"Buzz Me" (1/1)
by "Lil' Sailor"

PG-13, M/K, sexual innuendo
Um, go see The Movie, Tunguska, War of the Coprophages, remember Alex trapped in the silo, and recall poor young Pendrell

Alex sighed, realizing that the early morning sunlight bathing his face was because his lover hadn't closed the blinds properly the night before.

They were still open; Mrs. Wisneusky liked to watch.

He rose quietly and padded off into the next room, sidestepping that board on the floor in Mulder's apartment he knew squeaked. Odd, wasn't it, that he knew that. But all the time he spent here lately was becoming...familiar.

Smiling to himself, he entered the small kitchen, still able to see the sleeping form of Fox Mulder on the leather couch. God, what a night. He was going to have to hose down those cushions later.

Mmmm...last night. He reached down to grip the round, hard mass in front of him. He stroked it, feeling its slightly hard outside as well as the soft, yielding inside. Alex knew what Fox wanted when he first woke up, and the thought made him tighten his grip. He twisted his wrist slightly, causing his fingernails to gouge into flesh. Yes, this is exactly what he liked. More twisting caused liquid to splash onto the counter.

His eyes were closed now, as he continued squeezing and pushing. Fox walked into the kitchen, rubbing sleepy eyes.

"You always know just how I like it," he cooed.

Alex tossed the orange rind as he placed the glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice down on the counter, and slid it over to Mulder.

"Yep, freshly squeezed."

Mulder downed the juice in one gulp, and returned to the living room. Alex followed, and found him sitting on the floor. Mulder motioned to the couch.

"Yechh," he grimaced.

"I'm not washing it this time," Alex stated.

"Why not? You're the one that always has to..."

"Well, yeah, but I seem to recall you enjoying all those times I..."

"Actually, I'm getting kind of bored, Alex."


"I'm getting bored," Mulder sighed. "Same old, same old. I want something new."

"Like what?" he asked, perplexed. "Aren't you satisfied?"

"I've had other experiences," Fox said simply.

"What?!! You said I was your first!"

"I lied."

"Who?" he demanded.

"You don't know him," Fox said, "he's dead now, anyway."

"What was so great about him?" Alex asked.

"Lots of things...it wasn't just the sex. I worked with him...he had this crush on Scully, which made our sex much hotter."

"I don't understand."

"He used to make me pretend I was Scully..."


"And then we'd snuggle afterwards. *We* don't snuggle, Alex."


"Yeah, and there was always lots of smooching. We don't smooch, either. It's just wham, bam, thank you, Mulder."

"Listen, I gave up a lot to be with you, Mulder, and now all of the sudden I'm not good enough?" Alex sounded upset. "What could you possibly have given up?"

"Do you think I would stay with that Montana right-wing extremist group that rescued me from the silo for no reason? You may not know it, Mulder, but there are a *lot* of homosexual right-wing extremist groups. The sex was great."

"You're kidding."

"No, and if they hadn't been shipping nuclear devices and what not, you never would have found me again. That FBI raid on the warehouse was pure luck. I was perfectly satisfied where I was. *More* than satisfied. I *ruled* those boys. I had any of them I wanted...I was Cock of the Walk."

"In more ways than one, I can imagine."

"Your imagination isn't that sophisticated, believe me."

"C'mon, Alex. Are you saying you gave up a whole *herd* of gay, Montana white boys to come back to me?"


"Well," said Mulder, "that was then, This is now. I'm just ready to move on."

"Who would want you?"

"What do you mean? Plenty of guys would take me in a second."

"Oh, c'mon, Fox. I've seen you naked. You're no club-tailed dragonfly."

"Hey!! Don't use our horny codeword like that!"

"That is *such* a stupid codeword, anyway. How did you ever come up with "Buzz me like a club-tailed dragonfly'?"

"I thought it was original," he pouted.

"Whatever," Alex sighed. "I have no idea what I ever saw in you in the first place. I should've guessed with that red Speedo."

"The water was cold," he retorted.

"Yeah, well, if you do want something new, where would you go? Skinner? You know what I told you about those annoying grunts of his."

Mulder nodded his head.

"The Lone Gunmen? Four's a crowd, Mulder, and Langly would claw your eyes out if you even *looked* at John. And don't even tell me you'd lower yourself to have sex with *Scully* for Chrissakes." Alex shivered.

"I never thought about it," he said.

"Liar," Alex hissed. "Maybe you thought about it before you met me, but I know you could never stoop to *hetero* sex now. God! And that Danny guy you always talk to is straight. So where would you find pleasure? You know I'm better than anything you could ever see on your gay porno tapes."

"I guess," Fox admitted.

"You guess? Look at this!" Alex pulled his boxer shorts down to his thighs. "You'll have nothing better, sweetie, *believe* me. And I've been with the entire roster of the Montana National Freedom Fighters!"

Fox looked up at him and grinned, licking his lips. Then he looked down at the floor again.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I think I may be working too much or something..."

"I know," Alex said, kicking away his boxers and sitting down next to him on the floor. "I remember what you said about the Ice Queen trying to kiss you."

"Can you believe it? She thinks I'm actually attracted to her. Is she blind?"

"Well, those puppy-dog eyes of yours get *me* every time."


"Yeah! And it always turned me on whenever you slapped me around."

"That FBI raid on the warehouse was better in more ways than one. You have no idea how hard it was to keep from jumping on you the minute I knew it was you in that truck. But, of course, Scully was there..." he growled.

"I know...the sight of you in black SWAT gear...all tight and constricting...that hard helmet..." Alex purred back in his ear.

"Alex, I think I may have overreacted. I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

"How can I ignore those eyes, baby?"

"But do you promise we can snuggle more often?"

"Of course we can snuggle! And there will be plenty of smooching, too. Just get those silly thoughts out of that Oxford-educated brain of yours," Alex's eyebrows rose, "and Buzz me like a club-tailed dragonfly."

"Mmmm..." Fox hummed, rolling back onto the sticky leather couch, "it's a good thing we didn't wash up after all..."