Fandom: XF (M/K)
Rated NC-17 m/m sexual situations and language
Archive: Allslash, Archive X, TER/MA, All Things Rat and Tirinar's
Slashville Anywhere else, please ask me, first.
Web page: http://members.tripod.com/~ter_ma3/aries/aries.htm...or
is it /ter_ma4/?
Summary: This little PWP is...who the heck issued this challenge
again? ::sigh:: Well, *one* of the QI came up with this thing,
so here's my contribution. It's an alternating POV about the first
time the boys say I love you. And guess what?? It's actually *short*!!
Disclaimer: Fox and Alex are you-know-who's. For now, anyway...
Big thanks to Orithain for making me put off that G.E.M. interlude....*again*.
<g> Also, endless thanks to her, and to Row for beta. *Smoochies*
to Nic for for those ever encouraging squeals and whimpers, and
a big shout out to the rest of the QI. Can't wait to read everyone
Feed-back, feed-back, feed-back. Gee, it almost has the same ring
as HC HC HC HC, doesn't it? Anyway, here's where you can reach
Flames will be happily ignored, unless it's *really* uninformed
and nasty, in which case it will be passed around amongst the
crew for a good chuckle.
Love's Sweetest Rewards
It's quiet now.
So still, I can feel the beads of sweat as they roll one by one
off of him and drop onto me.
He's so still, you'd almost think he was dead.
I remember the first time he did that to me. I was scared shitless.
I lay there on top of him, staring, watching for the rise of his
chest, flutter of an eyelid...*something*. And I was thinking,
shit. I'd just had the most mid-blowing sex of my life with the
man I'd wanted for years, and goddammit, I'd killed him.
And then he took a breath, and the blood drained back into my
I wanted to kill him for scaring me like that, but instead, I
fucked him again.
And I got used to it.
And now I lie here beneath him, just as still.
Frozen, in fact. Trying to decide if the words I heard him screaming
just before he went comatose on me were what they sounded like.
I don't know, he screams so many things, and not all of them are
intelligible. In my own delirium, I could have so easily misinterpreted
what he said.
I don't know what to do. I want to respond, but what if I'm wrong?
What if that isn't what he said at all? I'd look like a damn fool.
Not that it should make such a big difference. I'm actually very
used to looking like an idiot. Would probably start to think something
was terribly wrong if one day everyone started to take me seriously.
But something tells me this'd actually hurt. Bad.
If he laughed at me, or worse, if he said nothing at all and just
slipped quietly away while I slept, never to be seen again, I
couldn't take it. I'm so used to him just dropping unannounced
into my bed in the middle of the night...expect the unexpected,
I've learned that with him. He can sneak in here, crawl into bed
waking me from a sound sleep, and we'll just start fucking as
though we'd spent two hours on foreplay. God, I love that.
*That.* I said I love *that*. I'd miss it so much if it were gone.
Okay, so ignore it, whatever he said. It was nothing anyway...
His eyes are open now. Beautiful, hypnotic pools of green.
They look a little funny...confused, almost. Like he's wondering
Maybe he is.
He looks up at me and I smile, sending out all the receptive vibes
I can...you know, just in case. He stares quietly.
Come on, Alex. Tell me what's on your mind. Say it...
He turns his head to the right so I'm now looking at the side
of his head. Maybe he just needs a little prodding. Say something.
Oh yeah, that's good. *That'll* get him chatting.
Now we're cooking with gas.
So, now what? Let him just go to sleep and forget that there's
definitely something odd going on here? Maybe if I just asked
"What were you saying?"
"Yeah. A little while ago...when you were coming."
Shit. He heard it. I wasn't even sure I'd said it, but now...
"Uh. I don't know...why?"
"You were...you were just saying things, and I couldn't understand
some of it."
"Oh...who the hell knows?"
Good. That's it, Fox. Just let it drop.
He wouldn't believe me if I repeated it, anyway. I mean, sure
we're sleeping together and it's the best fucking sex either of
us have ever had, but that doesn't mean he's going to believe
anything that comes out of my mouth. Shit, I'm not so sure *I'd*
He's closing his eyes.
I can almost hear his brain working...shifting gears, trying to
figure me out.
I've spent years and years perfecting that 'unreadability', if
that's a word. That blank stare, that toneless voice, and no one
has been able to crack it. Except him. The man isn't psychic,
he can't read my exact thoughts, but he comes pretty damn close.
Too close, sometimes. Fucking spooky is what it is. Shit, he's
more dangerous than *I* am.
He knows something's up, now. Though he'd never believe the *truth*.
That's a funny, funny word for me to be associating with myself.
I don't even know if I'm capable of telling the truth to *myself*.
So, give it a shot. Go on, no one can hear you but you.
I'm looking at him right now. I don't know if he can feel my eyes
God, he's so fucking gorgeous.
*That's* the truth.
Christ, his mouth. Sexiest lips I've ever seen. And when he wraps
them around my cock, I forget my own name.
No lie there.
His eyes. They change color not only with his clothes, but with
his emotions. When he's happy, they're a sparkling green. When
he's fired up about something, the green is streaked with gold
and blue. When he's scared or unhappy, they turn some deep, almost
brownish shade. On those nights when I can't stay, they're that
color. He tries so hard not to let me see, but I do. And I ache.
Not just for him, but for me too. I can't stand anymore to wake
up without him next to me.
Shit, I *did* say it. And I meant it.
Say it again. To yourself. He doesn't have to hear...
....I love you, Fox.
God, my heart is pounding all of a sudden.
Damn, his eyes are opening. Can he feel that? Sure, why not? I'm
lying on top of him.
"Alex, are you sure you're okay?"
"I told you, I'm fine. Why do you keep asking me?"
"I can feel your heart pounding, and you've gone pale."
Great. Next, he's going to tell me my palms are sweaty...and they
Quick, distract him.
"You're not exactly an easy lay, babe. You wear me out."
He's giving me that 'I'm flattered but you're trying to bullshit
I move off of him and turn onto my side.
Okay, plan B.
"I can stay the night..."
He's doing everything he can think of to throw me off track.
He said it. He said it in the heat of the moment, and now he's
trying like hell to bury it. He didn't mean it, so be smart and
let it lay.
He drapes an arm over my chest and tucks his head under my chin,
and my hand automatically comes up to rest on it...
His hand is stroking my hair. Feels so good. I love how affectionate
he is. Never would have imagined that about him...that he'd be
the type who liked to cuddle and kiss, and touch...outside of
sex, I mean. He's always touching me. Sort of unnerved me at first,
but now I like it. I miss it when we're not together. No one ever
touches me unless they're violently motivated.
Like he used to be.
That's how this all started. We were going through one of our
typical *things*, and while he had me pinned to the floor in the
filthy back room of the bar he'd trailed me into, something happened.
He stopped between threats to take a breath, and I took my life
in my hands and yanked him down to me. Before he could regain
his balance, I laid a hard, fast kiss on him. It stunned him for
a minute, and I took that time to kiss my ass goodbye. But instead
of pulling out his gun and blowing my face off, he kissed *me*.
And this one was longer and gentler, and it completely fucked
me up. When he pulled away and brushed two fingers over my mouth
and asked me to come home with him, I nearly came in my jeans.
I don't even remember the drive here, all I remember is falling
into the apartment and him backing me into his bedroom while he
sucked on my mouth.
Foreplay was impossible. There was no way in hell either of us
was going to wait even five more minutes. We ripped each other's
clothes off and got down to it.
That night I learned what fucking was. In my arrogance, I thought
that I was going to teach *him* a thing or two, but I found out
that everyone I'd ever done before was junior league. The man.
Fucked. Me. I don't know how else to say it. I would have been
shocked if I hadn't been so busy screaming. I came like I had
never come before, and I remember hearing him too, but then everything
went sort of reddish, then black.
Next thing I knew, I was looking up at him...three of him. I blinked
a couple of times, and my vision cleared. I looked up again and
saw relief in his eyes, but at the same time he looked pissed.
He mumbled something about me scaring the shit out of him, then
dropped his head onto my shoulder. We lay quietly for a while,
then started kissing. The kissing led to groping, and before I
knew it, he was fucking me again.
That was about seven months ago.
And here I am.
Still excited at the thought of seeing him. Still incredibly turned
on by the sound of his voice. Still wanting to be with him every
second that I'm not.
Ohhh, my God...
It's three thirty-eight, and I've been watching him sleep for
almost three hours, now. He'll be getting up in about two hours
to run. Doesn't matter how little sleep he's had, he's still up
at five-thirty, every blessed morning.
He says, though, that he sleeps better and longer with me here.
I don't know if that's the truth or just a way to get me to stay
more often. Either way, I take it as a compliment.
He's turning onto his side and snuggling against me. God, even
in his sleep, he knows how to get to me. He does so many things,
but it's the tiny little unconscious gestures like this that go
straight to my heart.
I don't know how he'll take it. Don't know if he'll kick me the
hell out, throw his arms around me or what, but I have to say
it. I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't let him
know. Shit, I'll probably regret it if I *do*."
Come on, Krycek. Since when do you ever take the chicken's way
He's in such a deep sleep. I should leave him alone.
"Babe, I need to talk to you."
He's tipping my head up...making me look at him. It's mostly dark,
but I can see his eyes glittering in the little bit of light that
there is. I can feel the tension in him, and now I'm starting
"Fox...I....I love you."
Well, wonder no more.
He's quiet. He's not saying anything, he's just...Christ, Fox,
say something...hit me...laugh at me. *Something*." Don't
just leave me twisting in the wind, here.
He's reaching for the lamp. Shit. Don't do that...
The sudden glare of the light hurts our eyes, but I have to see
"Why'd you say that?"
"'Cause I wanted you to know."
His eyes have turned that brownish shade.
"Don't fuck with me, Alex."
"This is nothing to screw around with..."
"Why? If I were lying, would it upset you?"
Should I ask?
I've taken it *this* far, I guess I have to.
If you say it, Mulder, there'll be no turning back...
"Because I love *you*."
He's shocked, I can tell. Then a little smile forms on his mouth.
God, he looks like a little boy staring at me like that. All wide-eyed
and hopeful. The only thing I can do at the moment is nod. We
reach for each other at the same time and start kissing.
"I love you, Alex. I love you, I..."
He swallows the rest of my words along with half of my tongue,
and my brain turns to mush. Nobody kisses like my Alex. His mouth
is amazing. It can do things to my cock that I never would have
imagined a mouth could do.
He shifts so that he's lying on top of me and grinds his cock
against mine. No surprise to me that we're both already hard.
All it takes from either of us is a look or a word and the other
is good to go.
Saying I love you has gotten a *serious* reaction.
Oh, Jesus, he loves me.
And my cock is like stone.
I pull back as far as the pillows under my head will let me, and
look up at him.
"Tell me again."
"I love you."
I feel my insides tighten and my cock jerks against his.
Goddamn, I love that evil grin of his.
"Only if you promise to go back to sleep afterward and stay
in bed with me all morning."
"You want to keep me in bed? Fuck me till I can't stand up."
All of the green in his eyes disappears.
In an eyeblink, his mouth is on mine, and his tongue is slithering
inside. My fingers tangle in his hair, and I hold his head still
while I close my lips around his tongue and begin to suck on it...
God, he knows what it does to me when he sucks on my tongue like
that. I have to shift position a little to take some of the pressure
off my cock.
Ever the opportunist, he slips his hand into the little space
I've created and squeezes both of our cocks together. I pull away
from his mouth to moan, and he catches my lower lip between his
teeth and begins to chew on it.
I'm going to come. I swear to God, if he doesn't knock that off,
I'm going to...
"Oh no, you don't."
He lets go of me and drags his tongue across my mouth. His hand
loosens and strokes us both very gently.
"If you had kept that up, I would've."
I regain control and kiss him softly while my hand unwraps his
from our cocks. I pull back for a second to look at him, and my
heart skips two beats. His eyes are only half open, but I can
see brilliant splashes of color beneath them. The heavy stubble
shadows his jaw, making that indentation beneath his lower lip
look even deeper, and there's a flash of white that's just barely
visible behind his slightly parted lips.
Jesus, he's more beautiful than any man has a right to be.
I feel it bubbling up inside me. I'm going to say it again.
And again, and again probably, till he gets sick of hearing it
and tells me to shut the fuck up...
"I love you."
His eyes close and he arches up, gasping as if I'd touched him.
I smile down at him, a bit confused.
"I'm sure I'll get used to it in time but right now, it just
*does* things to me."
This is good information to have.
"Wow. So, like..." I lower my head and bring my lips
to his ear. "...if I whisper it in your ear, you'll really
His soft whimper is all the answer I need. So I say it again.
In that low, sexy tone that drives him up the walls.
"I love you, baby..."
Oh God, now he's moaning it in my ear. My muscles tighten another
notch, but my insides are melting like butter. He takes my hands
in his and brings them up to either side of my head, pinning them
there. Then he comes in for another kiss.
So sweet and gentle. It's more than kissing, it feels like...worship.
Hardly the prelude to down and dirty fucking that one would expect,
but that's my Alex. Contradiction from beginning to end, and I
wouldn't have him any other way.
Only when he's damn good and ready does he move away from my mouth.
As he does, his tongue strokes over the dip between my lower lip
and my chin, then across my cheek, and down the line of my jaw.
He approaches my neck, and I can feel his teeth now, grazing the
skin. He nips gently here and there, and when he reaches the curve
between my neck and shoulder, the nips get more insistent. Naturally,
my moaning only serves to encourage him, and he begins to suck
at me. I moan louder and I try to break from his grip, which excites
him even more. He tightens his hold on my wrists and sucks harder.
Oh, fuck, I love it when he puts up a fight. Yeah, it's kinky,
but kinky is my middle name. Okay, *one* of my middle names.
My cock is screaming and I really, *really* want to be fucking
him blind about now.
In a few more minutes. This is too good to waste. He's twisting
and struggling, but I've got the leverage, and besides, he doesn't
*really* want me to stop...
Finally he lets up on the pressure, but only for a second. He
moves to a spot only a few inches away and clamps his mouth down
on me again. There's more flesh where he is right now, so he's
able to get better suction, and God, does he. I arch upward because
it's the only direction I can move in, and I strain against his
hands, but he's got a good grip, and he's not letting go.
When he's made sure that I'll be walking around with these marks
for at least two weeks, he draws back and admires his handiwork.
He gives me a smile that's a cross somewhere between sweet and
purely evil, then dives for my nipples.
I'd ask him what was wrong, but I'd have to let go of his nipple
and since I just sucked it into my mouth...
"Alex....oh, God, *please*, baby..."
Oh, I love it when he begs.
I bite down on the nipple in my mouth and smile at the yelp that
it produces. I pull up, stretching it beyond reasonable limitations,
and all he can do is lie there and whimper, because any movement
on his part will only increase the pressure.
The whimpers turn to a low whine, and I hear my name, followed
by a soft plea for mercy. So, I let go of that nipple and move
on to the other...
God, I'm gonna die. If he doesn't stop torturing me and fuck me
right now, I'm going to die.
He's licking my nipples gently. Soothing them I suppose, but I'm
too sensitive right now to feel anything but overwhelming lust.
"Alex...I'm begging you..."
Yeah, I know, my cock is begging me, too.
I let go of his hands and reach into the nightstand drawer, pulling
out the tube that's always there, and he begins to squirm with
anticipation. I squeeze some out onto my fingers, let them slide
down between his ass cheeks, and work one inside. He's back to
whimpering again, and rocking back and forth on my finger. I add
the second, and he goes crazy, screaming curses and pulling the
sheets away from the mattress. He drives me out of my mind when
he's like this. I can't wait anymore.
I pull my fingers out of him, listen to some more curses while
I'm lubing my cock, then pushing his legs up and over my shoulders,
I give him what we've both been dying for.
He lets out a shriek, and the curses fade into incoherent sounds
as I grab onto the headboard, practically bending him in two,
and begin to fuck him.
The bed is a little too close to the wall, and it begins to make
this faint thunking sound as I slam into him. For some reason,
the sound of it combined with his cries makes me crazy. I'm gripping
the headboard so tightly that I'm starting to lose feeling in
my fingers, but I don't let go. It gives me the leverage that
I need to fuck him harder and deeper than I've ever done, and
damn, that feeling of power is fantastic.
Can't....think, can't....oh, God....ohhh, *fuck*. Please........Alex.....please......
His body is tightening. He's ready, right now.
I grab his cock and start pumping hard and fast, and I can hear
the scream building in his throat. I know he loves it when I talk
dirty to him as we're coming, but I just can't compose myself
enough to speak right now. Every bit of my energy is focused on
doing exactly what he asked me to do before we started this...fuck
him till he can't stand.
It's harder to balance myself with only one hand on the headboard,
but I do my best and keep ramming into him as my hand works his
I can feel myself slipping. It's impossible to hold back anymore,
much as I'd like to, and I jerk him faster, hoping that we finish
together. I'm going to collapse right after I come, and he'd be
pretty damn pissed if he wasn't taken care of first.
My concerns are washed away with the burst of warmth I feel flow
over my hand, and the screams that bounce off the walls. I'm right
behind him. Shit. It's coming...oh, God, it's coming...
He's still fucking me. I can't move, I can't even whimper, and
he's still fucking me. I hear his moans, though. They're getting
more desperate and his movements, more erratic. Then there's a
long, wild scream, and I feel a heat pour into me. He shudders
once, then collapses on top of me. His cock falls out of me, and
my legs drop to the bed. I lie there, weak but becoming more alert
as he falls into his routine coma. He's heavy on my chest, but
I don't mind. I rub my hand up and down his sweaty back and kiss
his damp hair. And though I'm not even sure he can hear me in
this state, I press my lips to his ear and whisper my new favorite
"I love you, Alex."