Title: Krycek's Memoirs
Author: Robin Watters
Spoilers: The Red and the Black
Summary: Thirty years sfter the X-Files, a tape is discovered
in an airport locker. A companion piece to Dana's Memoirs and
Mulder's Memoirs. Disclaimer: The X-Files and characters therein
belong to Chris Carter, 1013 productions and the Fox Network.
No infringement is intended.
National Archives Document: -Transcript of an audiocassette tape
found in a storage locker in Dulles Airport
December 14, 2038-
"So you have this tape...that means you found the key to
the locker I sewed in the lining of my leather jacket..and if
you have my leather jacket, then I'm probably sleeping with the
fishes [sharp laugh]..."
[sound of a chair being dragged across a floor. - Sound of liquid
being poured. -sound of a match lighting. - sound of inhalation
"Well...the envelope is my last will and testament...it's
all legal and notarized...the lawyer will know where to find it
all...my daughter gets everything..."
"Except for this tape...this goes to Spooky...or to Scully...Either
one...They'll know what to do with it."
"I read what they wrote...those things they published..."
[sounds of drinking.]
"Well...I don't have their literary talent but I thought
I should set the record straight on a few things...you know...for
"And since I never know when I'll walk into something I can't
get myself out of, I'd better set it all down now...so...that's
why I'm making this tape."
"I guess I should start with my assignment to the X-Files...It's
kind of complicated...The FBI figures they put me there... The
Puppet Master - Mulder calls him Cancer Man - thinks he put me
there...The Consortium thinks it was them...
"But it was Ops that put me there and I don't mean Black
Ops; I mean Deep Ops and if you never heard of them that's ...well...
that's the way it's supposed to be...Ops started during the Vietnam
conflict...Skinner, he could tell you a thing or two about Ops...not
that he will. I heard all the stories about him when I was recruited
out of prison. He was smart and got out when he saw the way things
were going to be..."
"Anyway, Ops put me in to the Consortium to spy on them...and
then *those* guys put me into the FBI to spy on Mulder...and the
Puppet Master recruited me to spy on Mulder too but for his own
reasons...and to keep him alive. He wanted Mulder out of harm's
way...at first, anyway. That all changed later...
It was all the same to me in those days. I was the best rat in
Ops, and I'd take any job - the worst - just to prove I was the
best. I didn't care about the particulars. Anyway, until I met
That first day we met - me looking like a rube to inspire him
to be all big brotherly - and he gave me that [expletive deleted]
*look* and blew me off...[pause]...I made up my mind right then
that I'd do anything it took to [expletive deleted] this guy up...I
hated the [expletive deleted] and his freaking wisecracks and
his *attitude*...Of course, I'd read his file and I knew what
made him tick but he really [expletive deleted] me off...
[inhalation and exhalation]
So there I was three layers deep in bosses - and I'd already been
on that job for nearly two years, just working my way into the
Consortium...nearly two *years* under that cover... and I get
assigned to babysit Mulder... my big mistake...I let him get to
me...I let it get personal...
it all went to hell after that...
Oh! And I want to settle a few things right now.
First I did not kill Spooky's father - although the [expletive
deleted] deserved to die and I'd have been glad to pull the trigger...what
kind of a man lets those freaks take away his *daughter* - well,
OK, she wasn't his biologically - but he [expletive deleted] *raised*
her - and he let them take her and *then* and *then* he lets his
*son* take the fall for it - turns his own *son* from a bright,
happy handsome kid into a guilt-ridden [expletive deleted] who
grows up to be Spooky Mulder...I mean, my dad was a drunk and
a [expletive deleted] but at least I got to beat the [expletive
deleted] out of him when I got big enough...
Oh, and by the way, Spooky, your mom did not cheat on your dad...turns
out that Bill Mulder had very slow swimmers that kept getting
lost on their way to the egg factory...but he had the Puppet Master
as a friend and in those days the Consortium was starting to play
around with stuff like in vitro fertilization although they didn't
call it that then...so you may very well be the first test tube
But the Puppet Master had a real thing for your mom...so when
it came time to give you a sibling, he just pulled a little switcheroo
in the lab and - bingo!...you had a baby sister but your dad did
not have a daughter........of course your mother knew nothing
you were too hard on her, Mulder...she was just a nice woman who
wanted to be a mom and got caught up in things beyond her control...
Anyway, the night your old man got plugged...yes, I was there...no,
I didn't do it...
See, I was doing my job, spying on the Consortium for Ops...eavesdropping
on a big meeting and I hear one of them say that "Mulder
was out of control" and "It's time to neutralize Mulder"
and "We're sending someone tonight."...And I think they
mean *you*, Spooky...And I know the Puppet Master would want me
to stop it...he still wanted you alive in those days...so I follow
you to your dad's place...and I'm hiding in the bathroom trying
to figure out how to get to where I can see what's going on in
the other room...and your dad walks in...and *boom*!
I never saw who did it...but I'd bet my other arm it was that
[expletive deleted] Cardinal...
So I didn't kill your father...
And, second, I didn't kill Scully's sister, either...see, by the
time your dad got hacked, they were on to me...wait...I should
back up...back up to Scully's abduction...
[inhalation and exhalation]
When it came down that they were going to take Scully, I was fine
with it - well, at the time - because I knew it would [expletive
deleted] you up big time and by then I *lived* to [expletive deleted]
you up, you putz...
But I had no idea what they intended to do to her and that's God's
honest truth...I did *not* know...I'd have found a way if I'd
[sounds of drinking]
Anyway, when I found out, I sneaked in and got her out of there...that's
how I tipped my hand...someone figured out it was me...but I didn't
know I'd been made...I thought I got away clean...
Oh, I know the Puppet Master told you that he arranged to have
her sent back to you...but it was me... acting like a jerk instead
of a rat...and I really screwed the pooch that time...
So...OK...so...OK...They come to me and they tell me they're going
to take Scully *again*...and I'm thinking...if I'm there, maybe
there's something I can do...to...to stop it...
See, by this time, I like Scully...not...not...romantically -
nothing like that...but she's...decent. Not phony decent but the
real thing. I mean...she's...honorable because she really believes
in it...not because it can get her something...just...you know...decent...
Plus...she *shot you* and I really *love* that about her... [laughter]
So...I go with them on this job to take her...and you gotta believe
I thought we were there to snatch her...I mean...who sends *three
guys* to kill one...little...woman? You know?...If I was going
to kill her that night, I'd have waited alone in the dark with
a gun and plugged her when she walked in the door...just me...not
*three* of us...you send *three* guys because it's going to take
at least *two* to subdue and one to drive, right?...
I almost crapped when Cardinal fired his weapon...and then, it
wasn't even Scully...[expletive deleted]...
It wasn't until they tried to blow me up that I realized I'd been
flipped...and *then* - you'll love this part, Mulder - I contact
Ops and tell them the whole thing has blown up in my face and
I want to be brought in and *they* [expletive deleted] hang *up*
[laughter followed by coughing]
Those [expletive deleted] leave me out in the cold!...after all
the years and all the missions I brought in on time and under
budget...they leave me out there...
Oh...I gotta hand it to the Consortium...they planned it well...I
couldn't go home again...the FBI had me figured for a traitor...and
there was no way you or Scully would believe me, so...no help
there...and Ops was busy shredding my file... [expletive deleted]...
So...the only thing I had between me and starvation was that tape...now,
think about it...can you blame me for selling that information
to the highest freaking bidder?...
Well...I guess you can, can't you...you'd have freaking starved
to death before you'd do anything like *sell* information...putz!...Not
me, though...I lay down and die for nobody...not ever...I learned
that in prison...stand still and they [expletive deleted] you,
run they bite you on the [expletive deleted]...
[sounds of liquid being poured followed by sounds of drinking]
So, what else?...Oh! yeah!...[laughter] all that stuff about that
little smooch I laid on Mulder's cheek? [laughter] Woo! Didn't
that jam up the old rumor mill when that got around...
OK, Spooky, I'm gettin' you off the hook on that one...don't say
I never did anything for you...
I, Alex Krycek, being of sound mind - well, I've had a little
vodka just now but we won't count that - and body - well, OK,
I'm missing an arm and I have an assortment of interesting scars
but otherwise, I'm in perfect health...
I solemnly do swear that Mulder and I never did the nasty...never...not
even once...I just laid the wet one on him to [expletive deleted]
with his mind...
Not that he's not a great looking guy...and not that I've never
done a guy...I mean...you don't get to be the prettiest face on
cell block 8 without having your dance card punched at least once...but
I never developed a taste for it...not that I think less of those
[transl: from Russian] Sometimes you just need someone...
[sound of a phone ringing]
[Russian expletives deleted]
Just a minute...I gotta get that...
[footsteps, walking away]
[conversation - too faint to understand]
Ok...well, I gotta go see a guy...work, work, work...that's what
life's all about...
Anyway, you know the rest of the story...and the lawyer has the
rest...things for my daughter that her mother...that her mother
wanted her to have...
Just...don't...don't let her...don't let her hook up with anyone
like you or me, Mulder...we're too hard on the women in our lives...just
do that for me...
End of Tape
Note: This tape was found in a locker in Dulles airport. The key
to the locker was discovered in a leather jacket believed to belong
to Alexei Krycek, which was found in a motel room on the I90.
There were signs of a struggle in the room and bloodstains on
the bed and carpet but no bodies were ever found and no one staying
in the motel, guests or staff, saw or heard anything unusual.