in and *they* [expletive deleted] hang *up* on me!

[laughter followed by coughing]

Those [expletive deleted] leave me out in the cold!...after all the years and all the missions I brought in on time and under budget...they leave me out there...

Oh...I gotta hand it to the Consortium...they planned it well...I couldn't go home again...the FBI had me figured for a traitor...and there was no way you or Scully would believe me, so...no help there...and Ops was busy shredding my file... [expletive deleted]...

So...the only thing I had between me and starvation was that tape...now, think about it...can you blame me for selling that information to the highest freaking bidder?...

Well...I guess you can, can't you...you'd have freaking starved to death before you'd do anything like *sell* information...putz!...Not me, though...I lay down and die for nobody...not ever...I learned that in prison...stand still and they [expletive deleted] you, run they bite you on the [expletive deleted]...

[sounds of liquid being poured followed by sounds of drinking]

So, what else?...Oh! yeah!...[laughter] all that stuff about that little smooch I laid on Mulder's cheek? [laughter] Woo! Didn't that jam up the old rumor mill when that got around...

OK, Spooky, I'm gettin' you off the hook on that one...don't say I never did anything for you...

I, Alex Krycek, being of sound mind - well, I've had a little vodka just now but we won't count that - and body - well, OK, I'm missing an arm and I have an assortment of interesting scars but otherwise, I'm in perfect health...

I solemnly do swear that Mulder and I never did the nasty...never...not even once...I just laid the wet one on him to [expletive deleted] with his mind...

Not that he's not a great looking guy...and not that I've never done a guy...I mean...you don't get to be the prettiest face on cell block 8 without having your dance card punched at least once...but I never developed a taste for it...not that I think less of those that do...

[long pause]

[transl: from Russian] Sometimes you just need someone...

[long pause]

[sound of a phone ringing]

[Russian expletives deleted]

Just a minute...I gotta get that...

[footsteps, walking away]

[conversation - too faint to understand]

[footsteps returning]

Ok...well, I gotta go see a guy...work, work, work...that's what life's all about...

Anyway, you know the rest of the story...and the lawyer has the rest...things for my daughter that her mother...that her mother wanted her to have...

Just...don't...don't let her...don't let her hook up with anyone like you or me, Mulder...we're too hard on the women in our lives...just do that for me...

[mumbling]

...gotta go...

[click]

End of Tape

Note: This tape was found in a locker in Dulles airport. The key to the locker was discovered in a leather jacket believed to belong to Alexei Krycek, which was found in a motel room on the I90. There were signs of a struggle in the room and bloodstains on the bed and carpet but no bodies were ever found and no one staying in the motel, guests or staff, saw or heard anything unusual.

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