by Rachel

Summary: Krycek drops in on Mulder. Literally.

Rating: NC-17.

Disclaimer: Mulder and Krycek are mine, and if you try to tell me different I'll kick your ass. <g>

Disclaimer, pt. 2: This story contains a major plot point which is physically impossible. I am perfectly aware of this. The idea came from a conversation Te and I had about what we wanted for Christmas, and I decided it was funny enough for a story, possible or not... In other words, don't yell at me.

Spoilers: Small ones for "Drive" and "Terms of Endearment," and the obvious "Terma" reference.

Archive: Ask first.

Feedback: Please.

For Ladonna, in thanks for the lovely little package she sent me and apology for how long I keep making her wait... Thanks are also due to Te for audiencing, helpful suggestions, and the title, and to BethLynn and Te for fine beta.


Mulder shook the snow from his boots as he struggled with the lock; his hands were numb despite the thick gloves, and the gloves themselves didn't exactly improve his dexterity. But he finally managed to get the key in and wrench the door open.

He looked around the room with something like satisfaction. It had been a whim, coming here. God knew he had the vacation time, and somehow doing nothing at all had seemed infinitely more rewarding than investigating fertilizer purchases and running background checks. And while he did take a certain perverse pleasure in thwarting Spender's 'authority' over the X Files, rooting through the man's trash for discarded case files was damned undignified.

Declaring the vacation and finding somewhere to go had been relatively easy. Byers had suggested a cabin owned by a friend, secluded in the woods of eastern Vermont. AD Kersh had muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Good riddance" when Mulder announced he was taking time off. Scully had been slightly nonplussed--

"You're taking a vacation."


"To Vermont.


"For a month."


"And, what, exactly, prompted this?"


"On second thought, Mulder, I really don't think I want to know."

--but she had eventually come around. And had not once accused him of deserting her to the grunt work, though he was quite sure she'd thought it.

So here he was. And here he had been, for the last four days. The cabin was small, but comfortably so, with a well-stocked kitchen, a bedroom which held a king-sized bed piled high with blankets and a down quilt, and a living room with an open fireplace. Fires weren't a necessity -- there was gas heating -- but they did provide atmosphere.

Not, Mulder reflected, that there was anyone here to provide atmosphere for, but then, he'd chosen this place precisely because of its remoteness. It had seemed like a good idea, back in DC: no traffic, no cell phones, no neighbors, no TV. It was that last that he regretted most -- no matter how much he enjoyed long walks in snow-covered woods, he was never going on vacation again unless his accommodations were equipped with a VCR and a healthy stack of porno flicks.

Mulder sighed and began to pull off his heavy outerwear. The snow that clung to his boots was melting onto the smooth hardwood floor, but somehow he couldn't quite bring himself to care. He kicked the boots off and left them in a puddle by the front door, making a mental note to clean up later.

He'd light a fire, he decided, and heat some soup. Curl up on the couch and actually read one of the classics he'd so ambitiously packed. Forget he'd ever heard of aliens and government onspiracies. He walked into the bedroom and changed into warm, dry clothes, then padded back to the living room and started throwing wood into the fireplace.

"M-Mulder?" The voice was quiet, hesitant, and utterly non-threatening, but Mulder jumped in shock -- it had been four days since he'd heard anyone but himself speak.

"Wh-- What-- Where are you?" he stammered, feeling for his gun. He'd left it in the bedroom, he realized, cursing himself.

"You forgot 'when' and 'why,' Mulder." The hesitancy had vanished, and there was a certain arrogance...

"Krycek! What are you doing here?"


"No, wait, first tell me where the hell you are."

"I'm in the chimney."

"You're what?"

"I'm in the chimney, Mulder. I am stuck in the chimney."

Mulder dropped back to his knees and peered up inside as best he could. "What the hell are you doing in my chimney?"

"I'm your Christmas present."

"You're what?"

"You're repeating yourself, Mulder. I am, as I said, your Christmas present."

"Alex, it's January. Not just January, but mid-January. It's too late for Christmas presents."

"My schedule," said Alex, with dignity, "does not allow for the strict observance of holidays."

"Your--" Mulder cut himself off, shaking his head. "That still doesn't explain why you're in my chimney."

"Have you been listening? I'm your present. Me. Down the chimney. Naked and hard."

"Tell me you're not naked."

"Well, I'm wearing a little Santa hat..."

Mulder groaned. "You'd better pray we don't have to call the fire department... wait, you're hard?"

"Mulder, I am wedged in an extremely uncomfortable position in a cold, narrow, dirty place. This is not exactly conducive to maintaining an erection."

"Didn't really think this through, did you?" Mulder chuckled. He was beginning to enjoy himself, despite the strangeness of the situation.

"Would you shut up and help me?"

"But, Alex, I finally have you where I've always wanted you..."

"If you've always wanted me trapped in a chimney in some godforsaken corner of Vermont, I'm breaking up with you."

"Well, maybe not always..."


"All right, all right," Mulder laughed. "Let me find a flashlight. I've got a crowbar. And lube."

"You brought a crowbar and lube on a month-long vacation? Mulder, am I... intruding?"

"I didn't-- Do you want help getting out of there or not?"

Alex sighed. "Yes, Mulder," he said, in a put-upon tone. "I want help getting out of here. Then I would like a shower. And then I want to spend the next three and a half weeks making you come so hard you forget everything except my name."

Mulder's cock jumped, but the quip came easily. "It's going to take you three and a half weeks to make me come?"

"Asshole. Just for that you're not getting any head tonight."

"No," Mulder agreed seriously. "Tonight I'm going be so far up inside you that you'll taste me when I come." A muffled moan from the chimney, and Mulder laughed. "I'm going to get the flashlight and stuff... Don't go anywhere," he added evilly.

"That was beneath you, Mulder."

"Which is where I want y--"

"Would you just get me out of here?"

Laughing again, Mulder walked into the kitchen and searched under the sink until he found the large flashlight the lease had described. He opened the door that separated the kitchen and the garage, noting in surprise the second car there. Well, that answered the question of how Alex had made it to the cabin.

"Cocky bastard," he said aloud, though too quietly for Alex to hear. He grabbed the crowbar from the shelf by the door and walked quickly back into the living room. "How the hell did you I know I wouldn't be here when you drove up? No, scratch that. How the hell did you know I'd be here at all?"

"Can we save the interrogation until I'm on the ground again?"

"I suppose," said Mulder grudgingly. "Wait, I didn't get the lube..."

"We don't need the fucking lube, damn it! Just do it."

"I seem to remember hearing those exact words in slightly different con--"

"Mulder. I am cold. I am uncomfortable. I am covered in soot. Would you please drop the comedy routine and help me?"

Mulder sobered quickly. "Sorry, Alex," he said sincerely. "Just let me get these logs out of the way..." He moved quickly, clearing away the logs and pushing himself as far into the fireplace as he could fit. "I'm ruining these clothes for you, you know." He ignored Alex's snort, and turned on the flashlight, shining it up inside the chimney. He could see Krycek's feet and calves, hanging awkwardly about three feet above him. "What's stuck?" he asked.

"The prosthetic... got bent into a weird position."

"Which is how I want-- I know, I know, that's for later. Can I get to the arm without hurting you?"

"I think so. Just go slowly."

Mulder wedged himself farther back, and struggled to his knees. He dropped the flashlight and grabbed the crowbar, began gently easing it up inside the chimney. "You know, Alex, there's something ridiculously Freudian about prying you out of a dark, tight channel..."

Alex sighed dramatically. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

The crowbar encountered some resistance, and Alex yelped. "Sorry, sorry," Mulder muttered. He moved slightly to the left and pushed again.

"You hit it," Alex said, "Push harder..."

"Freud would have a field day... I'm pushing, I'm pushing." He jammed the crowbar up, hard, and felt the sudden give, saw the movement in Alex's body. "Don't fall on me," he said, pushing even harder.

Alex jerked again. "It's coming loose... get out of the way!"

Mulder ducked quickly and rolled out of the fireplace just as the other man fell. He saw feet hit the ground, then slip out from under Alex -- he landed on his ass looking surprised, hurt, and extremely undignified. He was covered with soot; it coated his arm and torso, and smudged across his face. The Santa hat, still perched ridiculously on his head, was more black than red.

"Well, you weren't kidding about the naked part..." Mulder climbed to his feet and yanked Alex from the ashes before he could respond. He was torn between checking the other man for injuries and simply kissing him senseless, but it only took a moment to decide -- he pulled Alex into his arms and took his mouth roughly. Alex moaned softly and arched against him. "God, I fucking missed you," Mulder whispered, pulling away. He ran his hands up Alex's back, felt his arm and face. "Are you hurt?"

"Not bad. A few scrapes, I think."

"How long were you stuck in there?"

"I don't know, what time is it?"

"Uh..." Mulder glanced around for a clock, unwilling to let go of Alex to look at his watch. "Almost 6."

"About an hour, then."

"Christ, Alex. What if I'd been gone for the night? Or for the weekend?"

"I saw you leave on your walk... I knew you'd be back before too long. And getting stuck wasn't part of the original plan." Alex drew back, and started to unhook the prosthetic.

"Let me," Mulder said, shaking his head as he manipulated the straps and buckles. "Considering the number of times you've managed to stay alive against all odds, you can be incredibly dumb sometimes." He kissed Alex again to take the sting from his words, then dropped the artificial limb and wrapped Alex in his arms again. "Why didn't you yell when I first came in?"

"I couldn't be sure it was you. But when you started on the fire, I figured I'd take my chances..."

"God, Alex." Mulder tightened his arms. "I still want to know how you found me in the first place."

"Your email account is surprisingly easy to hack into."


"I couldn't find you at first. I had some time free, and I didn't want to waste it..."

A rush of affection coursed through Mulder, and he took the other man's lips again, possessively. "Can you really stay the rest of the month?" he asked softly, when Alex drew back.

Alex nodded, slipped into his arms again.

Mulder held him, silently, for a moment, then kissed his hair. "You're filthy. And, thanks to you, I'm filthy. Shower. Now."

Alex laughed. "I love it when you're succinct, big boy." He grinned sunnily at Mulder's glare, pulled away and started in the direction of the bathroom.

Mulder snatched the ruined hat off his head and tossed it casually toward the hearth, then trailed after Alex. Once in the bathroom, he stripped quickly, while Alex watched with an appreciative eye.

"Where did you leave your clothes?"

"In the car."

"You climbed the onto the roof naked?"

"I may be impulsive, Mulder, but I'm not insane. I left a snowsuit and a pair of a boots up by the chimney top."

They climbed into the shower, Alex shivering a little. Mulder turned on the shower spray, maneuvering Alex beneath it and stopping him when he reached for the soap. "Let me." He washed him gently, smoothing away the grime that coated most of the Alex's body until the water ran clear.

"Mmmmmmmm," Alex sighed. "Your turn." He washed Mulder with the same gentle touch, laying kisses across Mulder's neck and chest as he worked. Finally he dropped to his knees and lovingly kissed the purpling head of Mulder's cock before taking him deep.

Mulder moaned, gasped out, "Thought I wasn't getting any head tonight..." He could feel Alex laughing around his cock, sucking harder. When Alex's finger slipped back to gently tease the tight ring of muscle he cried out, unable to keep from thrusting, and then he was screaming, coming in Alex's mouth, trying to memorize the look of joyful abandon on the other man's face as he swallowed, but too far from reality to focus his eyes...

Mulder's breathing slowed, evened, as Alex tenderly licked him clean. He ran his fingers through wet dark hair, caressing Alex's head before easing him off and pulling him to his feet.

"Kiss me," Alex whispered.

Mulder pulled his lover against his chest, caught his mouth with soft lips. He could taste himself on the other man's tongue, mixed with the sweet spiciness that was uniquely Alex. He slipped a hand between their bodies, grasped Alex's erection firmly and ran a thumb over the head. Alex moaned and bucked, but reached down with a look of intense concentration and pulled Mulder's hand away.

"Not like this," he said, his voice a warm, dry husk. "Fuck me. You promised."

"Turn around," Mulder managed, proud that he had kept his voice from cracking. Impossible that he was getting hard again so quickly... it had been far too long since his lover's last visit.


"N-No? No hope of keeping his tone even on that one -- it came out as a stuttered gasp. He slipped his knee between the Alex's thighs and rubbed.

"Not here... in the bed," Alex groaned. "I can finally... see your face... without worrying about... rugburn... Mulder, if you don't stop... ahhhhh... I'm going to..."

Mulder pulled back immediately. "Well, we wouldn't want that," he laughed breathlessly. He shut off the water and leapt out of the tub, pulling Alex after him. But Alex shoved a towel at him before he could begin the sprint to the bedroom.

"I don't plan on leaving that bed tonight, Mulder." His voice was slightly more controlled. "It'll be more... pleasant... if it's dry."

Mulder accepted the towel and dried himself grudgingly, then helped Alex dry his back. He slid the towel between the firm buttocks, rubbing playfully. "Wouldn't want to miss any of those hard to reach places," he said, smiling at Alex's gasp. "After all, you might drip..."

"I'm dry, damn you," Alex panted. "Bed." He caught Mulder's hand and dashed for the bedroom.

They were inside before Mulder realized he was still holding the towel -- he tossed it aside as he pushed his lover down on the bed and climbed on top of him. It was still frightening how much Alex Krycek could feel like home, but he pushed the thought out of his mind and kissed him instead.

Alex's legs wrapped encouragingly around his waist, and he savored the feel of soft, sweatslick skin bonded to his, but after just a few moments he forced himself to pull away. He steeled himself against the other man's whimper, put his face against the exposed throat, kissing and licking while avoiding further body contact.

"Mulder, please," Alex cried, and Mulder began to kiss his way down, lavishing attention on the collarbone, the nipples, the belly... Further down, and he could hear Alex's breathing roughen, but he avoided the swollen cock and buried his face between the tense thighs instead, lapping hungrily at the tightly drawn-up balls and drinking in Alex's panting moans.

Down... licking lightly along the perineum, and suddenly Alex wasn't breathing. Mulder thought of drawing out the torture, but found he couldn't hold himself back. He stroked his tongue once across tight, puckered skin. Alex wailed, pushing back against him, and he thrust in deeply, rolling his tongue inside his lover's body. Words were pouring from Alex's mouth, "Yes" and "Please" and "More" mixed with Mulder's name and a stream of Russian words that Mulder filed away to ask about later. He slipped his tongue out and lapped at the ring of muscle before thrusting in once more.

He was fully hard again, hard and aching, and he wondered how Alex could stand it, without the earlier release. Too close to coming to take much more -- he pulled away, took the head of Alex's cock into his mouth for one brief, hard suck before rolling onto his back and pulling Alex on top of himself. "Fuck me," Alex panted, "In me... you promised... so far I'll be able to... taste..."

Mulder thrust up hard, driving his cock against a taut thigh, then groaned. "The lube... I left it in my bag..."

"Bedside table." There was just a hint of smugness in his lover's voice, despite the need. "I thought the... important... things through."

"You stocked the cabin with sex toys before climbing onto the roof?"

"Well, just a few things..." Laughing, Alex rolled off him, snatched the small tube and handed it to him. He straddled Mulder's chest, rising up on his knees while Mulder unscrewed the cap and quickly warmed the thick gel between his fingers.

Alex's breath hissed in at the first slippery touch; he moaned softly when a finger slipped inside him. Mulder pushed in deeply, relishing the tremors that rocked Alex's body when he found his prostate. He added another finger and stroked gently, trying to keep his breathing steady.

Alex pulled off, quite suddenly, and grabbed Mulder's hand, slicking his own fingers before catching Mulder's cock. Mulder hissed with pleasure, bucked into the other man's hand, but Alex was already positioning himself against his cock, sliding onto the head... Mulder cried out, thrust up sharply almost without realizing what he was doing.

Alex moaned and pushed himself down until he was completely impaled, then sat still for a moment, holding Mulder deep inside his body. Mulder reached up and cupped his face with one hand. "Alex," he whispered softly, and Alex lifted his hand, laid it gently atop Mulder's.

There was more he should say here, Mulder thought, a concession that he was glad Alex had come, an endearment, even, perhaps, the as-yet unspoken 'I love you,' but then Alex began to move and thought washed away in a rush of pure sensation. Tight and silky hot and the sense of loss each time Alex lifted himself was almost unbearable...

He thrust back against Alex, and reached for the other man's cock, grasping it and rubbing his thumb firmly across the head. He felt the harsh cry as much as he heard it, and he began to stroke in rhythm with the movement of Alex's hips. He heard moans and realized, with something like surprise, that they were his own.

The world had narrowed -- there was room for nothing but this, the two of them, welded together and drowning in pleasure. Alex's cries were getting louder, more desperate, and Mulder thrust deeper, harder. He felt the cock in his hand shudder and then Alex was coming, shooting across his chest and belly, screaming his name... And Mulder lost himself in the force of Alex's orgasm, shouting his release as he let go deep inside his lover's body.

Alex fell forward onto his chest, still trembling, and Mulder wrapped an arm around him, holding tightly. He lay still for long moments, content merely to breathe, to feel the heat of Alex's breath branding his neck.

After awhile, Mulder brought his hand up to gently stroke the other man's hair.

"Mmmmmmmmm," Alex sighed, then shivered slightly. "Cold in here... we should get under the covers."

Mulder tightened his arms. "Not yet," he said softly, and he could the feel his lover's smile.

"'kay." Alex went completely limp again.

But it couldn't last... within moments Mulder was feeling the nip of cold air against his sides, and he knew it was worse for Alex, without another body to shield him. "All right," he said. "Under the covers."

Alex laughed and sat up, caught Mulder's mouth for a long, slow kiss before slipping off him. He grabbed the towel, still lying on the floor beside the bed, and cleaned them both gently before tossing it away again. "This won't work unless you get up too, you know."

Mulder sighed, but took the proffered hand, allowed his lover to pull him to his feet. When Alex leaned over to turn down the bedclothes, he smacked the slightly raised ass just hard enough to sting.

"Owwww! What was that for?"

"Not contacting me for three months? Hacking into my email? Coming naked down my chimney? Pick one."

"Hey, the last two worked to your advantage." Alex ran his eyes over the liquid set of Mulder's body. "And I couldn't help the first one, Mulder, really. I was out of the country, and then things were just so hot for awhile, it was dang--"

Mulder grabbed him, hugged him tightly. "I wasn't serious, Alex. Well, mostly not. But really, there's something about your pretty little ass that makes a man want to hit it." He dropped his arms and squeezed Alex's ass roughly, laughing against his neck.

"Mmmm, we'll have to find a way to use that bit of info later. But for now, Mulder, come to bed, before I freeze my ass off." He threw himself onto the bed, burrowing under the covers, and looked expectantly up at Mulder.

"Well, I guess you did ask nicely..." Grinning, Mulder ducked the pillow that flew at his head and slid into bed beside Alex. He lay on his back, passively allowed Alex to pull the covers around him, then drape himself across his chest. "I did miss you, you know," he said, wrapping first one arm, than the other, around Alex's warm body. "Three months... you could have been dead..."

Alex kissed his chest, lifted his hand to stroke Mulder's face. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know it would be so long. And when I did know, it was too late, too dangerous to contact to you even to let you know. Interest in you since your reassignment has been... high."

"So why now?"

Alex laughed. "You managed to convince them this was nothing but a vacation."

"Alex, they don't believe me about anything."

"Well, you're slightly more convincing when you're telling the truth. Of course they weren't just going to let you go, but they didn't do anything more than plant a few bugs in your car and around the cabin."

"Bugs? Alex..."

"Disabled, Mulder."

"God, you were busy while I was out."

"Like I said, when it comes to the important things..." Alex dropped his hand to Mulder's cock, stroked the still-sensitized skin softly.

Mulder shivered, reached down and enfolded Alex's hand in his. He was suddenly sleepy -- the idea of a long nap with Alex cradled on his chest was irresistible. He felt his breath evening out as he drifted closer towards sleep, felt Alex's body relax, become somehow heavier, but then Alex moved slightly, pulled himself up to look into Mulder's eyes.

"Hey, Mulder," he said, smiling impishly, "Merry Christmas."

Mulder laughed, pulled him down for another long, sweet kiss. "My Christmas present, huh? Are you gonna stuff my stocking?" Laughing at Alex's disgusted snort, he settled the other man against him again, and began to dreamily contemplate round two.