Title: The Objects of Their Affection

Author: Batela

Rating: PG

Category: Major UST Skinner/Scully Krycek/Mulder

Summery: the boys ponder the wonders of Moose and Squirrel.

A/U: Swords Universe

Disclaimer: Thank you, Mr. Carter, for being that mad diabolical genus who created these people.

e-mail: batela@angelfire.com

Please I crave attention!


Skinner walked into his apartment after a long day at work. He had a Mulder, headache; the man spent an hour trying to convince Skinner to sign his 302 so that he and Scully could go to Alabama and investigate a report of a mutant preying mantis. Apparently is was three feet tall. Skinner denied the request, finally roaring at the man to get out of his office. Mulder left, pouting.

He tossed his briefcase onto the counter and went into the kitchen, opening the freezer. He stopped and stared. There was a spoon sticking out of the Rocky Road. He shook his head and pulled it out, licking the sweet from it before putting it in the dishwasher. Alex had been visiting; he always left a spoon in the ice cream saying it was easier that dirtying up another one when all he wanted was just a bite. One of Alex's more annoying habits, as far as his neatnic older brother was concerned.

Skinner took a steak out and put in on the counter to thaw while he had a shower. Once in his bedroom, he noticed a 6 foot wrinkle in the center of his bed and a dent in his pillow; Alex had a nap. Skinner tapped the pillow back into shape and wiped his hand on a towel. He'd have to change the pillowcase; Alex had that damned crap in his hair. Vain Peacock.

"Gonna start calling him Goldilocks." Skinner muttered as he went into the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later, Skinner made his way downstairs dressed in just his gray boxers. He rubbed his nose sure his senses were playing tricks on him; he would swear he smelled pizza. He went into the kitchen and stopped. His steak was missing. He opened the oven nope, the microwave not there

"Walter, what are you doing?"

Skinner jumped and turned around, his fists ready. Alex stood behind him munching on a slice of pizza.

"Shit, Alex, I swear I'm going to put a bell around your neck." For a man built as compact as Alex, it was amazing how quietly he moved.

Alex peered closely at him.

"Getting some gray on that chest, old man." He reached out and plucked playfully at Walter's fur. He got his hand slapped.

"You're not one to talk, boy, I see some color at those temples. Where's my steak? And why are you here bothering me instead of terrorizing some poor innocent person?"

"I put your steak back in the freezer." He said, only answering half the question. "Come out and have some fat and cholesterol in a more appetizing form." He led Walter into the livingroom where he had a cardboard box sitting on the end table. Skinner decided he must really be tired since he walked past a man and his pizza in his own home.

Alex tossed his leather jacket onto the back of the couch and a package fell out. He picked it up quickly and put it back into his pocket.

"What's that?" Skinner asked around a pepperoni. Krycek handed him a soda can.

"Nothing. So what are your weekend plans?"

Skinner wasn't fooled. Alex was acting squirrelly.

"What's in the envelope, Alex?"

"Just pictures, they're nothing, eat." He stuffed his mouth with a crust, his cheeks bulging like a chipmunk. He picked up his soda can and Skinner took advantage of the one-handed man and quickly grabbed the jacket.

"Hey!" Alex protested.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Walter advised him as he pulled out the envelope.

"You never did answer my question, why are you here?" Skinner drew out the photos and he had his answer. Krycek threw down his napkin, his face reddening, a trait he shared with his older brother.

"You have no right, Walter." He twitched his foot agitatedly, not looking at his brother.

Mulder's apartment through a telephoto lens:

Mulder on the couch sleeping, talking on the phone, dressing, eating, working at the computer, watching TV, jerking off to a porno, lots of Mulder naked.

Mulder swimming, jogging, walking, talking with Scully, talking with Walter.

A nice close-up of Mulder and Scully sharing a rare smile.

Skinner stared at that one before putting it down. Alex refused to look up.

"Alex, you're obsessing." Walter said quietly, putting his hand on the man's shoulder. Alex shrugged and took a deep breath.

"I can't help it, Val, he's just so beautiful."

Skinner felt a little strange at hearing the masculine coming from Alex instead of the feminine. He knew Alex was bisexual but they had never made reference to it or even discussed it. No reason, it just never happened.

He picked up the picture of Mulder and Scully smiling and put it in front of Alex.

"You do know that he's in love with her, don't you?" Walter asked him gently. Alex threw his head back and leaned against the couch.

"I know it. I know I don't have a chance with him but" he waved his hand helplessly.

"God, Walter, he's perfect. Have you seen that red speedo he wears to swim in? I just about died the first time I saw him in that." Alex gushed. Skinner stared at him. He had never heard Alex gush before, Alex was physically affectionate, a cuddler, but he never gushes. Skinner felt his heart sink; the boy had it bad.

"and those suits he wears, where does he get the money for all that Armani? He does need help picking ties, though. Have you noticed that his eyes change color?,

Skinner sat back and watched the cold-hearted assassin ramble on.

"and that pouty lip, God I want to nibble on that mouth! And he always smells good, even after a long day at work, what's with that, isn't he human?" Alex got to his feet and began to pace, his arm flailing in the air.

"Legs up to his armpits, I'd give anything to feel those legs wrapped around me just once. I'll bet his hair feels as soft as feathers. I kissed him on the cheek once, did I tell you that? Of course I had a gun on him at the time.

"Scully doesn't appreciate him like I could. I'd give him everything I Walter, are you listening?" Alex stopped when he noticed that he had lost his audience. Walter was staring at the picture that started Alex's diatribe.

"I see." The younger man said, sitting down next to Walter. "I'm not the only one in love."

"I'm not" Skinner began to protest, shoving the picture away. Alex just looked at him.

"Alright, but at least I'm not spying on her. Besides, she's a subordinate, OPC would have a field day." Skinner ruminated for a moment.

"When she was sick, did I ever thank you for getting me Smokey's address? I owe you big time for that one. I loved Sharon, you know. She thought I didn't because I couldn't open up with her, but I did love her. She kept me grounded in this crazy world. How could I tell her about all the crap that happens to us? I didn't want her involved in all that." Skinner picked at the couch. "It killed her anyway."

"I think that maybe, in the beginning, I had a chance with Scully. No, maybe not. I was technically still married, I couldn't have done that to Scully. I couldn't have told her about my little adventures every day, she was too green, she wouldn't have believed it. Now she would, but not then, and now is too late. I respect her and Mulder too much to interfere in their relationship. I wish them happiness, I truly do.

"Stop looking at me like that. I admit it I love her, ok? Happy now? Yes, she's beautiful and yes, I wouldn't mind finding out if she's a real redhead and yes, I've noticed that her eyes change color, too. You remember when you first met her, she had that little extra weight? I liked it on her, she was rounder, softer. She was so innocent then, I just wanted to pick her up and protect her. She smiled more then. She's gained a maturity these past few years, it looks good on her, it suites her.

"She's a tough agent, my second best next to Mulder, I'm proud of her. I'd choose her to guard my back any day. For all her strength though, you know what her best feature is? Her caring, her tenderness. Her femininity. Whenever I'm in the hospital, I know that when I wake up she'll be there. Everytime, she's the first person I see. She's a beautiful site to wake up to. I'd rather not tell you what I'd like to feel those lips of hers doing, or those tiny strong hands. I would love to feel those perfect legs wrapped around me."

Skinner looked at Krycek.

"We're pathetic, Alex." He informed the younger man.

Alex picked up the photo and tore it in half, handing Scully's face to Walter and putting Mulder's face in his wallet.

"We need to get a life, Walter. Let's go dancing."


The End