This is my response to Rowanne's January challenge. Man, I just love the

"To Alex Krycek, Thanks for Everything. Love, Tallulah Mulder" by

by Dr. Ruthless


Rated: NC17 for slashy bits

Beta by Orithain, Frankie and Paula, who ought to know better by now, but
thank heavens they don't!

Disclaimer: They belong to 1013, but feel prettier with me.


Agent Fox Mulder was getting ready to go out on the town. He had just
stepped out of the shower, and his lean body glistened with unshed droplets
of water. He had shaved using a straight razor, and was now in the act of
moisturizing his skin. He studied his features in the mirror, and then
carefully picked up a pair of tweezers and began to pluck his eyebrows.

He and Scully had spent the evening together the Saturday before, and they
had, for some reason, tuned into "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything. Love
Julie Newmar". Mulder had been mesmerized, completely unable to get over the
fact Wesley Snipes was in drag, and looked pretty damned hot. He had
commented on this and Scully had said how much of a turn-on it was to see
him dressed that way. Mulder had been horrified at the thought. Scully had
sniggered at his outrage, and his nightmare had begun.

Before the evening had ended, somehow (and Mulder was inclined to put the
blame on too much rum!) he had been suckered into taking a bet. He still
could not believe he had done it; however, it seemed that there was nothing
he could do but go through with the bet. He cast his mind back to the
conversation that had started all this.

"My God, Scully, look at Swayze! He makes a great woman!" Mulder took a swig
of his rum and coke, and gestured vaguely at the gender bender before him on
the screen.

"He's not believable. Look at his chin! I'd know straight away he wasn't
female." Scully, slightly less tipsy than Mulder, was working on catching

"I think I'd make a pretty hot looking woman. What do you think, Scully?" He
put one hand behind his hair, the other on his hip, and posed, lips pursed.

"Jeez, Mulder, forget it! You'd make all the guys run for their lives!" She
laughed, and that's when it had happened.

"You don't think I could be a believable woman? I bet you anything I could!"
His heart sank as he recalled the bravado he had felt as he had made this
silly statement. She had been on it like a flash, and he had been set up
before he knew it.

The bet was simple. They were going to go out together as girls. Mulder was
going to win if anyone hit on him, anyone male that was. If anyone mentioned
that he was a guy in drag, Scully would win. He had to win, because the
stakes were so important to him. The winner got to drive the two of them for
the next month. He just had to win!

Studying the face in the mirror, Mulder began to apply make-up. He wanted to
be subtle about it and not look like a drag queen. He began with the
foundation, checking out his neck to make sure it was blended in properly,
and then applied a little blusher.

//If anyone tries to pick me up, I won't be needing blusher!//

Surveying himself, he nodded in satisfaction and started work on his eyes.
Shadow tones of plum and earth colors were carefully blended, and with great
glee he picked up a dark kohl-stick and smudged some around his lashes.
Hmmm he was beginning to turn himself on! That's how good a woman he would
be. Who could resist him! He began to hum "I feel pretty" as he painted.

Mascara was next, and he painstakingly added coat after coat to his lashes.
Nearly done now! He studied his lips. Hah! This was going to be a piece of
cake. Oh, boy! He'd show Scully. Picking up a lipstick, he began to apply a
deep rose color to his mouth.

Surveying his face, he nodded in satisfaction. He would do. He picked up the
wig. It was a tumble of long brown curls, and though privately he thought he
was going to look like a country singer on the loose from Dollywood, he
thought it suited him. He carefully fixed it onto his head, arranging the
bangs around his face. Turning, he studied the whole thing in his
full-length mirror. His head and neck looked great. His hairy chest and
large penis were not quite in character. He needed to complete his ensemble.
Turning, he left his bathroom and headed for his bedroom.

There on the bed lay his outfit. Black hold-up stockings, silky lingerie, a
lace shirt with very full sleeves and a black leather skirt and vest. He was
going to be so cute!


When Dana Scully rang the buzzer to collect Mulder, she was grinning from
ear to ear. On hearing him call that he would be right down, she returned to
wait in her car. When the door opened, and a tall woman with long curly hair
came trotting out of the apartment block, she did not pay too much
attention, but when the tall woman opened her car door and stepped in, she
did a double take.

"M.. Mulder!" She looked at him, totally incredulous. "Holy shit, Mulder!"
Her jaw dropped.

"Hi, Dana! I'm Felicia. You can call me Fox for short." The voice was husky
and light. The person in the car with her was doing all the feminine things
that usually irritated her most.

"Mulder, if you wrinkle up your nose and giggle, I'm going to vomit, and I
warn you now, I throw up to the right!" She started the car and pulled away.
Mulder chortled to himself.

//She thought I was going to make a hash of it. I'll show her!//


He did not know the bar to which she had brought him. It was in an area of
town that he was not familiar with, but there were a number of bars on the
street, and an overflow of people moving between them. Music thumped through
the soles of his feet, and surrounded by crowds of people, he began to enjoy
his evening. Scully led him up to the bar and bought them both a drink. He
surveyed the rum and coke, and wondered whether he should. Look at the
trouble he had gotten into after his last night drinking these with Scully.
Finally, he shrugged his shoulders and took a sip. Then, he drank it down in
one, and ordered another two, before turning to follow Scully.

Together, they threaded their way through the throng and found seats at a
table close to the small, crowded dance floor. Scully, dressed as Mulder had
never seen her, in a short velvet dress that fit her so closely Mulder
wondered if she was actually wearing underwear, touched Mulder's hand and
pointed to a table a little way back, where a couple of men were sitting,
watching them. As Mulder looked across, one of the men raised his glass to
him. Mulder felt very strange as the man continued looking at him out of
hooded eyes over the top of his drink. He frowned, turning quickly to

"I can't do this. That man just.." His voice tailed off. Scully started to
laugh at that point.

"Do you concede? I get to drive for the next month, Mulder!" Mulder's
complexion went pale.

"No! I didn't say I give in. I'm just worried about your choice of venue.
You'll get into trouble here, Scully."

Just then, Scully, still laughing, was approached by a tall man in denim who
asked her to dance. Blowing Mulder a kiss, she rose from her seat and
disappeared in the wake of her dance partner. Suddenly, Mulder was all alone
and feeling very vulnerable indeed. He craned his neck to see where his
partner had gone, but she had vanished into the crowd. He sat very still,
trying to ignore the table behind him, where he had seen his admirer. He
wasn't quite so sure of his ability to carry this off any more.

As he sat, sipping his drink, he felt someone sit down just behind him. His
blood ran cold, and he felt a warm arm steal around his waist and someone
nuzzled into his hair, pushing it away from his neck. He felt warm breath on
the back of his neck and would have jumped up if he could. The unfamiliar
high heels, the crowded club, and the arm clamped around his waist prevented
him from making his escape. He attempted to turn around and see who was
assaulting him this way, but at that point, he heard a low, husky, hated
voice, and he knew who it was.

"Hey, Baby, you look so good tonight. Are you going to save the last dance
for me?" There was a laugh in Krycek's voice. Mulder gritted his teeth.

"Fuck off, Krycek. Why do you always pop up just when I need you least? I'm
trying to win a bet here." He felt Krycek still nuzzling his neck, and with
a start, he realized that his bete noir was not just nuzzling, he had begun
to lick, and then to kiss Mulder's neck.

"For God's sake, get off me. I don't want you touching me. I'mI'm not that
type of girl!"

Krycek laughed. The hand that encircled his waist dropped slightly, feeling
for the tell-tale bulge that heralded Mulder's arousal.

"No, I can tell you aren't. You are certainly my type of girl though. Come
on, lets dance!"

Mulder felt as if he was in the middle of some kind of drug induced vision.
Sinking the rest of his drink, he considered his options.

Firstly, he could collect his things and go home in a huff, but then he
would lose his bet. Secondly, he could take a swing at Krycek. Now there was
an option that appealed to him. However, he would then blow his cover, and
lose his bet. Thirdly, he could ignore Krycek. This had appeal, but he knew
from bitter experience that ignoring the pest wouldn't make him go away.
Nope, he would end up blowing it, and he would lose his bet. Not an option!
Fourthly, he could dance with Krycek. He could vamp Krycek. The bastard
would take off so quickly once he realized what Mulder was doing. That would
still leave him a chance to win the bet.

Turning slightly, he smiled sweetly at Krycek and fluttered his eyelashes
with a simpering smile.

"Oh, Alex, I didn't think you liked little, old me." He took a deep breath,
rose from his seat, and taking Alex's hand, headed for the dance floor.
Turning towards his nemesis, he let the music take over as he snaked his
hands around Krycek's neck and snuggled into him. Krycek, who was dressed as
usual in faded blue jeans and denim shirt, pulled Mulder close, and the two
of them began to dance.

"Would you mind telling me what the hell you're doing, Mulder?" The velvet
voice broke into his reverie. He had been quite enjoying himself for a
moment, allowing the music and the alcohol to carry him wherever they
wanted. He had suddenly found himself where he had wanted to be for the past
four years. He was in Krycek's arms. Forget the fact that it was a joke. He
had wanted Krycek for as long as he had known him. He knew that he should
just give up and go home, but he wanted Krycek, and he was not going to be
the one to give up first. When Krycek realized that Mulder wasn't going to
be intimidated but that he was rather going to play it up for all he was
worth, the Russian was going to cut and run. Mulder was looking forward to
that. He would cherish the concept for the rest of his life.

"I'm trying to win a bet, Krycek." Mulder kept using his "girlie" voice.
Krycek pulled back a little to look at him. "I have to win it. Scully gets
to drive for a month if I don't!"

Krycek's shoulders shook.

"What do you have to do to win?" The voice broke a little as he inquired
through his laughter.

"I have to entice someone to hit on me. Hey, I think I already won!" Mulder
gave a little wriggle with his hips, and then froze. Krycek was either very
pleased to see him, or he had a crowbar stuffed down the front of his Levis.
Mulder was not sure he wanted to know which was the right answer.

Krycek didn't answer for a minute, and then, very deliberately, he leaned
forward and applied his lips to Mulder's. Mulder felt as if he had suddenly
been doused in cold water. There was a hole in his stomach where it had just
melted down into slag. His own penis, tucked neatly back to ensure that the
lines of his skirt weren't spoiled, suddenly became very uncomfortable
indeed. It began to harden, making Mulder feel as if he needed to stand on
his head.

Krycek's lips were soft and warm, and his breath was sweet on Mulder's
cheek. As Mulder stood, frozen, the Russian slowly, gently parted Mulder's
lips and slid his tongue into Mulder's mouth. Mulder gasped. His hips thrust
instinctively up against his dance partner's hardness, and Mulder suddenly
knew he had miscalculated.

He struggled to free himself from the other man's kiss. It was too good. He
knew it would not be wise to continue.

"You bastard! What are you trying to do?" Mulder forgot his 'voice' in his

"Help you win your bet, honey." came the snarky reply. "God, Tallulah,
you're all woman!" He dropped his head and began to kiss his neck again.
Just at that moment, Scully walked by the two of them, and her eyes widened
as she saw Mulder, a strange man buried in his neck, looking around
frantically for assistance. Ignoring Mulder's mute appeal, she returned to
their table, leaving Mulder to his fate.

"OK, Krycek. You can come up for air now, she's gone." Krycek lifted his

"Go home, Mulder. We aren't finished yet. Not by a long shot, but I would
rather continue this little discussion in private. I'll see you later."
Krycek took Mulder's hand, kissed it and bowed over it, before turning and
disappearing into the crowd. Mulder stood for a minute, watching him, then
shook himself, turned and went to find Scully.

As he arrived back to where the still grinning Scully was sitting, she took
the car keys from her purse and put them on the table, acknowledging his

He laughed, pushing them back to her. "Thanks, Scully, but let's start from
tomorrow. I've had rather a lot to drink tonight. I'll take a cab."

"Are you going home?" Scully appeared disappointed.

"No, I've got a hot date with my secret admirer!" He grinned. "Of course I'm
going home. I don't know how you women put up with all thisthis strapping,
and tightness and stuff. I can't stand in these shoes for another minute."
He leaned down and kissed her cheek, and then sashayed out of the bar,
wondering where Alex had gone.

He fell into step alongside Mulder before the other man had gone half a
block from the bar.

"Hey, Tallulah! I'll take you home. Wouldn't want to see you getting taken
advantage of." Krycek reached out to take Mulder's hand and towed him away
towards the line of cars parked at the curb side. By this time, Mulder had
adopted a fatalistic attitude to the evening and merely turned, following
where Krycek led him. Arriving beside a small black Ford, Krycek opened the
door and gestured for Mulder to enter. Casting his fate to the winds, he


They had driven through the night without speaking, and on arrival back at
Mulder's apartment building, they had wordlessly climbed the stairs. As
Mulder opened his door, Krycek, following close on his heels, thrust him
through it, and grabbed him, pulling him into a kiss that was so hard it
bruised. Mulder felt his knees going weak.

"Krycek, what are you trying to achieve here? There's no one to see me
getting humiliated, so it's not as if it's even worth it."

The other man's face hardened as he gazed into Mulder's eyes from a distance
of about three inches.

"I don't need to humiliate you, Mulder. I'm not even trying to. I want to go
to bed with you, that's all. I've always wanted to." Krycek's voice slid
over Mulder's ears like silk on a wound. It felt soft, sexy, with the
promise of raw pain to follow. Mulder shuddered.

"Do what you like, I've got to get out of these clothes. They are driving me
crazy." He began to strip off his vest and blouse, pulling at the stuffed
brassiere he wore beneath it, and scratching with a sigh once he had
succeeded in removing it. He kicked off his pumps and undid the top button
of his skirt. Alex had been standing, watching this process, and now gave a
groan and grabbed the bewigged Mulder, gluing his mouth to the still painted
special agent. This kiss was so intense, Mulder moaned and began to try and
struggle free. He pushed the other man away, but Alex fought, and soon
Mulder found himself, wig askew, lying on the floor beneath the heavier man.
Krycek yanked the wig from his head, dropped his mouth down onto Mulder's,
and proceeded to conduct a millimeter by millimeter search of the hapless
Mulder's mouth, from tonsils to taste buds. Mulder gave up the struggle. He
could feel his own belly begin to melt down, and if he could only get his
dick out of captivity, he knew that it would be standing to attention,
begging for release. He put up his hands to clasp Krycek to him and returned
his kiss.

For a long moment, there were no sounds in the room other than the rustle of
leather against denim, and the wet sound of mouth meeting mouth. Finally,
they drew apart, and Mulder, who by this time was experiencing real
discomfort, begged to be allowed up off the floor.

Krycek let him stand up, holding out his hand to help him to his feet.
Quickly, Mulder dragged off the skirt and underwear that had been
constricting him. Standing in front of Krycek, clad in black stockings, face
paint, and a raging hard on, Mulder was a wet dream for Krycek. Krycek
tried, without noticeable success, to undo his buttons and remove his
clothes. In the end, Mulder took pity on him and stepped in to remove the
trembling double agent's clothing.

Mulder had always known that Alex would be beautiful. He was beautiful. What
Mulder couldn't get over were the scars on his body. He was covered in them.
From the terrible ruin of his missing left forearm, to the bullet holes and
knife scars that criss-crossed his torso, Mulder could not believe how often
he must have been hurt. His heart gave a thud. Then he opened his arms and
flung them around Alex, offering up his mouth to be kissed.

They found their way into the bedroom by touch rather than by sight. Their
arms were tight around each other, and their lips were desperately making up
for the time they had lost out on in the past, as the two of them nibbled
and sucked and licked at each other. Eventually, they came into contact with
the bed. Mulder pushed Alex down, covering him with his body as the two of
them continued to explore each other. They said nothing, and it seemed as if
they had no need of words.

Mulder lay over Krycek and slowly moved from his mouth to his neck, tracing
a sweet pathway with his tongue as he slowly worked his way down. His teeth
gently nipped and tugged at the skin of the other man's neck. Krycek was
muttering softly in Russian, words that Mulder did not know, had never

His fingers found Krycek's nipples, and he tugged and tweaked at each one in
turn, finally circling them with his tongue and biting them gently. Alex
cried out at that and buried his fingers in Mulder's hair, throwing his head
back and closing his eyes.

Mulder continued his exploration of the other man's body, taking careful
note of which caresses made him jump and twitch. He mouthed his way across
the flat stomach, pausing to dip his tongue into the navel he found. Krycek
giggled and heaved in an attempt to dislodge him, and it made Mulder smile
when he realised that his ex-partner must be ticklish.

Working his way down to Krycek's groin, Mulder considered the penis that
reared there. It was straight and hard, and Mulder could see the beads of
moisture oozing from the tiny slit in the head. Putting out his tongue, he
probed around the slit, tasting Alex's juices and making him cry out again.
Then, he began to stroke around the other man's inner thighs, parting his
legs to nibble at the loose skin of his balls, dropping lower to lave the
perineum, and finally to lick at the small opening that lay beneath. Alex
gave another cry, and Mulder could see that he was very close to coming. He
took the Russian's cock in his hand and squeezed, before starting to pump it
steadily. As Alex sighed, he pushed down once more and licked at the other
man's ass, slowly pushing his tongue in, and then fluttering it in and out
as he pumped. Alex was rigid. Finally, he came, the semen spurting out to
cover Mulder's fingers, and Krycek's belly. Slowly, he dipped a finger into
the glistening whiteness and tasted it, then offered some to his lover. Alex
moaned again and grabbed Mulder's head, pulling him up for a deep, long,
slow kiss.

As Alex kissed him, he rolled him over onto his back, and Mulder realized
with a little thrill that it was his turn now. He held the other man's face
between his hands for a second, gazing at the impossibly thick lashes that
surrounded those huge green eyes. He looked at the little straight nose with
the little tilt to the end of it, and the carefully molded cupid's bow of a
mouth and wondered how he had not realized just how much he wanted this man.
Alex whimpered and lowered his face, capturing Mulder's mouth once again.
Then he backed off and sat, tracing lazy circles over Mulder's flesh,
pinching and nipping with clever fingers, and finally bringing his mouth
down to engulf Mulder's cock, making him gasp as the hot wetness made the
sperm begin to rise.

Alex opened his throat as Mulder pushed into his mouth, and as his head
bobbed up and down on the shaft, he managed to engulf the entire thing,
sucking and licking until Mulder knew he was going to lose it. He tried to
pull Alex away from his incipient orgasm, but Alex was not to be dislodged,
and finally, Mulder could hold off no longer. He felt his balls contract,
and the whole of his body, from his scalp to his toes went rigid as the
almost unbearable pleasure of it surged through him. Throughout it all, Alex
sucked, and Mulder was aware of his hum of satisfaction as he gulped down
his ejaculate.

Finally, sated, the two of them cuddled up. Mulder was aware that there were
things the two of them needed to discuss but was content to leave them 'til
the morning, preferring to spend this night in friendly contact with the man
lying beside him. Krycek, however was not so laid back.

"Mulder." The first time he had heard the voice, he had edited it out, but
this was louder, and it seemed that the other man was not to be denied.


"What, Krycek?" He mumbled plaintively, sleep all but taking him even as he

"Mulder, you can't go to sleep like that, you slut. You have to take off
your make-up, or you'll get pimples."