X-Files M/K
Title: Misdirected
Author: Nicole S.
Rating: NC-17 for bad language and m/m sex.

Archive to Allslash, Archive X, TER/MA, All Things Rat Series/Sequel: None.


Spoilers: None.

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, they belong surfer dude, even though he does not deserve them one bit!

Summary: "Quintet Infernale" phone sex challenge. A screw up at the phone sex company.

Comments: Well, they finally beat this story out of me. Thanks to Aries, Orithain, Dr. Ruthless and Frankie for being so damn understanding and cool.

Misdirected by Nicole S.

"Welcome to One-on-One Fantasies, where we satisfy your deepest desires. Our operators are standing by, ready to make you scream with delight. Please press one for Visa, two for MasterCard, three for American Express. Our One-on-One Gold Card members please press four."

"Welcome Gold Card Member. Please enter your membership number, followed by the pound sign."

"Thank you, Gold Card Member. The preferences from your last call have been retained. To keep current preferences, press one. To change your preferences, press two."

"Thank you. Please hold while your call is being transferred."

"Hey, lover, let's party."

Mulder balked at the voice on the other end of the phone. Dark, low, husky, male, definitely not what he was expecting. "Excuse me?"

"Let's party, baby. What are you wearing?"

"Wait a minute, this is supposed to be a redheaded woman in bondage gear, not a...guy."

"I can get into that, baby. You want me to be a redhead, I'll be a redhead."

"No, that's not the point, I want a woman."

"You don't want to give me a chance, baby?"

The sexy voice was like lightning, shooting down his body to land square at his cock. What the hell was going on here? He wasn't turned on by guys. "Not I know you? Your voice seems strangely familiar."

"I don't think so, baby."

"Can you please stop calling me baby?"

"What's your name then, lover?"


"Marty...I knew a Marty once."

"Look, are you going to transfer me to my redhead dominatrix, or what?"

"Not so fast, Marty. They're going to charge your credit card anyway. You sure you don't want to play with me for a while?"

"Not really...uh..."


" don't sound like a Brian?"

"I don't?" The other man laughed, "What do I sound like, then?"

"You sound like...nevermind."

"Well, baby, I mean Marty, let's get comfortable."

"No, I want a woman. I'm not gay."

"That doesn't matter, as long as you have a good time. You must have fantasized about one man in your life, haven't you?"

"No." Mulder answered shortly.

"No? Not one man ever turn you on, Marty?"

"No...well...maybe there was one. But that was a long time ago."

"I knew there'd be one. Why don't you sit back and think of him, that will relax you more."

"No. Please transfer me to a woman. Now."

The man on the other end sighed, "Are you sure, Marty?"


"Please hold, lover."

"Please hold, while your call is being transferred," came the mechanical voice on the other end.

Mulder sighed; this had never happened before. Usually, there was a nice-sounding woman on the other end, a Chantal, Monique, Brittany ready and willing to take care of him. He had never gotten a guy before.

"Hey, lover."

"I don't believe it."


"I thought you transferred me?"

"I did, lover, I guess everyone is busy. You sure you don't want to get it on with me?"

"No." With that Mulder hung up. "Fuck!" he spat before he leaned back on his couch. He needed someone to talk to; he couldn't get off just by jerking off today. Sometimes he needed his videos, sometimes it was just thinking about someone that got him off, but today, today he needed a voice, someone to tell him what to do. He picked up the phone and dialed again.

"Welcome to One-on-One Fantasies, where we satisfy your deepest desires. Our operators are standing by, ready to make you scream with delight. Please press one..."

"Welcome Gold Card Member. Please enter your..."

"Thank you, Gold Card Member. The preferences from your last call have been retained. To keep current preferences, press one. To change your preferences, press two."

"Do you like blondes? Press one. Redheads? Press two. Brunettes? Press three."

"Thank you. Please hold while your call is being transferred."

"Hey, lover, let's party."

"Aw, shit, not you again. I pressed one!"

"I'm gonna tell you a secret; pressing the buttons doesn't really do anything; they just help you with your fantasy."

"I know that, but I want a woman. Not a man!"

"Calm down, Marty, calm down. Why don't you give me a try? I bet I could make you come."


"What have you got to lose, besides money? I don't know who you are, you don't know who I am, we're the only ones listening to this conversation..."

Mulder bit his lip and closed his eyes. He swore he knew this voice from somewhere, this dark, husky voice that did sound just as sexy as any woman he'd ever talked to.

"Marty, you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"C'mon, baby, let Brian do you one time."

Mulder sighed, "I don't know about this."

"C'mon Marty, relax, let Brian take care of you. Don't you want Brian to make you feel good?"

Mulder tried to convince himself that he didn't want to, but there was something in this man's voice that was totally erotic. He couldn't help the answer that fell from his lips. "Yes. Take care of me."

"Where are you?"

"In my home."

"Are you lying on your bed?"


"What are you wearing?"

"Sweats and a t-shirt."

"One hundred percent cotton, my favourite. I can just see you, sprawled on your couch, legs spread, hard-on trying to poke through the fabric of your sweats."

Mulder swallowed, "Yeah."

"Do you work out, Marty?"

"I run and swim."

"Mmmmmm, you're probably very muscular....and tall. Are you tall, Marty?"

"I'm kind of tall."

"Yeah, I'm getting the picture all right. Now, let's make you feel good. First, let's relax. I want you to close your eyes and imagine a nice place, a place you like to go to unwind. Feel the tension all in your body, feel it in your muscles, we're going to use that tension for other things."


"Breathe deep, Marty, concentrate on relaxing. Take the tension in your head and neck and shoulders, and push it down, down through your body. Feel it melt down through your torso, and have it settle in your cock."

Mulder sighed.

"Keep your breathing deep and your eyes closed, Marty. Now I want you to move your hand up and lightly touch yourself through your t-shirt. Press in with the pads of your fingers slightly as you run your hands over the thin cotton. Massage your muscles under the shirt, feeling the tension moving down again. Can you feel it, Marty?"

"Yeah, I can feel it."

"Good. Now circle around a nipple while pressing harder."

Mulder bit his lower lip, his nipple hardened under his touch. "I'm doing it, Brian."

"Does it feel good?"


"I told you it would. Now, take your t-shirt off."

Mulder pulled the shirt up and over his head, barely taking the phone away from his ear for a second. "It's off."

"Good. Now..."


"What, lover?"

"What about you?"


"Yeah, what do you look like?"

"Whatever you want me to be, lover."

"I...I want you to tell me."

Silence on the other end.


"Yeah, baby, I'm still here."

"Tell me."

"I'm tall, dark and handsome."

"Do you have green eyes?"

"I've got green eyes if you want me to have green eyes."

"Green eyes and dark hair?"

"You know it, lover. Does that turn you on?"

"Yes," Mulder barely whispered.

"Mmmmmm, good. I love turning you on, Marty." Brian's voice was barely above a whisper, matching Mulder's tone. "You ready to have some fun?"

"Yeah, let's have some fun, Brian."

"Pinch your nipple, hard."

Mulder let out a gasp as he pinched his left nipple.

"You like that, don't you?"


"Cradle the phone in your shoulder; I want both hands free. Now, keep pinching your nipple with one hand while moving the other down your torso. Circle your fingers around, caress yourself, make yourself feel good. Does it feel good, Marty?"

"Yeah, it feels good."

"Take off your sweats, lover."

Mulder pulled off his sweats and flung them aside. "They're off."

"You're probably hard, achingly hard. Your cock's glistening in the soft light from a lamp, and it looks so good. Touch yourself, baby."

Brian was mostly right, the only light in his apartment was coming from the fish tank. Mulder sucked in his breath as he grasped his erection. "Are you hard too, Brian? Are you naked?"

"I'm naked, baby. My skin's tanned and smooth, and my cock's aching for you. I'm rubbing it with a silk scarf, teasing myself while lying in the middle of a big, soft bed."

Mulder moaned.

"Bring your other hand down to play with your balls, feel them in your hand. They're probably heavy and waiting for release, aren't they?"

"Yes," Mulder whispered.

"Mine are too. I'm rolling them between my fingers, thinking of you and what you look like, sprawled on your couch, stroking yourself. You're making me hot, Marty."

"You're making me hot, too."

"Lick your hand lover, then put it back down to your cock and stroke yourself."

"I'm stroking myself, Brian."

"Good, baby. Yeah, let's come together. You wanna come, Marty?"

"Yeah, I want to come."

"Stroke harder, baby; squeeze your balls with your other hand."

"Oh, god..."

"Yeah, now take the hand that's on your balls and move it lower, lower down to the spot just behind your balls and rub."

Mulder gasped.

"Yeah, it's good, isn't it? I'm spreading my legs and moving my hand even lower, down to my opening."

"Do you want me to do that too?"

"If you want to, Marty. Do you want to?"


"Suck on your index finger, and move it down to your opening, then press in."

Mulder moaned.

"Move it in and out, hooking it slightly until you feel..."

Mulder yelped.

"I see you've found it."

" feels so good."

"You ready to come?"

"Yeah, I want to come, right now."

"Come, baby."

Mulder stroked himself harder and fucked himself with his finger faster, until he could feel the tingling in the base of his balls move up his spine. He exploded onto his belly, semen coating his hand, letting out a small cry when he did.

"I'm close behind you baby, close...oh god, yesssssss."

Mulder could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the phone, mixing with the sound of his hot, heavy breaths. He reached for a kleenex and wiped himself up.

"I told you you'd like it, Marty."

"Yeah, I guess I did. Thanks."

"You're welcome, lover. You have yourself a good night."

"You too, Brian."

Mulder hung up the phone, surprised at what he had just done. He'd never come with a man before; it was secretly exciting. He smiled to himself as he stood and padded to the shower. He'd have to call Brian again some time.


"I'm sorry, sir, we only have women on this line."

"But I talked to a man yesterday. He said his name was Brian."

"Again, I'm sorry, sir. We do have another number that caters to the gay community. We also have a number that is transsexual, should you prefer."

"No, I'm telling you, I called *this* number!"

"I don't know what to tell you, sir."

Mulder sighed, "No, I'm...I must have been mistaken, I'm sorry." Mulder hung up the phone, frustrated and horny, before he picked up the telephone book and looked up the number for the gay party line.


Alex Kryeck smiled to himself as he played the tape of the conversation he'd had with Mulder when he intercepted his phone call. His hand reached down to stroke himself beneath his jeans as he laid on his bed. Maybe next time, he'd call Mulder? He laughed to himself at the thought as he popped the button on his jeans with one hand. He'd had plenty of hours of Mulder's phone conversations on tape, but this one was golden. Too bad it was just a one time thing. He was going to have to make copies, because this particular tape was going to wear out in no time.

The End.

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