TITLE Copyclone (1/1)
AUTHOR Megaera
DATE May 1999
E-MAIL Megaera@Megaera.demon.co.uk
FEEDBACK Always welcome
DISTRIBUTION Any time any place anywhere RATING PG for suggested m/m m/f sex
CONTENT WARNING Another piece of fluff
CATEGORY English humour
KEYWORDS Clone problems
COMMENTS Mary now has 3 clones and her problems aren't over. Sequel to Homeclone and Cruiseclone.
DISCLAIMER Chris Carter and 1013 own the X files. DD and NL own themselves. I own Mulderclone #12475 - The Ultimate leather shorts gardening model and Krycekclone #400 Feral Alex - who loves acting on his baser instincts.
Thanks to Czara as always for the support and reading skills. Clones can be obtained from two wonderful sites at:- http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4951/klone.html for Krycek clones
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/4576/ for Mulder clones



Letter from Debbie Smith to Mary Smith - February 25th

Hi Sis,
hope you're well and nearly ready for the big event. I hope to be nearby in the next couple of weeks, work permitting, and Ill be sure to call in and see you. I hope those clones of yours are looking after you well. Mom said they'd finally agreed on the decor for the nursery, after long debate (and a couple of fights!). Blue, pink or neutral? Knowing your problems, all three colour schemes are probably in use. Hoping to see you soon, I have a surprise to show you, but you'll never guess what it is in a million years. I will tell you that it's absolutely the most up to date thing you could imagine!


Note from W. Skinner #19 to A. Krycek #7

Use the cream paint on the walls and be sure to give it at least two coats. Wait a minimum of two hours between applications. And be sure to leave all the windows open, even if it is February. We don't want Mary upset by the paint fumes. And make sure Mulder is kept out. The last time he touched a paint brush, we had to scrub all of the ceiling paint off the kitchen shelves, it was a disaster. I should be back by 7 p.m. at the latest, and I'll be sure to bring the baby book you wanted. Nice of you to take an interest in my baby.


Postcard delivered to Mr. A Krycek #7 February 27th The following books have now arrived in your local library as requested, and await collection.

The complete Mothercare baby book
Dr. Spock's baby theory for beginners
The Assassination squad - A. N. Other
Gun maintenance and storage - Bill Brown
Child care and the rearing of children - A. Milne Inside the CIA - Anonymous
The complete novels of Solzhenitsen in Russian


Letter from Mary to her mother - March 4th

Dear mom,
I've got such a lot to tell you in this letter, I really don't know how to begin. It all started three days ago, when Debbie arrived unexpectedly, late in the evening. We had been expecting her, but she hadn't told us the date she was coming, so things got a little rushed when she turned up. Alex very kindly offered to give up his bed and sleep in with me, so that she would have accommodation. Then she sprung her surprise on us. She wasn't alone. She'd gone and bought herself the latest model in Krycek clones, an "Ultimate Childminder Model," just for me. She said that he was a present for me to help me cope after the happy event. After all, everyone knew that the original Krycek models were just decorative additions to the home, with a few minor household skills. How much better would it be to have an expert nanny around the house, who didn't mind changing dirty nappies, and knew exactly how warm baby's bath water should be. This model was also guaranteed aggression free.
I could see that Mulder and Skinner loved the idea immediately, all the hard work would be done for them, and they could relax and enjoy fatherhood. My Alex though, immediately became aggressive. and told the boys he would punch their lights out if they even considered it. Oh dear. I'm afraid that this visit isn't going to be peaceful. I told Debbie that I would tell her my decision at the end of her visit. I love my present model, but his aggressive display tonight really made me think. Do I really think he'll do a good job looking after a baby? Anyway, he was banished to the spare room in the end. Love Mary.

Extract from Mary's diary March 5th

The new Krycek model immediately proved his worth this morning by making everyone breakfast in bed. Mulder and Skinner were captivated, and Mulder wanted to know if he could make other things just as expertly. Alex #5467 just gave a placid little grin and said that his laundry was pretty good if the boys had anything they needed washing. Definitely a hit.

But things got a little nasty when the new clone took my Alex some breakfast. The first I knew of it was when there was an almighty crash from the spare room, and the new clone emerged dripping with food, a fried egg balanced delicately on his head.

The poor baby was crying, and he had a big bruise across his cheek where my Alex had punched him. Then Alex had demonstrated what he thought of his new double's cooking. Mulder got a tender look in his eyes, and took the new clone away to clean him up, and if I know Mulder, to spend a few hours cuddling and soothing away those big tears that were rolling down the poor thing's face. Mulder can be so kind sometimes.

Skinner took charge, and for the rest of the day, made that mean clone clean up his mess. And I heard a few yelps at one point as he got stern with Alex. Debbie was a little surprised, and wondered if it was always like this in my house. I'm sure I don't know what she means. Anyway, we're all going for a meal to the local Italian restaurant tonight, so both Alexes will have a chance to make up.


Extract from Mary's diary March 6th

Last night was one of the more interesting nights of my entire life. I really don't know whether to get mad or not. But something will have to be done about the Alex problem. It's really a worry, I can feel my ankles swelling with the stress of it all.

It was supposed to be a happy meal at the restaurant, with the whole family, including the Alexes, and my sister Debbie. But things went a bit sour from the start. Walter kept grinning at the new Alex because he was so pleased with the way his shirts had been ironed. The seams were straight as a ruler, like you see in the army. And Mulder had his arm round the new Alex all night, and for some reason, kept nibbling his ear and squeezing his waist. My Alex looked like a thundercloud, his face red with anger. I just knew there was going to be trouble.

The first course passed smoothly, with only a few inaudible mutterings from the far end of the table. Then the waiter brought in the main course, a delectable pasta, smothered in a superb Bolognese sauce. It was a pretty spectacular display, beautifully presented on a huge silver platter, and the waiter shamelessly paused before serving, so that we could admire the chef's creation. The mood was wonderful, soft lighting and sweet background music, entertaining company.

Quite when it went seriously wrong, I'm not sure. Perhaps it was the way Alex # 5467 snuggled against Mulder, a look of transparent happiness on his face. He doesn't seem to need much to make him happy. Or perhaps it was when Mulder picked up his fork and began feeding the new clone little morsels from his plate, one at a time. Anyway my Alex erupted. He's always been physical, but to fling the whole platter of pasta and sauce at Mulder and the clone must have taken some strength.

The two of them just sat there, stunned, and dripping for a moment.

Then, with a yell of outrage, Mulder grabbed at the dessert trolley and began flinging things back at his attacker. You've guessed it! A food fight in an expensive restaurant. And by now, nearby tables had joined in.

Alex #5467 and I hid under the table whilst the boys fought it out. He gave a tiny little sob, and I couldn't help but give his hand a little squeeze. They certainly gave this model the treatment, trying to make him look cute. For kids, I suppose. Big green eyes, extra long eyelashes, and a hint of a trembling lower lip.

"Are they always so rough?" he whispered. Then he asked if he could cuddle me because he was scared. How sweet.

We were helped out from under the table five minutes later by Skinner, after he had thrown Mulder and Alex out of the restaurant. I don't think he knew who to tend to first, me or Alex #5467. In the end, he compromised, and put one arm around each of our waists. I was grateful of the support, and Alex #5467 seemed to enjoy leaning against Walter too.

Needless to say, Mulder and my old Alex clone were both banished from the house, to the garage and the garden shed respectively. And Walter told me later that they'd had to clean up using the garden hose!


Diary of Walter Skinner - March 8th

I believe it's an old Chinese curse that states "May you live in interesting times!" It was certainly someone very wise. But I don't think they had domestic chaos in mind. I pride myself on running an efficiently organised establishment, and for a long time, using certain disciplinary measures, I succeeded. If things weren't totally wonderful, at least there was a minimum of friction. Things got done around here!

It was pure hell yesterday. The house was a shambles and if it hadn't been for that wonderfully efficient clone, Alex #5467, I'm sure I would still be picking crumbs out of the carpet and trying to clean the kitchen floor. Alex #7 and Fox are implacably opposed to each other at the moment, and if they are in the same room together, items get thrown and the mess is just left for someone else to clear up. Appalling! And neither of them listens to me any more.

Alex #5467 creeps around the house like a little mouse, watching everything with those big green eyes and saying nothing. He doesn't deserve to be blamed for all this, he's only following his design specifications. There's no reason for anyone to be jealous.

Mary was kind to Alex #5467 yesterday, she let him come to her room to tidy up, and he was much more cheerful afterwards, his cheeks were quite flushed, and he even grinned at me, which is not something Alex #7 ever did!


Extract from Mary's diary March 12th

Oh dear. Now I know why Alex #5467 is always offering to come to my room and tidy up. I went into the bedroom unexpectedly yesterday, when I needed a jacket, and I found him wearing one of my dresses, about to put blusher on his cheeks. No wonder my make up seems to have been used up at such a tremendous rate!

I suppose it has something to do with the way his genes were messed around with to create the perfect homemaker. An unexpected side effect.

He looked so scared that I couldn't be cross, though I did warn him that he could buy his own stockings in future. If it keeps the poor thing happy, I don't really mind. He doesn't do any harm.

I have noticed that since I gave him permission to use my make up, that he's started to wear a little around the house. A tiny bit of blusher a hint of mascara, not that the Krycek eyelashes need it, and a very pale lipstick. He seems very talented at applying it. Que sera sera!


Note to Walter Skinner from Debbie Smith - March 13th

Wally my dear, when you took care of my washing yesterday, you must have left my new suspender belt in the washing machine. Please can I have it back?


Letter from Debbie Smith to her friend Sara Parker - March 14th

Dear Sara,
I'm living in the world's number one madhouse. I want to help my sister in the coming birth, and I bought her an exclusive new clone to help her out. But this is such a madhouse that none of us have remained unscathed.

To give you an example, the new clone, Alex #5467 has been doing wonders with the housework, taking over from her lazy old clones. He gets on fairly well with two of Mary's menagerie. At least he did. The old Krycek model gets very aggressive, so he's mainly kept out of the way. But yesterday, we all tried to watch t.v. together, though things were tense. Alex #5467 sat in between the Mulderclone and the Skinnerclone, out of harms way.

It was then that things seemed to take on an edge of the surreal. I distinctly heard Alex #5467 say to the Mulderclone "Do you want to twang my suspender belt?" Needless to say, the Mulderclone was a little surprised by this question, and after opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish a few times, he edged as far away from Alex #5467 as he could get without falling off the couch. Alex #7 had been listening to the conversation, and ended up being kicked out of the room by Skinner for howling with laughter during his favourite show. Mulder had a face like a thundercloud for the rest of the evening. Alex #5467 looked upset, until Skinner gave him a big hug to comfort him.

Only then did it occur to me where Alex #5467 got the suspender belt from! He must have stolen it from ME! When I pointed this out to Skinner, he said that it wasn't a problem, and he would get it off Alex #5467 later tonight.

Yours from the madhouse


Extract from Mary's diary March 15th

Any day now, the doctors say. I can hardly wait. I feel so awkward and lumbering these days, it's going to be a difficult birth, I think. One of those old women who lives in the village told me the other day that my child would probably be over eight pounds in weight from the size of my bump. I don't know whether to be offended or not, but I'm not looking forward to the birth if that's the case. It sounds pretty painful. In fact the thought was so depressing that it quite put the Alex problem in the shade.

My Alex doesn't come to the house much now, Walter chases him away if he sees him hanging around, so Alex pretty much camps out in the garden shed. And Fox ignores him. How did things get so bad?

Anyway, Alex must have felt more comfortable with the boys out shopping today, last minute little things that men always seem to forget, like a supply of nappies and a big box of washing powder. So Alex sneaked into the kitchen for a quiet read of his library book and a fresh pot of coffee. He has a kind heart, and he came in to ask if I wanted anything. I guess I must have been at a low point, worrying about everything, so I just burst into tears. Then he was holding me, troubles forgotten, and it all came pouring out, how scared I was. He got this fierce expression on his face and held me tight for a while, and told me that there was nothing in the world that could keep him away from me during the birth, and all I had to do was hold his hand and he would keep me safe. I believed him.

Then he said that afterwards, he would go away if that was what I wanted. We both had a little cry, and I told him not to be silly, didn't he know that I'd choose him over any of the others. He looked kind of surprised at that, then gave one of those sweet, shy grins that I see so rarely these days.

"Marry me then," he said quietly.

I didn't get a chance to reply, because in walked Walter and Fox, laden with boxes of groceries. Alex must have felt more cheerful by then, because he grinned wickedly, ruffled Fox's hair in passing and dodged out of the door before they could make him put the groceries away. I've heard of the expression catching flies before, but I'd never understood what it meant until I saw it on Fox's face right then.


Note left on garden shed door - Evening of March 15th


It's been a long time since you touched me like that..... I'd forgotten what it was like, the fun we used to have. I guess what I'm trying to say in my clumsy way, is that I miss the way it used to be. We never laugh any more. We never touch or hold each other, just because it feels good. We haven't really talked to each other since the time of the cruise. Not really. Just a look from you could set my heart racing, but you never bother any more. Don't hate me. I only flirted with HIM because he was so like you, and for a while, I could close my eyes and pretend it was you. And, for once you were watching me and you cared about what I was doing.

I miss you. I love you always.



Note left on garage door late evening of March 15th

Come and see me later tonight. I guess we need to talk. I didn't know how strongly I felt about you until I saw you with him. But I warn you now. I don't do suspenders. Ever!



Letter from Debbie Smith to her mother March 16th

Dear Mom,
This place is an absolute madhouse. Mary is expecting her baby any day now, and I'm beginning to think she's under a curse. Things happen around her, things that don't happen to ordinary folk like you and me. Not only that, but she has the most bizarre household I've ever visited. Those three clones of hers fight incessantly. Why, only last night, the weirdest thing happened in the garden. As near as I can make out, her old Alex clone has been having some sort of feud with the others. And last night the Mulderclone decided to fight it out with him. It must have been quite a set to. Apparently, the Alex clone slammed the Mulderclone up against the wall of the garden shed, while they were wrestling, and the whole rickety structure collapsed on top of them. The oddest thing is that when the two of them finally managed to dig themselves out, they could both barely stand for laughing, and went back to the house arm in arm, the best of friends. And Mary said that she doesn't mind trying out the new model of Krycek clone, but she really prefers the one she has, thank you and goodbye.

I can take a hint. The new Alex clone is scared to go near those rough boys, and hides a lot. The poor thing looks quite lost sometimes. I might take him on myself. The Skinner clone has been really nice to him on account of his exceptional laundry skills, and I understand that whenever he needs a boost, he creeps along to Skinner's room and gets his iron out.

Personally, I don't care for all of that heat and steaminess, and as for starching things to make them go stiff, and adjusting the seams in trousers, I can do without it.

Love Debbie.


Medical notes - Dr Numan - March 17th

At 3 p.m. this morning a new patient, a Ms. Mary Sue Brown was admitted to the gynaecology ward in the early stages of labour. I've never seen so many immediate family members at a birth before. Three boyfriends and her sister were in attendance, which takes some beating, And apparently, there's a fourth at home! All apparently amicable, at least until the moment when Ms Smith was taken to the labour suite. I was very firm and told the menagerie that only one relative would be allowed in with her to offer support. The patient's sister shrugged and said, "Take your pick!" and I thought the more mature among them, a Mr. Skinner was doing the honours. Then Ms. Smith pointed to the youngest one and said, "No, I want Alex!" and that was that. Mr. Skinner got rather red in the face, but it was too late to object at that point.

Mr. Krycek was exceptionally gentle and calming with his partner, though I could tell he was quite nervous. He held her hand throughout, and was a great support. It was only at the end that he fainted. Perhaps it was the triplets that did it! Remarkable. The first set to be delivered at this hospital in twenty years, and I gather that the patient had kept the news that she was carrying more than one baby secret, all this time. I do hope they have a large washing machine.


Letter of Debbie Smith to her mother - March 18th

Dear mom,
Well it's over with at last. I must say triplets was a surprise. And all of them beautiful little boys with dark hair and the greenest eyes you've ever seen. I don't think there's any question who their father might be. No wonder she doesn't want to part with her old Alex model, he's obviously of high quality!

The first news we heard was when a nurse wheeled Alex back to the waiting room in a wheelchair. Apparently, he'd had a big shock. Then he told us the news and you could have heard a pin drop for five seconds. Then the other two began whooping and hollering , until the nurse threatened to throw us all out.

There was an odd little silence though when the Mulderclone and the Skinnerclone saw the babies for the first time. Skinner gave a resigned sort of smile and said' "Why am I not surprised?" He went home soon after that, muttering something about having to get his shirt dirty or there would be hell to pay.

You'd think that he would want to take it off in that case!

And Mulder just stared for a bit then said to Alex, "Why did you let me treat you badly for nine months? Didn't you feel hurt when I assumed they were mine?"

Alex reached out and squeezed his hand and smiled. "Want to get married?" he said.

I swear. Things get more bizarre in this household by the hour! The next thing you know, they'll all be getting hitched!


Parish Newsletter - St. Patrick's church, Rivehope.

Parish announcements for the week of March 25th

To Alex Krycek #7 and Mary Sue Smith, who had a very happy St. Patrick's day:-

Fox William Krycek - born March 17th
Walter John Krycek - born March 17th
Alex Krycek Junior - born March 17th

Our first ceremonies performed under the new non specific gender and group marriage law of July 2000

Alex Krycek #7 would like to announce his engagement to Mary Sue Smith and Fox Mulder #12475. The wedding is expected to take place in early June. Congratulations are extended to them at this time of double celebration. The best man will be Mr. W. Skinner, and the maids of honour will be Miss D. Smith and Ms. A Krycek #5467.


End of Copyclone (1/1)